Keeping hopes low

Life can be funny sometimes. The more we want something, the harder it was to get what we want or the more we expect that we would achieve something, the more we won’t. It doesn’t happen always but I can say almost always. It happened enough number of times on things that matter to me, to cause me enough heartaches, pain and disappointments, for me to realize that it is what it is.

When it first happened, I didn’t understand. I was young and naïve but as I grew older, I started to think of this as a lesson to be learnt - to not be overly confident, to not be arrogant, to be grateful with what we have and to be humble in each of our actions. In exams or in competitions, over confidence can fail us. We may get complacent, we may slack, make careless mistakes, we may end up checking our answers less, thinking we’ve got the answers, become lazy and finally, we end up failing.

Many times, whenever I hope for something, working towards something and somewhat expect I will get it, most times, I don’t. I would end up getting disappointed and feeling like crap at the end of it. Over time, when I was faced with similar situations, not getting what I hoped for or expected, I learnt to hope and expect less because the pain was lesser that way.

When I first started off writing, there were articles that I spent a lot of time in, researching, taking photos, drafting and checking, hoping or usually expecting a good earning. But the articles ended up with a measly amount or none at all. It was an utter disappointment but there was no written contract that we would get a good earning for every good article. Besides, different people has different level of appreciation on any form of creativity work, writing is one of them.

Sometimes, we console ourselves and cut ourselves some slack when it happens once, maybe twice but if it happens again for the third time, we would question the system, not so much ourselves and most probably quit altogether.

Then, when I lower my expectations, lower my hope, reprioritize the purpose of doing what I do, if or when I do not get what it is that would have been expected or hoped for, it works much better for my mind, body and soul. I would have less stress, I think about it less and I just do things for the fun of it. You know the whole ‘enjoy the journey, not the destination’ saying. I have to agree that it works much better for my overall well being. But to say that we should not hope or expect at all, it wouldn’t make much sense especially when it means something to us. Realistically, to not have any expectation or hope is not feasible. Lowering them is feasible.

When we expect something after putting in an effort or we hope for it, if we get what we expect and hope for, we will be all happy and jolly. But if or when we don’t, the intensity of disappointment that envelopes our emotion to a point of potential illness that sometimes have no cure for. The only way to cure is to revamp, restart or flush it all out or have a major overhaul of the way we think and what we think. It is not easy but I feel that it is something needed to be tried instead of keeping it all inside.

But what if it is an expectation from others? It is not easy but we will need to manage it and overcome that expectation. It is always a question of why do we do what we do and if it is something we need to answer to ourselves, not to others because we are the ones to live with it, not others. People can tell what they want about what they expect from us but in the end, the very bottom line of things really comes back to what we really want at the end of the day.

If expectation and hope is low, there will be less heartache, less disappointment and lesser time will be needed to heal which means, we can move forward faster, sulk a little lesser, complain less and refocus.