12 years of Emptiness!
When my Dad passed away, I felt like one part of my soul died with him too!
I thought time will heal everything, I will get back to life. Yes, things changed, I healed. Now I can talk about him which I couldn't even a few years ago. But the part inside my soul still feels empty.
And I know very sure, that would not going to fill with anything else for the rest of my life.
I usually don't talk about my Dad with anyone, not even my Mom or husband. But I became a little comfortable talking about it online a few years ago. This is how much time I needed to go with this fact. I still feel numb/emotionless when talking about him. And feeling the same while writing this. A deep dark pain still pokes my heart, I still can't hold my tears while thinking about him.
This empty feeling is something that I can't accommodate with but I had to. It's hard to explain how I feel.
People say it's been 12 years now, you should get over the emotion. Because even if some of my family members talk about him (he was a good man so people talk good about him); I still cry and it makes things awkward.
I also thought that over time I would act differently but it's not happening. The emptiness is still inside, my feelings are almost the same.
One thing that I could say certainly brought peace inside me and that is my Motherhood. But that never filled the emptiness. I thought the joy of parenting will take over every other feeling. But days pass by and I'm getting to feel more how incorrect I was.
Faith also helped me to come in a position to let go of the sadness of my grief. I started to develop as a person to honor my grief and begin to work through it.
I was never been worried about my dad's punishment or the afterlife (as per my belief because I know he is in a good position. I'm worried about my earthly life, how could I survive, how could I get over the emptiness and all.
I'm not too stressed about it but these 12 years felt like something is missing in my life. And I know probably I will continue to feel the same for the rest of my life.
hi, I can empathize and sympathize with you. Since my father's day, things was never be the same. It took me 2years of healing yet up to now I'm missing him the same. One day we will have a beautiful reunion with the. We will always remember their memories.