Friday afternoon at school I liked. We could go do the hand rafts we liked. I went to modeling. A mother is teaching us how to make pots. She is an artist. I don't know who's a mother she is. She doesn't look to a mother you know. I think Ellen's mom is a mother and perhaps Caroline's mom is one too. Both are sweet and have kind voices. Ellen and Caroline too I think are single children. Caroline's grandfather lives with them or perhaps they live in his house. Those mom's do not work. Most mothers do not and stay home. The fathers do something. My father does nothing and still isn't home. He doesn't care and my mother doesn't care.
Ellen's mother does but she doesn't know how my mother is. She sees I am upset and wraps her arms around me and says everything will be fine. She doesn't know it will not be fine. Doesn't know my mother does not care and wants me to be dead. She says I am a monster but I think my mother is a monster. No one should have her for a mother. She stinks too. It is one of those terrible things about her, the way she smells. It's poison. I don't tell Ellen's mother the truth. Her world is not like mine and if people see the truth they no longer like you.
Friday
August 28, 2020
All my days are the same but today was a bit different. We went to the hospital in the city. It's the same hospital I always have to go to see the doctor. The doctor who doesn't care about me and only talks with my mother.
My grandfather is in hospital but not at the same place as where I go. If I go to see him he is in bed. It is the first time he is in bed and he looks different. My grandpa is a gentleman and wears a suit. Now he lays in bed and wears pajamas and he looks different. His face is green. Where are his glasses? He holds my hand and I let him. I don't think he will hit me. At times he took me out in his car, he can play the trumpet and loves animals. I know because he has many and sometimes I watched him feeding his chinchilla and the geese like him. He loves the geese too and makes jokes about what they say about him. "Listen they say I'm mad", that's what he always said.
Now he says he gives me money for my birthday and I can choose my own present and buy it. Why does he say that? It's not my birthday. My dad is with me and says I have to go so the others can see him. Others? What others? He is my grandpa.
I say goodbye to him and can't help to turn around once more and look at the strange green man in pajamas. Perhaps he likes it more here?
In the hallway, I wait. My aunt tells me to go to the other room down in the same hall. I have a look and there is aunt Cordelia. What is she doing here? It cannot be for visiting grandpa because she wears pajamas too and see is green too. She looks the same as my grandfather, her skin I mean. What happened to them. I like aunt Cordelia and visited her a few times in her house. She lives far away just like grandfather does. Why are both here in this hospital? Aunt Cordelia is grandpa's sister. She says she is happy to see me. I am happy to see her too but I am worried. I hold her hand and talk to her. If I leave I kiss her and say goodbye. She doesn't say it's my birthday which is good.
Saturday
August 29, 2020
At 6 am I had to wake up to clean the house. After breakfast, I went to Sunday school and my parents to church. They go by car because the church is far away. Where I live are no churches. All houses are new so are the schools and the gym and there's only one shop in the neighborhood. We only go there if we really need something. For groceries, we go by car to the village.
All shops are closed on Sunday. It is not allowed to work on Sundays that's why. We can not do the laundry either because it is work.
In the end, if the day we drove to the city. We didn't visit my grandpa and aunt but ate at a restaurant. My father says I need to learn how to do with the upper class and be able to do with the Queen. I don't see the point of eating with the Queen. Perhaps it is what he likes to do or did because he danced with the fat Princess. We always go to restaurants with white tablecloths and waiters it's boring but at least my belly doesn't hurt as much as when my mother cooks and it's allowed to leave the food you cannot eat on your plate.
My dad pushes a cigarette in the food he doesn't eat. He says it's to avoid the restaurant doesn't give it to the next customer.
Sunday
August 30, 2020
A kid's diary
The first week
Shuffling
A box
Were they both sick? They had the pajamas of the same color and I think they were the color of the hospital gowns.
Grandpa and uncles were kinder than parents themselves.