What if things turned out differently yesterday? Would I ever end up, where I am right now?

No matter how much we try to live our life livelily and positively, there will always be a time when we will look back on how our life went, at some point. Instances when sitting alone watching the sunset on the shore, on a bench in the park, or just sipping a cup of coffee alone in a cafe on the busy broadway. In those moments, as we watch people passing by and living their own lives, we often reflect and look back on what life we've ever had, many are the chapters of contentment and satisfaction in our life and some may be pages of the things we wished we took and not, and of the things we never did, regrets.

As a child, I have lots of bucket lists and goals wonderfully written on each page of my secret notebook, yes it's a secret notebook, it is where I always inscribed everything that I've always wanted in life, my secret crushes, the special happy events journal and my daily dose of emotions, griefs, and miseries in my life as a child. I used to keep on tracking everything that was happening in my everyday life. Going into my bedroom every night and writing the things that happened to me the whole day, was one of the best things and feelings that excites me the most and always makes me look forward every time, the best part about writing my day back then was the thought on what would I write again for my tomorrow's life. If there would be any better than yesterday, new happenings and the likes.

There was this one time, I think a year before the COVID-19 pandemic, when I took a vacation in our mother's house, there in my childhood room, where I have kept all of my untouched childhood sentiments as well as my secret notebooks, it was the very first time that I went on to my Cabinet-where I have been keeping all of my childhood pieces, after years since I stopped writing, I finally found the courage within me to take a look and read some of the pages in one of my secret notebooks, and it was just as odd as it seems that the notebook I have picked and opened was my bucket lists and goals notes. After reading every bit of words in my imaginative childhood dreams and goals, I was shattered into million pieces. It seems like something deep within me was shattered, mixed emotions that are somehow unknown yet so familiar came rushing to me. It was a moment of something more, something that feels like been long hidden or buried in me for a long time. That night of the same day, while I was watching the beautiful sunset on the hillside, thoughts came flooding back to me.

Right now, at this moment, after all these years and everything that happened and I've gone through, of all my questions and what if's in life, my greatest what-if will always fall in this phrase: "What if I chose to stay back then, rather than chase my dreams? Would our once happy home, still be at least be called a home today?" this what if never left and always lingers in my mind, ever since I was blamed for the total wreckage of our already broken home.

Regrets within me for choosing my dreams? NO, I don't have any despite the fact that I was blamed for the ruins, I know within me that I did nothing for the wreckage of our home, it was not me who did the things differently and decided wrongly, in fact, we were outcasted and deprived to choose and to speak up for ourselves. I am also a victim. Still, What if's, keep on crawling within me, no matter how much I do, especially every time I look back and wonder, what really happened. What went wrong along the way, while I was far, chasing my dreams. This always leads me to different bottled-up emotions and thoughts, and I always end up, to my life's greatest What if's.

"What if things turned out differently yesterday? Would I ever end up, where I am right now?"

"What if I chose to stay back then, rather than chase my dreams? Would our once happy home, still be at least be called a home today?"

Hey there, Folks, to my fellow readers and writers! Thank you so much for your time in reading my short piece!!! Highly appreciated!!! More articles to be posted and I am also as excited as you to read your piece!!!

By the way, I have just started here, and I am hoping to be good friends with you all here!!! Again, Thank you so much!!! Godbless!