Someone who can't break free from the past.
When you are a prisoner of your past, it is hard and undeniably to look forward to your future. Likewise, it affects your well-being to enjoy and see the gratefulness to all the things you have now in the present time. We all have experiences in the past that make our lives worth living today, either good or bad. All of us have had a lesson learned that keeps us looking forward. Sometimes, we can't understand why some people still live in their past, can't let go, and hold on even to the small chances they have kept.
One year ago, Thursday afternoon, I went to St. Jude in San Leonardo to have a holy mass. After a one-half hour mass, I decided to go home because I plan to pass by Apong Lourdes Church with my ex's family. I waited for a jeep going to Cabiao. When I comfortably sat, I opened my phone to inform him that I was going home and fetched me near Jollibee. While I was browsing the net, a name appeared on my notification. It's him (I prefer not telling his name but let us call him S). He added me on Facebook, and I confirmed him since we are co-workers. A few minutes after I accepted his request, he messaged me. In the beginning, he asked me about some work-related documents. Later on, he suddenly said, "Ma'am ang ganda mo". This time I realized that those documents were not his objective. I realized that something is behind why he messaged me. He continuously messaged me that night but I refused his messages. First and foremost, I was in a relationship at that time and had no plan to talk because I know the consequences. A few weeks had passed, he still threw messages on me. He kept chatting when he saw me in school, and there were times when we shared work as a group. During these times, I worked with him professionally because it is inevitable. I confronted him through a message and said that I am in a relationship and had no interest to talk with him. As far as I remember, February 2021 was the month he messaged me first, and his incessant messages had been stopped until April 2021 even though I already said my side. I put him in ignored messages because it felt irritating. Maybe the wind blew at him and he finally stopped.
May 2021, I had my break-up with my 4-year relationship. Little did I know, that S already know this. We know that everyone here in the Philippines has Marites attitude so I guess he heard this on the school. He messaged me again multiple times and I ignored him again. At that time, I prioritize myself because of the pain I had experienced. To make the story short, he messaged me again last November 2021. With friends, I enjoyed the few months of 2021 and I can say today that I had so much fun and gave the space and happiness that I truly deserve. He greeted me "Good morning, Ma'am. Have a good day." This is time I decided to give it a try. I tried to replied him back until the conversation went well. Since we were co-workers, we talked continuously in messenger because we both know the environment in school, every day is a new day! Another issue, another hooray! Haha. Until he confessed his feelings that he likes me and looking forward to knowing me more. Of course, I would like to share some conversations we had.
S is a 30-year old man. He is fine physically and responsible as a coordinator in our school. In the middle of our conversation, he asked me about my past relationship. To my respect for my past relationship, I just told a few reasons why ex and I ended because I always value the power of privacy and not telling all to someone whom I knew a month ago. I also asked him and he told me about his past. He had an almost 9-year relationship and planned to marry when his ex comes back to the Philippines. During their 7th year, the girl had decided to work in Taiwan to support her family and of course, save for their future. They were planning to get married when the girl returns home. However, during their almost 9th year, they broke up. I was just sitting and reading his messages. I did not ask the reason why they ended but continued to listen. Before I forgot to include this, they had been broke up 3 years ago. Within three years, he also told me that he still pursues her and never stops visiting her family to court her again. After that conversation, I visited his social media accounts, and to my surprise, all of their pictures and happy moments were still well-preserved and not deleted. According to him, he stopped himself last year because he said that it will never be back again.
December 2021, he always started inviting me to eat outside. In short, he continuously invited me to have a date but I always refused. I doubted that he may still be in love with her ex and finding his longingness on me. I became directed to him, I told him that he may still be in his past and I do not want to be an option. Maybe he is infatuated or attracted to me, but the real thing is, he is still imprisoned from his past. Some reasons why I realized that he still is:
• Last December 22, 2021, I saw a picture of him with his ex's family. It seemed that it was a birthday celebration of her ex's mother.
• He had a story of a cake with "hbd" written above and I surprisingly found out, the day he storied that cake was his ex’s birthday.
• He still has their sweet pictures on his social media accounts (even they had been ended 3 years ago). I do not know the reasons but it feels me off. I have considered the respect on me because he said he wants to court me.
• He has two tattoos; a vowel name of his ex and I do not know the other one because I do not want to ask but it is based on his stories told.
• Their families have still connections to each other. I noticed through social media investigation lol hahaha. I remember when he told me that he still not informing his family that they were not together anymore. So, I guess until today they did not know because he does not want to let them know.
• I found out that he has another Fb account for school purposes, but the status remains "in a relationship".
• Only his friends knew that they ended.
• His Ig's following is more on women, sexy and beautiful girls.
• I also found out that he talking to some girls below his age lol
Yeah, red flags are waving at me. All of these are my observations and discoveries while we continue to communicate. Last January, we still communicated but lessen the time we had talked without addressing those matters. I was just waiting for him to open those stuff because I do not want to demand. Unfortunately, there was a big move he never thought I would not be offended. It was the night that the bunch of questions and assumptions in my mind have been finally answered.
That is the content for my next article...
Our Elyu experience part 2
December 18, Sunday, the girls were the first who went up because of sunrise and breakfast. We are first-timers to wear swimwear hahaha. We just stared at the beach, had girls' talks and bonding and waiting for the breakfast for everyone. After breakfast, Kate, Liza, Dan, Patrick, and I decided to go to the beach to swim and play with the waves. It was a mid-sunny day at that time so it felt cozy to swim. Md whose still in bed finally arrived at 11am and the girls walked to the house to dress up and pack the things before lunch out.
We had our sumptuous lunch at Dampa Sea Side we ordered exact meals for all of us. We are too hungry that time because the last time we had a rice meal was Saturday morning haha. Afterward, we had a short walk around the vicinity before going home.
After that, at 3 in the afternoon, we started the travel going home and Patrick suggested having a short stopover because he will buy danggit for her mother. He bought half a kilo and the travel became smooth as Moira's music meddle us throughout the night.
Md feels bit uncomfortable because his tummy aches along the travel. So, we had a stop over again in Marquee Mall, Pampanga to have a CR break. As we wait him, we walked around and feel the good ambiance of the mall. There are many people, family gatherings and children are playing. When Md is finished, we had a dinner in a small cute house like in Korean series and we ate soup and wanton. That’s refreshing!
When everyone is full, we go back and started the travel again going to our respective homes.
Even in short time span, we had a blast in Elyu. What’s even more fun here is the bonding and laughter we share to each other, to make our friendship firmer. You know, I am so much grateful because I have these constant peeps, not only a friend but a sister and a brother for lifetime.
That's was so a great bond that will strengthen our friendship. I hope we still have more time like this.
Just like what I have always said, I truly value the gift of friendship because it nurture us to the stage of life where we cherish those happy and treasure memories for the rest of our lives.
I've been too busy and exhausted since last month to fix some stuff. Kinda missing this to read and create more fun and valuable articles ❤️
Our Elyu experience 🌊 part 1
One of the things I’ve always grateful for is the gift of friendship. Around billions of people in the world, it is rarely you meet certain people who will touch your lives and eventually make your existence more meaningful. Aside from family, your friends are the people who we can consider as next family that brings huge significance in our lives. Luckily, I am one of those billion people whom consisting of solid friendship and deep love within chosen by hearts. I would like to share our one-of-a-kind experience in this article.
Before I begin, let us have a brief identity to my loving high school dabarkads. Kate, a medtech graduate and she is heaven as good in cooking. I should say, she is the chef of the family. Liza, a civil engineer who works in Meralco and she is the “lagging alanganin” due to her schedule and workloads. The big boy beside is Md, the bunso but the most mature in the family. He is a cardio nurse in St. Lukes, Quezon City and the sweet and tender loving friend of mine. The another one is Patrick; he is a seafarer and planning to go up again this January. He is the most obedient one when it comes on “sundo” at “hatid” aimlessly. Lastly, the cute-sized friend of mine is Dan, he is also a civil engineer in a certain company in Pampanga. He is actually my classmate for first year high school with the same section as we go up to fourth year. Besides, his mother is my co-teacher in school. These are my crazy yet fun-filled buddies in crime!
Few months ago, we had our first hang out in Batang 90s, a small resto bar here in our hometown. As we jam in the rock music with cold-headed beer, we planned a beach trip unexpectedly. The conversation went like this:
“Tara sa Elyu (La Union)”
“G, kelan? Tagal na nga nating walang bonding sa ganon.”, “oo nga, nakakamiss nga”, “Go lang, para maalis naman ang stress”, everyone said and agreed to the plan.
So, we planned our elyu trip last December 18-19. It was good enough because the Christmas break was started last December 16 so I was glad that time because there were no work after all. Md suggested that we should go in early morning of 18 to avoid heavy traffic and other circumstances. December 17, we were at Md’s hub for an overnight and directly for Elyu’s trip. To make our trip more sophisticated, Kate suggested that wearing white in the beach makes the soul relief and relaxed. Likewise, we agreed to wear white or neutrals so we can have a color theme. We start our trip at almost 3 in the morning and the trip was so good because of chill song and no traffic at all. As the song mesmerized us, we arrived at the first border before entering Elyu. We entered because there has no policemen nor interception on the way. Until, we finally arrived at the registration area. It was 6:30 am, Md and Dan went to the registration area to register us. We felt worried because it took them almost 30 minutes before going back to the car. As we saw Md’s face, it seemed mad. He said, the man who was in the registration area is looking for S-pass or QR Code before entering La Union. We did not have any of those so we went on a certain place to think of the plan. Before the day we left, one of Md’s friends said that vaccination card is the only passage they need so we brought our v-cards. However, we did not expect that in registration area, they need those following requirements. We do not have enough time to get a QR code because we can only get that through a link and two days before the release. Md contacted his friend and it took us almost 5-hour of waiting. Dan started suggesting some places to go but everyone was not responding because all of us wanted in La Union. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting… We took some photos to ease our anxious thoughts.
Md drives away to entertain the time and find a place to eat. We saw a Chowking franchise so we decided to have our lunch in that place. As we eat our lunch, we noticed the smile on Md’s face because finally, his friend responded to his messages. After we made so much ways, we finally entered in Elyuuuuuuu. We were truly happy because we thought we can't make it to happen.
It was Saturday, December 17, 2 in the afternoon, we touched San Juan Beach, La Union. We took some photos and play with the small waves of the ocean. Some of our pics:
(We actually have lots of pics, I only choose these three to share with u this hehe)
Then, we rest for awhile and took a snap because we were preparing ourselves for a night life in Elyu. Kate, Liza, and I walked through out the beach and we arrived in Kabsat, La Union. While waiting the boys, we had cocktails and sweet mango juice. Afterwards, Patrick and Dan arrived and joined us in viewing the sun to set.
Later on, Md is finally arrived after a couple of sleep hours because he is the driver. As far as I remember, it was quarter to 6 in the evening when we start to eat. Of course, drinking beverages is inevitable haha. The girls had two flavored San Mig each and for the boys is two stallion each. We had meaningful conversations, deep talks, laughter and bonding we always wanted to have.
After in Kabsat, we on our way to home. We continue drinking because Md is brokenhearted. That is our goal, the night is for Md because we noticed that he’s been emotional stressed and drained. As the alcohol tolerance keeps us high, Md started to open-up. After teasing each other, we went to our aim. Md started talking and everyone lend ears to listen. All of us were listening to him and we can’t stop our tears when Md is started crying. Just like the usual ways to comfort a friend, we did our part as his truest friend of all time.
To my understanding, it was 3 am when we finished the night’s bond and sleep for tomorrow’s agenda.
2nd day is on the making 🤣🤣
The Bermonths of my 2021.
This is the continuation of my last article..
***“Wake me up, when September ends.”***
Behind those hardship and downfalls, I chose to be grateful when September starts. My sister is finally getting her taste of achievement to enter in training. She finally starting her journey as a police trainee. I always thank God because he never left us; He guided us in riding our journey to fulfill this.
However, this month also the time where I realized that I am still hurting. The memories, it hurts me so much. The pain and sadness are both conquering the vision that I should keep moving on. I remember the one and only night where I just stare in the ceiling and suddenly, I cried a lot. This night is the time I beg for God to heal me because I can’t even contain the pain, tiredness, and all the attacks coming from those difficult times. I can’t breathe enough where my chest could no longer hold the overflowing emotions I felt. That’s why my hands holding my crying face started telling and begging Him to heal me.
After that, my September went busier because of crowded paper works in school and commands from superiors. Modules, learning activity sheets, grades, interventions plus dealing with various attitudes and personalities of parents. Ang masasabi ko nalang, sobrang nasstressed ako ng month na ‘to.
***October, the month where things went on their places***
I can say that this month is the time when I felt I already moving forward. It was a hot afternoon when friends and I had a catch-up break from our busy scheds. We planned a short party, going out to a certain place, cooking dishes but we ended up in swimming. We had a reservation to a near resort here within our hometown and we my two closest friends of mine. To sum up this, of course, it was a very joyous day for all of us. Our tiredness, stress in work, paths of life are somehow relief by loud laugh and meaningful conversation. I expected that they will ask me again to what happened about us. I open to them and it is inevitable that we will feel a variety of emotions. I understand their sympathy.
Actually, aside from that happiness brought by the bonding, I started a feeling of ease. A feeling that I can start and have a new day to face the pain. I’d felt that letting him go is the only choice I have to make for myself. It is like I choose peace over everything even the life we once dreamed for is finally crumble into pieces.
I think, October became good though sometimes sadness is my one-call away buddy.
***Welcome, Sweet November***
The month where I can smile happily and widely. This month opens many beginnings to me. I improve myself through readings, working well, unwinding trips, communicating with others, clarifying my choices, coloring my hair, became a fashion critic char, and more open doors ahead. I can say that I am starting to be a cheerful person like I used to before. I hope this continue my passion to be a fighter and a goal keeper for my dreams. A lot of good things happened in this month. Beyond these, I still always praying the good health and safety for my family, financial stability and abundance of blessings for everyone.
***December, be better***
Ohhh, what a nice start to be free from mixed emotions, December! I remember the first day of this month, my friends and I had a blast because we had a short catch-up that ended in over night drams and fun haha. It was unplanned but due to overload happiness and wide smiles, we decided to finish it until morning lol. Haaay, I can say that I have felt probably good and well because there are so much things happened for this month. Going out places, good communications from people, appreciation of works in school, bit opportunities and letting go out of things which I finally understand why it all happened to me.
It was few weeks before Christmas break, our grade level chairman chose me as one of the representatives in tiktok challenge for our Christmas party. And I was like, “whaaaaat” because I literally do not want to see myself in dancing hahaha. However, I have no choice but to dance like a pro-tiktokerist hahahaha. I can’t stop smiling because I remembered how am I embarrassed to dance in front of many people. So, here we are, groupie before the tragedy whahahahha.
After that, we smell the glimpse of Christmas. My mother arrived at exactly 11 in the evening from airport and she was fetched by my father. As I cooked spaghetti, I prepare a short dessert for our noche Buena. It was a simple yet happy celebration because we can’t stop thinking the situation of my second sibling there in her training. How’s her food? How’s her Christmas there? It’s our first Christmas without her and I know deep inside that everyone of us is longing and missing her. On the other hand, I also feel the emotions of my sister because she finally throws a message after several months of no communication with her. As I read her message, I know exactly what she feels because this is the first time she is being away from home. Nevertheless, we are hoping that she does great and safe in pursuing her dream inside the camp training.
Hay, and this is it. It has three remaining days before the year ends. It was a very tough year indeed. However, I am still hoping that 2022 will give us bountiful blessings, lots opportunities, more growth, healing and motivation to continue the fire in pursuing our dreams in life.
I hope everyone will be filled with,
Happiness,
Gratefulness,
Hope,
Healing,
Love.
Still, have a wonderful sailing my 2021. ❤️
Time-Specific: The Year 2021
2021… I am with lost of words; I am still in searching on the exact emotions in my entire body. Losing interest, grievance, anger, resentment, hatred, self-doubts, heartaches, physical and mental breakdowns, joyful laugh with friends, happy eating with family, good talks, deep conversations, shallow happiness and eventually going back to the cycle. Nowadays, we definitely see the immense effect of this pandemic around the world. From single COVID-19 turned into multiple variants that threaten the life of every country across the world. The usual way of smiling profile pics turned into candle lights. The people we never expect to leave, left us with heavy scar. The supposed to be fairy-tale relationship ended as if there has nothing to be discussed for. At the same time, people get easily tempted because of their self-desires and ego. Pride becomes the new normal way of approaching people. Cheating is widely happened while love, honesty and respect became the least priorities today. Social media seems conquering the interest of the people that mislead them in accepting and doing the real essence of reality. As long as they are happy and meet their undefined satisfaction, they will let themselves flowing under earthly things. I may not be the person who knows everything but I can assure that this year has been really tough and difficult to all of us. We have each burden to carry on, problems that seek solution, crying nights because of intense pain emotionally, financial crisis, anxiety, and uncontrolled things that we need to keep up with. Is it exhausting, right?
Why am I writing this? Whenever I recalled the challenges I went through, I cried. Tears are eventually flowing when I remember how really hard this year is.
***The three months of 2021—January, February and March.***
These months have been good for me. There are opportunities and unexpected activities that helped me in training my abilities as a new public teacher. I became the secretary of SBM in school. I know that it takes a lot of strength because it is composed of various paper works and presentations. I acknowledge this as an opportunity because I know I will be acquainted in some documents and skills needed to improve my teaching career. It was all smooth months---in family, in friendships, in relationship, in school. Until this thing happened unexpectedly, before March is about to end, our Ateng was in unstable condition. It was almost a two-week of battling life over death. Suddenly, things became out of control.
***The April***
How I wish that April fools are true but life proved it is not. This month is the starting point of headaches, heartaches and financial instability. On April 2, our Ateng left the physical world. It was all of a sudden because prior the weeks when she felt good, one day, she feels weak and not able to talk casually like she used to every day. To make this story short, we mourned for that day because even though she is not the typical and ideal grandma, I know she loves us. I do not even know that I endure so much pain emotionally because of her death.
Also, this month is the onset where the relationship between She and I is about to end. The whole month of April with full of fights, carelessness and losing appetite for our relationship. Few days passed and I still can't cope with the pain of losing Ateng, then here’s another battle in my way. As the days went on, there is no new with every day’s fight and no communication between us.
We can’t deny that financial instability is one of the major crises in every family. As I mentioned from previous articles, I am the eldest among the four siblings; The next parent for them. Although my father is still working in Manila, the income for daily expenses is not enough. As the eldest in the family, you choose to shoulder the expenses just to do not want to see your parents under pressure. It’s been almost three decades of working hard, budgeting and enduring the hardship of life for my parents, so I choose to give as long as I can. That day, my third sibling in college needs money for her tuition and remaining balance to take the final exam. No permit, no exam policy. In the same weeks, my second sibling also needs money for her application in the opening of new cycle in PNP. A lot of money is needed to support their needs. Haaay, I can’t even know how my income would fit in these necessities. During these tough times, I wonder how I would provide the other needs. I just cried at night before sleep to release the heavy emotions. After that, I stand again with enough courage for my family. But sometimes, it is very difficult to be a breadwinner. To all breadwinners out there, I hope we all became winners!!
***May, the month of betrayal***
As I continue to support the needs of my family, this month has become the time to know the truth. As a woman, I want clarity. I want pure intentions. I want to know the truth. Our relationship became fragile---fragments that I think it is difficult to fix repeatedly. In short, our relationship ends. I discovered a lot of things he did that I don’t really deserve. However, I choose to keep moving forward from the past and I can say that I am okay now, it’s not completely but I am along the way to go. The year is coming to an end, so our story should be over as well. Still, I am hoping the best for us.
***June, July, August—the months of financial crisis and sprouting of pain after a heart break***
All of us need money in our daily lives. We can’t buy the things we need to survive as well the wants or desires for material things. People have variety of ways on how the use of money becomes essential. Above all those ways, we must remind ourselves to use money wisely. The application of new cycle in PNP is finally reopened in June. My second sibling who has been aiming to be a patrolwoman since then is planning to apply during that time. We support her plan wholeheartedly. The months of June, July, and August are the heftiest season part of my 2021 life. The cost of applying in PNP is truly an unexpected and shocking because of its high cost. Since my parents can only support our needs every day, I supported my sister. Savings is gone and she still needs money for further requirements. At the same circumstance, my third sibling also needs money for her tuition. Bills and due dates are also coming on our way. Beside all of these, I also have personal finances---in school, tuition, and so on. I came along to the thought that I should borrow money to finance these but who and where I can borrow from? One cold night, my mother’s aunt in Davao called and she offers to lend us money to support our needs. That night, I burst in a sea of tears because God is really amazing!! God will support in time of need. He showed me Grace to continue my endeavor as a breadwinner of the family.
On the other hand, these months are also the time where pain after break-up is growing. I thought I can surpass this without any piece of remembering him. I heard a lot of comments nor opinions from people we used to hang with before. There is some news I heard from what he is doing even though almost few weeks before we separate. Yeah, that time, I am completely devastated emotionally and mentally. No feeling of any good every morning, bunch of tears in the evening. So, the pain continues as I stand with courage along the process.
Then, what happens to my ber months? Hmmmm it's like an ocean with various depth of waves but I know it will be calm like its horizon, peacefully.
You have to be strong in understanding people.
Yesterday, a lot of household chores were waiting for me before I stood up from sleep. Laundry, cleaning the houses, preparing food for lunch, bunch of messenger calls that seem school works were waiving at me.
Since I am the eldest, I had to be the one who works those repetitive tasks every day because our mom went to her birth province, Davao, to commemorate her eldest sibling whose at the better place now in heaven. Additionally, she grabs this opportunity to visit her parents and family for almost long years of not being together.
As the clothes rolling in the washing continuously, I was thinking of what ulam should we have for lunch. One of the hardest thing to think of, deciding of ulam 😅🤣. So. I chatted one of my friends to ask stuff--how to buy goods in market, its price, and how to cook certain dishes. I asked her because she is really good in cooking various foods and besides we are friends and close to tackle those things. Moreover, I have better understanding when someone teach me how to do some things rather than watching in youtube or other socmeds platforms. Here we go, as I asked her to teach me briefly, her replies became offensive. I am the kind of person whose not easily got offended unless you insulted me, my family, and if I did good but you mislabeled it without valid reason, that is.
As we continue chatting, her replies has little attacks for me to realize how life should be. 🤣 One of her replies "*Ano ba 'yan, kailangan mong matuto sa buhay. Di mo pa rin alam mga gagawin mo jan sa bahay."* I got literally offended on this, I do not know but I've felt I have no knowledge in life? I have nothing to learn? I've felt I was like a nobody to her. I just like wanted to learn from her because of her good cooking skills and I became complacent that she will guide me because we are friends lol.
That lines hit me quick hard because if she knows how to be a breadwinner in the family, how to be a fighter against your own self, if she knows how it is hard to pay bills monthly and other necessities haha. In just one favor, to teach me how to cook, I've felt I have no idea how this tiring life going on haha. Too offensive. A bit insensitive.
I know in myself that I am not that good in cooking but I can cook, I can prepare haha. This is the least thing I am not good at but I can improve my skills. Thanks to her. She opens my mind either. In the end, I still understand her because if I didn't, she will the one who will feel what I have felt on her 🤣 Besides, I still look in the brighter side that she and I are still friends.
I can't blame myself why I have felt that emotion haha. This is just a random article today yet my way to ease that thing in my chest.
We should be reminded ourselves that we have each battles and burdens in life. Try to comprehend. As the title says, you have to be strong and have wider understanding in your surroundings because it may be easy on you but to others is a difficult task and trying hard to be a good one. We have different capabilities and track of improvements Please, choose to be kind even life is heavy with dispensable mindsets.
Grace under circumstance: Grateful and Blessed.
This November is quite loose month for everyone especially on the places where alert levels are getting down, but there are still places where people chose to stay in home quietly and peacefully even though cases are (somehow) decreases. We noticed the frequent lessening of strictions and borders to give way to some business in rising our economy. As we see the number of people outside, we realized that this pandemic corners us in every part of the house. Sometimes, getting life outside is a chance for us to find ourselves again back to basics. Today, it does not necessarily mean that if we go outside, we tend to forget the safety of everyone. All of us are keeping in mind to be safe from surroundings. And let us face that this new normal will be part of our daily lives to survive.
After I posted the article regarding to de-stressing ourselves from school works, this article constitutes the activities we had last fruitful week. In ESP Department, there is a traditional activity where every month of November conducts a Gift-Giving to a certain orphanage near in our home town. According to one of the Master Teachers I’ve talked, it’s their simplest way to help less fortunate people especially those children who have been abandoned nor left behind. They chose this foundation because every one of them has love to children (that is why we are teachers). Aside from this, one of the pillars in ESP is a childhood-friend of Mother-Sister, the one whom taking care the orphanage. (I forgot the name, so I use “Mother-Sister” as her screen name).
Last year is my first year in ESP Department or Edukasyon sa Pagpapakatao Department. They say ESP is the easiest subject in High School because of its shallow lessons or contents. Furthermore, it’s Tagalog in medium that far from other subjects. However, if we truly see the real context of this subject, ESP is the hardest subject for everyone. Why? Because not everyone can apply to be humane. Not everyone can learn how to be a human. And not everyone can understand the true purpose of being a human. I have heard this saying, “Everyone can be educated but not totally well-mannered.” I am grateful that these people have touched my life so I can improve myself more than I am.
These pictures showed the Gift-Giving we had last year in the same orphanage. That year, we had a time to buy goods and materials they can use every day. As far as I remember, blankets, pillowcases, groceries, curtains, mats, some clothes and cash gift for the whole orphanage. We have bunch of pictures but I chose this because one of their rules is to avoid posting pictures of the children for safety purposes and confidentiality.
This year, 2021, our department is able to go again in Bahay ni San Jose, the orphanage they have been supported since then. When we went down, it was so soundless. There were no faces of children, there were no voices that we truly we miss to hear from them. This is because the organization have decided to stay close the children from people to avoid any direct contacts. They just protecting the children and it is really understandable. We arrived around 10 in the morning, the people there and us had short great conversations. According to plan, every one agreed to give a cash gift for this year agenda. Since these past few months were reasonably strict due to restrictions, we can’t able to buy goods. Moreover, this year’s workloads in school are going beyond a normal limit. So, after giving the cash gift, we prayed in their chapel and capture other fruitful moments with them.
To maximize our time, Maam Reghs invited us to the farm few minutes from the orphanage. ESP Dept is a one-call-away company, we decided to see that farm. We did not even think that this farm would bring so much enjoyment to all of us. Since I am the youngest and their bunso, I became the photographer for them haha and it’s completely good because I really enjoyed capturing our happy moments together. Besides, they are mommies so they gave extraordinary posing styles and the overflowing laughs brought us in the most favorite ingredients in our department----camaraderie and harmonious relationship to each other.
Some of our pics are here ⬇️
Of course, tummies are calling. To make our day extra happy, we had our late lunch in Affinitea. It is a small food resto that offers “unli” for everyone. We chose unli wings, pasta, shanghai, sisig and iced tea. It is popular because of its delicious and crispy unli wings that will complete your cravings and taste for chicken.
After this, everyone is leaving gleeful with wide smiles on their faces and pure hearts for more grateful happenings like these. As their bunso, I am truly grateful because I have met these people who makes my growing teaching career more meaningful and help me to be a better person in life.
De-stressing ourselves. 💚
Last November 17, ESP teachers and I went to Clark, Pampanga to have a break from endless school works and errands.
Before I tell how that day went on us, let me have a story how I landed in ESP family. Like what I have said in my previous articles, I am a General Science Major. However, how this scenario happened? Back before the days where no one thinks that this pandemic happened, the former principal of Cabiao NHS(current school I am working) took me back here in my alma mater. Prior to his transfer to other school, he gave the hand to ESP family to take care of me because Science Department is full of stock in numbers of teachers. So, for the sake of returning home (I was assigned that time to San Vicente, 3 long baranggays from town) he led the way back and eventually ESP family welcomed me wholeheartedly. That day, only ESP Department needed a teacher to lessen their loads. Since then and now, I am happily working together with those kind and supportive people/mothers/sisters/brothers. But still, I always consider to finally be back on my first love---teaching Science. I think this January, Science Department will come over me.
Anyway, let's have focus on the point of this article. After computing the grades and completion to the unfinished projects, the body had decided to have a short break. One of the teachers suggested to have a beach break. Some were suggested to have a long drive then should rented a private resort for a one-day overnight. However, not everyone agreed on this because these were all time-longings that's why Ma'am Blessie suggested, "Mag-Clark nalang tayo, Puregold, tska mamasyal gawin ron". After this, the body agreed with this. Can say that it was indeed a fun-filled and enjoyed day to all of us.
At exactly 8am, with three 6-seaters vehicles, ran along the way to the Clark. Ma'am Reghs, our driver, checked if we were complete. The other one, Daddy Dante Sebastian, the spouse of Maam Zeres was the one who drives the another car. In the ESP family, we are consisted of 15 teachers with our Head Department. So, it was really convenient because the cars were spacious.
The first place we had is the Pingpangan Capampangan at San Fernando, Pampanga. We had our sumptuous lunch here and everyone is enjoying the food. It is a Kapampangan food resto which offered different delicacies. The thing that cause me to feel a bit sad is the arrangement of the table. It is positioned directly with only two seats and one table. I am expecting that we will eat in long and compressive table but I understand because they still imposing social distancing continuously. Everyone is eating and taking pictures will never be forgotten.
After Pingpangan, we went on Oriental Market. At the first glance, it is not so a typical look-like market because of its appearance. It is like a storage of luggage haha. We went inside and I was expecting to see different products but hundreds of unsorted things are there. On the other hand, I saw the other side with thousands of overruns but all of these were too huge for me. I felt glad because I love searching quality pants nor dresses in overruns. Sad to say, I didn't found any exact to my size haha. A quite time of walking and window shopping, the result was only one of us had bought and it's a pair of thin black hanger. When everyone noticed that, all of us were laughing.
One of the favorite place of all mothers is Supermarket. They were all excited because Puregold is the next stop. I remember Ma'am Sally had a long list of products she is going to buy. We got a parking first and cart. All of us are grinding to get what on their checklist. While the others are busy to collect their products, here is me pushing the cart for them hahaha. I only bought one large plastic of powder soap and fabric conditioner because I only afford these hahaha. Then, the time is being consumed for shopping haha.
Actually, it's almost my third time in Puregold because the people here in oir place are not quite accustomed. Honestly, there are so much products I want to buy for my family but I only afford the powder soap and the fabric conditioner haha. Somehow, I felt motivated that one day I can have the means to buy the products I wanted for my family. Right time will tell, who knows.
After this, we decided to have a meal in McDo. We had fruitful conversations and I ralized that these people are truly worth remembering when I finally step on to Science Department. Of course, let people enjoy time so we have lots of pictures and selfies haha. We noticed the sunset is going down, everyone stand and decided to go home.
By the way, this day was a great treat from Ma'am Andie, Ma'am Zeres and Ma'am Sallie as the birthday celebrants for the month of November.
Aside from full tummies, wider laughs and good bonding, we had tackled so much lessons in life to be cherished for.
Forgetting you because you forgot me.
*Sometimes, in the middle of the night*
*I can feel you again*
*But I just miss you*
*And I just wish you were*
*A better man*
*And I know why we had to say goodbye*
*Like the back of my hand*
*And I just miss you*
*and I just wish you were a better man.*
I understand if you probably know these lines because I can’t also keep listening to Taylor Swift’s Red Album. Yeah, I am also a fan of Taylor Swift since high school (2009-2013) since her song “Love Story” has become the nostalgic theme song of the nation. So, we cannot deny the fact that Taylor Swift is such a huge and notable artist until today’s era. To start this article, I would like say hello to all swifties out there!
The lines above are from the song “A Better Man”. This song was recently released in #taylorswiftredalbum. Is it not obvious why I am so much relating in this song right? Specifically, that lines which describe what I am really feel now. In connection with the article, I wrote few days ago, I somehow missing him so much. Maybe I love him genuinely that is why I feel this emotion. We had been separated for almost half a year but there were nights that I still thinking of him. There were still days that I still want to see him. There are times that I still want to communicate him like we used to. There are so much mixed emotions within my heart saying that I still love him. I can’t blame myself because it is true, still I love him. One night, I decided to play the songs in Red Album and this song comes first. When I internalizing the lyrics, I fall out to the thought that “why he can’t be a better man?” “Why he chose to be that man whose still in fun? A lot of whys indeed. As I close my eyes, the song suits to what I really feel that night. And here we go, those lines above broke my tears to fall and cry. I always wonder why I keep missing him, thinking what he might doing every day, or is there someone who finally replaced me in his life. All of those whys and what ifs lead me to uncertainty again.
Several weeks, someone sent a message and I saw his name. He sent a message asking for a talk. During that time, I can’t explain my emotions. I can’t be certain because the anger, hatred had came along the way. However, I had to manage myself because I thought that this would be the time for us to hear each other side. My friends told me why I still giving him time after what he did to me. I realized that, if you are starting to forgive someone, the pain would likely to heal. We had a talk and it was not so good in terms because all of our emotions were being released---resentment, regrets, grudges, sorrow and all of these were ended up in pain, again. He asked me to have another chance even before I gave him lots of chances and nothing happened. Sometimes, saying sorry became habitual. If we did something wrong to anyone, we tend to say sorry. Saying this word has huge meaning to me. If you say sorry, it means you will not fall to the same mistake again. What happened to us is, he constantly says sorry but always ending to the same mistake again because he knows I will forgive him. Until, he no longer cares because he knows I am always with him. A question is always circling in my mind, “Do I deserve that kind of person?” NO.
I might be missing him but there's no turning back.
Like what the song tells us, “*And I know why we had to say goodbye*” because he chose earthly things over the one real thing he has ever had----me.
Sometimes, why do we have to meet people who will leave us? why do we have to meet people who will tear us apart in the end? why do we have to meet such people who will come into our life then suddenly turn us devastated? Why.
I guess we can't force every thing like sort of things that people want to do just to meet their desires in living. The least thing that you can do for yourself is walk away; never settle for less.
Maybe life has offer full of temporaries and teach us to be a permanent one. They said, people come and go and I really agree with that. They might be served as the lessons as well as the experiences that will help us to keep moving forward and see the real purpose in life. In today’s generation, people are so technology driven, soc-media fanatics that affect them as a lying individual under what they see online. Let us be reminded that reality is far from what we see virtually.
For now, more self-love and self-care. Healing and peace of mind over everything. Honestly, I want to be happy again like what I see myself years ago where there were no conflicts, heartaches, doubts and other nega feelings. I am much looking forward to seeing beautiful things because I truly know, life has more reasons to live and much blessings to be grateful for.
Although moving on is a long process, I know I am on the path and leave all those memories behind.
***I know the bravest thing I ever did was run…***
run from you so you could never ever break me again.
He lost, I lost.
It has been several months when I lost myself because of unexpected parting ways that we never thought would happen. I always telling myself that I should overcome the pain that conquers my entire body. It was just a one-night goodbye but the feeling has been circling even awhile. When two people chose to love each other and ended up with heartaches, tragic emotions are probably along the way. And, if things became parallel to both of you, acceptance is of the keys to keep moving forward.
It was the month of May when I ended our 4-year relationship. It was really difficult for me to let the person I love and staying in our relationship even if I know in myself that we can still fix sort of problems within our strings. Why I chose to let him away? Because there is no growth between us. There is no care, security nor comfort between us particularly in him. As our relationship grows, we must grow too. If we are looking a better future together, we should work to see that. However, things turned out against those visions before. That month, I caught him talking someone over his phone. It was a chatting period of time to someone whom I know with. I confronted him and like other relationships, we had quarry. After couple of hours of talking, I forgave him. Then, we came back like we used to every day. As far as I remember, two weeks had passed, I saw his phone with unfamiliar name. I opened the chat and tadaaaa, he talked someone else again. Of course, I got angry that time haha. They say, once is enough and two is too much. When I read their conversation, I finally got my sense to have a space for our relationship. He constantly asked for forgiveness and continue our relationship. Since I dearly love him, I forgave him for the second time he cheated on me. I considered it cheating because he talked women beyond my understanding.
After that, the months became good. He was trying to be a good man for me but there were still inconsistencies. I am not a demanding nor hard-to-love woman like others we see in social media. I am just a lowkey one who wants to be treated well and love me like I can love someone honestly. Aside from that, there were lots of problems happened to us. He became complacent to the point that he sometimes forgot me. He got used to ask “sorry” because he knows I will forgive him. He did not care for me. Support became lesser every day. Communication seemed constrain from him. The least thing that I could mentioned from above, respect is no longer observed in our relationship. it is very hard working on the things if respect is gone.
After those scenarios, I came across to the thought that I should go and choose myself over everything. I broke up with him. July to September, he tended to placate for what happened to us. He coaxed me again---bringing flowers, foods, romantic messages and everything a man did in courting stage. But as he courting me again, I found out that he talked multiple girls in Tg. When pain hits me again, I finally decided to cut any communications to him. I finally see what I must do in able to get up from this mess. In short, "*bitaw na, hindi na tama".*
I know beyond measure that I did my very best to love him as much as I did. If he is not contended, it's not my problem anyway. Maybe we should focus more on ourselves separately.
Suffering, Grievance, Self-doubt, Anxiety, Pain, Cried, Mourning every day....
I lost myself.
I truly know in myself that I gave the love he really deserved, like no one else can do for him. I loved him purely and honestly. But that’s really it, what come to happen, will happen. We cannot control things but we have choices. We can decide over the chaos we currently in right now. We are the ones who responsible for what we do to every day, so make sure that you can count it in to have a worthwhile life. If you can’t give the love which he/she deserves, don’t love him/her anyway. Temptations, lust, lure, fun, are everywhere, you can do these with someone who aims to be a fun too. But I will tell you, in this world full of temporaries, be certain. Be unique. Be the one who everyone wishes to have for because you can do to be the RIGHT over uncertainties.
When that one night came, I drowned with my own tears asking God to help me over the pain; It eats me countless times.
Even if the universe is parallel, God will find the right way for you to be loved and happier that you can’t never imagined. Someday, we will able to taste the love we all deserved.
By the way, I am okay now and keeping myself to heal and be happy, again.
Hello, Christmas!
When the cold wind has started to blow gently, Christmas is coming. When Jose Marie Chan’s songs have started to play in the morning radio, Christmas is coming. When different lights are being hanged in various streets, Christmas is coming. When 24-oras and TV Patrol are starting to count in TV Screens, Christmas is coming. When friends, co-workers, and family are planning to a holiday party, Christmas is coming. There are lots of memories that Christmas will never be forgotten. Those memories bring back the nostalgic moments of how Christmas is being celebrated with our culture. It’s kinda deeply much missing, right?
I have remembered the days when my siblings and I were not able to celebrate Christmas here in the province because my parents wanted to have our Christmas in Manila. When we were elementary days, we were so saddened when our teacher announced the date of our Christmas party. Why we were sad? Because we cannot able to spend that Christmas party with them. Prior the date of the party, we always went to Manila on the second week of December. It was yearly so that we didn't experience Christmas party when we were elementary days. However, it was not quite sad because we had met new people, new company, new celebrations, and new experiences in Manila, specifically in Taguig where my father is working for almost 27 years of his life as a Taxi Driver. Taguig has served as our home for approximately 8 years during Christmas season and end of school year. Yeah, every end of school year, we spent our vacation there and going home to the province again when the new school year starts. While my mother is preparing our food yesterday, she reminisced the old but gold memories in Taguig because she truly values the people and the experiences they had shared before. As I scrolling my phone, I agreed because those memories are truly worth remembering.
When we were high school, this was the time when my siblings and I were able to celebrate the Christmas party in our school. I cannot deny the fact that High School is the best season of someone’s school life. My parents were planning the date when my second sister interrupted them, “*Ma, baka naman pwede kaming mag-Christmas party dito? High School na kami eh.”* she said with pleasing eyes haha. So, our parents decided that we can celebrate Christmas party here and afterwards, going directly to the Manila. These are all the scenarios we had during that time. At this moment, I am craving to the times that we can experience good moments again during Christmas Season.
Furthermore, some of our cool activities here when Christmas Season is waving, are fiesta, lubenas, playing in the carnival, bonding with childhood friends and cousins, and so on. One of the activities I have mentioned is lubenas or nubenas, whatsoever the name is. We grew up in lubenas as the name of that activity. How is lubenas celebrated? As far as I know, it starts in the 23rd or 24th of December and ends in 31 here on our barangay. I remember when my friends and cousins are joining in lubenas just to get more candles and take it all home. We went to the barangay church and make a long line. As the long walks went on, all of us were waiting to get a candle. We tended to light it up shortly then hide it in our pouch or be kept on the side carefully. After that, we will ask again to have a candle until we secretly accumulate lots of candles hahaha. When brown out suddenly comes, we have candles to light up our homes. Hay, if I can turn back those times, I will. Can we have a short escape from this reality? How I wish…
Honestly, I have so much memories to be told when Christmas is coming. I have gained meaningful and joyous experiences that are truly worth to cherish.
Anyway, I just miss the season of Christmas. I miss everything. At exactly 6 in the evening, the wind coils me up like in those good old days. I just felt the life before when no COVID-19 at all. It’s November, the eleventh month before the year ends. The light-bulb streets are still empty. Caroling is no longer practiced. Children who supposed to be the center of Christmas turned out to be the least people who should not come out their homes. Giving gifts became lesser in every thought of the people today. It is very evident how this pandemic changed the lives of people. As their lives continuously changing, their ways of thinking also changed. I hope that we do not forget the real reasons why this season is still incessant today---no greediness in power, intangible things, and undoubted love. It should be spreading of kindness, compassion, and everything good even in your simplest acts.
May this Christmas be the season of bountiful blessings and healing for everyone!
Random thoughts
After I wrote a series of story which conspires to deliver a message that we need to be strong more than enough when we are planning to take risk in life. Risks are the things that we decided to do even if we do not really know the outcomes exactly---neither good or do not fit in our expectations or whatever your mind thinks to happen. Honestly, I do not know if these messages subscribe in the story I wrote because it’s my very first time to construct. However, I discovered myself that I can also write some fictional stories like others did. Actually, when I was in high school, I did not have much interest in reading or constructing such words of expression. To tell the real reason behind that story, it was supposed to be a short compilation of my thoughts and emotions behind fictional characters. As a wrote it hours by hours, I came across to the thought of, “why would I continue this as a series of story which will show how courage is important in taking risk? particularly in taking risk when it comes on love”. And I have no idea if I deliver that messages in that story haha. Anyway, what matters most is, I have learnings. I have learned how to compose such words that might captures meaningful beginnings.
As the story goes in end, I realized that life gives and will give thousands of circumstances that will challenge you as a person---in career, family, love-life, friendship, even in your own self. They will dispute your mind if you are going to take risk for it or not. Sometimes, we should be careful nor wiser in choosing the things to risk for, in choosing the people to give our energy with, in choosing our battles to survive because not all the opportunities are worth to keep, not all the people you know are true to be with, and not all the chances you gave are good to be retrieved. Choose wisely.
Hmmmm, as I choose the title of this article, here are some of my random thoughts because I miss hanging with this platform. Hope I can write more.
I wish, all of us be the strong person we wanted to be. Stay kickin fellas’ 🤗
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (finale)
It was very tough months of discovery, pain, surprises and moving on. There is a part of waiting and hoping that the unfinished strings can find its way back again. At some point, there is side of looking forward to seeing the brighter side of the future. In the midst of these, there is one puzzle which longing the direction what Steve truly wants.
At exactly 10 in the morning, Trisha is preparing her things for her flight to Australia. She is quite thinking how things will happen. At the same time, she prepares herself no matter what the outcome is. 10:30 am, she goes to the airport leaving the place where she chooses of never coming back again.
At the area, Trisha sits while waiting her aboard time…………
________________________
It is completely difficult for Joj to leave at once for lifetime. Leaving his family away thousand miles for the first time, leaving the people she loves to be with and leaving the things she used to be at all.
*“Daiiiiii, tara na. Baka malate ka pa sa flight mo.”* Ziqi said.
Joj replied with a warm hug and tears, *“Ziq, thank you very much for th all the things you have done, you have sacrificed for me. You are a true friend of mine. Sorry, if I had to do this and for not telling you right away. Please, do always remember that you are my only shining friend, mahal kita Ziqi*.”
Ziqi is crying breathily, *“Ang daya mo Joj. Iiwan mo rin pala ako. But I understand why you have to do this. Mahal na mahal kita kaya susuportahan kita sa kahit anong gusto mong gawin as long as you are happy and safe. Lagi kang tatawag or mag-memessage whenever you have free time. Ingatan mo sarili mo. I will surely miss you, a lot!!*”
Ziqi and Joj gives deep and warm hug to each other. 10:45 in the morning, Joj arrived in the airport. She went inside and wave goodbyes to Ziqi. As she walks towards the seat, her heart mumbles heavily. At the back of her mind, she is waiting to Steve silently.
The time is running fast when you wait for someone or something. Joj turns her head backward and she immediately sees Steve walking to her. She smiles and her heart beats unimaginably. She runs to Steve and hug him. While waiting, Joj and Steve have a talk,
“*I didn’t much expect that you would come here Steve. I was surprised and happy to see you right here. Thank you, Steve.”* Joj said with a smile on her face.
Steve replied with stuttering voice, “*Joj, I thank the Lord for giving you in my life. I thank you because you accepted me above those circumstances. I deeply thanking you for giving the love that I think I don’t deserve at all. I think you deserve someone who will love you wholeheartedly and unconditionally. You deserve a man na mamahalin ka ng buo at walang kahati sa mundo niyong dalawa.”* Steve speaks continuously and hold her hands,
*“Joj, hindi ako yung lalaki na ‘yon. I am very much sorry Joj, but Trisha is the only one I have, I truly love. I am so sorry.*”
While Joj listens to his words, she started to cry while Steve is continuously speaking. A few moments, Joj gather herself,
*“It really hurts me to part our ways like this. Sana hindi ka nalang pumunta at nagpaalam because it tears me apart to see you here and you went all the hours but not for me. Anyway, I understand, Steve. I know she is the only one who will complete you. The one who will give the love you need in your life. And, thank you for loving me the way I wanted. Take care of yourself, Steve.”* Joj said.
When Steve is about to leave, Joj utter some words, “*Steve, she is waiting for you. Her flight is just in a few minutes.”*
Steve waves his hand, throw a smile and his eyes wishing a good future for Joj. As Steve walks away, tears are falling just like the rain pours hardly outside. From the last moment, Joj sneaks a short glance and gives her very painful goodbyes in her whole life.
On the other hand, Trisha is surprisingly runs to Steve as she saw him walking to her. Steve gives the ring to Trisha signifying that they will continue their unfinish love story.
________________________
“*This is me today, I took the risk to fall in love so I must be strong for it. To more new beginnings, Joj.”* She said to herself.
After an hour, the time has finally arrived for Joj. Before she enters the airplane, she leaves the ring that Steve gave her when they had their first meeting in Baguio.
While Joj is walking with the ring, “*And I guess, you forgot this one Steve.”* She the ring as she wants to move forward for all the memories she had with Steve.
Joj walks strongly as she is ready to face the reality and new life with her 2-month baby bump. She is preparing herself and new journey waits for her.
**A short throwback...**
(Yes, Joj is pregnant with her baby to Steve. When she is rebuilding herself in Baguio, she conducted check-up because of frequent nausea, vomiting, headache and she is delayed. She immediately thought of pregnancy. After this, the doctor confirmed that she is 2-month pregnant.
She decided to keep quiet and does not have a plan of telling this to Steve. She thought of saying this when Steve came to the airport but after what happened, she chose not to.)
***The end...***
________________________
*Sometimes, life is unfair. When we choose to take the risk, we often prepare ourselves to the consequences whether it will aligned to your courage or not. Hence, no matter how hard or pleasant the results of that risk, we have learned, we have lessons, and we have experiences that will mold us to be a better person.*
*Life may throw a bunch of uncertainties but continue to be a certain one. May the courage uplift you to the life you eager to have, to the person you wanted to be.*
Love, molivs. ❤️
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. IX)
After few days, Steve is finally in conscious. As he opens his eyes, the pain in his head is circling continuously. The doctor gives him the medicine to stop the pain. Joj, who is still in nothingness, called by the doctor for Steve. She walks going to the room like she never knows anything.
“*Hey, how are you?”* Joj asked while Steve is in absence, staring the ceiling.
Steve answered silently, “*Simula nang makita ko yung mga mata mo, mahawakan ang kamay mo, mahagkan ka ng parang walang bukas at maramdaman ang pagmamahal na matagal ko nang hindi alam, inakala ko na ikaw ang babaeng paulit-ulit na lumalabas sa isipan ko. Inakala ng isipan ko na ikaw si Trisha. Nang dahil sa akin, nagulo ang pagkakaibigan niyo. if I hadn’t just looked into your eyes, I wouldn’t have come into your life and you wouldn’t have been hurt like this. All I could say to you right now is, I am very sorry Joj. I am very sorry to make you fall into a difficult situation. Sorry, Joj.”*
Steve holds her hands. Joj is still sitting beside and when she is able to look at him, tears couldn’t stop falling. She could no longer speak and the only thing she could do is crying. Also Steve while looking to Joj, he can’t help himself and cry, cry, and cry throughout the night.
Due to his condition and the connection, Steve thought that the blurry woman in his mind is Joj. The resemblances between Trisha and Joj made him felt special to Joj. Likewise, the similarities between Steve and Trisha made Joj felt special for Steve. Nobody knows that Steve and Trisha had life before. In the end, Joj took the risk to give the love she was once protected all throughout her life.
Few weeks had passed without communication, Joj is still not seen in the office. Steve calls her continuously but she did not answer. He talks all the people and Joj’s friends and family but he cannot able to find her. Until his phone rings,
“*How’s your feeling? Are you good?”* Steve heard one familiar voice.
“*Tri--sha? Is that you?”* Steve replied surprisingly.
“*Yes, Steve. It’s me Trisha. Can we talk?”*
Steve goes to the place where Trisha told to him. As they looked deeply in each other, Steve grabs her hands and hug her.
“*Trish, I know you are confused about what happened to us and I am very sorry for all the mess. Let me—”* Steve is not finish yet but Trisha interrupted him.
“*I already knew, Steve. Pretty well. Sinabi na lahat sa akin ni Joj kung ano at papano kayo nagkakilala. And I understand because the things turned out complicated. Honestly, I am deeply saddened about what’s going on us, you and my best friend. Bakit nangyari satin lahat ‘to?”* Trisha said with a deep sigh and cry.
Steve is surprised about what he heard that Joj told everything to Trisha.
*“You mean, nagkausap na kayo ni Joj?* ” Steve asked and Trisha nods her head saying yes.
“*Steve, bago ako umalis sa isang araw, gusto ko lang na malaman mo na I am still here waiting for you. I still love you. The memories and promises we had are still fresh in my mind. If you forgot those, I am still willing to remind you, handa pa rin akong ayusin at buuin kung anuman ang nawala at nasira sa ating dalawa. But if you have someone in your heart, if you truly love Joj, I will set you free. I will let you both happy together.”* Trisha gave back the engagement ring before leaving her seat. Steve was left thinking.
________________________
Steve is not giving up in finding Joj and still searching the places where he thinks that Joj might be there. He receives a message suddenly, a message from Trisha, “*She is in Baguio. Just wait for the exact place.*”
Steve goes immediately to Baguio to find Joj. After a long hours of driving and searching, he finally sees Joj sitting under thousands leaves of pines trees. Steve walks and sit beside her,
Joj was surprised, *“Steve? Ba—a-kit nandito ka? Paano mo ako nahanap?*”
“*Ang dami kong pinuntahan pero bakit nakalimutan ko na dito pala kita pwede makita. You remember this place huh?”* Steve speaks smoothly. *“Even if I forgot that you might be here in Baguio, but I won’t forget this place, under the shades of pines trees, you and I had our first kiss, right? Tumakbo ka pa nga pero hinabol kita. Then, we became happy.*”
Joj stand and said, “*Yeah, right. I went here since I can’t breathe about what happened to all of us. I can’t even start the mornings without tears in my eyes. I do not want to see you either.*”
“*Again and again, I am very sorry Joj. Sa lahat-lahat ng nangyari at nangyayari ngayon. I am sorry for causing you so much pain. You do not deserve this. Pero, minahal kita Joj. Lahat ng pinaramdam at pinakita ko sayo, totoo lahat ‘yon. And it’s okay if you do not want to believe in me, I understand.”* Steve said.
“*Alam mo Steve, one thing I have learned in my life, ‘****To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave’.*** *Do not be sorry at all because I took the risk and myself to love you. Wala namang may kasalanan because we do not know the whole story yet we took the risk to love each other, especially Trisha. She is the one who don’t deserve the pain.”*
*“But, because of my condition, you are now trapped into the world that you never ever thought would happen, and no single day had passed that I blame myself for all of this mess.”*
*“Okay na yun, Steve. We are just human, wanted to love and to be loved. All of those became part of who I am now. Sa lahat ng nangyari at hindi natin inaakala na mangyayari, yung minahal kita ang pinakamasayang part sa lahat. I do not regret the love I gave even if I am not the true person in your heart. Maybe, I am the one whom your mind once thought but, in your heart, I am not. I can never replace Trisha in your life.”*
*“But Joj, I am no—t—,"* Joj interrupted his words and hugs him tightly.
“*Steve, I just want to tell you this. I accepted the offer in US. Hindi man ito about in Engineering, but I believe I can pass this. I want to have some different path you know, in medical field. Sa isang araw na yung flight ko and I filed my resignation letter last week. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba sabihin ‘to o ano, pero I will wait you. But, Steve, follow what your mind and heart truly desires.*”
Joj holds her head and feels bit dizzy. Steve leads her to sit so that she can feel better. Afterwards, Joj leaves the place alone and Steve, again, was left thinking...
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. VIII)
One week had passed.
Trisha is planning to invite Joj to have a dinner before she leaves the country next week.
Trisha goes to the company to surprise Joj *“How’s life of my best friend? Is it good? Fantastic? Hmmm.”*
Joj is literally surprised and hug her, *“Bakit di ka tumawag na pupunta ka rito? I am surprised Trish!!! Mwa!!!”*
“*That’s my main goal, to surprise you! Gusto sana kitang imbitahin to have a dinner. Ikaw ang pinakahuli kong gustong makasama Joj bago ako umalis. Hay, mamimiss na naman kita and everything in this place so much.”*
*“You always surprised me Trish and hindi ka nagsasawa na iparamdam sakin kung gaano mo ako kamahal, ganun din ako sayo, I will never ever get tired loving you Trish because you are my only sister, my other half, my best friend*.” Joj is deeply in tears while she hugs Trisha tightly.
*“I am Joj, I am. By the way, isama mo si Mr. Kilay mo ha, I think this is about the time para makilala ko naman yung taong nagpapasaya sa best friend ko. I’ll call you for the place and time, love you Joj!!”*
*“Sure, I feel the same way. I think you will both getting good to each other because you two have lots of similarities kaya naalala kita everytime na magkasama kami. So, talk about later? Love you too, Trish. Thank you for everything!”*
Trisha reserved a resto for three people in Tagaytay City.
It is quite magnificent to spend your time with your loved ones no matter the reasons. The good-looking sceneries and the eye-catching view from the top of city makes the night even more beautiful. As the wind blows gently, Steve gives a warm hug to Joj while they both enjoying the ambiance of the place. Suddenly, Trisha calls that she is upstairs for their dinner. She stops for a while to check her reservation and when she is about to enter, she sees a familiar man standing with Joj sweetly. In a few distance, she saw a remarkable scar on that man’s nape that made her heart beats fluster. Trisha walks slowly going to them and witness how happy they are. Out of nowhere, she could not believe and deeply surprised that the man he was staring at the back is Steve.
Joj sees Trisha is coming, “*Heeeey, come here.”*
They both turn back and Steve suddenly feels drowning when he sees Trisha directly. As Trisha walks surprisingly, she sees nothing but Steve. The tears in her eyes are falling continuously. Steve didn’t notice that his eyes are also in deep tears while he sees Trisha is walking to them. The piece in his loss memory, the unending blurred image of a woman which is always came out in his dreams, in his mind has been finally resolved. At the moment, that blurry image became clearer and he saw who she really is. It’s Trisha.
“*Ste------eve? Is that you? Ikaw ba talaga yan?”* Trisha asked confusedly.
“*Tri---sha*?” Steve answered. He removed his hands from Joj and held out to Trisha.
On the side, Joj looks very confused, unable to think clearly and do not understand what is happening or what Trisha and Steve saying. When Joj is about to speak, Trisha slapped Steve.
“*Bakit hindi ka na nagparamdam simula nung umaalis ka? Tuluyan mo na ba akong kinalimutan, Steve?”* Trisha walks away with pain that tears her apart.
Steve runs while Joj is being left “*Trish, wait. Wait for me. Wa—a.”* Steve falls on the floor unconsciously. Even though Joj is still confused, she runs to Steve and brings him to the nearest hospital and call his attending physician and neurologist.
Steve is still unconscious. The doctor advised to give him enough rest because Steve is undergoing tough treatments and a little memory seems coming back. The doctor feels great because it shows that his condition is looking good. Joj is still in confusion about what happened on that night. She persistently calling Trisha but she did not answer her phone. Until, a message popped in her phone.
“*Joj, I am sorry for what happened on that night. I breathe enough space to gather myself before messaging you and I think we should talk clearly. I know you are confused; we are all confused. Would you come at my place tonight? I will wait you.”* Trisha said.
To clarify as well, Joj went to Trisha’s condo at exactly 7 in the evening. When they both see each other, they suddenly hugged but a bit of awkwardness. They started talking seriously,
“*It was my first time in my life that I saw you crying in much pain, Trish. That night, it hurts me to see you cry but it hurts me most to see Steve crying and looking at you. That was the first time I saw Steve crying and begging for someone.”* Joj said.
“*No, Joj. Do not be sorry. But would mind tell me everything about Steve and you?”.*
“*Yeah, I know.”* Joj is continuously keeping her tears behind. She recounted how Steve and she met and what all happened before they entered the relationship. In short, Joj tells everything to Trisha honestly. The same way, Trisha tells everything to Joj how’s life between she and Steve had.
Trisha says continuously, “*It was a very long time ago when Dad brought a man in our house for the first time. It was Steve who looked devastated that time. Steve has no family at all. Dad offered him to stay in our house hangga’t hindi pa niya kaya mamuhay mag-isa dahil ang hirap kumita ng pera sa Australia. We became closer and college sweethearts. Nung una, Dad and Mom were against on us dahil para sakanila magkapatid kami. Steve proved everything until Dad finally understood and accepted us. Those precious times, we were so happy and deeply in love to each other. But one night came when Mom received a call. Naaksidente sila and Dad didn’t survived. Lumipas ang ilang buwan, when Steve and I decided to live together. Yung pagsasama namin hindi naging madali dahil ang daming nagbago sakanya. Later on, we had found out that he has been suffering amnesia. Sobrang nasaktan siya dahil every memory with us especially with Dad are so important to him and started losing. Mom and I together with Steve decided to go back in the Philippines para dito ituloy yung pagpapagamot niya. Besides, para matanggap na rin niya yung nangyari kay Dad…*
Joj is continuously listening.
“*Mom contacted Mr. Sye na siya na muna ang bahala kay Steve. He is Dad’s colleague and a family friend to us. Nung naihatid na namin siya rito sa Pilipinas, it was very heartbreaking moment that we should separate our ways muna to get him treated well. Habang humihirap ang sitwasyon namin, unti-unti na rin ako nakalimutan ni Steve. It hurst you know, you are unconsciously forgotten by someone you love kaya hinayaan ko nalang muna hanggang sa nababalitaan ko na umaayos na ang condition niya. Honestly Joj, he is the main reason why I went back here. But I didn’t expect that things became more complicated.”*
She heard everything clearly, Joj can’t gather her words. She is definitely surprised, hurt, and unable to think clearly at this moment of talk with her best friend. She keeps her eyes downward until,
“*So yung ring na pinakita mo sa akin noon at yung ring na suot mo ngayon ay iisa, Trish?”*
Trisha suddenly hold her hands and started to cry, “*Yes. Steve gave this ring and ask me to marry him. We’re engaged, Joj.”*
And everything is falling apart, Joj can’t no longer hold her tears and run away outside. Joj drives away without thinking where she is going. As she started crying, she can’t even see the road because of her eyes are sinking in tears and pain. She stops and breathe out the pain she never thought would happen again, much pain indeed. Together with the cold breeze over the mountains, she does nothing but crying out loud as much as she could.
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. VII)
The day is come to celebrate the victory of the housing plan project for homeless people. Steve, who is busy in organizing things and a bit nervous to give his message. Joj approaches him and said,
*“Steve, it’s okay. This is the most awaiting part of your life and I know you are the most astounding man in the universe tonight. Ang tagal mo tong hinintay, Love. You can do it.*”
Steve whispers to her, *“Thanks Love. Pero mas kinakabahan ako sabihin yung sa ating dalawa. I do not even know if masasabi ko ba ng maayos o hindi. Pero salamat dahil nandito ka at lumalakas ang loob ko dahil sayo.”* They both smile silently aside.
There is only a bit of wait because the main investor is not there yet. Few minutes are left before the program starts. The theme of the event is a formal attire so everyone in the event wears their most excellent long gowns in women and best suits for men. After the program, they will go to the housing project to give the warm welcome for the beneficiaries. While the program acknowledges the guests, Steve suddenly feels strange headache. Joj is sitting beside him and notices the unusual behavior of Steve. She already knew it so she immediately gives the medicine and the support due to Steve’s condition. Afterwards, Steve sits comfortably, hold Joj’s hand and finally stands to give his message and he delivers it properly. When he is about to call Joj, he suddenly feels fatigue and his condition brings the blurry image of woman again and again. Joj immediately go to Ziqi to tell him to continue the program and she hold Steve’s hand carefully.
One hour went well and Steve’s condition seems going normal again. The program continues and everyone is much awaiting to finally see the person behind the housing project. The long wait is finally over, Ziqi call the attention of the people and announce…
*‘Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present to you the person behind the success of the housing plan project, please welcome, Ms. Anna Trishaline Z. Williamford! Everyone, please give her a round of applause!’*
All of the people inside the event are amazingly surprised how awesome and alluring the beauty of Ms. Anna Trishaline Z. Williamford. Among all the people, Joj is stunned and completely surprised that his childhood best friend, Trisha, is the one whom they called as the major investor of the company. What made her even more stunned at the absence is, when he saw Steve is standing and staring at Trisha as if he had known it before.
*“Steve, are you okay? Do you know her?*” Joj asked.
“*N- - -o. No idea.”*
Steve sits beside Joj and she notices that Steve feels uncomfortably. Joj holds his hand and Steve grabs her both hands to make his feeling better. After the introductory part, Trisha delivers her message.
*“It’s been a very long time since I went back in the Philippines. I always wanted to be back because my heart lives here. To everyone who makes this project successful, a big thanks and appreciation for all your hardship, efforts, and energy you exerted to make this project in reality. Honestly, it’s my step-father’s dream. He passed away due to car accident years ago. One of his dreams is to build houses for homeless people because he was once experienced it. Although we do not have the same blood, we treated, we loved each other dearly like a true father and daughter. He shows me what and how the world is. He’s my everything. Para ipakita pa rin sakanya na mahal na mahal ko siya, I came across to this thought na tuparin pa rin yung pangarap niyang mabigyan ng tirahan ang mga taong higit na nangangailangan nito. I contacted Mr. Sye to plan a housing project here in the country and do not worry for the budget because I am truly handling this. Kaya a very much thanks sa inyong lahat, I am indeed grateful to meet and looking forward in working with you all. Again, thank you very much.”*
Since the moment of Trisha started speaking, Steve is in deep silence, listening and not even remove his gaze to Trisha’s face. His mind is confused, became even more confused when he heard Trisha’s message. The program went well and everyone in the event is enjoying the night. While Steve is still confused and heading back to Joj, he saw her talking to Trisha cheerfully. He felt he couldn’t cope with the things around him so he went back to the car and texted Joj that he would be waiting for her in the parking area. The event is successfully done and they saw how happy the beneficiaries are.
When Joj saw her phone, she immediately goes to the parking area for Steve.
*“Are you okay, Steve? I am worrying.”*
*“Yes, Love. I felt bit dizzy due to medicine. Can we go home now?”* Steve asked and drive going home.
While the long drive feels uneasy, Steve asked Joj.
*“Do you know her? Ms. Anna Trishaline, right?*”
Joj answered with excitement, “*Oww, I forgot to tell you. Yes, I very much know her. We have been friends since when we were in High School. She was adopted and being abandoned kaya kinupkop siya ni Nanay. Kapatid na ang turing namin sa isa’t-isa at samin na siya tumira, sabay na kaming lumaki in a short explanation. She decided to find her biological family nung magsisimula na kaming mag-college. Noong nalaman namin na kukunin na siya at sa Australia na siya titira, we were totally saddened because she is part of our daily lives. Then now, he we are, pinagtapo pa rin in one company. How small the world is, right?”*
*“Hmmm, I see.*” Steve said repeatedly.
*“By the way, you seemed more surprised when you saw her? Kilala mo ba siya?”*
*“No. there was time na may meeting kami with investors pero hindi ko siya nakita. Ngayong lang.*”
(Pero bakit parang kilala ko na siya noon pa, matagal na) Steve said in his mind.
“*Sabagay si Mr. Sye lang nabanggit niya kanina. She is too busy handling various businesses inside and outside of the country”*. (Kaya hindi ko maiwasan na ang liit tuloy na tingin ko sa sarili ko ngayon, I felt humiliated.) Joj suddenly thought out of her words.
The long drive made Joj asleep in the car so Steve carried her to her room. Joj feels his body and she seize the moment and hug him tightly. When they had reached the room, Steve replied a warm kiss on Joj’s forehead and drives back to his condo. On the other hand, Steve can’t stop thinking about Trisha and he really wonders who Trisha is in his life. in the car so Steve carried her to her room. Joj feels his body and she seize the moment and hug him tightly. When they had reached the room, Steve replied a warm kiss on Joj’s forehead and drives back to his condo. On the other hand, Steve can’t stop thinking about Trisha and he really wonders who Trisha is in his life.
________________________
Due to opening of classes, it's kinda a long wait before I posted the next part huhu. Besides, I am emotionally tired these past few weeks but I am now healing.
The story makes me more wonder how life will go among Joj, Steve, and Trisha. Stay tuned! 😉
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. VI)
Wonderful 6 months and counting…
*“You lift my feet on the ground, spin me around…you make me crazier, crazier...”*
They say, when you fall in love you give the best that you can be and see the world filled with unending smiles and journey, unimaginably. After what happened in Baguio, Joj and Steve are finally in a relationship. They have found the love missing in their hearts to each other. Joj is happy as puffy clouds could be, she is smiling lightly. She feels the love. She is contented.
Likewise, Steve is also at the happiest moment of his life. He gives the true meaning of love to Joj. He appreciates how big or small things especially for the eyes of his woman. He consistently gives the attention, affection, and love that Joj truly deserves at its finest. As the months went happier, their relationship becomes firmer no one could ask for.
The housing project is finally finished. Everyone feels joyous because the project is successfully done. Joj and Steve had decided to announce their relationship on the upcoming blessing and thanksgiving for a job well done! All of the teams are heading back home to rest and spend time for the family. Steve spends nights in Manila for his continuous treatments. Even though Joj wants to stay by his side but Steve insists that she must check and stick around to her family especially that someone in her life will coming back. Steve drove Joj to Pampanga, Joj feels that this is the right time for his family to finally get to know him. After 2 and half hours, Steve meets her family. Joj’s family accepts and treats Steve as official part of the family. They are all happy especially Steve, he feels the love like Mr. Williamford gave to him back then.
The on-going treatments of Steve make him feel suffocated and exhausted. Every night, he is experiencing nightmares that bring the pieces of his life before. Since he went back in the Philippines, a woman who is constantly appeared in his dreams become even more mysterious of what was truly happened to him before.
Joj is about to leave in the office when unidentified number is calling. The voice seems a woman who gives instructions to see her near in Ayala. To determine who and what her purpose is, Joj went to the address that woman texted to her. She goes there and call the number again. A certain phone rings and she turns her head back. Joj is surprised on what she saw,
A woman with long hair, tight eyes and gorgeous facial features suddenly hugs her, *“I miss youuuu, Joj!!!”*
*“Woaaaaah, Trisha? Is it really you?? How?”* Joj replied with big hugs and smiles because it is Trisha, her childhood best friend, her other half.
The two are both joyful and the smiles put on their faces are obviously contagious and how excited they are to see and talk each other. Like they life before, Joj and Trisha did the unending laughs, corny jokes, silly dance moments, talk about their life-lessons and problems, and many more.
“*By the way, how long will you stay here?”*
Trisha answered, *“Hmm, siguro 2 to 3 months or less. After the monitoring, I should go back then to develop as well to promote the clothing business.”*
*“You really looked busy but ang laki na ng nagbago sayo Trish, your way of living, your appearance, the way you talk and everything. Samantalang ako, heto, kumakayod pa rin para maiahon ang pamilya sa hirap.”*
*“Ano ka ba Joj!! I am still the Trisha you have since the very first time we laughed so hard. Kahit marami ng nagbago, ako pa rin ‘to. Do not lose hope. Sabi ko naman sayo, if you and the family needs something, just call me right away. Always bear in mind that I am always here for you, Joj.”*
*“Aww, my favorite part. Iyakan session with my favorite bestie in the whole wooooorld!!”*
*“Walang magbabago Joj, kahit anong mangyari nandito ako.” “Anyway, you look pretty huh? Blooming ka, so who is the reason?”* Trisha said teasingly.
*“Yes. I finally met himmmm, Trish!”*
*“Who? Si Mr. Kilay?? The one you talked about a year ago? Can I meet the two of you before I leave PH? Syempre gusto ko naman makilala at pagbantaan yung napakaswerteng lalaki sa buhay ng kaibigan ko. I am so happy for you Joj!”*
*“Thank you, Trish. Of course, ipapakilala ko talaga siya sayo. Maybe in some other day kapag hindi na siya busy. How about you? It’s been a long time since you mentioned your love life.”*
*“Hmm, papano ko ba ikukwento, It’s –”* *Trisha’s phone suddenly rings*
“*Ow, I forgot the time. I have to go Joj. May meeting nga pala ako ng 1pm, let’s have another catch on the next day?”*
*“Sure, sureeee. No worries, Trish!! Message mo ako kapag nakauwi ka na. Take care of yourself. See youuuu.”* Trisha and Joj bid kisses and hugs that manifest of seeing each other again.
The time runs so fast and everyone in the company works hard in order to manage the upcoming event properly. The event objectifies the opening of the housing plan and give each house to specific beneficiary. Furthermore, this event will express gratitude for the people who supported them throughout the journey, and the highlight is that everyone in the company will see and recognize the major investor who is behind the housing plan. So, all of the people make sure that nothing will be forgotten to make the event successful.
________________________
**Author's note:**
It is true that in our lives, we had met people who became part of our own world. Perhaps, they would give you lessons or they would probably changing your life for the better.
It looks that the world becomes smaller for them, stay tuned. 😉
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. V)
All of the teams are back to work to finish the remaining jobs. Because of that night, Joj is constantly avoiding Steve and focusing more on the work.
*“Dai, anyare? Bakit hindi mo pinapansin si Sir Steve? Noon, pag dumadating siya di maalis yung ngiti sa mukha mo. Kanina ka pa niya tinitingnan oh. Halos di na siya natapos sa ginagawa niya kakatitig sayo”* Ziqi said while organizing stuff at the site.
Joj answered, “*Wala, Ziq. Wag mo nalang pansinin at ituon mo yung oras mo sa trabaho. Sige na.”*
Due to unexpected weather conditions and typhoon, the superiors decided to postpone the constructing of this housing project for the safety of people. In other side, there were few days wherein some people feel sick because of unpredicted rains and storms. Rotational blackout is implemented because of the strong rain and the hotel where they currently in is experiencing power interruption. To amuse oneself, Joj go to the stock room to check if the materials are safe and not dampened by the rain. After checking the materials, Joj walks straightly to the corridor. While she raises the brightness of flashlight, she notices that the gate is locked up. It’s already 12 midnight so she thought that the caretaker checked and locked the gates in every corridor. Joj persistently thinking any possible solutions on how she can come out or reach any person on the building. She enters to another room to find any useable material; she hears unnecessary noise so she feels scared and thought that there is another person or whatever inside the room. She is about to run when someone held his arm and shout loudly,
“*Hey, hey, hey, hey, don’t shout, don’t shout. Si Steve ‘to.”*
*“Steve???” “Joj???”* they both surprised to see each other in dark room and the strong rain is continuously pouring.
“*Anong ginagawa mo rito, Steve?”*
*“I was checking the materials earlier. To make it secured, naghanap ako ng mahabang tela or any pangtabing para hindi mabasa. When I am about to leave this room, the gate is already locked. 12 midnight na pala. So probably nailock ni manong kaya pumasok ako rito find specific spot to sleep. How about you? Ano naman naisipan mo at napunta ka sa room na ‘to?”*
*“Are you sure Steve?”*
*“Yes, I am. Ikaw?”*
*“Ohh, chineck ko rin kasi yung mga materials. Same idea with yours. But pagkalabas ko, nakita kong naka-locked na yung gate ng corridor. So, I’m just thinking to find a material here in this room na pwede magamit para makalabas. Then, I do not even know na nandito ka rin pala.”*
Steve answered while smiling, “*So, kapag nakakita ka sisirain mo yung lock?” just kidding. “Siguro, dito na tayo magpalipas ng oras. Kahit tawagin or sumigaw tayo hindi rin maririnig dahil sa lakas ng ulan, tska nasa third floor sila. Do not worry, Joj. Wag kang matakot, I am here to protect you.”*
Joj is continuously not saying any words as he hears the suggestions of Steve. “*Sabagay, wala rin naman tayong dalang cellphone, walang kuryente, umuulan. Paano nga ba makakalabas dito? Joj said silently.*
They both find specific spot to lay on. From the right, is Steve’s place and the other side is Joj’s place. Just like in a movie, a moment of silence is too deafening even if the two people have bountiful of thoughts that are too noisy in their minds. Steve break the silence,
“*Joj, since we are only two in this room. Can we talk again? About last night, I mea---*
“*It’s done, Steve. Okay lang ‘yun. Wag mo nang isipin”.*
*“But I can’t Joj. Hindi ko kaya na hindi ka isipin. I hope you still want to listen and believe in me.”*
*“Bakit ako?”* Joj said. The moment seems that they should talk and Steve is starting the conversation seriously.
“*Like what I have said, it’s been 3 years since I saw you walking alone and your eyes seemed in pain. I was inside my car beside the AMC restaurant. Nasa loob ka ‘non talking with your friends happily. When they were left, naiwan kang mag-isa. I was confused that time why would you chose to be left alone pero masaya ka namang kausap sila. Pero nung lumabas ka na, bigla kang pumunta sa kotse ko and nagsalamin ka sa mirror.” Steve is laughing. “Nung nagsalamin ka, dun ko nakita how sad you are especially your eyes can’t deny the sadness you endured. You made pacute that time and lots of facial expressions kaya napatawa mo ako. That day, I found you sort of attractive and you really made my day.”*
‘*Sobrang nakakahiya ka Joj! Haaaays!’* Joj said to her mind consciously.
“*Nakakahiya tuloy Steve na nakita mo akong ganon. Anyway, that day was the exact date of my interview. I applied 3 companies nung araw nayon. Luckily, I was hired in the company where we are currently working. Nung aalis na ako sa resto, I saw someone unexpectedly and that moment brought the pain I was once held for the long time. I felt humiliated when I saw them happy to each other. Para magmukang maayos naman ako, nagsalamin muna ako sa isang sasakyan and I didn’t know na sayo pala ‘yon at nasa loob ka. Haaay, nakakahiya.”*
*“No, you looked cute that day. Iniisip ko nga, papano kaya kung hindi kita nakita nung araw na ‘yon? Baka hanggang ngayon hindi kita maaalala. You passed me by in elevator, didn’t you remember? When I entered the room, I unexpectedly saw you sitting and I already thought that you were an applicant.”*
*“Hmm, hindi ko na yata natatandaan. Pero natandaan kita dahil grabe ka magtanong sa ibang aplikante, they looked furious after you interviewed them. Buti nung ako na, you asked some questions about site situations and I answered well, right? Should I thank you right now?”* Joj kidding aside.
Steve laughs so hard and Joj can’t contain her laughs too. Steve turns back to Joj’s last questions.
“*Bakit ikaw? Hindi ko rin alam ang dahilan Joj. Simula nang makita kita sa restaurant na yon at naging workmates pa tayo coincendentally, hindi ka na mawala sa isip ko. Before, there are times that you suddenly popped up in my mind without even knowing or thinking you. Bigla ka nalang pumapasok sa isip ko na para bang ang tagal na nating magkasama at magkakilala. That’s why I feel the connection towards you that day. At ngayon, habang mas nakikilala pa kita, mas lumalalim yung nararamdaman ko sayo Joj. The feeling of wanting you every day and to be with you with the rest of my life. I hope you finally allow yourself to love and to be loved by someone like me. I really adore you Joj, I do hope that you accept my love. Hindi ako titigil iparamdam sayo ‘yon.”*
*“hmmmmmm”*
“*Are you still awake, Joj?”* Steve asked her. But Joj didn’t give any answer and pretending asleep. Though she is not answering, Joj heard all of Steve’s words and the night gets colder as their feelings become deeper. Steve sleeps well too.
After several months, the housing project is about to finish. More than half of the project are well-accomplished and painted. An important meeting has arisen to Mr. Sye and he cannot be able to attend due to his mother’s urgent condition for chemotherapy. Mr. Sye, in a rush, ordered Steve to go in Baguio to represent him as one of the heads and shareholders of the company. It is a two-day meeting in order to allocate budgets and stuff.
“*Joj, I need someone who is more reliable, other than Mr. Sye, I think you are. It is an important meeting and I need you as my assistant. Could you?” Steve is running to ask Joj while breathing heavily.*
*“Whhhy m---?”* Joj is about giving her answer when Steve speaks, “*If it’s no, it’s okay Joj. It is urgent kasi. I need to be there until tonight.”*
Steve is rushing because Mr. Sye didn’t inform him that the meeting was tomorrow morning. When Steve is leaving to organize the schedule, Joj suddenly speaks, *“Sure, Steve. I can be your assistant. So, what are we going to do?”* Joj is smiling to Steve.
“*Thank you, thank you, Joj!!! Okay see you at 7pm, sunduin kita rito sa hotel. Tell Ziqi everything so that he would not worry about you.”* Steve is really happy at the moment.
________________________
The meeting went well and Steve was able to represent the company competitively. There is no doubt that Steve can do all things successfully because he is truly excellent, passionate and work effectively. The place hosted a dinner for all the people who attended the meeting. After the meeting, Steve invites Joj to have a short escapade to Baguio. They traveled and go to the tourist spots where they can view the magnificent beauty of Northern Luzon. At exactly 5pm, they go to the hotel to rest and prepare themselves for the dinner at 7 in the evening.
“*Did you enjoy the places Joj? Ang ganda lahat ‘no. By the way, be ready before 7pm. May dinner tayong pupuntahan.”*
“*Hmm, siguro hindi na ako makakasama Steve. Napagod yata ako. You should go, dahil isa ka sa mga dapat na nandoon. Don’t worry, I am okay. Matutulog na rin ako neto. And Steve, I just want to thank you for making this day happy and complete. I really enjoyed the time and fun being with you.”* Joj said and he kiss Steve on his right cheek. Then, she immediately goes to the CR to hide her romantic excitement and how happy she is. Steve is literally surprise and smiling to the point that he can’t ably utter any words. Afterwards, Steve is preparing himself to attend the dinner. He asks Joj if she completely okay staying in the hotel alone. Joj gives a smile and the assurance that she can manage herself.
The dinner turned out well and Steve is return home safely and slightly drunken. The city lights in Baguio are so fascinating so Joj sip a coffee while staring the beauty of city lights. Steve caught her standing and suddenly feels the longing of physical attachments to someone whom he knew before. He goes towards to Joj and hug her tightly. Joj is surprised that she can’t hold her emotions to Steve. She turns back and see the stunning eyes and good-looking face of Steve.
*“Joj, I love you. Please, accept my love.”* Steve said as he closely put her face to Joj.
“*Yes, Steve. I can’t control my feelings anymore. I love---”* Joj is not finish yet to say her words when Steve touch her lips and kiss her passionately. Joj can’t resist the strong arms coiled into her body while Steve is continuously kissing her. As their emotions dominate the night, Steve and Joj shares one love they thought would never happen.
Tomorrow morning, Steve woke up first and prepares breakfast for Joj. While he is preparing, Joj catches a glimpse of Steve’s body and realize how happy the night they have shared. At the back of her mind, lots of questions are still.
“*Steve, about sa kagabi, ahmm, lasing ka so dapat hindi ko pinatulan yung halik mo.”*
Steve answered and hold her hands, “*No, Joj. I am the one who should say that. I surely know what happened to us, mejo lasing ako at nadala ako. I am sorry if nangyari sa atin yon.”*
“*But, will you stand about what happened to us? Sabihin mo sa akin Steve.”*
“*Yes, Joj. Yes. Mahal kita kaya kahit anong mangayari papanagutan ko yung nangyari sa atin kagabi. I love you, Joj……. So, tayo na ba?”*
*“Yes, Steve. I always fight with myself na labanan ko yung nararamdaman ko sayo but I can’t either. Maybe I am deeply in love with you, too.” Joj said while laughing to Steve*
*“Ang tagal kong hinintay makita yung ngiti mo nayan, Joj. Now, you finally letting yourself to be happy, again.”*
*“Thank you, Steve. For making me feel like this. Sobrang saya ko and I think I am ready to take risk again to fall in love. I love you, too.” “By the way, nabanggit mo sa akin na parang kilala mo na ako before kahit hindi mo pa ako nakikita?”*
*“Hmmm, yup. I always feel the connection within my hear but not in my mind. You know Joj, I have something to tell you. I have loss of memories and until now I am still adapting on the things that will help me to remember those. Kahit paunti-unti lang. There is always a blurry image of woman who suddenly appeared in my head but I do not even know her. We both seem happy and spending life to each other. Until I see you, I truly felt the connection.”*
*“Ohh, sorry to hear that. But when was the time you had memory loss?”*
*“It was his birthday. Mr. Williamford, a business owner, a best friend, a father, and a true man for me. Way back then, nagkaroon ako ng scholarship to study abroad and I grabbed it because it was my childhood dream. Noong nandon na ako sa Sydney, biglang nagback-out yung nagbigay ng scholarship dahil nagkamali raw sa pagkakalagay ng pangalan ko. All the things I need were prepared, but things turned out chaotic. Kaya naging palaboy ako ron dahil hindi naman ganun kadali bumalik ng Pilipinas at wala akong kapera-pera. I was totally wasted and devastated that time when Mr. Williamford approach me and give me a food. That day, Mr. Williamford brought my day to survive and fight to live. Fast-forward, he offered me to work in his business as house boy. I immediately accepted and worked with him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sinwerte ako non, pinag-aral niya ako at tinuring na parang isang totoong anak niya. He has a family but I do not remember them maybe kasama sila sa nabura kong alaala. It was 15th of May, his birthday, when we were going home, we had a car accident. I was insisting him to look at me because I was capturing a picture of him in my cellphone. Then, he turned his head towards me, gave a wide and happier smile, and I when I opened my eyes, it was the saddest and very distressing moment happened in my life."*
Joj is continuously listening and Steve do not aware that his tears are falling.
“*He died. Yung regalo ko sakanyang relo, hindi ko na naibigay dahil sa pagpupumilit kong litratuhan siya. Kung hindi ko siya pinilit, hindi mangyayari yon. Until today, I regret it. There are times that I blaming myself because of that accident. After that, the doctor said I have retrograde amnesia or lose existing, previously made memories. This type of amnesia tends to affect recently formed memories first. The doctor suggested that I should go back to the Philippines to help me recover the pieces thkse memories. Besides, most of my memories are here in the country kaya his family sent me here. I still undergo treatments and may mga memories akong naalala uncertainly.*
*“I am sorry Steve to hear that. You had a nightmare experience and have been experiencing losing yourself dahil sa mga pinagdaan mo pala. I understand, Steve. So, the housing project we currently working now is you and Mr. Williamford dream?”*
*“Yes. Because we both had life of being abandoned and homeless. Nakikita raw niya yung sarili niya sakin kaya tinulungan, pinag-aral niya ako. Kasi naging ganun din siya. Sana nakikita niya ngayon yung pangarap namin na unti-unti nang natutupad.*
*“Mr. Williamford is definetly proud and happy for you because you finally making your (both) dreams into reality. I am sure he is deeply happy where he is right now.”*
*“Thank you, Joj. You are the only person whom I narrate how my life was before. Kaya just keep me in your life huh?”* Steve and Joj give warm hug to each other.
.
.
.
.
.
.
*Is it really you?*
*or*
*No, it was her.*
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. IV)
It is sunny day! Another day to fulfill your dreams and be productive to finish work. “Every day is a blessing!!” This thought is the reason why Joj is always attentive and full of productivity to accomplish her work especially she received an additional pay for her undying work and service for the company. While she is preparing her food, someone is calling. *The phone is constantly ringing*
*“Joooooooj, I miss youuuuu!! How are you? It’s me Trishaaaa”*
Joj is like a bombshell to burst into shock, *“OMG!!! Trissssssssh! It’s really you? It’s been a very long time since we had our last conversation. Kumusta ka? Hindi ko ineexpect na magkakausap pa rin tayo kahit sa phone na laaaang”.* A teary-eyed moment for high-school besties who longing their friendship for more than 8 years and counting.
They talk like no tomorrows and laughs so hard because they indeed miss each other. Joj and Trisha have been friends since high school and treat each other as own sister. Couple of years ago, Joj and Trisha became close to each other when Trisha’s adopted mother always left her to Joj’s mother in order to sell goods in the market. Joj’s mother was able to work too in nearby town as housemaid so they were left both in the house together. After weeks of not seeing Trisha, Joj’s mother was confused. When things went wrong on Trisha’s family, her adopted mother and father decided to separate ways. Trisha was being left and abandoned on their house. When Joj and her mother went to Trisha’s place to order veggies, they both surprised because they saw Trisha alone. Joj’s mother asked her and all Trisha did was waving her head and said “hindi ko po alam”. Joj’s mother already knew it because Trisha’s adopted mother did the same way to another child way back years ago. Back then, Trisha started lived in the house with Joj’s family and they accepted Trisha as a true member of the family. They became like sweet flowers who blooms with each other and treat as born sisters. After their high school journey, Trisha was decided to look her biological family. She undergone extensive research and searching until she was able to talk a man with round voice in the phone. It was her step-dad living with her biological mother in Australia. Months had been really tough for all of them because Trisha was leaving the country and decided to spend her life with her biological family. Besides, of all years she was living with Joj’s family, she saw how hard the life is. When Trisha had finally left the country, it was the day when she and Joj had to take the different paths of their lives.
The conversation continues, “*Joj, I have something to tell you. Wag kang mabibigla ha?”*
*“Yeaaaah, sure. Kahit yan naman lagi yung sinasabi mo sakin ehhh.”* Joj said while laughing.
*“I am going to the Philippines!! I am going home Jooooooooj!! I am so excited to see you all and make memories again. Kahit few months lang ako jan, susulitin ko talaga para makasama kayo at makapag-enjoy jan.”* Trisha said with full of excitement.
Joj is really surprise about what she heard to Trisha, “*Talagaaaa Trish? I am very excited too!! Sasabihin ko kina Nanay na uuwi ka para naman makapagluto kami ng mga Filipino foods na alam kong miss na miss mo na rin. Tuyo? Galunggong? Spaghetti na parang sinigang ang sauce? Waaah, I can’t wait to be with you Trissssssh!!”*
*“Absolutely!! I really miss the Philippines, Joj. Besides, may kailangan din ako ayusin at siguraduhin jan. My stepdad was passed away years ago, at sa akin niya iniwan ang clothing business niya rito. May mga certain stores lang na dapat icheck for verification. So, pano ba yan? I will call you Joj kapag nasa airport na ako, gusto ko kayong lahat na pamilya ko jan ang susundo sakin. I really really really miss the bonding we had Joj. Si nanay, yung mga kapatid nating maliit noon siguro ang lalaki na nila? Hindi na ako makapaghintay na makita kayong lahat!!”*
*“Pinapaiyak mo naman ako Trish. Ang laki ng nagbago simula nung nawala ka. Si Nanay hindi maiwasan malungkot. Kami rin hindi maiwasan na hindi ka maalala kapag kakain na sa hapag. Kasi gusto mo nagdadasal muna bago kumain. Anyway, bilisan mo yung pag-uwi!!”*
*“Yeeees, Joj. I will call you again. See you soonest, my Joj!!”*
*“I am waiting. See you sooneeeest, my Trish!!”*
________________________
The day has finally come for the big project of the team. Joj and Ziqi are both in a rush again and again because they forgot to wake up early. They run as fast as they can to go downwards when Ziqi suddenly see that Steve’s car is coming.
“*Goodmorning guys. How’s your sleep? Mukang napasarap tulog niyong dalawa at hindi kayo nagising ng maaga. I called you Joj five times but you were not answering so, dumaan na ako rito. I am sure magagalit si Mr. Sye if dadating kayong late and you both are in my team. So, come in.”*
*“Ah Sir, sorry for seeing us like this. Pero magbabus nalang po kami.”* Joj said.
*“Anukaba daiii, patay tayo kay Mr. Sye kapag nalate tayo. Tara na sumabay na tayo kay Sir.”*
*“Ziqi is right. Diba sabi mo araw-araw kang nakikipaglaban sa traffic? What if the traffic today is worse than you’ve experienced before? We have only 20 minutes.”* Steve said as he winks his eye to Joj.
Joj answered as she gasping air “*Okay, okay, okay. Tara naaa. I’ll make up this.”*
Everyone is focusing their time and attention to finish their assigned work. In order to avoid mistakes and misconceptions, Steve assures that everyone is well-oriented and the information is explained detail by detail. This big project of the company will aim to build and develop firm houses for the thousands homeless people and ensure them to be protected. The company is looking forward to take it for a short year because the investor who gave billions of budgets whose come up with this housing project wants to finish it as soon as possible. Joj as usual, doing and giving her 100% perseverance to work and finish it smoothly. As Joj works diligently, Steve is continuously visited her, give foods, and walking aside to give a glimpse of attention to Joj. Everybody notices Steve’s attention towards to Joj and it brings confusion and speculations to the people that constantly see how caring Steve is. However, Joj can’t break her momentum to work hardly but she feels bit uncomfortable on the things that Steve do for her.
Fast-forwarding, the months for their project went well and each stage in their plan worked steadily. As day by day, Steve became more interested and attentive to work with Joj because he really admires how diligent and persevere Joj is. Besides, he found Joj beautiful and excellent as an ideal woman fits to her. All of them including Mr. Sye notices the admiration of Steve to Joj. As the days passed by, out of nowhere, Joj has a gradual feeling of interest to Steve as he always make her laughs and feel safe. Joj feels the work became easier because of Steve. She became comfortably talking Steve. But Joj has confusions if she feels the same so she talked Ziqi to clear her mind,
*“Ziq, I have something to tell yoou and it bothers me these past few days.”*
*“Hmm, Joj. Alam ko na yang mga tingin na ganyan. Sa pagkakakilala ko sayo, bihira ka magkaroon ng mga matang may emosyon na ganyan. So, why do you feel like that?”*
*“Ziqqq, I don’t know but I am feeling good when I am with Steve. I feel secured, enough and loved. Maybe I am starting to have interest to know him? Pero..”*
*“Pero ano, nangangamba ka? Natatakot ka? Na baka maulit ulit yung nakaraan mo? Na maiwan ka ulit kapag nagmahal ka na naman? Na masaktan ka na naman? You are afraid to fall inlove again, to Steve?”*
*“Yes. You are definitely correct Ziq. That’s why I am telling you kasi alam kong ikaw lang makakaintindi sa akin. Nasa isip ko pa lang, alam mo na. I tried many times to avoid him, convincing myself that I do not want to see him, but he makes my mind running all through day. Haaay”*
To ease the tiredness caused by workloads, Mr. Sye decided to pause and have a short rest for all of them. He hosted a short celebration for giving thanks to everyone for their hard works. Everyone is excited because after many months, they are going to taste the sweetness of breathing space from work.
All of the workers are snipping out a toast for their good connection and work towards each other. Mr. Sye walks going to Steve,
*“Congrats, Steve! Half of the project works better. Thanks for being an excellent man at all times and also for your team. Magagaling at masisipag silang lahat.”*
*“It’s my pleasure Mr. Sye. Also, big thanks to Mr. Williamford. He is the reason why this project became a reality and he inspires me most. Kung sana nabubuhay pa siya ngayon, he definitely happy dahil unti-unti ng natutupad yung pinangarap naming dalawa.”*
*“I know he is happy right now dahil kinaya mong maitayo ang pangarap niyong dalawa. Anyway, how’s your condition right now? Is there a progress?*
*“Yup. I still reconnecting into my mind. But honestly, I want to take it slowly and naturally that is why I work hard and go to the places where I can recover pieces of memories that had been lost.”*
*“I support you man. By the way, you seem really interested to Ms. Castillo? Is she your type?*
Steve suddenly makes a short smile, *“Actually, I really admire her. I probably started liking her before she entered in the company. Her personality makes her even more beautiful inside and out. I always try to tell her but hindi ko alam kapag kaharap ko siya nawawala na ako sa sarili ko”*
*“You gotta falling Steve, Wow. Gusto mo naman pala siya, bakit hindi mo pa ligawan? Tell her what you really feel. You will never know unless you try. Express your emotions, I support you. Be a man bro.”* Mr. Sye said while teasing Steve.
*“Can I ask for a favor, Mr. Sye?”* Steve said.
As the celebration goes happier, Joj is starting to mingle to other people around her. She finally opens the door to come out from her comfort zone, thanks to her friend, Ziqi who always support and guide her when it comes on socializing to other people. While Joj is enjoying the night, Mr. Sye called her,
*“May I have a short minutes with you Ms. Castillo?”* Joj immediately stand and go with Mr. Sye as she feels bit nervous because Mr. Sye does not usually talk like that.
*“Ms. Castillo, do you remember the documents you passed in my table for signing? Yung mga docs for our projects in Thailand? Pwedeng pakikuha mo sa cabinet ko then pakibigay kay Mr. Steve for revising. By the way, nasa conference hall si Steve. Thank you.”*
*“Sure, Sir.”* Joj walks straight way to get the documents when she suddenly feels uneasy. Looking a folder to unfamiliar environment is challenging because this is the first time that Joj entered in Mr. Sye’s room. She continues to walk directly and finally arrive in conference hall and she sees Steve standing with a coffee.
Joj uttered words slowly “*Sir, Steve. Here are the documents. Pinapabigay ni Mr. Sye”*
Steve is still standing and just looking directly to Joj. Joj feels uncomfortable because of the strong glances from Steve’s eyes. She put the folder on the table and when she is about to leave, Steve raises his words,
*“Joj, can we talk? I already said if we are not in work, just call me Steve”*
*“About saan, Steve?* " Joj is still in nervous and Steve goes to her closely.
Steve holds her hands and say “*I think, I am falling in love with you Joj. It’s been 3 years since I started liking you, looking for you, and thinking of you. Now, I can’t even sleep without seeing you in a day. I always worried when I see you mad and I know your past could have been the reason why you always choose to be alone. Gusto kita, Joj. Will you let me be your source of happiness?”* Steve continuously expressing her emotions until he can’t stop himself and kiss Joj desperately.
As the moment romanticizes them, Joj can’t stop herself too in kissing Steve until she opens her eyes and stop frightfully. *“Sorry, this shouldn’t be happened. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Steve”*. Joj instantly walking away to Steve and crying at one corner of the room. She is crying because she finally got the answer and realize that she is also starting to fall in love to Steve and can’t fight over her feelings and self-doubts.
**Note:**
Hmmmm, the world becomes smaller between Steve and Joj and their feelings to each other are growing. Will Joj allow herself to love again?
Stay tuned, readers! 😉
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. III)
***2 years later***
“*Tick-tock…… Tick-tock…… Tick-tock…… Tick-tock…… Tick-tock……”* says the alarm clock.
Before her soul be awakened, Joj’s eyes are still in drowsy. Joj pick up her phone to stop the tone and still unaware that there are messages waiting her. After preparing herself for work, she notices the messages and open it.
*“Gandaaa”*
*“Huh?”*
*“How are you doing?”*
*“Huh?”*
Joj literally confused about the messages sent by Steve. Steve, 29, is one of the great site superintendents of the company wherein Joj is currently working. He is also good in mechanical engineering and lots of experiences in planning and scheduling, organizing, directing and controlling activities on the construction site. Joj already knows Steve because he is one of the panels who interviewed her during the application but they are not too close yet they treat each other as good co-workers. Joj didn’t realize that the time is continuously running.
*“Joj, come at the office prior to the assigned time. Steve here.”* He sent it to their group chat.
It is already 10 in the morning, Joj is in the rush because she is included and chosen as one of the engineers to work in Batangas. The team leader announces that they will have an urgent meeting for their big project and everyone should arrive in the office at 11 am. Due to traffic, Joj feels that she can’t be on time so she desperately praying that the assigned time could be adjusted. Then, the bus stopped by and she immediately goes to the office and gladly to see, everyone is already gathered but the meeting had not started yet. *“Deep sigh”*
*“Joj, nandiyan ka na pala dai. Sit beside meeeee”* Ziqi said. (Ziqi is her fellow co-applicant that turned out to be her beki friend and closest among them all.) Joj immediately sit beside Ziqi and she surprisingly see Steve staring and smiling in front of their desks. Nevertheless, she manages herself confidently to face Steve even if she still remembers the messages.
The meeting has started and the plan, agendas, and important reminders are successfully discussed. While Joj is reading the plan constantly, Ziqi is suddenly burst out of their moods.
*“Daiiiiiii, pinanganak kaya tayo para pahirapan huhuhuhu. Ang daming binigay na work sa team natin huhu.”*
*“Alam mo Ziq, instead of complaining, magpasalamat ka nalang dahil may trabaho ka. Ang dami kayang tao na kailangan ‘tong trabaho natin. We’ve been here for almost three years. At isa pa, we are one team naman so we have to work collaboratively.”* Joj uttered while smiling at Ziqi.
*“Yes, you are right Joj. Oh, Ziq, lagi kang makikinig kay Joj para lagi kang may energy to work ha.”* All of a sudden, Steve appeared and invite them to have dinner nearby. *“So, are you both free?”*
*“Ako Sir always free, ewan ko lang sa isa jan na ginawa ng mundo ang trabaho”* Ziqi said to Joj teasingly.
*“Wag mo naman masyado ubusin yung oras at atensyon mo sa trabaho, Joj. C’mon, come with us. I got you all”*
*“Ah Sir, salamat po pero I have many workloads to do and kailangan na po mapapirmahan para maiprocess na po yung mga backlogs.”*
Ziqi silently stepping aside and whispered, “*Ano ka ba daiiiii, si Sir Steve na yung nag-invite satin at isa naman siya sa mga superiors na makakasama. Tara na daiiiii, it’s time for you to shine.”*
Joj slightly turn her head and throw glaring eyes to Ziqi.
*“Joj, ikaw nalang yung hinihintay ko. Sasama ka ba o sasama? Mamili ka lang sa dalawa. No other excuses, otherwise I won’t sign what you are doing”* Steve said.
She could do nothing but a deep sigh and say *“Okay, Sir. I’m coming.”*
Everyone in the team is preparing for dinner. Joj is still thinking the bunch of works that she should do and be able to finish before the final date ends. Although Joj is a beginner, she is considered as one of the most reliable and persevere newbhie in the company because she does not complain and just work as long as she could finish it. To Joj, every inch of time to work is essential because she really needs it for her family and also diverting her mind from her past.
Few hours had passed by, the team have reached the destination. It is a classic yet modernized restaurant in Makati and the foods they offer are surely superb. Aside from the sumptuous foods, the resto has one specific place located at the top of building where you can extremely breathe, relax, and view the city lights and night sky.
Each member of the team giving thanks to Steve and other superiors for the warm bonding and delicious foods. Steve thought that they should have time to bond before they proceed to their project. He thinks that in order to accomplish a certain task, everyone should get along well and work holistically. So, his idea was successful because all of the members enjoyed the night, except the moment she saw Joj who staring in nothingness. Steve went outside to pick her phone on the car because he left it before they entered in the restaurant. As he walks back to the dinner, she unexpectedly saw Joj going somewhere.
Steve speaks while walking towards to Joj *“Hey, you there. Dito ka pala pupunta, mukang ang lalim ng mga iniisip mo ah.”*
*“Ohh, hello Sir. I’m just breathing air and masyado kasing maingay sa baba. Hindi ako masyadong sanay.”* Joj was surprised.
*“Out of work, just call me Steve. Wag kang kabahan or mailang whenever I approach you. Pabalik na sana ako sa dinner when I saw you walking alone. I am just curious kaya sumunod ako. You like the ambiance of this place? The city lights?”*
Joj breathe deeply and at some point, she feels bit comfortable. *“Actually, I love serene places. Naghanap lang ako ng lugar na pwedeng huminga and I found this place. Bonus na rin at ang ganda pagmasdan ng city lights.”*
*“I think so. Anyway, bakit ka nalate kanina? I waited you in my office para ibigay yung plan but ang tagal mo kaya pumunta na ako sa hall.”* Steve is smiling.
*“Ahhh, traffic kasi. Araw-araw nalang ako nakikipaglaban sa traffic.”* Joj suddenly remembered the messages. *“Since sabi mo naman, I can call you by your name, Steve, I just want to ask you something.”*
*“Sure. Ano yun Joj?”* Steve answered as he turns his glance to Joj.
*“What are those messages about? We had a short conversation kaninang umaga. Remember?”*
With his knitted eyebrows, Steve is a little confused about what Joj talking. He grabs his phone to his pocket and open the messages. Surprisingly, he talks to his mind, *Aww, ano ba nangyari sayo Steve? Bakit mo sinabi yon?*
*"Ohhh, you mean the messages? Of course, I remember. Hmm, my apology Joj if I texted you on that kind of way. Are you surprised?"*
*“Hmm, oo naman. Although we have phone numbers of the whole team, we had never texted each other since then. Sa office at sa group chat lang tayo may communication. Kaya I was quite surprised when I saw your messages. But it’s okay though, baka napuyat ka lang.”*
*“Oo nga eh, kaya I wonder if ano yung ginagawa mo whenever you are not active in our gc. But I mean it, you are indeed beautiful Joj.”* Joj is a bit shocked while Steve is continuously glancing her eyes.
A moment of silence had passed before Joj started to go back in the dinner because of the incessant glances from Steve’s angle. As she walked away, Steve follows her so that Joj can return safely.
The dinner went well and ended at exactly 2am. Everyone is preparing to go home when Ziqi notices that Joj is out of her seat. He is about to call Joj when she entered the resto and then Steve. All of the members are leaving the tables together with Joj and Ziqi, who suspiciously conclude that there is something going on between Joj and Steve.
*“Hoy, daiiii! Saan ka nagpunta kanina aber? Nakita ko kayo ni Sir Steve na halos magkasabay pumasok sa resto nung mag-uuwian na.”*
*“Galing ako sa taas, huminga lang at lumayo sa ingay. Alam mo naman dai na hindi ako sanay sa ganito. ”*
*“Eh bakit magkasunuran kayo pumasok ni Sir Steve? Saan kayo galing? Ano ginawa niyo? Nako, Joj knowing your past, sinasabi ko sayo ingatan mo yang sarili mo. Oo ideal man ng karamihan si Sir pero wag kang malalaglag.”*
*“Eh kung batukan kaya kita jan! Ano ba yang mga sinasabi mo Ziq! Chismosa ka talaga e no? Malay ko dun. Bigla nalang sumulpot sa likuran ko, ayun nakipagkwentuhan.”*
*“Aray naman dai!! Sigurado ka, kwentuhan ka lang?”*
*“Halika ka nga rito Ziq, babatukan na talaga kita!!”*
*“Eto na nga kasi dai, may naririnig-rinig kasi ako ha. Hindi naman maipagkakaila na ikaw ang pinakamagaling sa ating batch, bukod don eh kinumbinsi rin daw ni Sir Steve ang boss na sa team ka niya mapunta kasi he really admires you. Kahit during the application pa lang daw dai, napapansin ka na ng koya mo. Baka naman betsung ka?”*
*“Hay nako Ziq!!! Ang alak sa tiyan dinadala hind isa utak ha. Wala akong panahon sa mga sinasabi mo na yan. Lika na nga, umuwi na tayo. Mauunahan pa tayo sa upuan dahil sa kakadaldal mo jan.”*
While walking besides, a certain car stopped in front of Joj and Ziqi, it’s Steve who offers a ride.
*“Hey, Joj and Ziqi. Pwede kayo sumabay sa akin. I am just along the way naman to drop you both in your dorm. Diba magkatabi lang naman kayo ng room? Tska madami na sila van.”*
*“Thank you Stev…. Sir, pero sakanila nalang kami sasabay.”*
*“Yes, Sir Steve, thank you for your offer. Tska malapit lang naman”* Ziqi said.
*“Hmm, okay, anything you want guys. If everyone needs me, just call me right away, Ziq. And you, Joj take care of yourself. See you.”*
Ziqi is about to speak when Joj's throws death look preceded him.
Steve was driving slowly because he couldn’t believe he sent such messages like that to Joj. He remembered that he was deeply drunk that night. When he woke up, headache and hang-over were circling in his body and suddenly checked Joj’s contact picture to his phone. Little did he know that ‘Ganda’ is Joj’s number and out of nowhere, he texted her. Yes, ‘Ganda’ is the contact’s name of Joj to his phone. Hence, he finds it cute because he is able texted Joj and had a short conversation unexpectedly.
The travel took 30 minutes before Ziqi and Joj reached their dormitory. Yes, they are neighbor. As they walk upwardly, Ziqi is continuously teasing Joj. When Ziqi finally entered his room, Joj felt at ease because he literally annoys her. No matter how busy or tired she is, one of her routines is to take a bath before organizing stuff and bedtime. Joj goes directly to the CR to take a bath. Then, she grabs her phone to set the alarm and remind herself that it’s Saturday, it’s grocery time. When she is about to sleep, her phone beeps.
*“Thank you, Joj. Thank you for coming. I am grateful that we had a small talk. Hoping for more talks with you. Have a rest, sa susunod ulit. Steve here."*
It is another unexpected moment to Joj, she only read his message and did not even think to reply to avoid conversation with Steve. She feels sleepy and ignored the text message.
In case you missed the two parts ⬇️
Part I ⬇️
**https://read.cash/@molivs/to-love-is-to-risk-therefore-to-love-is-to-be-brave-77c35667**
Part II
https://read.cash/@molivs/to-love-is-to-risk-therefore-to-love-is-to-be-brave-prt-ii-5edebb93
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To be continued.. 😉
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave. (prt. II)
https://read.cash/@molivs/to-love-is-to-risk-therefore-to-love-is-to-be-brave-77c35667
Part I ⬆️
*A moment of silence...*
Joj is literally surprised to the point that she can’t explain what she feels that time. Is she amaze? happy? confused? But the night sees how happy she is. Tomorrow morning, Joj immediately called Heina and told what was happened on that night. Few months went well, Benj becomes more consistent in expressing his attention to Joj. Heina supports her cousin as well Joj but she let the two manifest what they feel to each other and leave advices as the connection is starting to grow.
To make the story of Joj and Benj short, they became MU or have mutual understanding to each other. They administered being lovers but no commitment. The months of getting to know each other turned to more happy moments between them. Joj is just waiting the time that Benj will ask and court her to settle their relationship into a committed one. As the smiles on their faces wider, they seem gleeful and fond each other side. Fast-forward, months became tough for them because they both focused on their careers until the nights where Benj seemed to be indifferent, unconcerned and aloof. Two weeks of no clues, messages, calls or even a single interest had not seen nor feel from Benj. Apart from worrying, Joj is still hoping. One hot afternoon, Joj throws messages to Benj about what is ever happening to them. It is hours before Benj got replied to her.
*“Joj, sorry kung matagal akong hindi nagparamdam. Ang dami ko lang iniisip. Pasensya ka na.”*
*“Bakit hindi mo sa akin sabihin? Pag-usapan natin. Magkwento ka at handa akong makinig sa iyo. Please, Benj. Talk to me.”*
*“Andami kasing problema sa office, sa akin lahat binabato yung mga trabaho na hindi ko naman dapat gawin eh. Plus yung business pa ni Mama. Sorry Joj.”*
Their situation really needs to be discussed because a two-week of no communication is something to be bothered especially on Joj. So, they have deep talks about what happened to them. However, although the problems have been addressed, Benj is still uninterested and do not even message Joj frequently. The situation lasted in few months and Joj can’t demand of his time, his love, and his attention because they are only MU, not committed or in a relationship. Until one midnight, a message suddenly popped on her notification. Benj texted her:
*“Joj, sorry. Pero parang kailangan ko muna hanapin yung sarili ko ng mag-isa. Gusto ko munang mag-focus sa business ko, sa career ko. Sorry dahil hindi na ako nakakapagparamdam or message sayo dahil sobrang busy at dami ko talagang ginagawa. Hindi man lang kita mapuntahan dahil hindi rin available yung sasakyan, dahil nasa kapatid ko. Joj, sorry for all the pain and struggles I have caused to you. Sorry if I make you feel the happiest but I can’t still assure if I can give the love you deserve. Sorry for all the mess, Joj. Sorry sa lahat. Siguro, hanggang dito nalang tayo? I am sure that in other part of our worlds ay magtatagpo pa rin tayo. At kung ikaw man ang nakalaan sakin, mamahalin kita ng sobra-sobra. You have always place in my heart, Joj. Thank you for everything.”*
When Joj read his message, she feels that her world has collapsed and broke into tiny pieces. She suddenly cried and go to her room just to release the pain all throughout the body. That night, Joj was totally devastated.
When she finally got into her senses. Joj replied, “*It is okay, Benj. Naiintindihan ko that you should work harder for your dreams. Wala naman akong karapatan na pigilan ka, magalit sayo at mag-demand ng pagmamahal mo dahil wala namang tayo. You said, you loved me, but where was I? Sorry, pero hindi ko lang magets na antagal mong nawala, tapos nagparamdam ka lang pala para magpaalam. Now, do not believe in our worlds because there has no us to call it “worlds” in the first place. Trial lang siguro ‘to. Maybe we have parallel worlds that will never ever meet, again. Don’t worry about me. Thanks Benj. I wish you luck on your path.”*
After the weeks of sorrowness and realizations, together with her friends, Joj is really coping about what happened on them and help herself to surpass the pain and be able to smile again. While she is searching some files in her drive, a friend of her has a message .
*“Friend, mag-open ka ng Facebook. Alam kong mabibigla ka at masasaktan ka na naman, pero mas okay ng makita mo para maliwanagan ka sa nangyari sainyo ni Benj.”*
She opens her Facebook account from several months of being deactivated just to see the post of Benj together with his flight stewardess girlfriend.
Their mutual understanding had lasted for 1 year and 2 months. As the night gets deeper, the pain she felt on that night suddenly return to her nerves and drown to overflowing shed of tears.
***At ayun na nga, sarili raw ang hahanapin pero iba pala ang nahanap.***
***Nagparamdam para magpaalam.***
As you can see, to love is to take risk. Joj took the risk to fall in love again to the person who gave butterflies in her stomach. Eventually, a memory now that she wants to forget.
That is why Joj have become this woman with no time to such things called love.
**Author’s Note:**
In today’s generation, mutual understanding is risky and uncertain. Do not ever associate yourself to those ‘mixed people’ who only give ‘mixed emotions’. It is better to be alone than letting someone that will disturb your world and suddenly hanging and leaving you in tears. So just, be wise and guard yourself.
Part III is on its way... 😉
To love is to risk. Therefore, to love is to be brave.
“***Gandaaa”***
***“Huh?”***
***“How are you doing?”***
***“Huh?”***
The radio is about to sing when Joj stretch her arms and wake up from her 3-hour sleep and notices an unusual messages to her account. The day is approaching with bunch of activities and due-to-day tasks so that Joj is still stunned at the absence of her senses. To introduce her, Joj is a freshly employee and beginner in her new job as a field engineer. She is a 24-year-old fresh graduate, family-oriented, diligent, talented, cheerful, and cold-hearted woman when someone is interested to her. Joj is supposed to be graduated 2 years ago, she chose to have work first to finance the needs of her father whose diagnosed with kidney failures. She prioritizes herself and her family because she is the breadwinner and lots of responsibilities are being hold by her two hands. Joj is a kind of woman whom not interested in romance, fling or something that talks about relationship because she finds it idle away time and no room for entertaining someone although there are some who are interested to know her. She is cold-hearted because....
***F l a s h b a c k ✨***
5 years ago, Joj met her first love in a certain occasion with her friends. It was an overnight celebration of victory because all of them were graduated and about to cross different paths individually. Heina, her friend introduced one group of people and her cousin, Benj. They sang, danced, talked, laughed and so on. The celebration went well and everyone was totally enjoyed the night. After couple of weeks, Heina and Joj had a short conversation:
*“Hoy, nga pala, type ka raw ni Benj. Crush ka raw niya. Nahihiya sayo sabihin hahahaha”*
*“Luh, Sira. Wag kang mang-trip hahahahaha”*
*“Oo nga, hindi ako nagbibiro. Tanong nga nang tanong sakin about sayo. Send ko convo namin. ”*
Heina sent the screen shots of their convo and Joj did not believed even if she read the whole conversation but she was a bit shocked and nervous that time.
Benj is the class valedictorian way back 2012, has a sort of humor, timid, kind, tall, chubby and his looks are quite average than usual. He is also from a good family with a short influence in their hometown.
In the midst of the night, Joj is purely aiming to accomplish her assigned works when her phone suddenly beeped.
*Benjamin L. Montecarlos sent you a friend request.*
*Benjamin L. Montecalos wants to send a message.*
The night have became more silent, her eyes stilled in nothingness, and the only sound that dominates the night is her heart beat. The shock runs along her entire system and nervousness is uncontrollable. Joj comes across to the laptop to finish her works and she suddenly remembered the conversation she and Heina had. While busy in typing, she can’t focus because the message and friend request are circling over her head but she continues to work in order to compile it for the presentation. Hours had passed before she accepts the request and open the message. *“Hello, Joj. Ang sarap mo palang kasama, funny and masaya. I am hoping that we can still catch each other. Ingat lagi.”*
This message hits Joj’s consciousness that there’s someone who will turn her cold heart into something that has little excitement.
*Author’s Note:*
It is really fascinating that when someone catches our attention, it might lead to transforming ourselves over the things that we used to. Do not get much into your emotions. Otherwise, take risk. This story is mainly pertaining to the ***first conversation*** above that is why I started this article showing those convos.
*Are you curious about what happened between Joj and Benj?*
Keep updated for the next part of the story 😉
Transforming your life by improving your habits
Each individual is consisting of repeated activities every day. Those repeated activities make our day either busy nor continuously moving to accomplish it. As a simple description, habits are the routines or behaviors we normally do subconsciously. Those are the repetition of activities that have little or no thought to do each day. Since the pandemic is over a year, most of the time spent is in our home especially on the days where total lockdown was implemented throughout the country.
Everyone has habits. They can be good; they can be bad or they can be totally neutral. They’re all similar in that they are routines or patterns of behavior that are performed almost automatically. Habits don’t require conscious thought or effort. In many instances, we are not aware of the process around them, we simply find ourselves doing the things that are our habits. Hence, how can we improve our lifestyle through habits?
I remember those days where my unconscious mind is hunger to learn and wanted to discover new ideas. Before, I am just an average student who wants to learn as well to enjoy life as a student. I already mentioned to my previous articles that my high school life has been the best part of my journey as a student. I admit that I cannot comprehend that time. When my English teacher wanted me to explain the short quotation from the discussion, I uttered silence because I cannot construct and speak English confidently. I felt humiliated that time because everyone in the class was staring at me and it led my consciousness to start new habits.
After that, I came to realize that I should improve myself so that I can understand the things not only in school but also in society and around me. Besides, improving yourself than yesterday is much essential to function well. Some of my habits that I continuously practice and normally do:
**Reading books**
The moment I felt humiliated, the more eagerness I want to learn. In order to improve my skills, I read, read, read, read any books with English language (obob kasi talaga ako sa English at Math 😂). Honestly, that is exactly our teacher have been told to us to develop reading, communicating, and speaking English---read as much as you can. I made reading books as my ultimate hobby that time. I spent half of the day to read and I found myself engaged. In addition, I thought that entering college was more difficult and English was the foremost medium in speaking, writing, and listening. That is why I became more persevere in reading books.
Today, I am still engaging in reading because it truly improves our mind. But I can’t say that my English skills are in that good because I think there still ways I want to improve and lots of grammatical errors and it’s okay then. In other countries in the world, grammar is not an issue, only here in the Philippines. As long as you can construct and speak English, just continue it. Improving skills is more important than avoiding to try because of fear of making mistakes.
**Considering myself first than others**
One of my significant learnings this year, do not ever forget yourself because of others. “Do not settle for less”. Even if we always heard this saying but it gives sense, right? I grew up in a world where people have always commented you, judgements, gossips and so on. I always consider the people around me and suffer myself in drowning just to satisfy their opinions. As I grow, I realized that no matter how good or bad you are, people will always have something to say towards you. We can validate themselves but make sure to focus on your self-growth first.
**Limit the use of social media**
In the techno-world that we are all in, it is not surprising if a 5-year-old child can scroll up and scroll down. Due to rapid growth of technology, social media has been the foremost platform we used today. Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, YouTube are some of the most common and visited social media sites in the world. I am one of those people who always been updated and check if there is new in my social media accounts. I remember the days where I used all of my time in scrolling up and down and sharing reacts to various posts in social world. I came across to the thought of limiting myself in using social media when I starting focusing on the realistic things. I usually deactivated my accounts when I feel the need of silence and peace. We can see that social media nowadays are quite immense, toxic and lots of perspectives that might affect you. We can use those for fun and leisure hours but do not let social media eats your precious time.
**Arranging my stuff**
If you would come into our house and you see the unending sparse things, you probably think that it is all mine. We are 4 sibs in the family and I am the girly one. All of the *pampaarte* things that you might see belong to me because the other sibs have no likes and attention to my stuff. There are times that I always misplacing my things and ended up in finding the whole day. To avoid this, every time I use certain stuff, I placed it to its home especially my clothes. Washing it thoroughly, disposing, fixing the kitchenwares and oragnizing my workloads are with my routines. Arranging my stuff is part of my habits so if I need something, I can easily find them.
**Appreciate little things in life**
The more you discover the beauty of something, the more you appreciate it. All of the things we see around us are here to perform their functions whether it is living or non-living things. Sometimes, we tend to see the big things and forget the essence of small things. They won’t become bigger if they not once became smaller. In life, I learned valuing things. I see how important those small things to fulfill our needs. The world would not have billions of monies without a coin. Even life would not be wonderful without rejection. So, learn to appreciate little things because someday, those little things will become the big things you’ve been waiting for.
It is inevitable if we sometimes do lousy habits. However, do not let those habits conquer your time.
Make your habits more interesting and help you not only to improve your skills but also develop your mind and perspectives to improve yourself that may lead you to be a better individual.
How about you?
What are your habits?
"Pasensya na. Hanggang kaibigan lang talaga"
Isa na yata sa pinakamasakit na maramdaman bilang isang tao ay yung hindi masuklian ang pag-ibig na inalay mo sakanya, at natapos sa “Pasensya na. Hanggang kaibigan lang talaga”.
Mayroon akong isang tula para sa isang pagmamahal na kailangan nang pakawalan upang puso’y hindi na masaktan.
💠
*Kaibigan, gusto kitang pasalamantan dahil sa dulot mong kaligayahan*
*Baka hindi mo namamalayan na hindi mo na siya gaanong nasasaktan*
*Bakit nga kaya? Isang tanong na laging naglalaro sa aking isipan*
*O baka naman tinanggap ko na ang aking kapalaran na hanggang kaibigan lang?*
*Siguro nga, hanggang dun nalang.*
*Kaibigan, ang dami nating pinagdaanan pero nanatili pa rin ang aking pagmamahal*
*Kahit para sayo, bilang kaibigan nga lang…*
*Ang dami na nating pinagsamahan at pinagsaluhan na sana’y hindi ito masayang ng ganun lang*
*Hinihiling ko na sana ganun pa rin ang turingan at hindi mo ako iiwasan*
*Hindi mo kayang gawin? Pakiusap, kahit para sa pagkakaibigan nalang natin.*
*Kaibigan, may tanong lang ako, wala ka bang napapansin na kakaiba sa aking mga mata?*
*Na tila ba’y kumikislap kapag nakikita ka*
*Wala ka bang napapansin sa aking mga ngiti na parang akong kinikiliti?*
*Di mo ba nakikita ang kaligayahan ng aking pagkatao sa tuwing nakakasama ka?*
*Kaibigan, may opinyon lang ako at sana basahin mo*
*Bakit di nalang natin hayaan na mahalin kita hanggang sa tuluyan nang mawala ang aking nadarama?*
*Ano sa tingin mo? Hindi ka naman talo dahil ako ang sumusugal sayo*
*"Hindi pwede na hayaan kitang mahalin mo ako dahil masakit din sa akin na hindi ko kayang suklian ang pagmamahal mo" yan' ang sinabi mo bago pumatak ang aking mga luha*
*Siguro nga’y tama ka, dapat piliin natin kung saan tayo magiging masaya*
*Kahit paglisan mo ang tanging sagot para sa aking paglaya*
*Kaibigan, tayo’y nagkakitang muli at balita ko’y may nagpapangiti na sa iyong labi*
*Labis na kaba, nerbyos, sakit, at pagkaawa ang aking naramdaman*
*Nang makita kang may kasamang iba at higpit ng yapos ng mga kamay mula sa isa’t-isa*
*Hindi ko kinaya, hindi ko talaga kinaya*
*Ako’y naglakad palayo, umalis ako kasama ng sakit mula sa mga nakita ko.*
***Lumipas ang maraming araw at buwan….***
*Kaibigan, siguro nga isa akong talunan pagdating sa pagmamahal sayo*
*Pero para naman akong nanalo sa lotto dahil tayo’y naging magkaibigan na totoo*
*Wala sanang magbago sa kung ano ang ating nasimulan*
*Dahil mas masarap isipin na kahit binigyan mo ng espasyo ang ating mga mundo, hindi ka nagbago*
*Salamat sa iyo aking kaibigan.*
*Marahil ikaw ay isang great lesson pero hindi ang aking the one-person*
*The one-person na mamahalin ko at patuloy ko pa rin aantayin, kahit gaano kahaba ang aking lalakbayin.*
**Note:** It happened between my two friends. This is based on the experiences happened within my circle of friends. Yes, this is true parehas ko silang kaibigan and we are 6 in the group (3 males and 3 females). We have been friends nor barkada since high school pero nagsimulang magkafeelings si Kate kay Md nung 4th year high school kami at lalong lumalim nung college na kami dahil tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang communication at attachments. That time, sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon ni Kate dahil inlove na pala siya at patuloy pa rin ang aming gatherings, outings, gala, at mga sitwasyon na masaya kaming magkakaibigan. Walang nakakaalam sa amin hanggang sa nagulat nalang kami na umamin na si Kate kay Md. Fastforward, alam ko lahat ng nangyari at nararamdaman nila both kasi isa ako sa naging mediator. Ang hirap sa part ko dahil gusto kong isave yung friendship na meron kami at ayokong masira dahil may involvement na feelings pero papano? Kung patuloy lang na nasasaktan yung isa dahil sa isa. So ayun, nagkaroon ng space ang friendship namin and they had no communication for several months. Hanggang sa nagkaroon na ng girlfriend si Md. Ayun naloka ang Ate Kate mo and to the rescue naman kami. Of course, ayaw naming maging biased dahil kaibigan din naman namin si Md kaya lahat ng ginagawa namin ay alam niya and he truly supported us for the sake na maging okay si Kate. Luckily, they both handled sa kung ano ang nangyari sakanila. Ngayon, natanggap naman na lahat-lahat ni Kate at parehas naman silang maayos at masaya.
**Note ulit:** 8 years yung feelings ni Kate kay Md. Mas matatag pa kaysa sa naging relasyon namin hahahaha.
Ganun talaga, may mga taong ibibigay sa atin para magbigay lesson, para patatagin tayo. Minsan, sa pagmamahal tayo nasasaktan pero yun lang din ang paraan para maging masaya tayo ulit. Masarap magmahal basta handa ka.
It is okay to feel weak
*While laying on my bed beneath the light's ray, I find the night that this would be a great catch to rest.*
At this age, I can say that life is a circle of challenges and surprises. Life is composed of ups and downs. Life is series of roads with different journey to explore. Life is a drive that keeps people looking forward to live, to survive, and to keep body and soul together. Sometimes, life is unfair nor tiring that depletes your mind and energy to give up. But in the end, we always choose to look in the brighter side than keep ourselves drowning.
It is true that you cannot always feel the happiness genuinely. You can smile without no reasons. You can laugh with no tomorrows. You can dance and sing even the world is against you. You always understand and make people happy around you but at the end of the day, still, you are covered with emptiness and loneliness. When the time comes that you need strength and courage, who’s the only and real one for you to cheer up? Yourself.
In a world where everything is fragile, we sometimes feel the unending exhaustion that our body growls to rest. There are instances that in time of sickness, it is the only time where we can grasp the air and peace to make our soul restful. In time of nothingness, we keep wondering why and how life throws circumstances, challenges, sorrow, sadness, and beyond.
It must be tiring, right? We oftentimes keep quiet to the things that randomly picked us. When I see clouds moving even no direction to go, they keep moving because of the wind that supports their function. In the innermost layer of being a human, just the like the clouds, we need support system that preserves our purposes to live. If you have not seen anyone, at least make yourself as the only one who believes in you, who trusts you the most, who keeps you to be alive.
It is okay to feel weak. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to feel the emotions you want to feel with. It is okay to acknowledge failures, grief and resentment. It is still okay to cry out loud when you can’t handle the burdens inside. It is free to feel the numbness that runs into your mind throughout the body. Yes, it is okay to be weak than pretending to be good at all times. It sucks you know.
There are two tables: one is narrowed, small, and short-legged table and the other one is a fine glass-long table. Each table is serving delicious food and good drinks. What will you choose to have your meal? In life, people tend to have a comfortable life and convenience. Most of them likely to listen on the tangible opinions and compliments that people might throw to them. If we try to analyze the people’s preferences today, they will choose the fine glass-long table because it suits with the way people, they want to see them. But if I say that the small one is consisting of good talks, wide laughs, sharing stories while enjoying the food, would you rather choose it? And the fine glass-long table is consisting of apart communication, silence, and misunderstandings, would you? That’s the point hmmm. Often, we don't see what is more important so we are left thinking, missing, and incomplete until we go to the stage where our body is inevitably feeble.
It is not wrong if you want to escape and enjoy crying. In that way, you release the emotions that make you hanging. Crying does not make you less of a human, it’s normal. If you feel weak, then recognize your weaknesses. If you undergo breaking down, go, give it to yourself. Being a weak sometimes gives an open door to the new things for you to be more sprightful and motivated.
Yes dear, it is okay to feel weak, faint and vulnerable. These will make you even stronger to face realities. If you stand for a long time, you deserve to lay and enjoy music. Do not be harsh to yourself as you grow and across in the different paths in your life. Welcome your imperfections. Again, it is okay to feel weak; we are humans.
Hmmmm, these are just random thoughts. I compose what my mind tells me to write.
It’s a gloomy night! My eyes pulling me down as the wind blows thoroughly and music unites the ambiance to enjoy the time of resting.
*Okay lang maging malungkot. Okay lang maging mahina paminsan-minsan. Okay lang umiyak nang umiyak. Okay lang magpahinga. Totoo lahat ng nararamdaman mo. Basta pagkatapos lahat niyan, babangon ka para lumaban ulit at magpatuloy para ienjoy ang buhay na meron ka.*
Let us rooting ourselves!! ❤️
What would say to your younger self?
*I came across this topic because of the four children I saw yesterday.*
Monday is probably the busiest day of every person---schooling, start of business, exercising, accomplishing tons of household chores and so on. The lights are immediately turned off, morning meal is a priority before leaving, the cold water that runs into your entire body is awakening your soul, the bustling vehicles that are rushing to reach their assigned time, and the incessant messages because of random errands from superiors. Those are the moments I have encountered when Monday is arrived. The introduction is obviously manifesting that I must survive the plenty of works that awaits me in school. The gloomy weather approaches me to finish the numerous papers works so that I can be able to get home right away.
In the midst of nothingness, I noticed that the time is about to leave. I asked my superior if can go home early and she said, “Go ahead”. Before going home, I went through BDO-Cabiao Branch to fix my documents to open a new account. Since pandemic is not over yet, many transactions are more suitable through online banking. To secure the safety, most of the people nowadays tend to use ATM for convenience. The queue is quite long and need patience before entering the bank and in the distant view, I saw 4 children carrying a basin individually. The basin contains goods to sell and is placed over their head and hold by their strong arms to move. One of the children saw a 1-peso and they scrambled in order to get the peso coin. As their loud voices murmuring, I suddenly realized how lucky the people around to stare them, including me. If only I had a chance to be close to them, I will give help so that they won’t fight against each other. My heart is melting as I saw their eagerness to survive in this world. Even when they are young, they prefer work to live. Instead of schooling and playing, they are working.
I just reflect my life when I was a young like them. During my younger years, I always tend to play over notebooks and a pen. I remember when my parents always fetch me because after school, I directly went to my friends and cousins’ place to play. A life that I would still want to go back and those memories that will never be forgotten.
This article pertains to my younger self. Our younger self is surely the only thing that we always wishing and wanted to go back. It is the moment of real happiness, discovery, exploration, and the journey where we can use our time freely. It is like, we do not have any problems, just fun!!
In connection with this, if I would have a chance to talk someone from the past, it would be my younger self. My younger self whom I really missed because of her curly hair, brown eyes, unworried smiles, naughtiness, and unconscious mind. If you only knew, there are many stories I want to tell you. I wish to have a wonderful conversation between the 10-year-old me and the 23-year-old young adult today.
***Dear younger self:*** Your smile, your eyes, your secrets, lonely knowledge is true. You stumbled many times but you chose to stand up with courage like your father have always taught to you. You climbed trees without even knowing how to go down. You rode a bike even if you fell on different roads just to learn and enjoy biking. When you did wrong and your father is angry, you endure the pain against the power of ipil-ipil tree, hanger, belt, slippers, acacia, guava and any branches of tree/plant that he touched. Yeah, I experienced all of these kinds of rod and I realized how valuable those moments are. Younger self, your life was an extraordinary amazing!! You always chose cooked rice soaked with coffee over sinigang. You always tended to have a dinner with bangus, sirena, kiss, fiesta, and deep sea scrumbled with sliced kamatis and fish sauce. Yum!! (Mga favorite namin na chichirya na ulam). You always chose the love to play over doing assignments. You secretly picking up talbos ng kamote and salt because you and your playmates conducted luto-lutoan, and everyone were satisfied after cooking in a can and piece of fire made by a triangular 3-rock formation and small woods. You regularly inviting your friends to play piko, jackstone, touching ball, alubado (patintero), chinese garter, dr. kwak-kwak, rainborak, bending na halos mabali ang pagyuko, moro-moro, tumbang-preso, itit-kurikit (hide and seek), kasal-kasalan, and sooooo much more to mention. When rain is starting to fall, I remember the days where friends, cousins, and I are playing and showering the rain with full of excitement, happiness, and enjoyment. Those were the days which we always pray to rain because everyone is excited. You always called “Mamaaa, tapos na ako tumae”, “Mamaaaa, kakain na ako, subuan mo ako”, and too much “Maaaamaaa”. Younger self, you had a beautiful and adventurous journey.
Haayyyy, I felt more nostalgic while constructing this because the next song played is Kanlungan.
One question: **What are the things you have done nor become an adult that your younger self would be proud of?**
At a certain moment it will become necessary for you to go on a journey. It isn’t to escape forever. To my younger self, if I would tell the things I have done to become I am today, it’s a very long story, so I could give some:
**1. Firm believer.**
She is a firm believer to have a strong conviction that something is important or worthwhile to make her life meaningful and peaceful. She is a firm believer that she can accomplishes the things that she ought to do. She will not stop until she is done. She constantly believes on the beauty of her dreams so she is always aiming to pursue her goals in life. Everything that contributes on righteous, she is a firm believer that anything could possibly true with perseverance, humility, kindness, immense understanding and faith.
**2. Happy Pill**
One of her friends gave a nickname “our happy pill” to a certain post that pertains how grateful they are to have a friend like her. She continuously serves as the happy pill of the family. During occasions and get-together, she always assures that she will come and spread positivity and fun for everyone. The nonstop and loud laughter, she encourages everyone to enjoy the food as she eats joyfully, the never-ending corny jokes, silly dancing moves, the nonsense chikas dramas in life, the fun-filled smile that brings enjoyment whenever they have a time of chilling with the squad. There is one time that she could not able to attend a certain birthday party due to workloads, one friend of her captioned the picture, “Kulang talaga ang saya, kapag wala si Jure”. (And it saddened yet overwhelmed me because I want to enjoy the time to be with them because we are now in the stage of working and hardships in life. So, as much as possible, if there is time that I can be with them, I always seize the opportunity because we might not know the next time, and able to see each other again). As long as the time is free up to now, she always to be their happy pill of the family.
**3. The next parent in her siblings**
It is completely true that the eldest daughter/son is the next parent to her/his siblings. Younger self, listen. She became the parent whenever the family needs her. She does what the eldest daughter needs to do in her family. She sacrifices a lot to give back the privilege to her parents and act as the sidekick of mother’s responsibilities. Even if she gets tired enough, she chooses to keep quiet and move forward to achieve what she really wants---to make her family safe and happy. Do you want to know why she became like this? Because someday, she also wants to be a mother. One of her dreams in life is to have a whole, humble and happy family like what she has right now. So, it is just like that this is her training ground before she goes in a more serious and accountable life as a human.
**4. Persevere individual**
She always works with perseverance. There are times that she forgets to grab a meal just to finish the works and activities assigned to her. She does the things wholeheartedly and always have the goal to accomplish it properly. Perseverance is very important to her because that is the thing she grasped during the toughest times of her life. Until now, she becomes more persevere to pursue her dreams.
**5. Explorer**
You know younger self; she really loves discovering ideas. She is curious how things work and how life functions to be a human. She loves exploring the places nor things that she can learn with and share to people. She possesses naturalistic intelligence that is why she truly loves the nature. She always chooses to discover new things than ending without trying. She also loves traveling to make adventure because she feels at peace every time she reconnects to nature. She is a collector of memories that she will surely treasure and cherish when the gray-hair and rocking chair come. She wants something very challenging and exciting and totally different from our normal and ordinary life. An adventure that involves challenging herself or trying out something new in life.
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***Dear Younger Self:*** I hope you would still give your sweetest smile when you read this haha. I hope you are grateful to what, to where, and to who you are today. You became strong more than you could asked for. Do not worry, you are continuously growing as a delightful individual. On this path, you are sure to get lost. But you are held, watched, and guided by a vast organic intelligence. It will become visible when things fall apart – as surely, they must, in the transition between worlds. You will stumble, only to find overlooked treasure beneath your feet. You’ll despair of finding the answer – and then the answer will find you, the life will nurture you. 🌱
*You have grown in the ways you wanted, younger self. Continue living your life to the fullest.*
Flowers of May
*It was a long and winding road of pain in May*
*When I see you smiling at me with sun’s beautiful arrays*
*I thought you will come to me*
*But you ended saying “I am no longer happy”*
*Your eyes showing the truth*
*Your smiles telling don’t lie*
*That night, I deeply cried*
*Because you said “I am no longer your dream bride”*
*In the midst of uncertainty, I am sitting beside the sea*
*Thinking lots of questions with a cup of tea*
*As the wind is thoroughly blowing,*
*With my two bare hands, the tears are continuously flowing*
*As I laid my head on a thousand stars*
*I watch you walk away and leaving my heart with hundreds of scars*
*As the waves mesmerized my soul,*
*I gradually close my eyes and started to free fall*
*Some say it’s painful to wait for someone*
*Some say it’s painful to forget someone*
*But the worst pain comes when you don’t know whether to wait or forget,*
*And I choose to forget you even there’s no reason if forgetting is long past due*
*You seem happy with someone else hand*
*I think this is the right time to start moving forward*
*Ohhh, maybe you are my greatest love*
*Yet, you are my greatest pain..*
***Thank you, but I have to close the chapter of me and you….***
*Several months had passed by*
*I feed my soul, my heart, and my mind with peace and love*
*My darling, I refuse to wither and sorrow*
*Coz I choose to bloom and carefully grow*
*The heaven poured bountiful blessings in July*
*The flowers were swaying gracefully*
*The clouds and greeny plants were dancing happily*
*I heard a certain voice that my eyes fell in a deep hall*
*Someone was coming into my senses,*
*“Hey, your eyes look in saddened and weary,”*
*“Your face shows hesitations, confusions and dreary”*
*“Could I plant healing words in your wounds? Again?”*
*Huh! You uttered words that I have never been heard to you*
*You, the one who left me hanging in the middle of night dim sky*
*You, the one who forget me over a 2 month-girl with brown eyes*
*You, the one who destroyed my world into pieces*
*You want to come back with full of lies and resentment*
*You want to start again after you left me alone?*
*You want to be happy again as I am still drowning in sadness and self-worthlessness?*
*How unfair the world is, right? How could you do that without any regrets of letting me go?*
*In every room of our time together, there is a box of memories we shared,*
*Now is the time to pack away and spared*
*To the things that we once had together*
*My love, my darling, my one thing, but goodbyes are better for everything*
*It is really a heartbreaking moment to throw goodbyes*
*To someone who once became your one and only one*
*Hopefully, we will not be alone for so long*
*And find the happiness that will never decay*
*Even separating our world and letting go are the only ways.*
*“****Springs and sparkle are done***
***Now, the time we should walk the Earth with different paths and we were forgetting….***
***the butterflies, the storms, the life, and the love we once dreamed for.”***
***-US, ’17-21.***
The Northern Breeze: Sagada Escapade prt. III
“Food Porn, Food Porn, Food Porn, baby” the common words that come into my mind wherever we plan to travel. Aside from sceneries and cultures of the place, one of the most precious things about travelling is the love of food. Tasting the foods in a certain place makes my soul alive and complete because I literally love eating. This will be the last part of my Sagada Escapade journey and it brings me to the place where I really want to go back. It’s you Sagada, I am really missing you big time. In this part, I compiled the restos we tried in Sagada and wanted to share the kind of foods we had along the travel. It might be common or unique in your eyes but still, it gives the aroma of peace and healing.
The must try Restos in Sagada:
Yoghurt House
It is quite fascinating that you could see a house that offers with variety of yoghurt delicacies. What is yoghurt? I know, we all knew yoghurt but how this food helps our body? Yogurt is basically fermented milk—milk that's heated and mixed with two types of live bacteria, Lactobacillus bulgaricus and Streptococcus thermophilus. These are good bacteria, by the way, the probiotic kind that keeps our gut healthy. Yes, you read it right. Yoghurt is composed of live bacteria or also known as probiotics that keeps the gut or intestines healthy. We also encountered those good bacteria in Yakult, Delight and other probiotics drinks. In this house, we tried different orders: I ordered yoghurt with oats fillings and Kate ordered yoghurt with banana (I absolutely do not remember what were the exact names of this but I can still ought the food fillings). Each order cost 150 and above and it is literally worth the price because we both cannot consumed it in a full of glass. The taste was, of course, sour and had a bit of sweet’s aftertaste.
The Lemon Pie House
The name of this house literally gives the main ingredient for every food you may order---lemon. It serves various with unique servings of foods consisting primarily the lemon. The ambiance of this place was sooooooo cozy, relaxing and you will just close your eyes and enjoy their classic music that binds the cold breeze of Sagada. The Lemon Pie House is mostly built-in bamboos and the style is much influenced by their cultures. We both ordered a lemon pie with different teas to sip in. I slightly remembered the teas that they were based on the different roots of trees found in Sagada. As we sit like the Koreans, we really enjoyed the rest.
Sagada Brew
This is the resto where I considered the most unique one because they offered delicacies with special ingredient. The food is named as Etag. Etag” is pork meat preserved through salting, smoking over a low fire, or sun-drying, and is an important part of the life of Sagada people especially in rituals for different occasions. Due to exposure, sometimes etag has 'uod'and became dried, and with lots of processes, it can be cooked and eaten. (luto na yung etag bago siya ihalo o gawing side dishes sa mga pagkain). If you cook your etag before eating like most Cordilleran’s do like mixing them with pinikpikan, it could be safe because cooking would kill the microbes, parasites and bacteria present on the meat. These foods we ordered are consisted of etag and the taste was so really good like the normal food we eat in cities. That was really amazing! I fell on the thought that there are so many cultures and traditions that Filipinos have and still practiced even in today’s generation.
Sagada Hub
This place is a commonly a resto that offers brown rice as part of the major meal for every order. Sagada hub offers various foods that will suit in your tummy needs and tiredness. We had lunch in this resto and we enjoyed the scenery as it gives the real beauty of Sagada. Moreover, this resto is managed by our tour guide, Kuya Satur that’s why we tried to taste and specially to show support and respect to him.
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Since this was last day of our Sagada trip, there are many restos to must try on. But the time and day were approaching to take off. After a day of full of restos, we went on the house we stayed in to pack and fix our things because we were about leaving (huhu that’s the hardest thing to do when you travel in a certain place). After a short talk to Kuya Satur, he called his one of his boys to convey us in the terminal from Sagada to Baguio. So, so we were leaving the Sagada and it felt really sad. The bus was starting to leave when I forgot to give the 50peso bill to Kuya Satur for the tourist fee. I texted him:
Me: “Kuya Satur, sorry po nakalimutan ko po iabot yung 50 pesos para sa tourist fee, iload ko nalang po sainyo para magamit niyo po sa pag-contact pa ng ibang guests?”
Kuya Satur: "Okay na yun, ibigay mo nalang sa susunod niyong pagbalik dito. Kailang kasama niyo na mga asawa at anak niyo nun ha."
Kuya Satur's reply saddened Kate and Kate I because he was expecting to come over gain to his birthplace. At the same time, we laughed because we did not even know if we were able to come back there with married life (haha just kidding).
According to some people in the bus, the travel is slower because the road is steep and much dangerous especially downwards so it needs enough and extra discipline to the driver. The travel went well and it almost took 7 and half hours before we reached Baguio. We contacted one of our high school classmates who worked in Baguio, Ella to fetch us. Ella together with her mother and younger sister lived in Baguio for a while. They are caretakers on a certain apartment and they offered one room for us. We stayed one night in Baguio to rest. The next day, we grabbed the opportunity to have another glimpse how beautiful this place is. Kate wanted to see the strawberry farm in La Trinidad, Benguet and we traveled almost 30minutes to reach the place.
(side tripping...)
The Strawberry Farm in La, Trinidad Benguet
Even if this was my 5th time in Baguio, it was actually my first time in a strawberry farm. That day, the Strawberry Farm was not at its peak so the farm is much greeny and there were no strawberries. To enjoy the time, we explore the place, eat and Kate bought lettuce for his mother.
We tried the famous strawberry taho of La Trinidad Benguet. It was really good and felt teary eyed as I remembered my childhood days in waking up too early just to buy a taho for breakfast. Haaay, what a feeling!
The Bell Church
We also did a side trip in Bell Church. It was like a chinese temple church and some of the tourists spot there were colsed that time. So we did explore the vicinity of the Bell Church.
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After the long walk in Strawberry Farm, we went to the market to buy pasalubong. I bought just a little because I have no enough space in my baggage. (dala ko yata ang buong bahay namin sa dami ng dala ko hahaha and it is okay because it was my first time to travel in a place with cold environment). The moment we had finished in the market, was the time we talked to a certain driver to convey us in the terminal from Baguio to Cabanatuan. We packed the things on the compartment and started waving goodbyes to Ella’s family and especially to the places (Sagada and Baguio) where my heart and mind left.
If there are times that I could possibly come back, I always will. They're the places that brings truthfulness in you and realize how life still amazing is. Due to pandemic, I know everyone is still wishing to travel around the places we wanted and do not lose hope because it will happen in the nearest future. That's the end of our Sagada Escapade 2019 and I hope I could come back to see the sea of clouds in Sagada.
Kapit lang! 🤗
You can also see and read my previous article about the first and second part of my Sagada Escapade. Just see my feed, click, and open. 😉
The Northern Breeze: Sagada Escapade prt. II
In line with the first part of my Sagada Escapade which was previously posted, there’s another part that awaits us to see the beauty of Sagada and its relevance to the Philippine’s history. Guides can be found upon registration at the tourist-office in Sagada Proper (the main town) for a small fee. Most of the guides are natives, also known as Kankanaey.
After celebrating the night in Cellar Door, we took enough rest because since that day we were travelling from Cabiao to Baguio to Sagada, this was only the night where we can have a deep sleep and rest. Before bed time, I remembered Kate brought sleeping mask so that we can able to stay fresh even our eyes were weary and full of bags haha. Due tiredness, as we closed our eyes and the breeze were tightly humming, we slept and gather energy for another destinations.
The Inverted House
Here at Sagada they consisted good many home designs that feature what we call an “inverted floor plan.” Yeah, you read it right, the style and design of the house is literally inverted but if you go inside, the things are normal ad classic. They commonly adopted this sort of ideas in American styles because this style is eye-catching and the location is pretty close to the clouds. In this place, we waited the sunrise and the food was really tasty. You are just like in a cloud nine!
The dazzling Pine Trees of Sagada
One of the sceneries I love the most is the beauty and relaxing mood brought by the trees. This location is certainly covered with perennial pine trees, plants and some wild grasses, and the sound of chirping birds and the playing of wind makes my soul recharged and lifted. I can say, it was totally amazing!! You will literally see and feel the serenity and tranquility you need in these pine trees. Until today, I have amazed by this and realized how really awesome this place is.
The Gaia Cafe and Crafts
Gaia Café and Crafts is the popular place where the movie “That thing called Tadhana, starring JM De Guzman and Angelica Panganiban, shoot in some parts of the film. The cafe is cozy, lovely exteriors. They have some recycled old shoes converted to plant pots at the door of the resto. Inside is a fireplace and a library where guests can read books (even for the whole day). There is no Wi-Fi; They encourage to connect with nature instead for a better connection. The view of the terraces and the field was really nice as I don’t want stopped and laid all day with good sceneries.
The Abandoned Bus
In a certain Korean series, I remember when Lee Rang asked by her brother, Yeon. “What is your greatest fear?” Rang said, “My greatest fear is being abandoned (by the people I love the most).” The bus was abandoned because of certain accident happened before. According to Kuya Satur (our tour guide), the bus was being abandoned with plenty of people died because it was slipped in the mountain. Due to shock, the driver left the bus and the people especially before that Sagada has no certain amount of people thriving there and the road is too steep and narrow. So, the local community preserved the bus because it left a history that have marked how beautiful yet the road is dangerous in Sagada. Discipline and extra care in driving is a must when going in this place.
Orange Picking at Rock Inn Cafe
This was the last part of our Day-2 in Sagada. The orange picking is located in a wide range of oranges tree and hectares of variety of fruits. When you pay 50pesos for entrance, you can eat oranges as many as you could. Yes! You only pay entrance then you can eat as much orange as you want. The oranges were so bountiful in sweetness and I think I was overdosed in vitamin C that day. It is forbidden to bring orange outside but you can buy it starting 50pesos and upwards.
(Wait for the last part, part III 😉)
The Northern Breeze: Sagada Escapade prt. I
Travelling is the kind of activity, which almost all the people love. For someone it is an opportunity to relax and abstract from everyday busy life. For others it is interesting to observe the way people of other cultures and mentality live. Some people consider it to be the best way to have fun and always try to visit as many clubs, pubs, restaurants and cafes as possible for their wallets and time limits. Sagada is located in Northern Luzon's Mountain Province and is accessed via a scenic yet windy road from the lower township of Bontoc or further afield from Banaue or Baguio. Sagada is one the places I really wanted to check in my bucket list so I made time to visit and enjoy what Sagada has. My friend and I planned to go in this place last October 2019 when I got 1 week vacation as sembreak continued. We invited the whole gang and due conflict scheds and workloads, they did not come along. However, if there are always the opportunities, seize it and live for it.
The travel hour from Nueva Ecija to Baguio City is approximately 6 to 7 hours depending on the traffic along the way. Since our town is far from the North, we should go to Cabanatuan Terminal first to find a van going to Baguio. We reached the terminal for about 2 and half hours, luckily, we found a travel van that waited 2 passengers before leaving. After the long drive, we touched down Baguio City at 5 or 6 in the evening and we did wander because the place is actually relaxing (we all knew that haha). Eating delicacies, window shopping, viewing the beautiful sceneries in Baguio, and we did a night shop in Night Market. It is a long road with variety of stores selling various products and goods in an affordable price. It was indeed a great opportunity to experience the Night Market in Baguio because the products are affordable yet useful.
As the night market preparing for closing, we went on slaughter house where the first trip from Baguio City to Sagada is waiting. The travel hours from Baguio City to Sagada is about 6 and half hour. We arrived in Sagada around 11 in the morning. After lunch, we started exploring the destinations.
The Sumaguing Cave
All of these underworlds, Sumaguing Cave has the biggest chamber, earning its nickname as “The Big Cave”. This is the first destination yet most challenging part of this trip. Kuya Satur, the leader of our tour guides, initiated the spelunking. We explore the cave and amazed by the rock formation inside. The tour guides advised everyone that don't look up if you don't want to be stained by bat-poop droppings. It is commonly known that caves are the place where bats are thriving. The people in Sagada said that rituals and other traditional gatherings are formed inside the cave. The exploration went well and it was very joyous because it was once in a lifetime moment. So, we reached the best spot of the cave, the awesome formation of limestone. They people in Sagada said that rituals and other traditional gatherings are formed inside the cave.
Echo Valley ft. Church of the St. Mary the Virgin
To see coffins perched on the side of a mountain is unusual enough, but to find a chair strapped to one makes it even odder. To get to Echo Valley and the hanging coffins, you’ll need to walk past St. Mary’s Cathedral (also known as Church of St. Mary the Virgin), a church built by American Anglican missionaries who arrived in Sagada during the early part of the last century. Despite converting to the Anglican faith, many Sagadans continue to practice their beliefs.
Though the hanging coffins are still utilized, many Sagadans these days choose to be buried in this Anglican cemetery instead.
After crossing the cemetery, you’ll find yourself standing at the top of Echo Valley. A gorgeous spot with a killer view, the hanging coffins are about a 15-20 min downhill trek from here.
After this, you will see a number of woods hanged along cliffs. This is what you called the Hanging Coffins. It is the old burial tradition of Igorot where they put the corpse in coffins and suspended with wires and ropes along cliffs. This practice keeps thousands cultural beliefs that make it more unique that other traditions. Hence, whatever the cultures and beliefs people have, respect is the foremost needed.
The Club house and Sandwiches
After a long and tiring day, we agreed to try the foods they offer here in this classic and bambooed-resto. We tried their unique burger, pasta and tea to ease hunger and relax our legs.
The Cellar Door
A few minutes, Kuya Satur called us if we wanted to go in Cellar Door or also known as Cerveza Sagada. The first and only craft brewery in Sagada. Even we tried lots of beers in Cities, we always want to try craft beer direct from the source. I absolutely love the natural and unique outdoor set-up of Sagada Cellar Door. Imagine drinking quality craft beer while sitting by a bonfire under the stars in the middle of a forest surrounded by pine trees in the Philippines!
(wait for the Part II 😉)
@molivs
