the suicidal girl pt. 4

Make sure to read the previous parts of this series, thank you!

Check out the links here: part 1, 2, 3.

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One...

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This guy took 3 seconds to get my whole attention. Who is he? Why does he look so familiar? Why do I feel like he's judging me right now? When did I start to care about what others think of me?

"I know you. You're 13, right? Seat number 13?"

Thirteen? Really? For the first time I got sad hearing that nickname. For once I just want to let others know the real me but maybe I am just not worth it to get that right.

Right! Row 3 seat 28... a guy from my class. I suddenly wondered if he's willing to help me. Maybe not. He's been actively part of the class while I am invisible and I don't want to involve myself with him and get the attention of our classmates. He is the life of the party while I am a lifeless girl. This won't end good.

I gathered my strength to get up and turned my back on him. I sighed, I really wanted to get drenched by the rain all night and not go to school tomorrow.

A few steps away and he called me...

"Hey, Morgan! Wait up.." his footsteps getting near me so I involuntarily stopped walking. What the?

He called my name. I shivered. Ahh, this is because of the rain.

I guess the cold is--wait. Now all I can feel is someone's warmth beside me and the lack of raindrops touching my body. Is it really this good to have someone walk side by side with you? I can't believe I am liking this situation. What happened to my antisocial skill?

"Do you live near here? I can walk you home coz my way is also over here." his gentle voice is giving me shivers and I hate it.

Silence.

I only have the courage to look at his hair because his eyes would be too much. I am scared I might scare him away if I look at him straight. I'm scared he might see how nervous I am right now.

"You don't have to share your umbrella with me.." I tried not to sound too shocked even if I am. I looked so small beside him and here he is giving enough space between us or else I might just run away.

"Nah. I'm actually right on that corner but I can walk you home first." he pointed the house with a huge gate. "Where do you live? I never see you in this neighborhood.." I got distracted and tried again to look at his damped hair but my neck is really suffering. He is so tall I think I'm about on his shoulder only.

"Two more blocks." I answered so that he can just let me go home on my own before I could use him for my own selfish desire.

 The rain started to get stronger and we are forced to fit in his umbrella, skins touching.

“Am I…bothering you?”

There, he said it.  I wanted to say no and tell him why I am like this but there is really something that feels wrong. I just don’t want to complicate my life and be friends with him when I know this will end soon.

But what about your suicide letter? Your remaining tasks?

It felt like seconds but the way his brows curve and lips frown mean it took me minutes to answer.

Silence.

He made a step forward while looking at me with disbelief, leaving the umbrella on my spot.

“So you really are like a fridge, huh? Sorry for being a bother…” He looked around “Good thing we’re in front of your house so I gotta go.”

That’s when I realized that we’re really in front of my house and he is already walking away from me. I gathered up all my strength and did a very selfish decision that might be a regret soon.

 I had a weird feeling inside me when I realized that I will lose this guy without all because of my cold personality.

“Hey, seat 28!”

He stopped and looked back at me with question in his eyes. This is me getting closer to the fire. But unlike the moth, he is not gonna be the death of me but I will make sure he sees it.

I am finally gonna spread my wings and leave the way Sahara did… I am gonna make him a suicide letter.

“See you tomorrow!” I shouted and I quickly run towards our door like a lunatic.

I hope I won’t regret this tomorrow.

 Thank you for reading!