The Saddest Christmas

Do you have the saddest christmas experience in you life? Do you care ro share it here with us, or do you want to keep it private,coz me I want to share it here not to ask for mercy or paawa but how I overcome and how fool I am before,and how I laugh now with the situation I was before.k

Year 2012, month of May when my heart got broken, as in broken hearted tlaga💔. And the saddest part is he is the one who broke up with me,with no valid reason, just saying ayoko na, thats it. And after how many days I found out that he has a new girl and what is the painful part there is, the new girl is also our co-worker. Imagine, 3 of us is working in our environment, same process, same supervisor, and the only difference is im not operating the machine, I am encoder, I am the one who monitored thier output, downtimes and fix thier problems about payroll.

Most of the day, I found myself crying in the corner or in the CR infront of my computer, yes grabe ung hirap nung sitwasyon na yun para sa akin,tho may nagcomfort naman sa akin pero iba ung pain that you see them everyday, masaya sila then ako umiiyak, pero still I did my work as encoder and never akong gumawa ng eskandalo kahit hirap na hirap ako.

What I did is, I apply for other position in other department, but my supervisor did not allow me, sama ng ugali ng visor ko kahit nakikita nya akong naiyak halos lagi, never nya akong pinakawalan, kasi she can't find a replacement of me, mabilis daw kasi akong matuto and I can give them updates everytime they need it and even the bosses.

Thats how I was devastated after that break up, ung katawan ko bagsak as in sobrang payat ko 43 lng timbang ko, nag-attempt ako maglaslas ng pulso(masakit pala haha)then I never go home with my family, I never go to the mall, I'm always inside my room, coz I live alone, ganun ako nagpakasakit sa sarili ko, mula May hanggang December nagmukmok ako.

During december 24, I decided to spend christmas alone, around 8pm, I attend the misa de gallo and I was crying, then after the mass the priest organize a confession and I realized maybe I need this para masabi ko kay God lahat ng ginawa kong masama sa sarili ko at sa tao para na din makahinga ako. So I waited for my turn,and then when I start my comfession I was really crying with the priest, ramdam ng pari ung pain na nararamdaman ko, lahat sinabi ko, ung paglaslas ko ng pulso, ung pagpapabaya ko sa sarili ko basta lahat na sinabi ko, then he gave me the penance.

So after doing my penance, I walk out of church with peace of mind, and went straight home and my landlady call me for a noche buena, but I insist, coz I prefer to go to bed and sleep, since my eyes is mugtong mugto but, after that incidents talking with God, I feel comforted and I start accepting the fact that I need to live my own life now. Without the shadows and pain of yesterday.

Then the day we went back to work, I can smile with everyone already, tho there's still a pain in my heart, but atleast I already overcome it, I did not cry at my work anymore.

Sometimes life is so challenging,the environment the people behind us, but when we learn to talk to God, all the pains and burdens are very easy to carry on.

Ngaun kapag naalala ko ang kasungahan ko dati natatawa na lng ako, imagine ang sakit pala magsugat sa hands mo ng intentional, nasugatan ko ung pulso ko pero very light lng parang gasgas lng, haha ndi ko kasi kaya., Pero ung iba nagagawa nila ano,which napakalaking kasalanan natin kay God un, buti nga nakapag confession ako after ng lahat ng pasakit ko kasi nagbagong taon akong may dalang bagong pag-asa at saya.

The lesson I learnedwith this experience is, never love someone more than yourself, kasi in the end kapag bigla kang iniwan,ikaw talaga ang kawawa

This is it! Pasensya na sa medyo madrama at ulaga kong article haha, naisip ko lng itong i-share since christmas is approaching. Nakakatawa ako ano haha..

Thank you for reading!

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God Bless Us All !

🌹Annie Marie🌹

2021.12.17