the life I grew to have, is what I wish to lose

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Why is it that everyday i open my eyes in the morning, i wish i died in my sleep. I wish the blankets weren't there, so i could freeze to death. Or if i don't freeze to death, at least I wish that the sheets would strangle me to death. I don't want to live, and I don't want to die. Or maybe I don't want feel human anymore for it causes too much problems.

I used to be so happy in the mornings. So happy I got to wake up again, so happy that I see the sun again. I used to be so excited about how my day's going to be; what meals I'll eat and what new things I'll encounter.

But now, I wish the night was extremely long so I won't have to see brightness ever again. They say that i am acting strange, but i think that life has just faded away.

But it's not like i have a choice, i wake up and i am still alive, and so i'll have to do what the living people do. They prepare for the day they do not want to face, or enjoy the day that they are about to face.

I clean myself and prepare my meal. I eat and look in the mirror and I look like the walking dead. Sunken eyes, pale skin, bloody lips. I don't look alive, neither do I look dead. I just look like life and death got tired tossing me around.

But it doesn't really matter when I'll just stay at home and let myself rot on the couch. Nothing really matters when I'll just drown myself in memories of the past.

And then I'll chug all the caffeinated beverages I'll find—tea, coffee, whatever I find. I'll stay up whole morning until night comes. I'll stare at the sky at night and wish I could grab a star and talk to it.

I'll fight the star and ask why it made me look like a stupid kid. It made me believe it will grant my wishes.

I'll fight that damned star even if I knew it wasn't really at fault. But, after the fight, I'll wish one more time. I wish it would take my life away for I no longer want to exist. But if it can't kill me, at least take me with it to the night sky. Make me beautiful and burning and hopeful, and there I'll slowly die.

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This is only a work of fiction!

Hello! This article does not reflect my current feelings. I simply made a prose with the use of the images I got from Pinterest as my prompt. This is about someone already losing hope, but deep inside, a little seedling of hope still exists. It wasn't that easy to write this because I want to describe more emotions. But I think I'll have to practice some more. I enjoyed making this though, so i think it's good!

Thank you for reading this, and see you again soon in my future article.ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

#may2022

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