My Worst Nightmare was..

A year and half after our marriage, I found out that I was pregnant. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Even though becoming a mother for the first time is a rollercoaster ride, I tried my best to be enjoy every semester of my pregnancy. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try in becoming good at something that we do, trials are inescapable, they are always there, ready to jump upon us to teach us, life’s most valuable lesson. And so it was with my first pregnancy, I never knew it will be a difficult struggle-one that would stretch my heart so much in avery unforgettable way. It seems to me at that time, that the nightmares that I have never thought would happen, happened so quickly that I had no time to think why they occured.

May 04, 2020

I had been emotionally down and stressed. I had a hard time concentrating at work but I have to be there because i had so many things to do. I was at that time on my 8th month of pregnancy. When I went home that night, I can’t still remember the meal that I had was a pack noodles soak on hot water for 10 minutes. I even took a photo of it and I will attach it below. After eating my dinner that night, I was facing the mirror talking to my baby telling her to be strong. I took a shower and then dressed for bed.

March 05, 2020

I felt a pain in my hipbone. I did not mind it because it was not severe but it would go from “not so” level to a “extreme” and then it would suddenly go away. I went to work thinking that maybe it was just a result of my stresses lately. At work I managed to get the pain and it had grown excruciating compared to the first time I felt it, which was at dawn. I went home and took a nap and when I woke up and went back to work I would flinch because of the excruciating pain. If not for the afternoon meeting, I might not have returned to duty at work but I am grateful I did because when I described what I have been experiencing, one of my colleagues said that I am indeed on labor and that I must go quickly to the hospital. I don’t want to believe it and I don’t want to entertain the fact that I am on labor because that would mean I would give birth prematurely. I don’t want to go to the hospitals or to lying in clinics but I had to do it for my baby. When I was checked, my cervix was already opened for about 5cm. While talking to a midwife, I asked,” Is it possible for me not to give birth now?” For me during those times, giving birth prematurely is a nightmare.

The next thing I knew is I was lying inside an ambulance, with my husband and the other rescue personnel. In no less than an hour we arrived at a hospital, I think that was around 10:00 PM. I went inside the labor room, labored for more than two hours and gave birth to a precious little baby at 1:06 AM on March 6,2020. But my nightmare did not end there. As we all know, a preterm baby has to go through a lot of risks. Minutes after I gave birth, the doctor approached me and said that my baby is so tiny and since she is only eight months old she has to be observed. She told she will be under the custody of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or NICU. The only question that came out from me that time after much exhaustion was that “Doc, did my baby cried?” The doctor told me that she did cry and that took off the worry that has been in me despite the energy that has been snapped out of my body. For the next 24 hours, I did not get to be with my baby, I would go to the NICU Area to see and hold her and breast feed her. After 24 hours, she was then released from the Nicu and was brought to me in the Low Risk Unit. I was so happy, very very happy. I thought, yey my baby is fine and were going to be going home in the coming days. But I was wrong. My nightmare was not over. The Doctor told me on the second day that they are wondering why my baby is not able to suck out the breast milk properly, he said that they had to perform some tests on her to see if there were no infections, When the result came out she had few infections on her blood that needs to be threaten through antibiotic, which also means that we have to stay a other week in the hospital since antibiotic treatments lasts for a week. He said that if me and my husband are willing, they will transfer me to the Kangaroo Mother Care Unit in order to help my baby grow a little heavier, he said it’s going to be for the good since my baby is a little bit underweight. At this point, I am beginning to falter emotionally. I do not know when will things be back to normal. I remember looking at my baby and can’t help but cry. It was seriously a nightmare for me. I nightmare where I wished someone could just pinch me so I can wake up from it. It was a period of almost two weeks of stay there at the KMC Unit.

May 18, 2020

The hospital’s release paper were already processed and my colleagues said they will pick us up from the hospital at around 6 in the evening, You have no idea how happy I am on this day. Going home for me is like a medicine that I have wanted to have. This time I am more at peace because I know my baby received proper treatment and my baby had successfully underwent the needed tests. I can still picture out in my mind the city lights that danced in my eyes as we drove from the hospital back to our home.

I thank God that he pinched me awake from that nightmare of mine. I will never be able to thank Him enough that he did. I realized one thing from that experience- nightmares do end.

Big thanks to @Infinity for sharing a good writing prompt about nightmares.