We are who we are: My Insecurities.
Two Monday's left of 2021!
Christmas is upon us and next week the year will come to an end.
I take the chance to extend my most sincere words of support to all the victims of Typhoon Odette, I hope to God you may find the strength needed to overcome this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you, please, keep as safe as possible.
Now down to business.
Today I read a prompt article from @Theblackdoll called #Myinsecurities.
The way she openly talked about hers made me feel confident and safe to speak about mine.
Yes! I also have insecurities, but who doesn't?.
We might all seem we have all figured out, but way back in our heads, there are the sounds of issues that sometimes come out to throw us a bad play.
Do you want to read mine? Here they are.
My teeth.
I have crooked teeth and have never fixed them. When I was little we didn't have much money to cover our basic needs let alone to go to an orthodontist to fix things like that. I lost my fangs early on and as a kid, parents always tell you not to play with the space left by the missing tooth, and I never paid attention to that. The result was that the space closed and my left fang is bent and poking out. The right one started to come out before the milky one fell out, and that resulted even worse, that one is poking even more out of the road, so much that I've been bullied by it.
I remember one time I was at a concert, well, waiting to play at a concert and I was talking and laughing with a friend when an old man approached us and said to me:
You are such a beautiful girl until you laugh, your teeth ruin your face so don't laugh and come see me in my office, I'll give you a discount.
I was already self-conscious about my smile but that hurt me so deep, that from that moment on I hardly show my open smile to people. Sure, those close to me know how they look like but, in pictures or in front of people I don't know, I hardly open my mouth at all.
I can't afford to fix that, it's too much money and it can mean also that I'd have to stop playing the oboe for a little while, due to the pain and the position of my mouth in the reed.
I've lived with that like, forever, and it's painful.
My weight.
As a kid, I was skinny, very skinny. When puberty hit and my body started to develop I got a double chin and a round belly. At first, I thought it was no biggie, and it wasn't, I'm not talking about 40kg more weight, I'm talking maybe 5 to 10kg more. However, this made my "friends" of the orchestra, locally and nationally, tease me and start to give me nicknames.
The first one was Yummy Belly (Lipita Rica in Spanish) but then it escalated to the point of no return, they started to call me Revaca, a combination of the first syllable of my name and the word VACA which in English means COW, so Recow.
They even invented a Rap Song which they sang to me every time they saw me eating anything.
I'm scarred for life about that. Thankfully I didn't develop an eating disorder, I love to eat! But I do have image issues, I never look good in my eyes, I always feel too fat, too heavy, too ugly.
I have some good days though, and with the crisis, I lost so much weight that I was once again that skinny kid that I once was. But as the thing started to get better, that weight came back, not like before, but some of it did, so I cover it with baggy clothes because I don't like my body, and that has some consequences in my confidence.
I live with all those insecurities, but I got out every day, I work, I do chores, I pay my bills, I have friends, I sing my lungs out in Karaokes, I live my life. But when nobody is watching, I feel little and ugly.
The good thing is that I don't let that bring me down completely, I too have struggled with depression and thoughts of death and more and recovered from that so I know I can do it again.
That's why I keep trying to work on myself in order to have these insecurities gone away for good.
People! This is as good as therapy, believe me. If you want to try it out, follow these rules from our friend TheBlackdoll:
Go write your stories with the hashtag #Myinsecurities and include "Myinsecurities" in the "Topics" section...
And here's her Original Post, it's awesome!
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See you next time.
✨✨Blessings✨✨
December 20th, 2021.
Children can be ruthless. And the orthodontist that told you that is a jerk.
I think my worst insecurity had always been my hair. I have very curly hair, and since I was little, my mother and aunts insisted on making it straight; I used too much with a hairdryer and chemical treatments. Now I have learned to accept my hair the way it is. I forgot about trying to straighten it, and I like it.
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