How people look at me to how my family look at me.

June 22, 2022

As a the youngest in the family, I was given lots of love and attention but not much as what my eldest sister receive. As Mum always said that she give love to us in different ways but she's sure that she's treated as the same and equal.

Today is the birthday of our eldest but she's working on graveyard shift so we planned to just celebrate her birthday this Saturday. I just sent her a voice message with me singing the famous mañanita song "De colores" , of course with the help of Youtube that I get to learn the tune and the lyrics. And as I am the kind of person whose very "lambing" to all of them, I also made some "pabebe" voice lol!! Well, it makes the birthday girl giggle so I can really do that just to make her laugh.

She received the message during her breaktime at one and since I'm still not sleepy so we chat for a bit and I even pissed her a little for I kept insisting that I want to hear wedding bells already as she is really old gosh, but she just told me that she'll become a nun, well, a nun don't wear shorts publicly so she had minus 10,000 in heaven already lol!!!

We just kept on laughing on chat until she told me that her break time is finished and we bid goodbye and goodnight.

You might say what's the connection of the title. Well, as the youngest, I am the most clingy member of the family, the eldest is the loudest and the strict, the second is the corrector and the referee, and me as the small voice but the messy one.

At home, our parents put up rules that until now we kept on obeying especially the "no bad words/curse allowed". Some of the babies here know already about that especially baby gerl expert for she's the one I always correct whenever she said some bad words.

At home I was known as the lovely daughter, the silent type but would engage in talking if necessary. The one who always calls Mum even though I don't have something to say. And if I can't resist I would just lie down between her and Papz and just close my eyes even though I'm not sleeping. That's how I am.

Outside/At work, I was known as the strict one, I remember one of the applicants collapse when she's the one next in line for the interview. When she was sobered up and it's her turn I asked her why he passed out, she just told me because she was afraid and nervous at the same time because it was me who'll be asking her questions. I guess my face says a lot for I don't smile often before.

Most of the employees thought I am a terror one, when I am distributing the salaries I just roll call them to give them their wages and ask if they have complaints.

But, to my cousin, whom I respected a lot ever since a kid, I look weak and being easy to manipulate.

Just earlier, this cousin of mine messaged me regarding the electric bill as we need to pay it so that they don't disconnect out electricity.Then I thought to myself, "huh?" and she said that we didn't pay on time so we need to pay for the penalty. And I need to be the only one paying the penalty.

A quick history about why she's asking about our payment.
The one who applied for the meter was Papz before but since we are living separately already so the electric meter remains at the old house while we are using the submeter. So the cousin was asking for the payment due and the penalty.

She's always doing this to me, without informing Papz, she message me directly. When I receive this message I was in the middle of answering a call regarding work, after the call I called Papz and ask him regarding it but Papz got pissed and told me to just focus on my work and he'll ask the cousin. So i just ignored it and continue with my work as I was kinda busy earlier.

Then out of nowhere she sent me this, saying Papz told her not to bother me as I am working.

Honestly, I already gave Papz the payment for our share in electricity days after the reading. I only found out today the Granny borrowed the money for her medication.
I shared here that Papz passed out while working so I forbid him and let's him stop working, so he can't replace the money that was allotted for the electric bill, but all in all, they didn't told me beforehand for they thought they could find ways to replace it.

Money will never gonna be the issue for me as long as I can provide it.

So by what happened, I just told Papz thru phone call that I will pay it this Saturday. Papz was ashamed I know but they didn't use the money just because they want to , Granny borrowed it for her meds so who am I to be selfish right. I told him to just give it to Granny and I'll find ways to pay it.

The conversation continued,Papz then said,

"Maong anha siya mo chat sa imoha , kay kahibaw man siyang di jud ka moreklamo, sige ra man ka paubos."

It means my cousin directly contacted for she know I don't complain and just follow what was told.

This made me realize how weak I am in the eyes of my cousin, if she thought of me this way how much more those other relatives right? or other people. I'm not saying that my cousins are like that but it just a thought I come up with.

The truth is I want to complain and ask her on why was she's asking me something trivial when she can really go to our house directly as we are neighbors. I want to confront her and would suggest that I will take back the electric meter as it was Papz that applied for it. I am not a good person she thinks I am. But still I respect her and fighting over small matters is a waste of time for me.

People change so I may look weak to her but let's say if my claws sharp already and the fangs tip is well grind. I may have the last laugh, no?

I actually want to continue with the remaining challenges but my mind don't cooperate with me.

Thank you for reading!
@mommykim