Have you reached a destination now?
I went to the eye doctor, like what people tell me to do, and I got my eyes checked. The doctor said that my eyes are too bad for my age, told me to be careful or I might end up blind even before I age 70.
But in my head I think that, won't being blind make things better? I will only go blind, but i will not die, will only live in a world full of shadows. No light and images and faces. Just black, like when you get sucked in by the waters, it gets darker and darker the deeper you go.
Did you reach the ocean floor? Or are you still travelling, being carried by the current below?
I got home after I got my new prescription glasses. It indeed made things clearer, so clear that I think there's the figure in my nightmare, hiding by the post. So clear I could see the characters of my dreams walking in broad daylight.
There's the police man telling us to slow down, and the kid who was chasing his ball. The police, he's wearing his blue uniform, a whistle dangling around his neck. But his eyes are gone, and his ears are gone, and his mouth are sewn shut. He looks frightening.
And the kid, we wears a blindfold and his ball is dripping wet with seaweeds clinging to it. He looks uncaring. Like a killer.
The police was actually frightening, he played deaf and mute and refused to do his job. A wad of money enough to turn him into a dog. And the kid was really reckless. That kid killed you, along with the police.
And the glasses made me see that they're all just outside our house. How I wish they'll just go away.
But how could they vanish when I refuse to drink my medicine? The doctor said, a different one, that the medicine will help calm my mind. It could help me sleep. And so I took it once, and I regretted it a lot the next day.
The medicine only calms my mind when i am awake, but when I am asleep my mind is in chaos.
In my dream I'm in a house, and inside there's a white wall with a calendar, and the calendar shows the date of your death. And in that room I stand alone, in that room the sound of waves echo. But there is no window, no door, no ventilation. But there's the sound of waves getting louder and louder. Like I am surrounded by the sea.
The medicine made me sleep, but sleep brought me nightmares and rooms filled with nothing but the horrying sound of water.
Water against water, water against glass, water against lungs.
It makes me want to choke on air. I wish I could choke on air and be thrown into the sea. Maybe somehow, the current will lead me to you. Dead and cold and probably bloated with liquids. I probably wouldn't recognize your face, but the water knew what you looked like, who you were, how you died.
In my dream it would take a while before i could manage to punch a whole in the wall. And when i do, the thundering sound waves will rush through the hole in a whoosh, and leave the room in complete silence. The sound rushed out, maybe the same way water rushed into you lungs. It was quick but painful.
I despise the careless kid, and that dog of a police.
And after every nightmare, I will wake up gasping, as if I almost drowned. And my eyes swell up with tears, like the ocean in my nightmare is trying to make itself real.
Drop by drop. Little by little. An ocean will form and maybe I could die too.
And then the next day, or maybe even during the night of the nightmare, i will head out and go to the beach. I will stand by the shore, and listen to the real water, listen to the howling of the wind, of the sand beneath my feet, of the sound of a car falling into the sea. But that's just probably in my head.
I will stand there and I will remember the day I saw your vehicle avoid hitting that kid. How it rammed againt the railings, but the railings were long ago broken and weak, and so your car dived straight to the sea.
The rescuers saw your car. But they did not see you. They brought the car up, but you were not inside. You were left in the waters, somewhere deep and cold and black. It must've been so painful, to drown, to die.
I wish I would go blind, so i could at least know what it's like to be part dead. There's already the ocean in my head, I drown every evening from the repeated dreams. I feel cold, I feel dead. All that's missing is the blindnes, and the burn of my lungs, and my heart dying in my chest.
But you told me, years ago, that if death starts to take control of my head. I should look up. Look at the sky, even if it's ugly i should look up. And if it's beautiful and bright, it's all the more reason I should look up. I should breathe, I should not let myself drown.
And so for as long as I could. I'll live. for you I'll live, even if the water is beckoning me to stay beneath, I'll try to runw away from it... And live.
ENDING NOTES: Hello guys! As you might have noticed, this story of mine is kind of different from the first two fiction stories I posted here. It's because I have written this in a prose way! I find this easier to do when I am having a writer's block hehe. Did you like it? : D I would love to read your opinions about it : D
PREVIOUS ARTICLES
https://read.cash/@joow/lullaby-of-sleep-or-of-something-else-227fd7e7
https://read.cash/@joow/beneath-my-fingertips-is-a-world-i-dream-of-12e28342
https://read.cash/@joow/in-my-head-theres-a-reel-fbebb9d1
https://read.cash/@joow/the-fictional-life-of-joow-prologue-a30ff376
IMAGE SOURCES
Picking up glasses
taking medicine
feet on water
a bright sky
lead image: train handles
This was a great story and it all started with a bad eyesight (fast delivery of the glasses by the way). It's frequently what I think. Life is more peaceful if you don't see and hear everything. 🍀💖