How i became the mother of Bence. Before, during and after childbirth

My son is a miracle in my life that I had long since given up when he finally arrived. I mean, I thought I would never become a mother.

I visited my gynecologist when I was about 18 years old because I thought I might have a minor hormonal disorder. But unfortunately it turned out that my illness was more serious.

My doctor stated before my further examination that my disease was Hyperprolactinaemia. This was confirmed by subsequent studies. Then the doctor said it was a tumor in my brain that seemed very scary to me. He said this disease usually comes to light when a woman fails to become pregnant. It shocked me what he said. Tumor? Infertility? Forever medication? Omg!

I was given constant medicine. I got pregnant, but I was soon hospitalized for bleeding. In the hospital, they said they could see the fetus nowhere, neither in the womb nor outside the womb, but they thought it was probable that I had an ectopic pregnancy. Because of this, I spent a week in the hospital, they took blood every day and prepared me every morning that maybe my day would continue in the operating room. Pregnancy hormone (HCG) levels in my blood kept rising, yet the fetus was still not found on ultrasound. I was released from the hospital after a week, although nothing changed. I still went for blood tests every two days for weeks. My HCG levels increased for a while, then started to decrease. I haven’t known exactly what was going on in my body since, but those few weeks were awful. My partner at the time and I really wanted to be a parent. But after what happened, our relationship deteriorated and we broke up. Unfortunately, he died a few years ago.

After a few years, I stopped taking the medication because of its negative side effects. And over the years, I have found it increasingly impossible to have children. I always really wanted to be a mother, and frankly anger and pain filled me when someone in my environment got pregnant.

My partner and I didn’t plan on having a baby, yet the thought was constantly in my head that I wanted to know for sure if my body was capable of having a baby. I wanted to go for an investigation so I wouldn’t chase dreams if it didn’t make sense, or to calm down if it did make sense to dream about a child.

Then I started to feel weird. I took a pregnancy test, it turned out to be negative. But after a few days I repeated the test and it became positive and then another test became positive.

This shocked me! I wanted to be a mother so much, but the moment wasn’t right. When I showed my partner the tests he was upset. I told him I knew he didn’t want to be a dad yet, but I’m not willing to have an abortion. I asked him to think about it and decide if he wanted to be involved in our lives. At this point, it was certain to continue my pregnancy, but it was uncertain to continue our relationship. I told him I understood if he decided not to take part in this and not assume paternity. And I really would have understood him. However, after the first gynecological examination, he started shouting home with me in the car and wanted to give me money to pay for the abortion. I said no. When her parents found out about my pregnancy, they behaved similarly. They shouted at me, they wanted to force me to have an abortion. I said no. They asked, why am I the one who decides this? What nonsense! Who should decide on this? Who would bear the burden of abortion for a lifetime? I! But I didn't want that.

The anger subsided after a few days.So we happily waited for the baby to arrive. My pregnancy was good, I was sick very few times, and I didn’t vomit once. I didn’t want extreme food, but I ate melons a little more than usual.

Already in the first few weeks of my pregnancy, I dreamed one night that I would have a son. Both my partner and his parents wanted a baby girl. Then people started analyzing, based on all sorts of superstitions, everyone said I would definitely have a daughter. We've already given our daughter a name, Vivien. Then it turned out that a little boy was growing in me. I was a little scared to tell the family because I knew they were expecting a girl. But I was happy. And they accepted the fact too.

I worked throughout my pregnancy. I planned to stay home only for the last two weeks. But in the last few weeks, I only worked 2 days a week, Wednesday and Saturday. But I didn’t arrive for my last Saturday workday because I woke up on Wednesday night to see my amniotic fluid going on. I woke up my partner and we went to the hospital. The first few hours in the hospital were very humiliating. I was told that it was not the amniotic fluid but I was peeing. I said it's definitely not true. I woke up to it going on, I went to take a shower when I came out of the bathroom it was still flowing. That couldn't be a pee. But they didn't believe me. I felt stupid and humiliated. I was re-examined a few hours later. When I started undressing in the examiner, I was standing in a puddle for a few moments. They finally believed me that my amniotic fluid was going. The fetal membrane cracked. 

Because this condition was contagious, childbirth began the next day with medication. They took me to the maternity ward early in the morning and I got the medicine that would start the birth. I was examined every few hours. One of the doctors was very rude during the examination and when I had a hard time enduring it he even scolded me.

Finally, after 12 hours of labor, childbirth began. The midwife was very kind and told me to pay close attention to what she was saying and do exactly what she was asking for. And I did, and thanks to our cooperation, I left the maternity ward without seams.

Bence was born on October 12, 2018 at 18:26 with 2610 grams and 48 centimeters.

People say that every baby is beautiful. This is not true. I've seen nasty babies before. And honestly, Bence wasn’t really pretty in his early hours either. Of course this is understandable, birth is not easy for him either. He was gray and purple and red, he looked very strange.

But it was love at first sight! I think it’s an indescribable feeling when you can finally hold your baby in your hands after 9 months. Wonderful!

Bence turned yellow in the hospital, so he was placed under a blue light for an afternoon. Then they said everything was fine and we were released from the hospital. The first night at home was awful. He cried all night. I breastfed, rocked, tried everything. Now I know he was probably hungry and it feels awful to know that. The next day, the doctor told me to always measure my weight after eating, so it turned out that despite breastfeeding for a long time he still gets little milk. The jaundice was also severe. I could barely make him eat. The doctor said that if he no longer wakes up to eat, we will have to go back to the hospital. A symptom of jaundice is a lot of sleep. I was very afraid. I also tried to feed him frequently from breast and baby bottle. Her condition began to improve but it took weeks for the jaundice to completely disappear. I was angry with the hospital staff for saying everything was fine and they sent us home. But luckily we got through that difficult period.

Bence is almost 3 years old now and the most amazing thing in my life! I can’t say that every moment before, during, and after his birth was happy, but despite all the suffering, I would relive those days at any time.