https://read.cash/@molivs/to-love-is-to-risk-therefore-to-love-is-to-be-brave-77c35667
Part I ⬆️
A moment of silence...
Joj is literally surprised to the point that she can’t explain what she feels that time. Is she amaze? happy? confused? But the night sees how happy she is. Tomorrow morning, Joj immediately called Heina and told what was happened on that night. Few months went well, Benj becomes more consistent in expressing his attention to Joj. Heina supports her cousin as well Joj but she let the two manifest what they feel to each other and leave advices as the connection is starting to grow.
To make the story of Joj and Benj short, they became MU or have mutual understanding to each other. They administered being lovers but no commitment. The months of getting to know each other turned to more happy moments between them. Joj is just waiting the time that Benj will ask and court her to settle their relationship into a committed one. As the smiles on their faces wider, they seem gleeful and fond each other side. Fast-forward, months became tough for them because they both focused on their careers until the nights where Benj seemed to be indifferent, unconcerned and aloof. Two weeks of no clues, messages, calls or even a single interest had not seen nor feel from Benj. Apart from worrying, Joj is still hoping. One hot afternoon, Joj throws messages to Benj about what is ever happening to them. It is hours before Benj got replied to her.
“Joj, sorry kung matagal akong hindi nagparamdam. Ang dami ko lang iniisip. Pasensya ka na.”
“Bakit hindi mo sa akin sabihin? Pag-usapan natin. Magkwento ka at handa akong makinig sa iyo. Please, Benj. Talk to me.”
“Andami kasing problema sa office, sa akin lahat binabato yung mga trabaho na hindi ko naman dapat gawin eh. Plus yung business pa ni Mama. Sorry Joj.”
Their situation really needs to be discussed because a two-week of no communication is something to be bothered especially on Joj. So, they have deep talks about what happened to them. However, although the problems have been addressed, Benj is still uninterested and do not even message Joj frequently. The situation lasted in few months and Joj can’t demand of his time, his love, and his attention because they are only MU, not committed or in a relationship. Until one midnight, a message suddenly popped on her notification. Benj texted her:
“Joj, sorry. Pero parang kailangan ko muna hanapin yung sarili ko ng mag-isa. Gusto ko munang mag-focus sa business ko, sa career ko. Sorry dahil hindi na ako nakakapagparamdam or message sayo dahil sobrang busy at dami ko talagang ginagawa. Hindi man lang kita mapuntahan dahil hindi rin available yung sasakyan, dahil nasa kapatid ko. Joj, sorry for all the pain and struggles I have caused to you. Sorry if I make you feel the happiest but I can’t still assure if I can give the love you deserve. Sorry for all the mess, Joj. Sorry sa lahat. Siguro, hanggang dito nalang tayo? I am sure that in other part of our worlds ay magtatagpo pa rin tayo. At kung ikaw man ang nakalaan sakin, mamahalin kita ng sobra-sobra. You have always place in my heart, Joj. Thank you for everything.”
When Joj read his message, she feels that her world has collapsed and broke into tiny pieces. She suddenly cried and go to her room just to release the pain all throughout the body. That night, Joj was totally devastated.
When she finally got into her senses. Joj replied, “It is okay, Benj. Naiintindihan ko that you should work harder for your dreams. Wala naman akong karapatan na pigilan ka, magalit sayo at mag-demand ng pagmamahal mo dahil wala namang tayo. You said, you loved me, but where was I? Sorry, pero hindi ko lang magets na antagal mong nawala, tapos nagparamdam ka lang pala para magpaalam. Now, do not believe in our worlds because there has no us to call it “worlds” in the first place. Trial lang siguro ‘to. Maybe we have parallel worlds that will never ever meet, again. Don’t worry about me. Thanks Benj. I wish you luck on your path.”
After the weeks of sorrowness and realizations, together with her friends, Joj is really coping about what happened on them and help herself to surpass the pain and be able to smile again. While she is searching some files in her drive, a friend of her has a message .
“Friend, mag-open ka ng Facebook. Alam kong mabibigla ka at masasaktan ka na naman, pero mas okay ng makita mo para maliwanagan ka sa nangyari sainyo ni Benj.”
She opens her Facebook account from several months of being deactivated just to see the post of Benj together with his flight stewardess girlfriend.
Their mutual understanding had lasted for 1 year and 2 months. As the night gets deeper, the pain she felt on that night suddenly return to her nerves and drown to overflowing shed of tears.
At ayun na nga, sarili raw ang hahanapin pero iba pala ang nahanap.
Nagparamdam para magpaalam.
As you can see, to love is to take risk. Joj took the risk to fall in love again to the person who gave butterflies in her stomach. Eventually, a memory now that she wants to forget.
That is why Joj have become this woman with no time to such things called love.
Author’s Note:
In today’s generation, mutual understanding is risky and uncertain. Do not ever associate yourself to those ‘mixed people’ who only give ‘mixed emotions’. It is better to be alone than letting someone that will disturb your world and suddenly hanging and leaving you in tears. So just, be wise and guard yourself.
Part III is on its way... 😉
This is so sad 😔, but to joj, just patiently wait, there is a right person waiting and searching for you.