I can stay home alone.

I did it.

I asked if I could come along with Francoise to her grandparents in Belgium. My mother said nothing because she was at work. I asked my dad. He said he would visit Francoise her parents to inform. I hope this is a yes. I do not like to stay with strangers but it's better than staying at home with my mother. She's not the funny type and not caring. She cares about herself, her hair, clothes, and mirrors only.

My father said they might go on holiday. They aren't me, just my dad and mother. I wonder why he wants to be friends with her. I don't want to have friends who scold at me or hit me. It's better to be alone. Alone it's peaceful and I can do as I like, like reading or thinking. Making my bed, polishing shoes, setting the table, and cleaning up I can do too. I know how to feed the dogs. The baker delivers bread for the dogs and there's heart cut in pieces in the fridge. The butcher sells it. I only need to fill their bowls and add some of the vitamin powder too it.

The dogs and I will be fine if my parents leave.

Soot can eat a bit now too. I can help him and at the time my parents leave he will be bigger again. I can take care of them. I don't think auntie will take care of me my mother doesn't like her. If I cannot go to Francoise they have to ask my grandmothers and find a place for the dogs too.

I am not sure if he and Monty are friends. Monty is already big and my mother likes him. He can sit in her lap. Does he like her? She combs his hair with a steel brush and he can sit in the bathtub too. I don't think he likes it and if he's wet he smells terrible and shakes himself which makes my mother mad. Monty can't help it. He doesn't like to be upstairs and sitting in the bathtub with all the water and shampoo. Being wet feels terrible and dirty. I feel for him if she's angry. I hope he doesn't understand it and can't hear her yell but he I believe he does. He looks so sad as if he's crying. I cannot help him but I try to rub him with the towels so he won't feel so miserable. Sometimes I sit next to him in his basket. I know my mother loves him more than me but he spends a lot of time outside alone. I hope Soot will be his friend and they have fun outside and do not hear her voice. I always hear hers in my head. It hurts my ears even if she isn't home or asleep.

June 16, 2020

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