Regret Is Always At The End

Blog #51

October 29, 2021

Hello everyone I am Xian, signing in today. I am going to share my story with you and hope you will learn from it.

Way back when I was 23 years old, I went to the city to find a job to help my mother financially coz my sisters are studying. My father is not with us anymore coz he died when I was 17 so as an eldest I need to help my mother in terms of finances. I just finish high school so I expect that I won't be hired immediately because the companies Are looking for someone who has a lot of experience.

I passed my resumes on some companies that posted some hirings and hoping that I will be called in the next few days. My first week was so tough coz I need to budget the money that my mother gave me. On the second week, as I was busy wandering my phone rang. I immediately answered it and it's good news. I was hired as a production worker, I was so happy and I told my mother and of course, she was so happy too coz finally, we can have an additional budget at home.

After completing all the requirements required, I started working already. I met some friends at work and because of that, I enjoy the work that I had. One day, I was told by our team leader that he will transfer me to another shift. I agreed to it for I also want to experience a new environment. As a new worker, I want to experience different shifts at work.

As I started with my new shift, I was welcomed by my new workmates. Just like my co-workers in my previous shift, they are so friendly too. I was so busy chatting with them when my eyes landed on a woman who makes my world stop spinning for a moment. Those smiles that is so captivating and as I look into her eyes, I can say that those eyes are so expressive. Seems like I fall in love the first time my eyes landed on her.

I walked to her and introduce myself. She also introduced herself to me. I then know that her name is Kimmy.

Kimmy is so jolly and as I get to know her more, the love that I felt for her became stronger. I courted her for how many months. We dated After our work and after how many times of pursuing her, she finally said "YES". I was so happy that we are now officially a couple. Our first months are full of happiness.

But one morning I was shocked by the news that Kimmy told me. She was pregnant. I was confused and worried. I was confused about what to do. I wasn't ready to become a father. I was worried about how to tell to my mother. I know I will receive many sermons from her but what I can do, the baby is there already. After so many times questioning myself, I finally decided to continue Kimmy's pregnancy. It isn't easy at first because I was still absorbing the things that happened to me. I haven't told my mom about Kimmy's condition for we kept it a secret for now.

In the first trimester, Kimmy experience pain in her belly so we go to the obygene for a check-up, and then the doctor told us that she should just stay at home coz it's not safe for her to always move. As we went home, we talk about her condition and decided to let her resign from her work. She agreed with it because she also thinks of the baby's safety.

Days passed so fast, Kimmy is on the fifth month of pregnancy. We started saving money for her delivery and we planned to buy the needs of the baby at the sixth month of pregnancy.

But the time comes when my contract at work was ended. I became problematic this time coz I it's hard to find another job. I told Kimmy that we should just go home to my hometown. Before we went home, I told my mom about our situation and she told me that we should be home and she also promised to help me find a job in our hometown.

Fast Forward...

Kimmy give birth to a healthy boy but I have no job at this time because in the past months I did some extra work only.

When we have a baby, that's the time that we always argue on some things. She wants me to find a decent job because as she says that as a baby grows, all his needs will be growing too. But I didn't listen to her.

I can say, I was just a happy-go-lucky guy, depending on my mother again. I always hear our neighbor say that I am an irresponsible father coz I didn't even support the baby well but I keep ignoring those.

I don't care what they say, I just did what makes me happy. I didn't stay in the house to help Kimmy because if I stayed there longer we will just argue again.

While roaming in our neighborhood, I saw my friends drinking some alcoholic drinks. They called me to have a drink and I didn't refuse. I badly want this right now. I didn't know what time we finished drinking and I even don't know that I slept there. As I wake up it was midnight already, so I went home. As expected, I was scolded by my mother but I just keep quiet. I went upstairs and saw Kimmy sleeping beside our baby.

As I am watching her, I noticed that she becomes thinner now. That's maybe because she was breastfeeding our baby. After that moment, I sleep beside them.

In the morning, Kimmy approached me and ask for some money for she will buy the needs of our baby but I told her that I haven't had any penny right now. She scolded me for being so irresponsible and even threatened me that she will leave me if I would not change.

I don't mind the words she said coz I know that she won't do that. I continue the things I did, drink with my friends and I know how to smoke already. I can say that my vices becomes terrible as time passed. I spent more time with these so-called friends that I even forget to check on my family.

One time, I was called by my mother asking where was Kimmy and the baby. I told her that she was just at home but my mother told me that no one was there. I immediately run back home to check if it's true. I went upstairs and I was lost for a while, no clothes for the baby and so too with Kimmy's belongings. I tried calling her phone but I can't contact her anymore.

I guess she is full of my shits already. How stupid I am for letting them experience the life that she doesn't deserve.

When she left that is the time I realize the mistakes I did. I realized how irresponsible I am as a partner and father. I wish I could turn back the time and did the right thing to do.

Now as I searched her name on Facebook, I saw how happy she is. Her face is glowing again. She also found someone who loves her unconditionally. The man is now the one who takes the responsibility that I failed to do.

How I wished I was the one who puts smiles on their faces.

How I wished I am the one holding the baby right now.

How I wished!!! I am too late already. What I have now are regrets. Regrets for taking them for granted. Regrets for not taking care of them while I have the chance.

That's my story! My sad and regretful life!

PS: I apologize if I am not good at narrating this. This is my first time doing this kind of story, so please bear with my writings.

This is not my story nor from others. This just came up in my mind while thinking about what to jot down today.

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