Love without a stamp

Good day !!!

Hi everyone, I hope you're all well and in a great mood. In a few hours it will ring 12 times and we will step into the New Year!

I want to touch on a delicate subject today-civil marriage. Couples choose this path so as not to complicate their own lives with commitments.

And, of course, I want to know what you think, and I'm waiting for your comments.

Every other person is sympathetic to civil marriage.    I have nothing against it either, because I believe that this format of relationship allows us to test our feelings. But, I am reasoning from a guy's point of view, girls probably perceive such relationships somehow differently. And so...

From a guy's point of view:

What's wrong with cohabitation? Here I met a girl, I liked her and she liked me. We started dating... We've been dating for a year, but we don't live together. I propose to her, we get married and start living together. And that's when I realize I'm screwed! My woman can't cook, she can't clean, and she's acting like a total hysteric, it's weird, why didn't I notice that before?!

And I didn't notice it, because I didn't live with her. If you lived together, at least half a year, you would have realized at once whether you needed her or not. Maybe you wouldn't have married her, but now you're caught! Am I right? But I think it's easier to reason from a guy's point of view. A guy doesn't give cohabitation the global meaning that a girl gives it. A man just wants to see if she's a worthy hostess and if she won't be a pain in the ass over nothing.    The weaker half of humanity from the first day of cohabitation is already scrolling in his head wedding and children. I may be wrong, though.

From a girl's (woman's) point of view :

In the not-too-distant past, civil marriage was looked upon with hostility. First of all, because it defiled the honor of the girl and her family. Living with one man, living with another, living with a third man... it's not serious! If you date a girl and love her, then marry her! Maybe that was an advantage! Nowadays people have a different opinion on the matter.

As for civil marriage, I can only say one thing: "The stamp in the passport means nothing, the main thing is that people love each other and do not exchange. All in all, things are not so bad here. And it is obvious that extinction is not a threat to us, more than half of the population wants to have 2 - 3 children, it's good.

"How to Marry Profitably"-discussed in millions of kitchens and washed in a waterfall of maiden tears. It has been, is, and will continue to be. All girls want a husband, and a rich one at that! (And don't say it isn't so - I won't believe it🙄) - laughs one of them. That's love in the future tense, dream love....

I remember when young me my relatives asked me who I wanted to marry (appreciate the depth of common sense in that question!!!), I answered that I wanted to marry an old admiral.

- Why an old Admiral? - The ladies were horrified.

- Why an admiral? - showed interest the male part of the family.

- For the old one, so he didn't interfere with my life, - I said lightly.

And for the admiral for the reason that my friend told me about the admiral she knew - a friend of her parents. And it turns out that admirals in retirement have their own personal piece of the sea. Oh how! A sort of summer cottage. This information made an indelible impression on me.😁

That's why I was glad to tell everybody about how I was going to wipe my admiral's bald head with soft rags after returning from my private beach and swimming in my private sea.

But I myself dreamed of something else. What was it? About what all young fools on earth dream about - about extraordinary love. However, I imagined this love is very vague.

But my mother always knew very clearly what love was.

For example, we were sitting in the kitchen at night, talking: "Well," I said, "one boy in our group has fallen in love with a girl...".

- Ah!" my mother immediately exclaimed, "they are going to get married!

- Why get married at once?! - I'm indignant.

- You said it yourself: "In love!" - My mother was frightfully indignant.

When I recounted our dialogue with Mammy's friends, we all laughed together at her old-fashioned notions of love.

And now I suddenly remembered it and realized with surprise that I fully support her position and believe that if they love, then let them get married!

Exactly get married, not hide behind some fig leaf that has "common-law marriage" scratched on it.

What keeps people from formalizing their relationship? Probably the same fear of responsibility.

And this fear can dress up in a variety of clothes: we do not want formalities, the paper does not guarantee anything, no need to interfere in the relationship of two people by the state!

And yet, for the most part, it is fear and selfishness that are not the most solid foundations for creating a long-term relationship.

However, maybe you have a different opinion.

What keeps people from formalizing their relationship? Probably the same fear of responsibility.

And this fear can dress up in a variety of clothes: we do not want formalities, the paper does not guarantee anything, no need to interfere in the relationship of two people by the state!

And yet, for the most part, it is fear and selfishness that are not the most solid foundations for creating a long-term relationship.

But then again, maybe you have a different opinion.

What is "common-law marriage," people? It used to be a registered marriage without a church wedding. Now it's called cohabitation.

And yet if you decide to have an unofficial relationship while living together:

Girls, emphasize that it's bad to be free, and that it's bad to imagine yourself as a wife with the status of a woman for sex while in an unofficial relationship.

For years, living with a man who is not going to get married means no respect for herself for a woman.

After (approximately) three years, directly ask the "common-law husband" if he is going to get married, and if not, leave him!!!!

Actually a year is enough!!!

Asking a man you've been living with for a year if marriage is in his plans is a normal question. Normal!!!! The main thing is that this question doesn't turn into the beginning of discussions and battles. And there's nothing to debate about! More often than not, modern people see the beginning of a life together as a step toward marriage, and if time goes by and there is no marriage proposal, the woman needs to understand that the man doesn't want it. This is understandable without her asking, but asking won't change her position in the field.

The position is bad as it is, and her question hangs in the air.

You're going to pretend it's not a problem?

But it is a problem!

A woman finds herself in a dependent position when she waits years for a proposal, then hints at it, then demands it, then braids herself with green grapes and decides that she is better off without a stamp.

Usually she is afraid in such a "marriage" of pregnancy, even if she would like a child. But she realizes that she will find herself in a stupid position if the man does not propose to her when he finds out about the baby, but says something like, "Good news," and that's it. Will she have to pretend that the stamp still doesn't mean anything to her? Or will she have to believe that having a child with someone other than her husband is very convenient? Or have to drag the man to the registry office, threatening an abortion? Or wait for his decision again and hope? Whichever way you look at it, a woman is at a disadvantage...

A woman is better off living alone if she's not married. Living together with a man is a transitional stage to marriage, and if that stage is too long, then the man has no desire to tie his life to this woman. After a year, it should already be clear whether the couple can become a married couple. Cohabitation before marriage is not necessary, but now it has become the norm. During such cohabitation, it is better to protect yourself carefully. It is desirable for a woman to invest in life together as she would invest in marriage, to show her best side so that she does not think later that she did not take a chance. A woman should not be a burden to a man in the domestic, financial or emotional sense. This is very important, without it it is foolish to expect a good dynamic from a man. But if you're not a burden, and after a year the man has no desire to get married and he avoids talking about marriage, you don't need to pressure him, ply him with sour food and poison him with bitter tears, you need to free him of himself.

Women's expectations are tongs that kill spontaneity. And resentments, even silent ones, are rolling pins. It is better to end the relationship before you hate each other. It is preferable to break up kindly, but not expecting the other party to agree. It is normal for the other party to hold back and resent you in such a case, in order to absolve yourself of responsibility for the breakup. Take responsibility for yourself.

There is a third position in a civil marriage -circumstances ( forced). We are talking about an average and less than rare status of the family. This is rare, but it happens. For example: a woman lives with a man and already has a child from her first marriage. From her common-law husband she gives birth to twins. In this case, the woman receives the status of a "single mother" (she raises a large number of children alone) and the state helps her financially (with money). You should know by now that many children are much more expensive. And as they say in this case "a penny too much". That's why parents continue to live in a civil marriage, because in the case of both receiving the status of "married" - means that the father can provide for all himself, and in this case the material assistance from the state, they will not receive.

P/S: It is human nature, that where there are two, there must there must be a third.

Most often in civil there are no children in a common-law marriage. It is an empty vessel. Beautiful, but...empty. And if there are, then... one of the cohabitants runs away... or he has to adopt his own child.

Date, live together, fall in love, get married, have children and be happy. The choice is yours😉

Image sources: pikabu.ru ntk-61.ru ppt-online.org

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