Fear vs Respect: The Parent-Child Perspective

Over time, I had always try to maintain a position, and not cross the line between respect and fear. Yesterday I was going through a friend’s status on WhatsApp, and his post gave me an idea about what to write today as I’d already drafted my article for yesterday. His post brought to mind two things or do I say ‘feelings’ people had always confused one for the other.

I remember as a child, myself and children my age mate in the neighbourhood played street football together a lot. I remember a particular boy who always wanted to play with us, but can’t especially if his dad is at home. I remember one day he had joined us in playing football, and as we did, I suddenly saw him running home because he’d sighted his father coming from a distance.

Thinking back now, I wondered if he’d skedaddled so swiftly out of respect or fear. I am sure we know it is fear. For if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t run so fast. I also can’t help but wonder how our upbringing really affects our life in ways we can’t imagine. I also thought about an argument my classmates had in the farmhouse yesterday.

As we were all seated, resting after we had done the work assigned to us by the farm manager, one thing led to another and I heard one of them say that they wouldn’t spear the rod when it comes to their children. And that long as the child is old enough to differentiate between good and bad, they would be beaten if they did bad, especially when they lie about it. I heard another say that you have to build a relationship with your child so he or she doesn’t he things from you, and listens to you whenever you tell them something.

Beating of children by their parents is a common practice in my country. And while it might be considered ‘child abuse’ in some other countries, it is normal to punish a child by beating them, long as you don’t take it to the extreme by inflicting bruises and serious injuries.

I thought about how this common practice is merely instilling fear in children and they might start to do things in secret, or careless about the beating they might get from you. You see, we have to do better as parents – raise your children with love, and treat them like they are your friends and not your subject that must obey every of your command. Psychology is a weird thing, and humans are likely to rebel when they feel they aren’t given much of a choice.

If you treat your children like your friend, you build a good relationship with them and talk to them freely and give them the liberty to talk to you freely and without fear, give them a sense of choice and as long as they are old enough, let them know that the CHOICE is theirs, and your role is solely to guide and advise and provide for them until they are old enough to do so for themselves. You’ll see that they will respect you more and the relationship will be better and stronger.

I can say that a lot of children actually fear their parents because of the strict rules and tight fist they had been raised with. We should learn from the mistakes of our parents and do better. Be friends with your children, that way they’ll trust you enough to tell you anything. You don’t have to smack them hard to teach them a lesson.

Respect people! I can not overemphasise this enough. And what is that about respect being earned? Do people have to work before you can respect them or you just respect them naturally. Then as time goes, you can either respect them more by their actions or less. I believe everyone, irrespective of age, gender and size deserves to be respected.

Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤