I Want to Fall In Love Again: But, I Can't

Have you feel the same thing with me?That you wanted to open your heart again. You wanted to fall in love again and open for possibilities with the people who courted you. But, We CAN'T open our heart again. Because, we are afraid enough to trust again.... That we are afraid enough to fall in love again....That we are afraid to hurt again....That the history might repeat itself...

I also, feel that too. I'm afraid, that one day I will experience the same pain I experienced before.

We all know that love is all about falling in love with that person, is all about passion and commitment. Love is when we gave our full trust to that person. Before, I fall inlove to the man that open my heart. Hmmmm.. Maybe, I will make another article about this one, on how I met my first love. Lol.. Hahahaha..

Anyway, back to the topic. When we fall in love, both our heart and minds are working on it. We can't stop our feelings to that person if our heart beats for them. Falling in love is when we gave or share our all kinds of emotions, because, we are comfortable enough to each other. That's why, we can feel fear to fall again when that love grows from our past and our heart filled with love before.

You know. To be honest, I want to run away from any relationships. I want to be single and enjoy my life alone. Because, I have nothing to do with the love and anything that can cause heartbreaks. But, I also want to open my heart again. To trust again. To feel love from our partner. To be happy as well.

As a women, when I fall in love, I fall hard. Like, it takes a years before I fall in love to that person. Because, I'm afraid that one day, during with his courtship days. He will leave me, and find another women because, I'm so hard to get. Lol. And I'm so boring enough. Hahaha.. If I'm not comfortable to that person. I didn't talk unless you are the one who will talk to me first. And that's one of my personalities. And I can't help it.

During courtship days, we can see the willingness of each other and the patience of the men, when they will answer by the women they loved. Courtship days is when a couple gets to know each other and decides if there will be an engagement. So, courting is very important before entering a serious relationship. Courting includes activities such as dating , like eating a meal or watching movie. Yieeee. Street food date is enough and its ok for me.

I do fall inlove with someone I love when I was in Grade 7. I thought it was a "puppy love" . HAHAHA. But, until now I have crush on him. Well, I already created an article with this. You can read this if you want. Here's the link:https://read.cash/@whitney123/i-have-crush-on-my-sakristan-boy-bestfriend-3b54cdb4

I do tell to him last time, when you help me to decide if I will be honest to him. Yes! I said it to him. You know, what happened next? HAHAHA. He replied to me that..

"It's okay to be honest pasaway(my nickname that he created to me). Yey! I am the only person that you loved. Thank you pasaway. Hopefully soon, I could hug you" ...

I'm happy that I already said it to him. But, sadly, after 2 days. We didn't talk or chat anymore. Lol. HAHAHA. I feel ashamed. Like, okay. I will accept it. But, hopefully, our friendship will still okay. It's just like, I ruined our friendship. huhu. Haystt.. But, Atleast, I already know that, he can't love me back. That his, flower phrases or words he uttered at me before are all jokes or lies. :)

But, you know, one thing that I learned from that. Is, being honest is really really okay. There's nothing wrong about it. If we hurt, then. Accept that fact and fix ourselves. Being in love does not mean that someone is perfect, it simply means that they accept you just the way you are with all your failures and stupidities.

And also,

"We should Never ever force someone to love us back. We deserve to be loved whole-heartedly. We are so worth it! If someone couldn't make us feel that we're worth it, we must better set him/her free. We deserve happiness in life and we should be treated like a prince/princess. "

And lastly, don't ever be like me. Don't stop yourself in loving that person whom you fall inlove. If you are afraid, that you might be experience that pain from your past. It's okay. Atleast, you've tried and you've showed to them that you are so pure and honest for your feelings to them. :)

Hopefully, one day. God will gave the right one for us. The right one that will be our last. :)

Please remember this phrase "If your relationship failed even in the strongest storm, then, that's Not the relationship that God wanted you to have". :)

Everything happens with a purpose and always Trust God's process for us. Do not rush for love. Wait for God's perfect timing. :)

---"Never settle for less and always remember your worth"----

Thank you for reading. :)

@whitney123