The Drunkard, The Martyr, And The Rebel

I read previously the article of @OfficialGamboaLikeUs, and she shares about her toxic parents. I have also something to share about that. They are always toxic ever since we were kids. Always just giving us low self-esteem, anxiety, frustration, and always taking away our motivations.

My father is a drunkard who prioritizes alcohol over everything. He would purchase a bottle of alcohol instead of rice or fish. The budget that was supposedly be used on the farm was deducted so he can buy a bottle of alcohol. Every time that there is a fiesta going on nearby places which he has a lot of friends living there, he would go there immediately and drink with his friends. They would drink with him from the whole day until morning, then take a nap, eat, and then back to their drinking session again. This habit lasts until 5 days at most on occasions. Then he will come home in the morning being smelly, drunk, wobbling, and carrying a plastic bag with a kilo of rotten fish he bought from the last night.

It is said that he was always like that ever since before he got married to Mum. So that's why I can't understand why my Mum still likes him and agreed to get married to him. We were supposed to be the ones who will get angry with him coming home in that state but he will find faults in us first then argue with my Mum over and over again about something trivial. All these years he was like that and we can do nothing about it. He always feel that he was right and we can't argue about it. If you try to reason with a drunk, then prepare for an endless fight.

My Mum is such a martyr for enduring all of that every day all through these years. She was the owner of the land wherein our house stands. She is the owner of the land that we were cultivating for a living. The trees, the fruits, the vegetables, and even the house that we were living in is hers. It was all in her name in a land title that she inherited from her father. She got all the rights to kick out that drunkard but all she can do is shout back at him until she cries. Now she looks like a skeleton wrapped in thin skin from the stress that she has gone through.

If that's my husband, he wouldn't last a day with me and I will kick him out of my house instantly if he tried to bully me. I know my rights, and I don't like to be bullied. I work my ass off every day just to get through. I can live without a man in my life. I don't want to endure that kind of treatment just to say I have a complete family. My Mum is my complete opposite, though. One time, I had asked her why she still enduring all of that and letting him stay.

She just replied,

"Because I want you and your siblings to have a complete family."

Complete family, my ass. Having this kind of family is like having a broken family, just to be honest. A family with no unity, no cooperation, each one has pride that can't be humbled down, arguing is the main hobby and no love with each other at all. I think my Mum is the only one who can still love all of us despite all of that.

Growing up seeing the two of them fight every day, I got fed up. Whenever that drunkard finds faults in me so he can vent out his anger at me, I learned to talk back at him every time. I know that we should honor our parents and respect them no matter what but growing up in that kind of situation where our future is always uncertain because of their ununited minds, makes me gather more courage to stand up to them for me and my siblings. As soon as I did that, my second brother stood up, too. My other siblings also did, leaving them no choice of how to handle us.

Whenever they fight, we are on guard if ever he hurt our Mum. If he will, we will beat the hell out of him but fortunately, he didn't even dare to touch a strand of my Mum's hair. He was just all talk. I caused rebellion among the family and it added more chaos into our chaotic lives. That's why my father branded me as the "Black Sheep" in our family and we are never been on good terms ever since then. He even spread words about me to his friends whenever he drinks with them, badmouthing me with all he got. He thinks he can fool them, but he just didn't know that he is just making a fool out of himself by saying those words. The whole barangay knows what kind of a person he is, so they never side with him. They even confide it to me and just laughed it off.

The last time that we fought was when I was about to fly here in Manila. He was so drunk and keeps on blabbering nonsense things when it was already midnight, not letting us have a good sleep. He was badmouthing each one of us saying that we are like a "fattening pig on the stable". He always thought of us like that as if he was the one who is feeding us. Whose father on their right mind would call their children like that? I guess it's just my father, he is the only one. He is not even ashamed to say that even if it is Mum who provides our food every day because he always buys alcohol over food.

Hearing that makes my blood boil, then when I hear him badmouthing me again, I shouted at him. He got angry then, saying that I should get out of the house and I shouldn't ever come back. I sarcastically laugh harder in front of him.

I clearly said,

"You're the one to get lost. You don't have any property here. I'm one of the heirs of my grandfather's land. So why would I?! Get lost, you à$$ho£e!"

I think his pride as a father or his ego as a man got hurt by hearing what I said. Then he tried to punch me but I kicked him hard first. If my Mum wasn't catching her breath and had collapsed at the edge of the room, I wouldn't stop beating him. It's like I was pouring all my anger on him that I was holding back since then. The more I kick him, the happier I got. I feel like I have been avenging my Mum and my siblings from all those ill-treatments we got from him. We never spoke a word to each other since that incident. If ever our eyes meet, we can only glare at each other and then look away, only a "Tch!" sound can be heard. Indeed, we can't choose our parents but I guess it's not that wrong to stand up to a toxic parent sometimes.

I'm a bad kid, so don't be like me. I'm just writing it to vent out these heavy feelings that I have been holding back for a long time.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

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