Momentary Bliss
The sky was grey and it looked like it will rain. But I did not mind it. I continued to walk on the grassy field holding a flower pot. I knew it would probably rain but I did not bother bringing an umbrella because I wanted to feel the rain, hoping it would wash away all the bad memories.
I sat on the grass and began looking at the sky. It was dark and cloudy. I remembered him. It was the beginning of the school year when we first met at a coffee shop near our school. I was sitting on a table, enjoying some coffee after a rough busy day studying. I was peacefully reading the book Thirteen Reasons Why in the corner then he sat in the table beside mine. He was facing towards me but he did not notice me at first. He immediately sat, opened his bag and brought out a book which was surprisingly the same as mine. We were reading the same book, facing towards each other. I was the only one who noticed at first then he looked up and our eyes met. He raised both of eyebrows, signaling he noticed it. I thought he was going to brush it off but he smiled at me. I was stunned at his smile. It was genuine smile with genuine amusement but I saw a little bit of pain and sadness.
Next day came and I went to school. Surprised, I walked into the room and saw a familiar figure and familiar smile. The guy I saw on the coffee shop is our new classmate and now he is casually talking to the class. He actually transferred in our school. I was wondering why he would transfer at this time of school year.
Then, he approached me. He talked to me about the same book we were reading and in that first conversation I knew he and I are so compatible with each other.
We easily clicked. We became friends immediately. We talked everyday about our common interest. We always ate together in the coffee shop where we first met. We got closer and closer. He became so special to in just short amount of time.
But something was missing. He never opened up to me. He never told me about his troubles. I tried to tell him all about me, hoping that the complete trust I am giving will urge him to trust me too. It took a long time but finally, he said why he transferred. He was bullied at his first school and he wanted to restart.
Then, something changed. He became distant. He always sat on the corner with his earphones on. As if he created his own world with a barrier that can never be penetrated. There was a gap.
What happened next was very upsetting. He stopped coming to class. It was hard to contact him. He was gone and I did not know what to do to help him. I thought I would give him a little time but unfortunately, the little time I took was too long.
Our teacher announced he died. He had cancer. I could not speak and just stared at the teacher blankly then tears started to pour. He left me with questions and regrets. I did not know what to do.
Now, I’m here, sitting beside his grave. My eyes started to tear up then the sky followed. It started pouring and I started sobbing. I realized he must have shut himself away because he wanted me to forget him. He must have distanced himself when he knew his time was up to let me move on quickly but I think I could never move on. I should have told him I love him. I should have done everything I wanted with you but I was too late.
Are you new to my profile? If you do not know me yet, I am Burnok, your friendly neighbor who loves writing things like this and like that. Here are some of my articles, which you may want to read too.
Nasa huli talaga yung pagsisisi eh.