To All The Boys I Loved Before

You probably clicked the article after reading the title because you've seen the movie with the same title before, or because you're simply interested, or maybe because you clicked it for no reason at all.

This afternoon, I was viewing some Netflix movies when I came across "To All The Boys I Loved Before," a film I had seen a few years before. If you haven't seen it yet, it's about a young woman who is unable to reveal her affections for her crushes, so she wrote letters to them and kept them in a box. Late on, her letters were forwarded to her crushes without her knowing, and that's when her adventures began; if you're interested, just watch it.

Seeing this, reminded me of my adolescent years and the feeling of having a crush. Those times when you see your crush, you get that giddy feeling. You are motivated to get to school early so you can stand near your crush at the flag ceremony. The feeling of doing your best in class to avoid embarrassing your crush. And then there were those mini heart attacks and butterflies in your stomach when you saw your crush staring back at you. Not to mention the pain you'll experience if you find out your crush is already in a relationship.

Just thinking about those days brings a smile to my face. I never had the chance to be in relationship with them or date them, but they made my school days more exciting and enjoyable. So in this blog let me tell you about the boys I 'loved' before.

I'm certainly a late bloomer compared to the majority of my peers. Most of my classmates were already experiencing crushes, getting and writing love letters, and some were even in relationships when I was in sixth grade. I used to think I was the odd one out since I wasn't attracted to my male classmates. During high school, I was sent to a school in town, where I realized that I, too, could experience attraction. Juan Paolo was my first crush; he was a classmate, but I only noticed him after a week of eating lunch with him. Don't get me wrong: we just ate lunch together since her aunt is the class adviser for my sister's class. So we both went to that room every lunch break, but we never try to chat to each other. He got my crush not only because he is attractive, but also because he is smart. We were both in the star section, and he does exceptionally well in class. I recall taking a lengthy Mathematics quiz and receiving a score of 4/30. My classmate showed Juan Paolo my paper and the freak laughed at it. I admit I'm dumb when it comes to numbers, and getting a low score is embarrassing enough, but my classmate added fuel to the fire when she showed my paper to Juan Paolo and the freak laughed at it. It was extremely humiliating, and I knew there would never be another chance for us after that day. But I still admired him secretly for that school year, and no knew about it up to this day.

Summer break arrived, and after two months of not seeing Juan Paolo, I had completely forgotten about him, and I became even more sad to learn that he was no longer a classmate since I had been demoted to the second section. There, I met a transferee from Manila. His name is King John Paul, and he is the most attractive boy in our class. His skin is fair, and his perfect tagalog accent is pleasant to hear. Every night, I talked about him in my diary, stressing our small encounters. I admired him even more after he gave me two chocolate krim sticks (LOL, how petty), and of course, I made sure to record it in my diary. There's a time when there's only him, another classmate, and me who were left in the classroom. I gazed at him in my small mirror but he caught me off guard and brazenly asked me: "Why are you staring at me? Do you like me?" My heart went dug dug dug dug... Oh my gosh, that was really humiliating. But King is a little dumb compared to Juan Paolo and he also likes to skip class so I was disappointed in him What's more upsetting is when I found out that she's dating Katrina, the loud girl with a curly hair from the first section. They were the talk of town that day they went public.

Fast forward to third year, I was brought back to the star section and I had a classmate who's is haughty and full of himself. His name is Elias. He formed a group along with the famous people in class who are composed of pretty girls and handsome boys. He is really annoying likes to bully the weak, but he is so attractive, He's the epitome of the talk, dark and handsome description in the novels I read. He has a a pair of prominent, dark and tantalizing eyes, perfectly chiseled pointed nose, and kissable lips. His complexion is not fair but he's not dark either. But despite of him being so annoying, he is smart which totally made me fall for him. He became my group mate in our Chemistry subject which is the reason why I failed the memorizing the periodic table of elements quiz. He is my leader and I have to recite to him, but I was to nervous so I decided not to do it. I got a failing mark as a result. In fourth year, I had to go through loops just to be his classmate again. I talked to my teachers to let me transfer to his class, fortunately they allowed but I have to make up a lot of excuses. For two consecutive years, I only had my attention focused on him, so I was really broken hearted when I found out that he's already dating Stefanie, his friend. They broke up months later though. A week before our graduation, Elias sat beside me while I was quietly reading a pocketbook. He held my hand for an hour without letting it go. I was too nervous and it's not just butterflies, it felt like there are hummingbirds in my stomach. I just let it be and I never dared to ask him why he did it until we graduated.

When I got into college, I got a new crush again, it was Xander. We became closer when we became partners during a pageant and during a dance presentation. Our classmates kept teasing us, but he likes someone else so I was only contented about being friends with him.

When I transferred to a new university, my school life became boring. It's a big school but no one caught my attention. I was only focused on my studies. But it all change when I met an engineering student who's feature is almost similar to Elias. I did a lot of crazy stuffs because of him. I had to check with the registrar's office about his schedule, so that I know when and where I can see him. Eeew, such a crazy stalker you might say, like I told my friends before, I'm pretty so I'm an admirer, not a stalker. 🤣 My admiring skills went far when I even spent money to print his photo with a message that says "I don't care if you don't like me, just let me like you", then I had to stay at the campus until all the students went home so I could attach the printed photo on the freedom wall for him to see the next day. The following day, I woke up at 4 am to go to school early just to see his reaction once he sees the photo. I feel like it was all worth it when he smiled and took a photo of it. I even wrote a poem for him (Read it here), I was on cloud nine when I got a photo with him during our final year in college.

And the last time I had a crush was two years ago, but unlike the previous once who gave me wonderful memories, this one left me with distressed feeling.

Thinking about it, the reason I fell for those guys are not their physical appearances alone, but because they are smart. I think being smart is attractive, but of course it will be a bonu if they are good looking!

Lead image credits to deppositphotos.com