Arranged or For Love?

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Written by
1 year ago

Today had started with a lush coolness that comes with the rain. I love the weather, as a matter of fact, I thrive in this weather. The only downside is that I get to cancel my plans of doing laundry. Oh well, it is the weekend, so I'll push it to tomorrow.

Growing up as a young boy, I was only familiar with things I was exposed to. That's basically how it works, children learn from what you expose them to. Anytime I saw a marriage on TV, it was usually a traditional kind of marriage or a a white wedding (Marriage in church). As a naive young boy, I always saw these marriages as happy ever after, two people, in love, joined in holy matrimony, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in the presence of their family and friends as they bear witness. Little did I know.

It wasn't until I grew older that I understood that some of marriages happen due to circumstances, while some were even arranged. Although, arranged marriage isn't common in the southern part of the country; where I have spent all my life, I have heard it is quite common in the northern part of the country. What is even more distasteful about that is that a lot of the brides are usually underage. For some reason, I get the impression that northern men have eyes for teenage girls.

I remember last week I had gone to the market with my cousin to buy some of the things she needed for school resumption. We had an encounter with a northern man and I remember him saying to my little cousin who is just 14 years of age that he wants to marry her. before I could give him a perplexed and disapproving look, my cousin shouted "God forbid" which made me burst into laughter instead.

Can't say I blame him for saying such inappropriate thing to a young teenager as I have heard their culture allows adult males to take girls as young as 13 as a bride @Bilqees , correct me if I am wrong. What is even more weird about this culture is that it is usually thee parent who arrange these marriages. Surely it is not like a 13-year-old has much to say in such matters.

I also have sisters who watch Zeeworld (A TV station that deals only in Indian shows and movies) a lot, and I can't help but notice that arranged marriage is also common in their culture. I think I have even read some posts here that suggests the same. Although, in those movies, couples in the arranged marriage usually end up falling in love with each other as that is almost always the story line. For how long can the happiness of people be left to chance? How many of them does find happiness eventually? Bearing in mind that it has to be a two-way thing.

I won't be wrong to say that arranged marriage is dying out day by day unlike the old days when it is common even in the southern part of the country. All a suitor has to do is make his intention known to the bride-to-be's parent through his own parent and of course if the families agree, it is most likely the girl agrees too. Growing up, it is common to say that the easiest marriage happens when you get a Yoruba girl pregnant outside of wedlock, rest assured the parents don't mind footing the bills of the marriage if you are not financially buoyant.

These things are dying out slowly though, and more marriages are happening these days out of love. I personally feel it is either that or no marriage at all. Cannot imagine my parents picking out a bride for me and I agreeing to it. What would be the happiness in that?

On another news, I have opened an account on noise, you can connect with me there using the link below.

https://noise.cash/u/Aimurie

Hope to see you guys there and extend our relationship across both platforms.

Thank You For Reading 🖤🖤

Special thanks to @Talecharm for the sponsorship renewal, I appreciate the unending support you give to me.

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Written by
1 year ago

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Arranged wedding is common with the Hausas, Indian and many times common with two family friends who are rich and want to get their children to get married to each other keeping the bond of the relationship going stronger. As for me, no one can force me to marry someone I am not in love with.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Well, I am glad you have that resolve. Some people don't and think they do it for their parent's happiness

$ 0.00
1 year ago

That northern issue and arranged marriage to underaged girls is just a whole can of worms, make we just leave that matter abeg. I guess they are ok with it, it's after all part of their religion

$ 0.02
1 year ago

I suppose we could say that. To each their own you say eh?

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1 year ago

Every time I read about underage marriage I start to boil and smoke comes out of my ears, I mean of all the girls who are suitable for marriage, young girls are chosen!! This is disgusting and immoral. And it will be a failed marriage based on desires without convergence of ideas and agreement. And arranged marriage, especially for young ages, is the worst for me and is completely rejected

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Can almost hear the fuming in your words. Well, for some it is their tradition and it is normal in their society. Sad really, especially for the women.

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1 year ago

Sorry because I seem to be speaking harshly, but I know what marriage at an early age can do to the body of a young girl and even her psyche, even pregnancy at a young age causes a lot of problems for the girl, I see some cases in the hospital and it is very sad, it is violence against children

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1 year ago

I agree with you, and feel free to express yourself.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Arranged Marriage is just ❌ for me. Specially if it involves kid and some adult. I think I saw some memes on Facebook it's a picture of a teenager and old man where you can the disapproving look of the girl. But she can't really say No even if she don't want that marriage. It's their parents who decide to do it. 🥺

$ 0.02
1 year ago

That is right, most often the child has no say in the matter and is judt given away by the parent.

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1 year ago

I can't even imagine what those underaged girls feel when they are arranged to be married to old men. Thank goodness it has reduced, unlike how it was years ago... And just like you, I also feel that a boy and a girl should be the one to choose who they want their spouses to be.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

The prayer is for who you choose to choose you. Hahaha

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1 year ago

I think 90% of marriages in India are arranged marriages, I don't know how that can be successful. But most of the marriage are successful to see but the reality is different, there isn't that kind of mutual love between the couple. They just live together as they are arranged, Some couples get extremely happy with the partner they get and some just bear their life and live on.

$ 0.02
1 year ago

That must be sad for those who never find happiness, just living with a choice that was chosen for them.

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1 year ago