Upstairs

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2 years ago

In community: Diaries(cc77)

Topics: Writing, 2021, Diary, Childhood, Kidsdiary, ...

Most of the day I spent upstairs in the room. Grandmother doesn't have many visitors but if I am not allowed to be downstairs. The cleaning lady came. I like her and I think she knows me. On other vacations, I was allowed to be downstairs and grandmother gave me things to do like polishing silver and copper or beat the mats which is hard. The huge mats and rugs are hung over the wall and you need to beat them to get dirt and dust out of it. The cleaning lady always sounds happy but doesn't talk much. Not with grandmother or with me.
I sat with bear in the closet for longer. It's big enough for both of us. Not as big as the closet in the other room but bigger than the one in the balcony room.

The balcony room has a balcony. It's more for show. It's the only balcony upstairs at the front of the house. It's like half of a circle and blue. Grandpa's drawing table with the drawings of houses is there. I studied it and like it. I wonder if this drawing was ever built. The house, the table and drawings are what is left of grandpa. No one talks about him. I miss his playing his trumpet. It was always downstairs in the huge office with the fireplace and its own entrance. From the balcony room, I can enter the office upstairs. It's a huge room and where the books are.

Grandpa collected books but I don't know if he read them all. I know grandmother never reads books. She knits and reads the magazine Prive and at times Story if she goes to the hairdresser. These are gossip magazines. At hairdressers, people always gossip. Gossiping is bad and like sneaking around. Everyone says it's not good and you have to tell the truth and be straight but adults lie. They always lie about everything, gossip and find that normal behaviour.
If children do something they say: stop that childish behaviour! Which is weird since childish behaviour is normal behaviour if you are a child or? But adults have way worse behaviour than children and they get away with it unless you are famous. If you are famous you cannot do much or they write about it in a gossip magazine. If they know nothing they make up something that is childish too. Grandmother has the magazine Libelle. If she ever reads it I don't know but she saves them in a closet in the living. There are boxes outside on the street in the centre of the village where she lives. They are meant for the magazines you have read. The magazines go to the people in hospitals or elderly homes. It's written on the boxes. They should do that for all people. Not everyone has money to buy magazines and most people read them and throw it away. Once I saw grandmother put magazines inside.

The trumpet... I saw it. Someone took it upstairs and placed it next to the books. I looked at it. The trumpet isn't an easy instrument way harder than the recorder and I cannot even play the recorder. I cannot practice plus I cannot read music my head cannot remember what teacher Mulder taught. I wrote it all down but it's a big blur to me. I am not into music but don't care. With music, I cannot hear the danger coming. It's harder to recognize the signs if music plays and distracts. I only play my records if my mother isn't at home if she just left and never loud.
After the cleaning lady went home I ate with grandmother in the kitchen and helped her with the dishes. I didn't need to but I did.
The house doesn't look cleaner than it already was. If you live alone, have no pets or visitors the only one who can make it dirty is you. I think it's easier to be alone. It saves you a lot of work, you can do what you like and no one can be mad with you or beat you up.

Monday
August 2, 2021