Sometimes, it's okay to be selfish.

Working far away from your family is depressing enough, that's why I'm trying my best to cheer myself up here every single day. I don't want to be depressed again. Not again, not this time, and not because of them again. I'm rare to write drama blogs about the bulls***s of my life but this time, I just to vent it all out through writing it here because there is no one else that I can share it with here.

It's not that I'm so depressed today, just disappointed with my family in the province. Well, I thought they have changed. I thought that we are all 3 of us among the 5 siblings are adults now, they're going to help our parents. I thought that this pandemic could stop my father from drinking alcohol with his friends and spending all his money just for them, disregarding the fact that we also need his help. Well, it did stop for sure, but little did I know that he's drowning himself in alcohol even if he's alone at home. My martyred mother can't discipline them all, all she can do is shout at her husband. If that's my husband, I would kick him out of my house already.

This is what happens today.

I'm about to text them that I have sent money to them, just my monthly contribution to our house expenses. My eldest brother then said that I should send money also for purchasing pesticides, fertilizers, and for the laborers that are needed for planting new rice crops. I'm shocked to see his message. I got pissed, honestly then later on my disappointment strikes.

Why?

I'm the one who paid for that rice fields because it was contracted to someone else for over five years already. When that person starts to demand to end the contract ask us to give back the leased money, I'm the one who applied for a loan here at my boss just to pay for it. I have no choice since they didn't have enough money to pay and our family has been the topic of gossips at our place saying that we just know how to make debts but we don't how to pay. There are also other harsh words. They just ignore it but I can't stand it as they did since it's my family who's being degraded by that toxic society.

I'm still paying the loan monthly and it's almost half of my wage. Even so, I continue to deposit some of it in my savings account because I want to use it for my studies when I go home. A portion of my wage will be sent to them monthly for my contribution to the household even if I'm away. The rest of it that remains from my wage is so little that's why I'm trying to earn BCH here by writing what I can think about.

I'm juicing out my brain every day just to make extra incomes but they just contribute to the rest of the expenses at home. Look, I already paid for the land and it's a huge loan. They still want me to give spend for all of it. They are also working, but where just their wages go? They just spend it on mobile games that they can't make a profit out of it and spend it on alcohol every night with their friends. We do have a father and 2 young men at home but THEY ARE ALL IRRESPONSIBLE.

That's what they are all thinking, that damn ALCOHOL. I stand firm with my decision, I wouldn't give them more than the monthly contribution. I wouldn't withdraw my savings just for them anymore. They have work, too. They should learn how to discipline themselves and control their vices. I don't even try any of that vices because I know it's a stupid thing and a waste of money. I'm also telling them to stop that but they wouldn't listen to me. It's on them now. I wouldn't involve myself in that matter anymore. I already gave them enough help. I did my part, I'm letting them handle the rest. It's time to think for myself. Call me selfish now but I have my reasons.

Welp.

If you are reading up to this point right now, thanks for your time to read this nonsense article that's full of my drama. This is rare, just bear it. Peace!

My head is hurting from stress while I'm writing this but when I already wrote up to this point, it clears up and becomes lighter. Readcash and noisecash are indeed my stress reliever. Plus watching Voice Actors mini-games and radio broadcasting that are full of jokes, gags, and pranks. Well once again, thanks for hearing me out!

Your weird fellow writer is now signing off.