Marriage is Not Do or Die

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Written by
1 year ago

This is literally the third article I am starting this night, I had stopped the first halfway to start the second which I also stopped half way to start this now. I seem to be having an overload of what to write about today which wasn't the case yesterday. I had said in my previous article that I was feeling lazy physically and mentally. But today, I seem to be firing on all engines. LoL.

I believe one of the trending topics in the mouth of many people in my country is a recent news about a woman dying because of domestic violence. I am not really sure what happened there, but I have heard bits and pieces of the story over the last couple of days. What I do know is that a woman had died because of domestic violence. Also, this is not the first time said woman has been a victim of domestic violence in the same marriage.

Earlier today, as I was passing by a market I overheard two market traders talking about marriage, I heard one of them saying in our pidgin English;

"Once a man raises his hand on you in marriage, you shouldn't continue with that marriage"

Although I didn't stop to hear a good part of the conversation, I had suspected the news about the dead woman was the reason behind the conversation. I have always been an avid antagonist of domestic violence.

I wonder why a man who is supposed to be the protector of his family will be the one his family needs protection from. Why would a man raise his hands against a woman he supposedly 'loves' enough to go into marriage with? What is even more surprising is women who still stay in such abusive marriage.

I have seen people say that no matter the trials and challenges in a marriage, you should endure and try to overcome. I say to you that some 'challenges' are huge red flags and if ever a man you're married to ever raises his hands to physically abuse you, I say RUN FOR YOUR DEAR LIFE! As it is those who had advised you to endure will be the first to reprimand you for staying.

I am not saying you abandon your marriage should any little problem arise. Truth is that a lot of people go into marriage for different reasons, one of which is for procreation. Procreation alone is not good enough reason to go into a marriage. There are other ways to have a progeny of your own.

Unfortunately, we live in a society where the responsibility of keeping a marriage whole falls to the wife. Shouldn't it be a collective effort of both the husband and the wife? It is common for a woman to be condemned if she leaves a man for whatever reason. The society doesn't care if your life was in danger, or about your happiness, you should stay "for better or worse".

I will always tell males and females alike that marriage is not compulsory, neither is it necessary to live a fulfilled life. It is just that society has over time painted marriage to be what it really isn't. Happiness is not guaranteed in marriage, unless of there is LOVE between the two people who are willing to fight for their love against all odds, while respecting each other too.

In conclusion, I am no marriage counselor, neither am I an expert. In fact, I have never been married neither does it seem likely that I will be marrying anytime soon. But what I can say is that I have been around long enough to learn a thing or two from other people's experience with marriage and the society at large. All these together with my personal perspective have created this article.

Times are changing and we are past the time where women have no choice but to endure the misery that comes with an abusive marriage. There is nothing more important than peace and happiness and a marriage should embody these things.

Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤

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Written by
1 year ago

Comments

A man doesn't have any rights to raise they hand on woman even if they are in marriage. Marriage doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. Marriage is about love and God is the center of marriage.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

I agree with you on that

$ 0.00
1 year ago

It's just so unfortunate that these things happens but nevertheless, if the women can stand to their feet and know their rights, domestic violence will definitely reduce

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1 year ago

Really hope it does, men still have their parts to play too.

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1 year ago

This one wey you dey write articles up and down like a mad scientist, it's like you will give me a little of what you're on o 😩 it's getting more difficult over here. This article just reminds me of a video I watched on twitter some minutes ago, a guy was seen beating up his girlfriend and it was a very sorry sight. Dem never marry o, just dating and he is already pouncing on her, imagine what will happen if they mistankly get married 💀

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Lwkmd, but the guy get Benz na, and she wan ride inside Lexus do tiktok video. Person dey pound you like yam, you still dey follow am

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Well said Aimure, and then again another beast has evolved. Except the children of Ministrel Osinachi goes for therapy or start learning love. I bet those ones too would beat up their wives when they get married.

She shouldn't have stayed, the Bible is against divorce but it's not against leaving a toxic marriage.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

That's the thing eh. The Bible is against divorce only if the husband loves the wife and the wife obeys the husband. What would be a good marriage. Hopefully, the children aren't affected, but who knows

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1 year ago

I don't believe you have to stay for the sake of marriage or the family or you have to worry about the shame the family will have to face when you leave a marriage. Abuse is abuse and it has to stop and the best way to do that is to stay away from abusers.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Well said. I hope people will listen and act accordingly

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1 year ago

That's why you really have to make a wise decision. Marriage is one of the critical stages of life. And so, it's really crucial to choose a partner who will not gonna hurt you.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

I agree with what you've said. But what would make one know choosing another as a partner is the right decision?

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1 year ago

" getting married to the right person is more important than marriage". The Sooner desperate singles start realising this, the easier their marriage life would be.... Although some people can pretend and hide thier true color during courtship only for them to unleash the beast after marriage. Can't stop thinking about that woman

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Well, there is the pretence. Perhaps you should be sure about how they feel about you. And always ask about their past. Any history of violence, etcetera

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1 year ago

A true man will never raise his hand. That's the cruel thing. Domestic violence is increasing day by day. Families are breaking. Divorce numbers are increasing. This is really scary. More scary is people are rethinking about marriage.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

For real, the rate these things are increasing is alarming.

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1 year ago

Sometimes red flags are being neglected. I have heard a lot of stories about how miserable a person's marriage life was, but she/he still Choose to stay with his/her toxic relationship for the sake of their children's. I also don't understand why do they have to abusive the love of a person and tried to put them under their control.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

I would say it is a sign of weakness. I don't think I can understand why one would beat their wife like their life depends on it

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1 year ago

we may have different opinion about peoples marriage but people only get to know about the abuses when the worse had happen. Although violence goes both ways and either the man or woman can be the victim. If we must address domestic violence we must take a wholistic approach.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

True. But it is rare to see the woman being the oppressor. They are often the victim of domestic violence. In fact, I don't think I have heard of the woman being the oppressor

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1 year ago

I agree. The vows in marriage that says to stay forever through thick and thin didn't mean that one should tolerate the wrong doings of his/her partner especially if they are abusive.

I wish my mom did it before. Tsk!

$ 0.02
1 year ago

I am sure you have learnt something from your mom's experience. You know what and what not to do yourself

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1 year ago

It's very saddening to hear the men domination and abuse is still there. And somehow in every 3-4 marriage in 10, I see the male physically abusing the women. Nobody teaches us to do things like that. When we will realise just because we are a bit physically strong we can raise our hands to anyone. If the other person isn't giving value to the pure marriage how can you alone can hold. It's both parties responsibility to keep a broken marriage. The most difficult situation is when there's a child involved.

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1 year ago

Really sad. You're stronger so you can protect the others, not oppress them with it.

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1 year ago

Marriage is really not by force, not do or die. Domestic violence is bad. From the day a man raises up his hand to beat his wife, from that day he is no longer a Man but an Animal.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Aye, I am in agreement with you, only animals do that

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1 year ago

Marriage should be unity in one soul.

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1 year ago

Agreed, it should be happiness too

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1 year ago