Numbness

Every morning when I wake up I see the silhouette of you   

Hiding your face against the shining sun My eyes was still balancing the light  

But in my mind you already have that sweet smile I don't want that moment to pass  

Your sweet tender kiss and your warm embrace  

Waking up with you is endless  

Dreams, I was only dreaming, I don't want to wake up because reality is my nightmare.    

Hearing the loud sound, like hammering all over the house, hearing the squicky sound of the door coming in and out of the room, the windows are wide open and I can feel the sun burning me bit by bit.   

Your voice is strong that all my veins immediately woke up. I need to stand up to prepare for your needs. Need to boil hot water for your coffee, fill the bucket of water for your bath, prepare your breakfast, prepare your clothes while you are doing you're own morning routine.  

I always thought why we end up this way, the spark of love has long gone. Looking at you is always a question, my dear beloved is long been gone.   

You look at me today as a lover, seeing you with a sweet smile, kissing and hugging me, if I could only freeze time. Because tomorrow you will not notice me anymore, I will be your maid and your caregiver and sometimes as if I was a mistress longing for your precious time.   

Sleep, I want to sleep, I'm awake for almost 12 hours, waiting for you to come home safe and sound. Heard a knock on the door, happy to see you but you were drunk and heavy. As I help you settle in bed you called my name and told me you love me and your the luckiest man in the world for having me.  

My heart was heavy, my eyes are dry should I be happy or sad? My body is numb I can't feel anything, maybe I'm just tired. The love that you are saying is never felt, you always told me that when you are not normal when your other feet are not on the ground.    

I'm tired, really tired, I want to sleep endlessly, I want to wake up with you again to feel love and care. I kiss you goodbye darling, take care of yourself like I always do, I know you will be fine without me, just always remember my love is true despite everything that we have been through. I love you always and forever.   

Lead image source: https://curearthritis.org/does-arthritis-cause-numbness-or-tingling/  

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