Let Me Ask You One Thing
There's this one question I've been meaning to ask myself for a long time now but scared to admit and answer. Why is it so difficult for me to answer this question? Why am I even avoiding it?
It's an ordinary friends out day when we decided to have ramen and coffee.
There's something with the vibe of the place that made my friend order some beer.
Do we really need some beer to match the warmth of ramen?
Was it the weather that made us shiver and made the atmosphere cold?
'Just to help me sleep', she said.
But scoop after scoop, my other friend spilled his feelings regarding a situation he's in.
Relationship advice.
That's what he needs. Alcohol really make us a bit brave and bold, don't you agree?
But my brain thought, that's what I need, too. A little bit of braveness and some relationship advice from friends.
As someone who loves listening to others, I focused on understanding what my friend was trying to say. I don't want to spill my misery yet. They know me as the one with the perfect relationship.
Listening to my friend's dilemma isn't that difficult.
It didn't bother me at first... but it keeps tapping the wound
that haven't even healed yet,
the wound as fresh as yesterday's misery,
with a band-aid, slowly losing it's grip.
I keep convincing myself that it's not the same with me.
We're almost there, reaching our 8th anniversary.
There's no way we're falling out of love.
'You are', they said.
Again, I assured myself.
We're not....
Maybe.
After some time, I found myself scrolling and rereading our old conversations. For the nth time.
What happened to us?
I can't even count how many times I uttered these words.
I can't help but ask myself- Where did we even go wrong? Am I to blame? Is there even someone to blame?
Still, I did not admit.
Was it even possible, for us? Because I really didn't believe in the thought of 'falling out of love'. You just get in love and that's it. You make it or break it. There's no sudden, feeling lost stage in love. But here I am, swallowing those words.
What happened?
Traveling is a part of us but the pandemic happened and we didn't get to see each other again even if we're just 2 avenues away. We see each other, physically, twice, at most. I can't even remember how many times we did video calls but it's not that often.
We always message each other, asking how are you's with never-ending assurance of i love you's and some side of gossip.
We often send each other memes and video clips that remind us of each other.
But always became sometimes.
From movie nights to cold nights without goodnights,
just excuses...
with good morning texts the next day
as if nothing happened.
Planned dates to cancelled ones.
Did I admit it after that?
Of course...
not.
Can we still enjoy the ocean, if it's already dried out?
Can we still hope for a sunny day even if the sky is dim?
I tried my part to reconnect, to make days extra special, but I can't feel the other party extending the same effort, appreciating my deeds. I was tired.
Now let me ask you one thing,
is this falling out of love?
LET ME ASK YOU ONE THINGA bit emotional tonight, hence this update. Tried to release the burden through writing.
Goodnight, folks! See you on my next 🤗
January 11,2022 | 10:44pm
Hey. Ang hirap magadvice kapag problems of the heart talaga. Pero sa nakikita ko kasi dahil 8 years na kayo parang naging comfortable na kayo with each other. Yun bang kahit wala na yung dating tamis ng pag mamahalan eh alam niyo sa isa't-isa na you have each other. Yes, we can blame the pandemic but I don't really see it as a hindrance in a relationship and to think 2 avenues away lang kayo. Yung iba long distance relationship but they were able to make it work. Siguro kailangan lang ng konting spice yung relationship niyo. Kailangan niyo ulit kiligin na dalawa parang ganun.