It's nearly my dad's birthday. It should be mine too but we cannot celebrate everyone's birthday. That's what my mother says. My father says nothing. The only thing I know about one of his birthdays is as he was young and in the Japanese camp with my granny. His elder brother and sister were there too. The sister who doesn't like my mother because she knows who she is. My granny told me they stayed in the camp and my dad wanted a birthday cake. My granny didn't have the ingredients so no cake. My dad strolled around and asked everywhere for what was needed to make one. He asked all those people and those who had given him a bit. I think that is very kind but I hope those people will never see what kind of man my father is. He likes attention and even without a job he still thinks he is the best. He is proud he gets what he wants, he's a beggar and he always brags and knows better. I don't think he grew into an honest man and he is kind to others.
Many times he told me as a child he only had a very small piece of cook or cheese for his whole slice of bread. He had to look at it, shove it each time a bit further till he came to the last part. That part was covered and only that part he ate with cook or cheese. I tried it but it doesn't work with cheese perhaps it does with the cook?
I asked my granny and she says he made it up. Made it up means he lies. He only brags about how all girls like him. If it's not about girls he lies or perhaps he lies about girls too? He believes he is prince charming, a prince without a penny, and a head filled with preaches and lies.
If God exists he must be blind and deaf. All those people I know, those who go to church, lie, and cheat. They scold, curse, and molest people. Heaven must be a terrible place if all those people are together.
At school, I was allowed to make a birthday card for my dad. That was kind of the teacher. I don't think my dad cares but I have not much money and the shops are far away. My mother will buy something for his pipe at the tobacco shop again. Something he needs. Only my dad smokes. I don't know why but he does. My mother doesn't smoke, my aunts don't smoke and my grandparents don't smoke either but my granny has a friend who does. She's a neighbor and the mother of my uncle's best friend. She can hardly talk and if her voice sounds strange. They say it's because of smoking. My dad can still talk but my granny's friend not.
I had gymnastics in the afternoon. I'm still not good at it and look like an idiot in that outfit.
Thursday
October 8, 2020
It's fine without a housekeeper and I don't mind if I need to cook. I like being alone and the dogs are outside. My mother is frequently home but sleeps too or at times she goes shopping.
At 4 p.m. I had to go with her to the butcher. She gave me the list and as she stopped the car I ran out to the shop. I hold my breath because of the terrible smell. It's not the butcher his shop doesn't smell but outside it does. My mother picked me up later because she couldn't park the car. After that, she went to the bakery. She came out with nothing. The bakery will deliver it tomorrow. At the tobacco shop, she bought some things for the pipe, and at the bookshop, she bought my dad Parkers. Pens with his name in it. I think he might like that.
Back home she gave me the presents I should give. I hid them in my room with the card I made at school.
Friday
October 9, 2020
I feel tired of waking up early. It's cold outside and the house feels cold too. It will not be warm till the central hear is switched on. I am not sure when that will be. I quickly get dressed underneath the blanket. It's autumn why is it so cold? The central heat is underneath the windows but the windows are big and cold. If I lay in bed I feel the cold on my head. The person who built this house didn't think. Who puts a bed underneath a window and why is the heater at such a strange place?
On Saturday morning my dad takes a bath and after that, he cleans the bathroom and kitchen. I have to take a bath in the evening before I go to bed.
We ate soup with bread again. We always eat at 6 p.m. The soup is fine but I can't eat bread. I can't swallow it, not if there's honey on it. Bread without anything smells nice only the bread for the dogs stink. It's because it's old, old, or burned. The baker let it burn and sell it to my mother. Dogs always eat dirty things. I am not sure if they can smell it but burned stinks. I tried to bake an omelet and it was burned. It smelled terrible and I had to put the kitchen door wide open.
In the evening my parents had coffee and we all had cake. We always have cake or pie or some cook. It's not on birthdays only. I don't really like it but my parents want me to eat it. I watched one episode of Swiebertje before I went to bed. Tomorrow we will visit my granny. My dad told me. Not his mother but my mom's. I haven't seen her for longer, not since granddad went to the hospital and died. No one talks about him. Perhaps they already forget him?
Saturday
October 10, 2020
After Sunday school I gave my dad his presents and so did my mother. They had coffee and cake. I hope my dad liked the one my mother bought him. After we cleaned up we left by car to my granny. The dogs sat in the back. They smelled terrible and I felt sick. My parents were fighting again but I don't know why. I tried not to listen and to sleep. If I sleep I don't feel so sick but my neck always hurts. They started fighting again at my granny's home. It's her home now because grandpa is dead. I only see a picture of him on the piano. I studied his face and wondered if he ever smiled. He doesn't smile at his wedding photo either. Perhaps smiling wasn't allowed? I hope he smiles now.
My aunt came too. It's for my dad's birthday and there was more cake. I don't want more cake.
At the dinner table, we sat together. My granny can cook and her food is always warm. She gives the most to my dad. Not because it's his birthday but because he's a man. She always does that. My granny doesn't eat much, neither does my mother although my mother eats a lot of chocolate, pie, and cookies. At times she is sick too. I know her belly hurts too, she takes pills and I can hear her gag on the toilet after a meal.
We left late. It was dark outside and the lights on the highway were on. From far away it looks like a fancy fair. My dad drove back and my mother didn't say much. Perhaps she is tired too?
Sunday
October 11, 2020
A kid's diary
If you help
Writing an essay
A good day
Lovely