Double Pay Disaster/Recovery
"Why is she on duty when she's not needed to work? It's a regular holiday remember and still she opted to work. What will be her workload for today when other departments are close?" our manager ranted in the chat.
"I'm sorry sir, I thought we still have the option to work on holidays to keep the manning in our stores." she sorrowly replied.
.....
In observance of Eid'l Fitr last week, May 3, Tuesday was proclaimed by the government as regular non-working holiday. So that means on that day if a worker reported for work, he/she can get a double pay for the day. I never got to see this memo as I muted our gc in the office because it's annoying, lol. So all along I really thought that it's just a special non-working holiday that day, meaning a 30% increase of a day's salary will be added. I always go to work if its a special holiday. The horror I felt as I was bombarded with chats by my supervisor that our manager declared our office to be closed that day. And I read his chat when I was inside the office already. I really said my apologies to our manager that I didn't saw the memo and even told him I didn't believe Russel, my workmate, saying its a double pay that day.
I thought were okay after my sincere apologies to him, but little did I know, he sent some messages to my workmate whom we call madam that reported for work also. That means, we're two stubborn workers who reported for work. Lol.
I understand his point. Our department hasn't recovered from the loss the pandemic had caused. Meaning, he should tighten our expenses to meet our monthly sales and that will be including the worker's salaray. I really understand it all. But what I never understood was why does he have to send messages to our madam like I'm somewhat a fool in reporting for work. Those exchange of messages above were part of their convo in madam's messenger. She let me read the convos by the way, hope she didn't let me read it though. Tsk. Never imagined he has thoughts about me like that. I looked up to him in terms of work and now this. I've accepted my faults okay, but his attitude really turned me off. Hays
So for me to recover in this disaster distress I immediately decided to be absent on Saturday, May 7, to compensate the double pay I availed. But, really, I was speechless after reading the convos. I posted a grief rant in noise that day. Hehe. Just to vent out my feelings.
So, Saturday came and this is what I did. Woke up late, I always woke up late when I don't have work.
Bought some taho for my breakfast. This food is famous in my country with soya, sago, milk and tofu ingredients combined. I'm not really good in describing foods, so feel free to see the picture. Hehe. I ate a cup serving together with a bread. And I'm ready to wander for this day.
I decided to visit Karen. She's the one I visited in Wandering Lua article when she was still pregnant. She gave birth a month ago with baby Caleb and I made a surprise visit. Surprise to the point, I waited for almost 20 minutes standing outside their house as the gates were closed. I chatted her sister to contact their mother who's also inside because I can't reached Karen's phone and the calvary ended. Lol
I bought a pizza as my visitation gift. I have this habit of bringing foods when I'm visiting a house so for this day, a pizza will do. Alberto's pizza is very delicious. The ingredients are packed and just right for its price. Karen also made a spaghetti which is by the way my favorite food and the taste is superb.
And that is baby Caleb. He's so handsome and cute. He also has dimples on both cheeks and I fell in love. Ah, when I saw him I felt happy for Karen, really. She's my childhood close friend and we're the same age obviously and keeps bugging me when I will settle down. And I always say, I'll settle down when I found him but now, is not the time. Haha. I always do sleepovers in their house and I got to spend more time with them. Ah, ways to reduce my stress from toxicity. Hehe
So, yeah, even if I'm super badtrip from what happened last week, I got to erase those irritation when I went to Karen's house. Her family is one of my happy pill by the way. 😉
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
The election already ended yet some supporters from the losing party can't accept the results. I do hope everything's gonna be fine in this country I live in. Chos. I hope you're doing great right?Keep it up. Thank you everyone who stumbles in my articles. Arigato!
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor2022
All image are mine expect the lead one is from unsplash
May 10, 2022 | 22:19 PH time
Mother's Day + Birthday Celebration
This is a special day for the family. Aside from the fact that all mothers around the world celebrates the Mother's Day, this day marks the first birthday of my one and only nephew Ethan. This day has been long awaited by the family as we're excited to celebrate his natal day. You see, my nephew is a bit special to all of us. Hmm, I can say he played a big part in somehow uniting us. From once scattered members of the family to now living closely with each other.
But let me tell you my hot day before that. I was having an overnight with my friend's house so I'm not at home this morning. I woke up with a heavy head and still a sore throat that I decided to stay and sleep more in her house. It was really hot even when the fan is working that I was woken up in my deep sleep. When I check my watch it was 11:30 in the morning. I hurriedly collected my things and said my goodbyes with my friend as I'm late already. The celebration would be by lunch so I'm gonna be late if I stayed a little more in there. Glad there was no traffic in the road as it's Sunday so a 30 minute travel evaded me from being late. And look what I saw when I got home.
That was the tarpaulin for Ethan's celebration. I genuinely love the design as he loves any superheroes so much. I remember buying him a superman themed cake in his 1st month and he looked cool in that. Lol. My nephew really showed the chinito eyes, we have kinda some Chinese blood running from our father's side and it greatly showed in Ethan now.
The food is superb. Christine's (Ethan's mother) brother, prepared and cooked almost all of the dishes served. Do you know what's the most delicious out of all the dishes? It was the lumpiang shanghai. Gosh, I think I ate a lot of it as its super delicious. But nonetheless, everything on the table are all yummy and delicious.
This mango sago tapioca was made by my two nieces. I didn't know they have a knack for creating desserts. I tell you, this is super creamy with lots of ingredients and a bit sweet at that. I just ate a cup for too much sweets is not healthy for me. Lol.
He has two cakes, I didn't get the chance to photograph the other one as it was eaten already by the kids so I only have one cake to show. This was sponsored by his tito, my brother who works in goldilocks. The chocolate cake is super sweet. A perfect cup of coffee for tomorrow would be a great partner. I'm hoping there's some leftover, hmm.
And I'm off to a one on one soju drink with myself. I just mix a yakult for a bottle to add a bit sweetness. It's bittersweet taste made me remember my mother. Lol. She didn't make it to the city from the province as she's afraid her dog won't have a companion for days. So while drinking, we did some video calls, catching up and also greeting her for this wonderful day. I've made a "makapagbagbag damdamin" post in noise as a tribute for her and a challenge for a channel I'm actively participating. Hope mine gets picked. Hehe
This day has been a tiring one but also a memorable one. We got the chance to gather and relive the moments we're still kids. Hope this will happen frequently.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
As it was hot at day time, fortunately it rained tonight to calm the humid air. So now I'm curled up in my sheets and blankets while typing this. How are you? Did you eat out or ordered food online to celebrate the mother's day? I hope you get the chance to say your care and I love you's to your mama even when it's not mother's day. We should always be thankful for the person who brought us into this world. Once again, happy mother's day to every mama, nanay and mommies out there. Thank you @BCH_LOVER for the renewal. 😘
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor2022
Lead image is from unsplash and the rest of the pictures are mine.
May 8,2022 | 22:15 PH time
Strength for the Journey
When the "journey is too much" for us, we might need to rest and enjoy a healthy and satisfying meal. For when we are exhausted or hungry, we can easily succumb to disappointment or fear.
Ever wonder why you get tired easily without doing nothing? Why sometimes you have the best of everything yet hollowness follows in your being? We have those fleeting moments in life that you always think why you feel that way when everything seems perfect. I have those moments last month and do you know how I overcome it? Let's find out.
April is my birthmonth and it is by far the busiest month for me. As you can observe in my account in here, I haven't written for a month now. I decided to give myself some pampering time. A month that I can do anything I want without the deadlines and worries of not being active in any platforms I'm engaging. A month that I can say my me time. Although I'm still posting an article per day in noise, I decided to take a break from here to focus on my self development. Laziness or procrastination as they may say but I always have those moments that I just want to shut down in everything I do. I actually don't have a goal why I'm in both noise and read platforms. Telling a part of me in public means opening myself to strangers. Noise is a big step yet read is much bigger step as I'm telling my whole emotions and story my life is involved. I don't write for fiction or anything far from myself for I can't express that into writing. So for someone reading my tales in here, I hope you treasure and put it into your heart the lessons it may impart to you.
Travel
One of my stress reliever would be traveling. I always say this in noise how much of a traveler I am. I love to go to foreign places because it makes me free and independent. I want to learn new cultures for mine is redundant and boring. I want to meet new people for me to see the world is kind and not cruel. And I want to see God's creation in my naked eyes before the world destroy it with their greediness. I recently made a trip to Cebu City, aka the Queen of the South here in the Philippines. I was born and raise in Camotes Island Cebu, yet I didn't have the resources when I was younger to properly enjoy the city.
There are so many beautiful sceneries Cebu can offer and I might say, I'll visit again to tour the other tourist spots. I'll make full articles about my recent trip in Cebu in the future.
Reading
I'm a home body person. The reason my favourite past time would be reading. I have always been a fan of a certain author named Jonaxx in Wattpad. But she recently made an app for her stories to be properly read by her readers aside from Wattpad and that screenshot is from her app. Reading makes me entertained so much that I always get enchanted by the characters, plot, emotions the writer tries to portray. I can say for the whole month, I finished reading the Costa Leona Series that comprised of 15 stories. It's an achievement for a reader like me. Lol. My books are in my mother's place so I'm stuck in my phone's app.
Food
Eating delicious food is one of my stress reliever and my happy pill. Who else here has the same habit as mine? Hehe. Me and my friends just spontaneously picked a Korean restaurant as our me time dinner for that evening. The foods are foreign to me as it was my first time. It's okay but not that okay to eat again in there. Haha. I'm not into spicy foods and the bulgogi really fired my tongue up.
Sleeping
And the last activity I always love to do. Drum roll please. Haha. Yeah, it's sleeping. I slept a lot the whole month of April. I make sure to regain my strength thru sleeping and I did. I think I'm gonna face the whole year with just that. Haha. Kidding.
So, that sums up what I did to rest and enjoy myself a bit from journeying too much in this world. Hope you make time to rest and enjoy yourselves from time to time folks. 😊
To my sponsors who stood by me through thick and thin. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. @Jeansapphire39 @Talecharm @itsmeCguro @Lucifer01 my appreciation for staying and renewing despite of my long vacation. I heart you. 💗 Please do check their awesome works too.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Oh, it's been awhile. How are you all? Hope you're in good condition and well rested. Maybe I should make a goal nowadays to make me motivated eh? Haha. Well, I hope I'll get more inspiration this time. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
All rights reserved. LuaDesamor 2022
Pictures are all mine.
May 6, 2022 | 22:30 PH time
Is It Called Bravery?
In this ever changing world we live in, sometimes being brave is the only option to make it through another day. Brave in facing all the trials each day and being brave in handling circumstances that will come in your way. But what if by that act of being brave, people made you feel indifferent and people close to your heart made barriers and gaps? Will you still continue to be brave or be a coward to fit in their demands?
I still vividly remember that one sunny afternoon. I don't have class that time as it's summer already. I'm gonna be in my senior year in high school in the opening of classes that time. I'm a homebody person, so literally the whole summer, I only stayed at home watching movies or sleeping. By that time, we live near by the beach. With a house in all fours as the soil under it is made of mud for the reason when the high tide comes, the seawater reaches our respective homes. We're renting a house that time as my father also started getting irresponsible and we ended up in that place. The back of the house had a waist length pool of seawater as it was a vacant lot. We had a neighbor with an 11 months old baby we call Rose. We had a huge window that you can just jump out of it if you want to dive in the mud like pool. But it's not advisable for me as there were many cut mangrove trees that can scratch your skin aside from the stink smell from the mud. I was reading a book when I heard a splash behind. I quickly peeked on our window and saw baby Rose drowning in the mud pool. They're pool is a bit deep than ours reaching in my shoulder length till my ears. Without no hesitation, I jumped from our window and quickly swam towards her. She was in the deep part that I just held a near branch of a mangrove and grabbed her out from there as we will be both be getting drowned as I don't know how to swim. I clearly saw how many times she drunk the mud pool and slowly drowning, luckily I grabbed her just in time I cannot see her hand flapping. I immediately went to a safe place and handed her to her crying mother. There was a hole fitted for Rose's body in the corner of their house that when she crawled towards it, she just fell in. Her mother was busy cooking and her 6 years old sister didn't noticed her reaching the hole.
The adrenaline I felt from the moment I jumped in the mud pool from me saving Rose from grave danger made me insensitive of the scratches I had in my whole legs and feet. Yet I am very proud of doing that deed as I saved someone in danger.
She was safe and got no complications when they went to a doctor. But my mother nagged and got angry as we didn't heard any thanks from the family after that. I don't really mind though as I did it out of my concern for the baby but looking back, I never heard any thank you for saving their daughter. Maybe, shock on the scene but after it, they still didn't made any thanks. Well, I remembered that were not in good terms with their family so maybe they're shy in saying it? Hehe, memories from it makes me feel like I'm a living wonder woman that time. Thankful to God I had experienced that.
Our family really don't get along way back before when I'm in my second year in high school. We had a bakery business and a bit well off that time but I'm always irritated with my two older sisters about how they treat my father. My father is not their biological father that's why they don't have that much respect about him. I don't know their reason but as a mere young girl that time I always bicker with them when they talked back hurtful words to papa. There's this one day, I got really pissed and stood up for papa as he will just go silent hearing those hurtful words from them, that I really shout these hurtful words also. "Why are you like that to papa. Remember, sampid lang kayo!"
A strong hard slap was what I got from our eldest. With tears, my second ate said, "sampid pala ah", and that made them leave the house after they graduated high school. I regretted my choice of words after the incident but I never said sorry as I believed they have faults too. I was really stubborn that I never got the chance to say sorry even if I wanted to. Maybe it started there, where we never got completed again. Up until now, my bravery made me punished myself as I believed I made it worse for my family. Even now, there's still a gap in my ate's relationship with me and my younger brothers. A bravery I once been proud of but regretting until the present.
Bravery is an act or character of being courageous. We have that character in us depending on situations we're into. If given the chance to being brave, don't hesitate to do it as long as you know your stand. Be courageous everyday.
Thank you to my sponsors from the bottom of my cute heart. Check their works too and you'll not regret reading it. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Hello, hello. Once again its been days since my last writing. How are you? If you ask me, I'm fine and a very busy one at that. To anyone who stumbles to read in my ramblings, thank you so much. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor2022
All image are from Google.
March 30, 2022 | 21:40 PH time
Wandering Lua
Have you ever wandered for a purpose?
Like planning a trip to make it memorable or doing some errands for someone dear to you. We always have a reason in doing everything we do daily. A reason to every wanders in places we ought to be.
I had the time to wander last Sunday to my close friend Karen's house. Last month, I saw a my day of her husband that she was in the hospital because her cervix was open and was ready to deliver the baby. By the way, she's bulgingly pregnant and will deliver any time soon. She wasn't supposed to deliver the baby as she's just 36 weeks at that time. So her doctor advised her to be on bed rest until her due date. I made some regards to her if she's okay thru chats in messenger but never got the time to visit her personally because of my busy schedule.
I clearly saw her turning her back on me when I needed her the most.
"Ka, where are you going? " I tearfully said.
"You're not a true friend. Where were you when I needed you the most? And now you want me to help when you're in need? You're a plastic friend!" She spats angrily and continued walking away.
And that's my dream last week. Whew! I almost cried upon waking up because of that. It's a bit realistic that I immediately made plans to visit her the soonest. And it happened last Sunday. Her husband we'll be on duty that time and her mother, upon hearing the news that I will be with her for a whole day, gladly said he will go home for a bit to clean their house and it's settled, that I'm her guardian for the whole Sunday. Lol
I went to Karen's place after my fill of breakfast. A little bit of traffic and I arrived at her house almost lunch time. Whew!
That was the scene on my way to their place. A bunch of goats that I rarely see in the city. I've shared this in noise also. There were many goats that time but upon seeing me, they fled away and only this one stayed on its spot so I immediately made some shots and this one's the only decent photo. Lol.
As I've settled in their couch, we immediately talked about our lives. For the past months we haven't seen each other, how are we coping up about life's demand and struggles. Stories of past memories that always makes us laugh our hearts out and even memories of sadness that we sighfully reminisce.
We prepped for lunch and our meal consists of the fruits I brought with me as my visitation gift, lol, chicken and a weird fruit salad her mother made. It's weird because it tasted like vegetable salad. And after eating our lunch, she showed me all the things she bought for their firstborn and my, you'll be surprised how prepared she was. It was like she bought everything from 0 to 2 year old things for the baby. That's how much she was excited.
That will be the things they will bring when she will be delivering the baby. From the documents to the baby's clothes and even her clothes, it was all packed in a sealed box and a backpack. Proud of them both as I know they will be great parents.
We watched The Pirates: The Last Royal Treasure to kill time. It's my second time watching it but I don't mind. It's still funny and interesting for me. We slept for two hours after watching the movie and her husband came and we dined after. I'm supposed to go home after dinner but the rain was pouring hard that they encouraged me to sleep for the night, and I did. It's not the first time I slept in there though.
So that's my wandering last Sunday. It's nice to catch up with a friend I treasure so much. And oh, she delivered her baby safely last Wednesday.
Meet Isaac Caleb. I really love his nose. Hehe. A combination of Karen's and her husband's face.
A heartfelt thanks for these wonderful people as always. Check their awesome works too, you'll never regret reading it.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
It's the Friday once again. End of work week for others but not for me. I'm still on duty tomorrow. Hope you're doing great wherever you are. Thank you for taking the time to read. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor2022
All images are my own click.
March 25, 2022 | 21:10 PH time
Drawing No More
Tag-init na. Uso na ngayon ang magtampisaw sa dalampasigan o kahit na anong lugar na makakapagpalamig sa mga pakiramdam na mainit. Nagpaplano din ba kayong magkakaibigan o magkapamilya ng gala sa darating na summer? Sa tingin niyo ba ay matutuloy o hanggang group chat nalang ang mga plano na iyon? Natatawa ako lagi sa mga nakikita kung memes sa Facebook na hanggang group chat nalang ang pagtampisaw sa beach. Sana naman sa mga darating na plano di lang puro drawing ang mga ito kundi makulayan din at magkatotoo.
Lahat naman siguro may mga group chat na no? Ayan po ang gc namin magkakaibigan. Mga dati kung katrabaho yan. Kahit nasa iba ibang kompanya na kami nagtatrabaho, di parin namin nakakalimutan ang magkumustahan at mag-get together paminsan minsan. Siguro sa dalawang taon na tayo'y ikinulong ng pandemya, sabi na sabik tayong makawala sa bahay at gumala sa dating mga lugar na pinupuntahan natin. At kasama kami doon. Haha.
Matagal ng plano ang dinner sa Sisig Factory mga isang buwan na ang nakalipas. Pero alam niyo naman ang Pinoy, sa kahuli hulihan na araw eh, magbabago at magbabago ang plano. Unang plano, dinner with little bit of inuman sa Sisig Factory dito sa lugar namin. Chill-chill lang sana at kwentuhan. Ikalawang plano, napagpasyahan na sa bahay nalang nila Lyn ang venue para mas maging komportable kaming lahat at kung mag-round 2 pa sa inuman eh okay lang na doon matulog sa kanila. Sa araw na mismo ng get together, nagbago ang plano at ito na ang huling plano dahil kung hindi matutuloy, mababatukan ko na talaga ang pasimuno nito. Haha. Change of venue na naman at doon nalang daw sa bahay nila Juls sa kadahilanang walang kasama ang mama niya sa bahay. Understanding naman kami at umayon na kami sa huling plano. First time kung makapunta sa bahay nila at masasabi ko lang, sobrang layo. Halos isang oras ang byahe, nag.taxi pa kami niyan. Pashnea! Hahaha
Apat kaming naunang nakarating sa bahay nila Juls at kumain na agad kami dahil sa gutom na. Di na namin nahintay iyong iba at pang 2nd batch nalang sila. Masarap lahat ng pagkain lalo na ang fried rice, paborito ko kaya inubos ko nasa plato. Wag kayo mag.alala may natira pa sa kaldero. Hehe. Lahat ng handa ay may ambag kami, chip in kumbaga. Nga pala, nakaka.trauma mga aso nila Juls, parang mangagain eh. Habang kumakain kami, background music ang tahol nila, galit na galit lungs? Haha. After naming kumain, nakarating din ang 2nd batch. Sila naman ang pumalit sa mesa at kami pumunta na sa sala.
Hinanda na ang tequila at pulutan, umpisa na ng inuman. Naiinis ako kay Sitoy at kung makabigay sa akin ng shot parang manginginom talaga, ang BI. Hahaha. Nakalagpas ata ako ng sampong shot nito pero di naman nakakalasing at ladies drink lang naman siya. Kaya lang pabalik balik ako sa cr. Hehe. Mahina ako sa alak gawa ng di naman ako umiinom talaga. Habang nag.iinuman eh nanonood din kami ng Okja sa Netflix. Sino na nakapanood noon? Naka limang nood na ata ako niyan at di pa rin nakakasawa.
Ang ganda din pala ng tattoo ni Lyn. Taurus inspired siya at super inggit ako. Haha. Pareho kaming taurus at gusto ko na din sana ng design na ito. Sus, kung pwede ko lang gawin to. Hahaha. Sige, gagawin ko na sa future.
Bandang alas onse ng gabi eh andami ng chat ng asawa ni Lyn. Nakalimutan naming nasali pala siya sa gc ng grupo. Andami na niyang sinabi tungkol sa asawa niya kung asan na. Hays, resulta ng kulang sa tiwala sa relasyon. Bagong kasal pa kasi sila at nasa Gensan pa siya kaya siguro praning at kung ano ano na pinagsasabi sa gc. Kaya napilitan na din kaming umuwi. Pero may nagpaiwan pa naman. Sa sobrang layo ng lugar nila Juls 30 minutes pa bago kami nakakita ng taxi ulit sa subdivision nila. Ang liblib kasi at wala nang tricycle na nadaan. Hatinggabi na din kasi. Nakauwi ako sa bahay nang alas dos ng madaling araw. Buti nalang tulog na silang lahat at deretso higa na rin ako.
Sa pangkalahatan nasulit naman namin ang get together na iyon. Noong sabado pala iyon nangyari. Mga kwento sa bawat isa sa mga nakalipas na taon ay napag.usapan. Mga naghiwalay sa grupo at meron din naman naging mag.jowa. Mga tawanan na masasabi kung priceless at bondings na sa kanila ko din makakamtam. Nagplano din pala kami ng beach getaway sa susunod. Sana di ulit drawing at magkatotoo.
To all my sponsors, thank you for the undying support even though I'm not that really active in here, I'm still grateful for putting your support in my humble works. Thank you again.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I'm feeling to write in my native language for this article so I'm sorry for my foreign friends, but hey, you can Google translate it if you want. Hehe. I've been busy for the past days but I'm fine. How are you? Hope you're also doing just fine. Thank you to everyone who will stumble in this rambling of mine. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor2022
All images are my own shots.
March 23, 2022 | 22:15 PH time
Normalize Cheating
In a relationship that's been tainted by a cheating partner, would you stay, or would you let go? Are you willing to forget what he/she's done in the name of love? Or do you want to prioritize yourself first? In this world full of temptations and betrayal, are you strong enough to end it or to continue living as a martyr?
"Dai." she called me with teary eyes after looking at her cellphone. I know what's up again to her, it's her boyfriend. "What is it this time?" I lazily asked with a side glance. She showed me a picture of her boyfriend almost hugging with a girl in a resort she loathe so much. I immediately comforted her as she bursts into tears not minding the people who sees her situation.
Rus has been my assistant in work for many years now. We've started as workmates but leveled up as close friends. She's one of those people that even if irritates me sometimes I can't ignore nor leave her side. One thing I've been irritated for quite some time now is her relationship with her boyfriend. They're the living proof of an on and off relationship in this world. It will be a miracle for me if I can't hear news of them breaking up in a month.
Her bf first cheated on her when she's new in our department. We're not that close so she doesn't have someone to tell her heartbreak at that time. Her bf courted a promodiser of a cosmetics line in the mall we're working. But got rejected by the girl. Even though he never completely indulged himself into the cheating situation but the fact he attempted to court someone while they're in a relationship is maddening. Rus found out about it because of the convos in her bf's messenger. She confronted the bf, the bf admitted and said his sorries and Rus being blindly in love accepted his apologies.
The other cheating mania happened yesterday when she just bursted crying in front of me. It was the same girl but they're in a resort because they're invited in a birthday party. It's for common friends and sadly the girl has connections with one of her bf's friends. The most maddening part is, Rus bf's friends knows they're in a relationship yet they're always making pair of her bf with the girl. Where's the respect now? Boys will always be boys. Never man up for the girl they love so that's why the picture happened. This is not the only time her bf did something that can break her heart always.
So after clocking out yesterday, I decided to accompany her as she still doesn't want to go home and maybe she'll just check in motels in the area for the night. They're living in the same roof by the way. So she bought a change of clothes in the mall.
Settled ourselves in Greenwich for dinner and talked a lot about her situation. I've been giving advices to her for many years also and do you know what I always say to her? "Break up with him!" I always say that to her. Lol. I am not an experienced human at that field so I cannot give any heartwarming messages at that. "If both of you are always hurting because of the relationship that you always fight, then maybe it's not worth it. Don't think about the years you've been together but think about the mental and emotional state you'll be having if you'll spend the rest of your life with him." They almost got married last year but it was postponed. "Always prioritize yourself, please don't make it really hard for yourself."
I've said countless words of encouragement and advices I see fit for her situation yet I always hear they got back a day or two after the huge fight. I don't know what she's thinking but if she'll say because of love then she's a living martyr I know. Everytime I ask she always go silent. I've been scolding her for many years also and I grew tired. But from time to time I always check up on her if they're okay.
I hate people who cheats in a relationship. Are there partners not enough? If they fall out of love then break up first before jumping to another person. Feelings fade over time but I do hope the morality as a human still lingers so that they can't hurt other people. And I hope Rus also sees how a bastard her bf is.
Thank you always for these amazing people who by far supported me in here. Grateful everyday. @Talecharm thank you for the renewal dear. God bless you all always.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I really wanted this to be published yesterday but I was in an off mood and just watched a kdrama. Anyhow, how are you? Hope you're all safe. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor2022
All images are my own click.
March 17, 2022 | 21:05 PH time
Chasing Flashes of Lightning
A scare to some but beauty for someone. Lightning is one of the nature's work that I adore so much. I like it to the point that I always look up the sky whenever I hear thunder expecting lightning will follow. The flashes it shows makes my eyes twinkle with delight. I am not an ounce afraid by it, rather I am invigorated by the beauty it shows. That in every struggle I have in this world, seeing a split second of it motivates me to be better.
But did you know why I like chasing flashes of lightning? Because in there, I feel ecstatic and alive. I feel human and always out of breath.
I am in my first year in high school in a foreign town. Foreign, because this will be our second transfer from Cebu. We transfer a lot. We never had a permanent home after we left Cebu. Another set of adjustments to do from our new neighbors, new school, new friends to make. I am always at home so I barely made friends in every place we go. But in this town, I felt at peace and happy. From the first step I took after exiting the bus to the fresh air I breath when the wind softly brushed my skin, I knew this town is different.
And my instincts were correct. In here, I made countless friends. I'm never shy in approaching them first. All of them were friendly and kind. The neighbours were very kind also especially to this one family that's near to us. They were a family of five and with a history of ashtma. All of the siblings were suffering from ashtma that they can't play for longer hours. I've been closed to their youngest as we're the same age and she has two older brothers.
The moment I saw her eldest brother playing the guitar while silently humming my heart skipped a beat. I know I'm very young to feel that way but I consider it as my puppy love. Kuya Adam was very kind and charming. He's always very neat in clothing, had longer hair like the f4 but he's still neat to look at and he had this cute smile with a dimple in the cheek that I always adore to see. Even though he has asthma, he can still play basketball in their yard that I always peeked from my room. We're just one house away by the way. He's always been kind to me as I'm one of her sister's close friends. I always stay in their front yard to play with Tine and also to watch him play basketball with his friends.
The first time he playfully brushed my hair for being a joker is the first time I felt that electricity. That spark I read in pocketbooks. I am not a hopeless romantic at that time because I'm a bit of a tomboy in looks and habits but feeling it made me want to feel more. I feel alive and happy, mixed emotions I guess. So whenever I had the chance to get in touch with him I always do it. Like me asking if he can teach me how to play the guitar. Up until now, I just know the basics, lol. Imagine the bolts of electricity I felt whenever his fingers touched mine. Is this called flirting? Cause my innocent self at that time would like to defend that I just really want to feel that spark again. Lol. Well, I don't like his fingers though, cause its soft. Haha. I like callous fingers. Whenever we go to church, I always made a point to sit beside him so that when Our Father comes, I can hold hands to him for a minute or until the song stops. Forgive me Lord, I am just a child. And when we decided to visit the carnival. I ended up the ride in the ferris wheel with him because Tine can't do it as she is afraid of heights. I am not afraid though, but he's overly dramatic in holding my arm, not my hands sadly, haha, saying I might fall. I'm very edgy on my seat that time as I want to watch the whole scenery around me.
Every touch, I felt those tiny sparks. I don't know if it's real or just my imagination's working, but I just felt it with him. But sadly, it was shortlived, as we moved to Davao after my whole first year in high school. I promised I would visit them from time to time but I never got the chance to. I think it was a decade or more that I saw them. I'm never fond on social media so I haven't searched them but my last news about Kuya Adam was he's happily married now with two kids. By the way, he's seven years older than me.
Just remembered that memory because the lightning I saw earlier was spectacular. If only I have better camera to film it. And also been saving up to buy a telescope like what in the picture portrays. My likings in skies and space always makes me calm and happy that somehow I am near to God.
It was really a puppy love I guess as those memories bring joy to me whenever I remember. The stupidity I made just to get one touch of spark was hilarious now for me. Hoping to feel that spark again though. ☺️
These wonderful people who continually supports me in here is what keeps me going. Thank you for the motivation. Please do check their works. They're all awesome.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
As always, I get tired to update everyone in here. Aside from being busy, my health's always acting up sometimes. Hope everyone's safe and healthy wherever you are. To all who happens to read this article, thank you from the bottom of my cute heart. Charot. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All image are from unsplash.com
March 14, 2022 | 22:19 PH time
Sunset Blues
"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?"
When someone sends you a sunset picture together with the line above, do you know what it means? It means, I love you, but I'm letting you go.
Exes
For all the happy moments and even sad ones, reminiscing them is a bit hard especially if you're the only one holding on. You cannot teach someone to love you the way you love them. It's either you love them too much or they love you a little less. In a relationship that love isn't found, I think it's best to let go than to hold onto. You will only hurt yourselves in the long run. When you ended a relationship but still love that person, the best way to say that goodbye in a still romantic way would be saying this beautiful line, the sunset is beautiful, isn't it?
A dead loved one
We only live once. And I always say make the most of it everyday. Say your I love yous to people you love and care the most. Because you'll never know the time you have left in this world. I still remember the grief and sorrow my mother felt when she received the news about the passing of Lola. I was hugging her tightly while she slumped on the floor crying her heart out and begging to take her also. My tears flowed not on grief but with pain. She maybe got tired in this world that she wished to be with her mother's grave. We're miles away so she can't even go to the wake and burial. I now understand why some opted to settle their loved one's remains in a sunset period. For even if it hurts, I will now let you go even if I loved you the most.
The one you loved secretly.
Have you ever have that someone that you loved secretly for years now? Are you not tired of still hoping that you two would end up together? Hope. A cruel word for me is hope. Hoping that someday he will see you. Hoping that someday you will be valued. Why not see the reality that you will be just friends, that you will remain just friends for eternity. It's better as friends than to be strangers right? Wake up and tell him, the sunset seem more beautiful today isn't it?
Some people prefer sunrise over sunset. I have friends that always say, they get sad and gloomy when they see sunset. For it symbolizes the end of the day, moreover an end of something important.
But for me, I like sunset better than sunrise. They both looked the same either way. Everyone leaves and will be changing in our entire life course. There's no forever if you're here in this world. Everything's temporary, even the breath of life is borrowed. I am not good in saying goodbyes to people I care, but if there will be a time that I can no longer hold them, I'll maybe send them my most beautiful sunset shot together with the lines above. But I'm hoping against hope to hold them till my last breath.
Please support also these amazing people I got here. Their works are magnificent.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Blame the sunset earlier that's why I decided for this topic. Its just so amazing that even with buildings in background, it's beauty is incomparable. This is a very tiring day. Kinda busy at work. To everyone who stumbles in my ramblings above, likers, up voters, commenters and silent readers, thank you for taking the time to read. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.com
March 10, 2022 | 22:15 PH time
Reality in Dreams
Dreams. A word that speaks many meanings. But I will be tackling about the dreams I have when I'm sleeping. People tend to dream while sleeping. I think there's none who doesn't dream their entire life. It is a way our mind works even when sleeping. May it be a dream of what we wanted in life, a forecast of a happening in the future or simply just pure imaginations our mind allows us to.
I love dreaming. I can sleep for a whole day if my dream is all about happiness and adventures. But, I lack sleeping when I'm having nightmares and gruesome events in my dreams.
Sea and other water type dreams
This dream is more frequent in my life. I think, not a single month passes by that I don't dream about riding waves in the sea. I tell you I don't know how to swim so if I'm dreaming about being a surfer in a huge wave, then I feel proud and skillful in doing it. Lol. I always dream about a beautiful sea that in the summer I always visit. Just standing beside the shoreline watching how the water touches my feet. A particular place is always present in that dream and I still can't define where that place is. I think I saw it in a book or magazine, but the place is so enchanting I always end up drowning by the waters.
In superstitious beliefs, a dream by waters is often compared to a problem arising. I don't pay attention to such beliefs because it doesn't justify everything that's happening in my life. Problems will always be there every single day so it doesn't mean a thing to me. Maybe because summer is already here that's why I miss the beach so much.
A faceless person
The first time I dreamt about this man is when I'm in high school. You know, junior year is a bit exciting as the prom also happens to be in that year. I don't know if I created that person in my sleep but as we we're dancing, I can feel he's alive. The memories are vivid that in this time I still can recall how he dance gracefully and held my hand softly. I heard him chuckled when I almost trip because of my long gown. I blushed at that thought always when I remembered. Then it never came for I didn't attend any prom my entire high school. Because of financial problems that time so I opted to not join. What if I met him when I joined our prom that year? Just guessing and wondering though.
The last time I dreamt again for him was when I'm already working. The same built and form of the face I knew exactly he was the same person in my prom. We had some cup of coffee in a cafe in the city. I really tried hard to remember his face but upon waking up, I always see a blurred face in my memory. I don't know if my mind is just making up for a person I wanted to have with, but rest assured I still don't like to indulge in any relationship as of now. Lol. Hope he can be in my real world though.
Zombies
How many of you dreamt of being chased by zombies? I have plenty of dreams about this one. Such horrifying faces wanting to eat me alive is what wakes me up in wee hours of the night. I don't know if it's the influence of the movies and drama series I've been watching about zombies but it felt really real that I always end up covering in sweat and felt like I run a decathlon. Lol. I've been a fan of horror movies. The more terrifying and horrendous, the more I like the movie. Maybe it came from that scenarios that even in my dreams they invaded it.
Snakes
I am super afraid by snakes. In all the animals in the world, snakes would be the death of me if I encounter one. I seldom dream about this. Like in some occasion, I'm not thinking about it but it just popped up in a dream I have, biting me or devouring me whole. The cringe I felt inside the stomach of the snake taking my life away. They say if you dream about snakes, a betrayal will soon come. Again, I don't believe in it much, as people are prone in betraying other people just for their own gain. I have met countless of them and maybe I'll be meeting them in the future.
A neighbourhood
This is what I like most of my dreams. I have been dreaming about a peaceful neighbourhood since my high school days. Same place and same houses I see. It was surrounded by mountains and it always rain. And you know what, it became a reality. Its the place where my mother is staying. Its the same place I have dreamt countless of times and wished to be true. I am very happy to see it in reality that I immediately purchased a house there in a monthly basis. I just really love the place and hope for it to be a rest house for me whenever I'm sick and tired in the city life.
A dreamcatcher catches bad dreams and only allows good and beautiful dreams if you put it just above your bed. I haven't owned one of this but I really don't know if it's effective also. All I know, bad dreams and good dreams are part of our imaginations. I'm okay dreaming bad dreams as long as I can be able to wake up and shrug it off and continue sleeping. But sleep paralysis is a big no no. I have encountered this and a little prayer always helps me in waking up in the real world.
We have different dreams and it's interpretation. I just hope we don't rely in it so much as this is just in our minds. Maybe some dreams is a way of prevention for us but still a dream is beautiful and bad in the dream alone.
But all I can say, dream good things and everything will be alright. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
It's been awhile. Charot. I have been busy I guess? Hehe. It's the women's day also. To all courageous and strong women out there, thank you for not letting go. Fighting!
To all who stumbles in my article, likers, up voters, commenters and silent readers, my deepest thanks for taking the time to read. See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All image are from unsplash.com
March 8, 2022 | 22:20 PH time
Marching Towards Hotness
That's me starting my day with a peace sign shadow while walking. The heat in the morning is not that piercing and still has vitamin D so I enjoyed my time walking. It's officially the summer season as March gracefully marched it's way to our skins with the hot weather every single day.
Can you feel the hotness in the air? By far, for me, this day is the hottest that I experienced. I am not really good in handling hot weathers because I easily sweat and get headaches. And even if the AC is working in the office earlier, I still felt the humid air circulating the whole vicinity. I really did get the headache earlier and still has as of this writing.
March is also a Fire Prevention Month. Did you know that most cases of fire accidents happen in the month of March? Well, by this time of the year also, our safety officers conducts a refresher in every department about what to do if fire broke out in the whole building. We have been experiencing mild fires on tenants we have in the mall and so far it was handled by the firefighters quickly. Not to mention there's a post of firemen just beside the mall.
I just wanna share to you my family's experience about fire.
They all say, its better to get robbed or get flooded rather than experience fire in your household because when you get robbed, not all things will be gone, flooded, because you'll have ample time to save whatever important documents you have. But getting fire on your house is another thing.
It's a fine sunny and humid noon. It was around March also in year 2012 but in the time of Araw ng Dabaw. Most of the malls that time had invited artists from Manila to entertain the people as a celebration. Coco Martin was very famous that time and apparently he was on the mall I was currently working now. My neighbours, as they were eager to see artists left their homes immediately. It was 12:30 in noon time, I'm washing our dishes as we just finished taking our lunch when suddenly scream of terror and horror at the end of the compound can be heard. We're just three at that time, my mother, myself and our youngest. We immediately went outside and my, I was very astonished to see a fire so huge even when it's meters away from our house the heat is very piercing. I was really shocked for about 5 seconds, just standing and staring still at the fire engulfing the houses like mad. The orange color together with ashes and gray smoke was very mesmerising. I was just pulled out by my astonishment when my brother shouted and pulled me inside to save whatever we can save. My mother always had this bag full of documents and ids and she secured it first. She was the one to leave the house first. Me and my brother took turns in saving appliances and clothes and other personal belongings. But I tell you, you can't remember what's important at that time. In every item my hands can get I just threw it outside for my brother will put it in a secure place. Imagine the adrenaline rush I got that time. For about 3 minutes after the fire was already in our house, eating it whole. My mother cried together with our neighbours. I'm really into shocked at that time so I just stared at our house that turned into ashes. I assured myself, it's okay as long as there's no lives lost.
Do you know the reason of the fire? As excited as our neighbour to see Coco Martin, they left their house that had some remnants of fire in the wood they used for cooking. Take note, it's very windy that time and it started the whole chaos. It will be one of my most unforgettable memory and I'm proud to say we coped up after that. We built our homes again and started anew.
That's the morning view earlier. The heat is present and will be present in the next days. This is the season for a dip in the beach or in a pool. But please be alert and cautious when leaving your homes. Make sure all outlets are clear and be mindful in using flammable and dangerous things.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Take more fluids and shelter in this times of heat. Stay safe and well wherever you are. Thank you for @BCH_LOVER for the sponsorship. It means a lot to me. I'm happy to meet you here. To all the likers, upvoters, commenters and silent readers, welcome to my humble article.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All image are mine unless stated otherwise.
March 4, 2022 / 23:05 PH time
@Jeansapphire39
Sis. Thank you for the sponsorship and pa.welcome. Thank you for the support and for finding me in here. Haha. Ang arte lungs!
Handling Frustrations
It's the first day of March. Time flies so fast I'm still stuck in January. Don't ask for February as I'm not really into the love month. Lol. The bitterness is creeping. It's like I'm turning the pages of my planner in a slow or fast pace. We all control everything in our lives, aside from God who directs us everyday. But, we are the master of our seas, so let's take this month as a positive one.
It's the opening day for one of the festivities that my city is celebrating. This year would be the city's 85th Araw ng Dabaw. It's a special non working holiday also that's why most of my colleagues in the office opt to not report for work. And as a hardworking person I can be, I still worked earlier. The calm and serenity in the office made me bored so I volumed up my pc's stereo and jammed for songs in my Spotify.
Frustration - in Google's definition, it is the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.
Who in here doesn't have frustrations in life? If you don't? What's you're secret, please do share. Cause my frustrations are getting out of hand that it always hits my nerves in a sudden emotional breakdown or sort of mood swings.
Scenario 1
I'm having difficulty finishing my lunch. That's my everyday frustration. As a person suffering from acid reflux, I always feel full in mealtimes that finishing it all is a challenge. Breakfast and dinner are okay. Like I can normally eat everything without the struggle. But lunch time is very different. I always consume a max of 30 minutes in eating my lunch. That long and a struggle one. Because of being full, my subconscious doesn't want to take any food other than 5 spoons but I know I should finish it all to last long for the day because dinner time would be hours away. I feel nauseous when I am halfway of my food and that would be a big no.
So, what I do to make my lunch successful are two things. I watch a mukbang video specifically Tzuyang. She's a Korean youtuber famous in her mukbang videos. I don't know, but I'm kinda getting my appetite back whenever I see her eat. And the other one is water. I always drink a little bit of water to push the food down in my stomach. A friend told me that drinking too much water can get me nauseous also but I assured that I only drink a little just to push down the food. Struggle is real and I hope I can overcome this.
Scenario 2
It happened just this afternoon. I have a friend who always say to me that she thinks her life would not be long. So she's always saying like goodbye messages and everything. I know it's just a joke or whatnot but life is precious for me. Some people with chronic illnesses, with a time limit in this world, still thrives to live. But why do healthy people want to end theirs? Why do they want to disappear? I really don't know what's on her mind why she's always saying that. And it frustrates me more that I can't do anything about it because she wouldn't open her thoughts to me freely. My mood shifted to sour after that convo. I really hate if my frustration get in my nerves because the result will always be me crying.
One thing I did earlier is to cry my frustration up. It helps. You should express those emotions into tears or shouting or eating whatever you want. But in my case, I always express it with tears. In these times, I always go for shutting up. To cool down a bit. Don't talk to the person related so I can't say anything bad to them. And also ask for opinions from your trusted people. You can't think clearly when you're clouded with emotions you can't handle so a friend to talk to would be a better diversion. And it worked earlier. I have resolved my frustration and I'm getting my good mood back.
That's just my two frustrations in life but the list goes on. I have many of it and I can say, I handled it calmly and with poise. Hehe. Everyone of us has battles to fight or to win. It's just how we deal with it. I always say go for the positive way but I know as hard as our life could be, positivity is very hard to attain too. So, take things slowly and make sure to surround yourself with people that can uplift you. Never linger in state of always frustrated. You will only make yourself hard and frowning. Smile! Everything will fall in its own place and time.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
How is the first day of March treating you? Are you still okay? I hope to see your smile everyday. And always remember, everything will be alright.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.com
March 1, 2022 / 22:50 PH time
My Not So Eventful Sunday
I've planned for this day to be a hectic one. I've always been a planner and wants to achieve my goals and to dos each day but as the reading of today's our daily bread, Unexpected Change, it surely is not what I'm expecting for.
"You do not even know what will happen tomorrow." James 4:14
That verse struck me the most upon reading it. We do not know what the future holds, so why plan ahead? Why make conclusions and expectations in your life that if not met you will be devastated?
I washed my clothes last night because I'm planning to do many things today. It's a two weeks laundries and I only hand washed it as I don't really fancy using our washing machine. I feel like my clothes are still dirty if I use that. Hehe. And so I finished everything at exactly 12 in the midnight. I immediately get to bed, set my alarm for 4:30 in the morning because I'm planning to have a morning jog in the coastal road as it will be my day off also. Scrolled a bit in noise, read and other sites before closing my eyes and all set for tomorrow.
Heard my alarm and immediately closed it and woke up still sleepy yet I managed to wake myself up and do some yoga before I put on my jogging attire and I'm set to witness the sunrise and to do some healthy exercise for my body. It's like hitting two birds with one stone right? The coastal road is near to finish from its construction and I can see many people jogging also so it's not that scary even if its still dim. Unfortunately, the sun didn't shone as the bunch of clouds still hover in my area. I think it's gonna rain the whole day. So when 7am came, I'm at the house, drinking my hot cup of energen and started my busy day.
"Ate, your laundries gonna soak wet because the rain is pouring down now." A shout from my brother that woke me up immediately.
Thought I did what I did above? It's a big nope! Have you experienced like you did something in real life but in reality it's just your mind that's been doing all the scenarios? That's what happened earlier. I really heard my alarm but because of still being sleepy, I cancelled it and went back to sleep again. Then the imagination kicked in. Lol. I wished I really did that cause I really prepared my jog attire in the bedside table. So, I'm not gonna plan anymore as it always frustrates me if I didn't make it happen.
After my brother woke me up, I went back to sleep again. Lol. That's how I love sleeping. And I woke up at around 11 in the morning of feeling hot all over my body. It's not a shocker though as I've been experiencing this lately, exhausted and randomly not feeling well. Maybe it's the stress or I don't even know why but I've been taking paracetamol and a lot of rest if it occurs. I decided to not open my cellphone as I want to rest well until I'm feeling better. I did some bonding with my nephew after lunchtime and the meds kicked in I fell asleep again at 12:30pm. When I woke up, the sky is very dim at just 3pm so I decided to get my dried laundries already. Some were still wet and some were dried. Glad I did that because few moments later it rained heavily with strong winds at that. I heard there's an LPA in our area brought by the easterlies. Hope it will not stay longer.
Funny thing about me, I so love the rain that even if I still feel hot a little bit I immediately run outside to bathe in the rain. There were many kids bathing also so I joined the fun. I went to the beach to see crowds of people bathing. Whenever there's heavy rain, expect that my neighbourhood rejoices as adults and kids alike will surely went to the beach to swim while raining. I didn't swim in the beach, I just stood there in the corner savoring the heavy droplets of rain. It's like feeling everything in me, savoring the painful patter and barely can see the surrounding because of its heavy downpour. I always say, bring it on! I'm always ready!
After I'm done bathing, settled in my pj's and I watched a movie afterwards. This one is titled Shut In. It was released this month. I downloaded it because it's ratings are high and I'm not disappointed. The story is about a young mother named Jessica who accidentally got shut in in the pantry of their house. Glad her daughter is smart who can be of help to her but her drug addict partner visited and made some chaos and I'll just leave you with that. Hehe. It's a must see, I love how Jessica protected her children.
So that ends my boring Sunday. I planned it to be busy and eventful but God will always have some plans laid out for me. I trust in him though. Never forget to smile and seize the day. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I'm still not yet sleepy so might as well talk about my day. Lol. It's raining hard up until now. Hope all are safe in their homes. I probably shouldn't say things that will trouble me in the future. 🤦♀️ Happy birthday to someone dear to me. Even though I'm still pissed you never told me the exact date. Tsss. Am I not worth sharing for? Charot lang. 🤭
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is form unsplash.com.
February 27, 2022 / 23:30 PH time
Stronger than Hate...
Everyday, I make it to a point to read the day's message in our daily bread. This practice was influenced by my mother to me. She's devoted in her faith with our Creator and I just followed through. Every single day is always a new learning about Him. A reminder that He's always there for me, to guide and protect.
The title above was the reading last Tuesday and I decided to make an article about it because of what happened two days ago. I believe we have someone that we consider as the one we're holding on to continue life. As the one to inspire us to be the better version of our lives, to work diligently and live honestly. As for me, even though I am in a broken family, I treasure my parents and sibling with all my heart. They've been my source of strength and meaning into this life.
But what if, my family also is the one breaking me every single day?
I haven't been able to talk to my older sisters wholeheartedly, ever. And I happened to hear my second ate her version of her story. You see, ate had been the black sheep of the family. She's kinda rebellious when she was young, when she studied, and even when she committed a great sin which is being a mistress to someone else family, and having an offspring at that. She barely talks to me as she hates me for being favored in the family.
"Lua, I've craved for attention by mama. That's why I always did what I did. I always did my best for her to see me. When she wanted me to work for another household for me to continue my studies in elementary, I did it. Even though its very hard for my young body to do all the chores, I still did it for her to be happy. When I was working after finishing high school, I always give all of my salary to her. Because she always says we don't have anything to eat because papa became irresponsible at that time. I haven't bought anything from my hard work. But there's one time I bought a sale jeans that's a 3 for 100 pesos and not even a branded one, imagine the joy I felt after that. When I was studying for college and also working as a tutor I always give all of my salary in tutoring to her. But there's this one day that I only gave her 500 pesos because other students hadn't paid up but I will add some of it after they pay me but she got mad at me. Saying I'm keeping the other money for my own spending. Imagine, just one time I failed to give her the exact money and I received that kind of reaction. Parents are suppose to sustain and support their children until they get old right? But why do our parents doesn't think that way? Are we just some working machine for us to support them? Are we just a retirement plan for them? I pity you, for you're doing what I did a long time ago."
" Love is stronger than hate"
That's the message. How can I hate the person I love the most? As I've recalled everything that happened in the past, she burned bridges of hope and opportunities with her attitude. She nags a lot about money that is why my siblings left home one by one. I always understands her, thinking she's doing this for the family. Maybe blinded for my love for her. But it's a slap to me, hearing those words from ate, how we fell apart because I think the same.
I chose to forgive and forget. I am expert in forgetting so it's okay. Leave the past now and focus in the present. My parents are old and not able so I'll always be there for them. It hurts to remember those memories yet a refresher to know new stories about it. Love will always be stronger than hate.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
How are you? I am fine these days and a bit busy in my work. Sending prayers to the affected people in the war that broke out in Ukraine. Hope you'll be safe and warm wherever you are.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.com
February 25, 2022 / 22:30 PH time
@Lucifer01
Luci, thank you for the sponsorship renewal. It means a lot to me that someone's appreciating my writings. Stay safe and God bless you always. 😍
I've met many people here in read and I must say some are generous. I would like to express my gratitude to @Bloghound for the sponsorship. Thank you for appreciating the words I put into writing. Salamat sis. God bless. 😘
To Be or Not To Be
"Hi Ms. Know-it-all. Tsk." snickered a girl close to her.
She shyly turned her way back to the classroom.
Have you ever experienced being hated for something you're truly good at? Being envied for skills you tried hard to master? And simply being despised by someone just because you're excelling in everything you do?
I think I have experienced it all.
There's so much more in this world and a little bit of exploring won't hurt, right? I'm a curious cat, I would like to know almost everything that can catch my attention. From the cultures, tradition, people, skills and nature, I have this urge to discover something new everyday and say to my old self in the future, I'm glad I did that.
A memory popped up in my head when I was on my vacation doing a drawing for a friend. Funny I forgot my skills in drawing for that certain memory. I have no remorse for what happened in the past but a lingering question why she did it to me. But I'm thankful for that phase of my life cause I knew who were true to me.
Hated for something you're truly good at.
I have shared in my early article that I love dancing and I must say I'm truly good at that. I'm not boasting or anything but it's the truth. Lol. I can memorize an entire choreo in just a day of practicing. I'm cute in height, that's why I'm always at the front and because I can execute the dance immediately, the choreographer always made remarks to my co-dancers to follow my lead. I'm somewhat overjoyed for the attention and praise at that time. You know, the feeling of being looked up to people you know. But it was shortlived. The praise and attention turned hate and ridicule. I don't know when it started but I was hearing gossips and murmurs whenever I walked pass by them. It's okay if it was good gossip and murmur but it was all bad judgements about me. From saying I'm too full of myself and even to the point of spreading rumors that I'm a sucker in our choreographer. I slowly turned distant and cold to everyone. I am neither of the two accusations they made. I always made a clear line between relationships of my co-dancers and our choreographer and I'm definitely not too full of myself for I believe being humble is what makes a person good. That was my last year in high school and the time I haven't joined the competition because of money problems. Didn't know if they planned to announce the customes price a week before or whatnot, but the things I learned from that phase of my life, to not truly trust anyone, be humble in everything you do and always be conscious on someone's closeness or relationship that can mislead on other people's judgement.
Envied for skills you tried hard to master.
One thing about me that I always suppress is I am a very artistic person. From the words I utter, to the letters I form into writing till the colors I shade in a drawing, I make a point to be in an artistic way. I love writing poems and putting rhythms in it that can lead to a beautiful song. I remembered one time in college, I won a songwriting contest for one of my major class. I have always kept the song but sadly it got burnt into ashes when we experienced fire in our neighbourhood. I have always been fascinated about drawings and such that I even watched tutorials on how to properly draw and taught myself the basics in drawing. I am not born with a gift for drawing but I always drive myself into learning about it cause I like drawing so much. I'm a fast learner, so days and weeks of drawing, I can say my drawings are decent enough to be presented from my art class in college. I had participated in any slogan contest or any drawing related contest when I had the chance back then. But there's this one incident that made me stopped drawing. A close friend of mine in college just suddenly talked to me and said, "Hey Ms. Know-it-all. Don't participate in this year's slogan contest for me and my team will be presenting it and we won't be adding you in it." then she walked away. I really don't know why she said it that time but, the hurt I got from those words pierced me. It's okay if it's just a regular classmate but she's my close friend. And the pen name Know-it-all is the boiling point, like hello, I really don't know everything, I just know some basics and actually, I'm also a deans lister so maybe that's why? I'm a bit dense also at times. But yeah, that moment scarred me and I didn't attempted to draw from then on. But as the school year ends, she just talked to me and said her sorrys. That she's just jealous in me about doing such great outputs in everything I do. I accepted her sorry but the friendship will never be the same again.
Despised by someone just because you're excelling in everything you do.
I believe if you have the heart to do something you really wanted to do then best results would soon follow. In my current workplace, I always make sure to work with everything I got. That was in my early years in the company. Lol. As I've said above, I'm a fast learner so every tasks in our system, I was forced to learn, lol, for me to apply it on the other branch. I'm just a five month employee and I've been transferred to our Digos branch to make the items in a barcoding system. I'm always in the sales invoices and such but I know everything about how the system works. We're three ladies transferred that time and one of them was I considered my ate. But again, there's an incident in the office wherein she blurted out, "you do this and this because you know everything right? You're so bright and excellent that me being in here is not needed already." I tell you, I was crying while she's saying that straight into my face while our supervisor in our back. I don't know why she said that, either a compliment or just an insult but the way her voice tone, it was clearly an insult. I've managed to backfire while in tears, "I've never wanted to learn any of these cause I know there will come a time that I'll be abused in my work for I know everything." She's just so insensitive that time that she said it was just a joke, but the grin on her face is irritatingly bitchy that I know it's not a joke. Our supervisor made us reconcile and we did, I never wanted to have grudges with people so I tried to make peace with her but I know there's now a gap in our friendship.
I have always been suppressing everything I know to every people I encounter. Don't want to outshadow them so I never bothered to tell them what I'm capable of. I best work in a backstage rather than in a limelight so taking credit for my work would not be a big deal for me because I'm just fed up of people talking behind my back and betraying me. Why are they envious? If only they knew how lacking I am in almost everything, they would not feel that way I guess.
That's a drawing dedicated for @charlsssShe's been a great friend that I met in noise and I just abruptly said to draw her dp in noise. Though not that good but I'm happy while drawing it. Relieving the joy whenever I draw is nostalgic.
I hope we shouldn't envy or hate someone just because they know something we don't know. We are all unique in our own way. Peace to all. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
It's been a week. Felt like forever. Lol. I missed you all in here. I'm back from the vacation in the mountains. Did some resting and just savoring nature. How are you? Love month is almost over soon but always show love to people dear to you not just this month but everyday of your lives.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
Lead image is from unsplash.
February 23, 2022 00:45 PH time
A Letter for Lua
Dear Lua,
How are you?
Are you feeling okay now? Do you feel well from all the resting you've done? Can you pat your head for a job well done for holding out so long.
But where are you going now? Why do you sit in a bus looking outside the window savoring the sceneries pass by your eyesight? Do you still feel stuffy inside or are you not feeling well again?
I hope this vacation will give you the complete rest that you badly needed. I hope you'll think clearly again from all the chaos your mind has gotten you into. Please get out in your head. Please don't overthink too much. Do feel sorry for yourself for being hard on it. You have suffered so much and a little pain again maybe won't budge you but if it adds up, the heaviness will add also. I hope you'll find the courage to forget everything.
I hope you'll find the forgiveness you wanted. Please forgive yourself from all the failures you've done. Hope you'll find the strength to forgive your sick father. I know he's done so much damage in you but past is past, please do not look back and ignite the pain. You'll only gonna hurt yourself, you'll only gonna cry again. Please find time to talk to him, heart to heart and pour out your hate and frustrations. Maybe if you'll do that, all the heaviness you feel will be gone. Maybe if you'll do that, you will finally be able to forgive him.
I hope you'll not give up your life for someone you adore. You will be forever yourself and nothing beats that. But if you'll meet someone you say you'll truly love for a lifetime, please make sure to reserve a piece of you always. Never make that person the reason for your insanity. Make sure to breathe in your relationship.
Breathe Lua. Everything will be okay. Don't worry for the growing pain in your body. You will be healed and be well in Jesus's name. Breathe and live in the moment.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I hope your well and safe. Gonna take some breather for a couple of days. Happy love month again.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.
February 15,2022 / 09:55 PH time
@itsmeCguro thank you for the sponsorship renewal. I've messaged you privately for giving thanks but I wanted this to be posted for my gratitude. Her works are awesome too, please do check all of it. Salamat C. 🥰
Love and its Pain
It's the love month. February is the month widely known for the valentines day. The season to give love and receive love from your loved ones. But I beg to disagree that we should always give love to others not just on this month but in our everyday lives. It's just so amusing to me how other people value this month as an exciting day especially couples out there. It's been a regular day for me as I'm still single until this very age. Lol. Kidding aside, I always give roses and chocolates to my mother and siblings on that day to appreciate them as my family. Never got the chance to give something to my friends as I'm not that thoughtful. Hehe
Did you know that there are several types of love? There's many of them but I want to talk about these four kinds of love that I really like and somehow I can reflect about my life. The list goes like this...
STORGE LOVE
This love goes out to parents love for their children or what they call familial love. An individual would not be complete without a family. Each and everyone of us has a family we can call as our own, well not to mention those who were orphaned by birth or by accidents. But all of us humans do have one thing in common, and that is a family.
I am vocal about my admiration in my mother in here. I just love her with all my heart that seeing her cry makes my heart tear into pieces. She's the reason why we grew up to be good persons. If not for her, maybe we had different lives that is not that good to live at. You all know about my alcoholic father and how hellish our lives had been because of him. My mother balanced it out, always making us understand that everything happens for a reason. Her love for us made her a strong woman that shields us from our abusive father. Yes, my father is an abusive one, with words he uttered that shattered our souls, with all the broken things he threw to us and with all the threats of knife for our lives, she has been there protecting us. I asked mama why she endured everything when we were young, she responded that she pitied us, an irresponsible father matched with a runaway mother would be a devastating news for the children. She loved us so much that she endured the pain of living with an irresponsible patriarch. And I am very grateful for her because of that. I love you ma. 😘
AGAPE LOVE
This love is the highest form of love, charity and the love of God for man and of man for God. Or the way I say it is the love for mankind. Only few people has the ability to produce this kind of love because for me, its being selfless in the act of giving and sharing love and compassion to the humanity.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son..."
That's a part of the verse in John 3:16. My favourite verse of all time. Imagine giving up your only son just so you could save people from perish. People who are sinful and ungrateful and doesn't even pray to Him. How painful it is to see your only son enduring the pain, lashes, the cross and the death just so He could save humanity. I am forever grateful for the salvation I received and also ashamed for my everyday shortcomings in life.
For a person, I guess Abraham could pass the agape love as he offered Isaac to the Lord. I also adore Mother Teresa for her humanitarian acts all throughout her lifetime. She dedicated her life caring for the poor and dying people in the slums of Calcutta. I always have the urge to help the less fortunate and be of service to them. Hope this dream of mine be granted soon. ☺️
PHILIA LOVE
It's a Greek word that defines to a brotherly love or love that is shared between friends and equals. I say it, love for friends. Friendship plays an important role in someone's life. I think, there's no person who doesn't have friends right? From our childhood to adulthood, we've met countless friends along the way. Some stayed and some moved on to their lives without us. Lol
I have these two close friends in work that I treasure so much. I normally don't do friendships and such based on my bitter past about it but they managed to open up my heart once more. Maybe because, we're a bit the same in everything, like from attitudes and point of views in life. We've stayed friends for how many years now. My shift at work starts early than them, so we haven't been able to dine out on every payday because I always go straight at home after my shift ends. We have this tradition of dining out in jolibee in every payday, so it's like months now that we haven't done that. But then, our schedules aligned and we agreed to dine out for the next payday. So I'm super excited because I have lots of stories to tell, I am very talkative to the people I like, and also I have so much updating to say about my life. They're my advice gurus also. Hehe. But at that day, they informed me that it will not be possible for us to dine out because they lacked funds for it. Like hello, I've seen the two of you eat out the other day at jolibee without me because I'm in a hurry to go home. I know my schedule is tight that's why I always have a planner in hand but the frustration and pain I feel at that time is enormous. It feels like I'm left out alone. We won't be called tres marias if I'm always left out. I really cried my heart out at the church for I'm beginning to hate them for it. Didn't talked to them for days I guess but they reasoned out and my understanding heart always understands. And we haven't dined out also for months now. I miss that bonding. Maybe soon?
EROS LOVE
And last but not the least, the romantic and passionate love which is eros. Mostly found in couples and in marriages. I like to quote this lines, love to the point of fearing your parting. I am an advocate of #walangporeber, hahaha. So might as well, love fervently and without regrets. Because time and time again, everyone parts if you're not destined to that someone.
I don't have any experience for this one so I'm just gonna share my friend to you. She had some fair share of heartaches from her past relationships and always been cheated once or twice? Anyways, she asked me this question about how to make the heart into stone. Literally speaking, you can't make a heart into stone. Haha. But kidding aside, a heart who has grown cold and distant has been neglected for some time. I would gladly say to you, love yourself first. Always reserve something for yourself. Don't give all your love to your lover. Don't make your lover the center of your world that you forgot you have your own world. Do what makes you happy alone, it doesn't mean you have to do it together but reserve some activities you like into doing and enjoying it yourself. Spare something for yourself always. Be private in some matters that even when your lover is gone, you can still have the fun in doing it. Love without regrets. The right one will always come at the right moment. ☺️
Alongside love is pain. Pain is inevitable. You can't dodge on it. You just have to be strong to overcome it. It's never love when you can't feel the pain.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
How are you? 5 days had pass and I'm still breathing. Lol. I really made some time to write something for you as 14 is fast approaching. Are you making some dinner reservations already, or a surprise proposal by the way? I hope everything goes well in your way. To my sponsors, commenters, likers, up voters and silent readers, I thank you always for having the time to read my words above. Happy love month everyone. 😘
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All image are from unsplash.com
February 13,2022 / 00:03 PH time
I am beyond awe for this wonderful lady @Talecharm thank you for renewing your sponsorship. It means a lot to me. Hugs! 🤗💗
Remember Me... Please
"Ma, are you done eating your lunch?"
She curiously looked up to him and asked, "Who are you? Why am I here?"
Hurt evident in his eyes when he said these words, "This is Aian ma, your youngest son." He smiled warily.
Our brain works magnificently. As much as the heart which does all the feelings and sympathies, the mind does all the thinking and strategies. It's like a hard disk that can store millions of millions of data. Data's like, people, experiences, childhood and all memories in the past. But along with all these datas, there is a warning of a full storage that's been signaling when we get older. As you can observe in yourself, the older the memory, the vague and faint it will be in your memory bank. The faces of the people, the surrounding and the happening. It is normal though to forget some events of life especially if you've experienced it in your younger years.
I will never forget the face of my superior last Friday when he heard the news of her mother escaping again from their house. His mother has dementia and its the second time she got loose from the care of her daughter in law. It's still our lunchtime when he hurriedly went to the office and grab his helmet. He looks worried and nervous, I asked him where he will go and he just responded that he will go home. When I entered our office, that's when I knew his mother ran off again. She would probably can't go home because she won't be able to remember the way back to their house. The first time she went out was an agony for the family because for a whole day she was missing and it was raining that time. Glad she was found by a good samaritan and handed her over to a police station. Last Friday was during lunchtime and glad she was found again in a police station but in midnight. I know she didn't take her lunch and dinner, so it's a sad view for him to see her mother scared and hungry. I always saw the pain in my superior's eyes when he talks about the hardships he went through in taking care of his sick mother. From all the siblings, he's the only one who was there to take care both of his parents. I salute him for that.
Dementia is a common illness in old people. Forgetting the faces and names for the people dear to them is scary. I know it's a pain and disturbance to the people taking care of them. But did we ever think the pain and agony the person has dementia been feeling? Imagine, losing your memory one by one. Trying to hold those happy moments and even sad ones gradually vanishing in your thoughts and memory. I bet it's more painful for the person rather the one taking care of them. I cannot imagine being helpless and confused standing on a sidewalk, silently weeping, and thinking thoroughly where is your way home.
So a mindful advice, please be more patient to them, please be more understanding for their mistakes and please give more love and attention for those people suffering like that.
"We are now best friends okay." He smiled cheekily.
"But I don't do best friends, I like for us to be close friends only." she irritatingly said.
"Well, I'll be your only best friend there is in the entire universe." He grinned widely.
I remember these words you said when we were in high school. You insistedly made yourself as my male best friend. Even though I am a bit loner and a snob that time, you made it through those walls I've put up to be close to me. Don't know what you think that time but day by day of being clingy to me, I accepted the fact that you won't leave me alone. Always on my desk sleeping and you always make me comb your hair so you can fall asleep easily while I'm reading a pocketbook. That would always be a scenario in our breaks and it made me happy. I am happy I have someone who listens to all my heartbreaks about my family, someone who listens that my crush didn't notice me and someone who'll protect me from all those bullies in school. I remember you happily introduced your first girlfriend in high school and how you cried because you ended up falling apart.
But I did not remember when we fell apart. Is it that time when you had other friends aside from me that you lessen your time with me? Is it those times that you entered different vices just so you could forget the pain of your first heartbreak? I always remind you it's not a good way of forgetting but you always shooed me away. You distanced yourself to me. You forgot about me. And I accepted it. I slowly came back to the way I used to, before you found me. Funny, how best of friends turned into strangers with just a snap of a finger. From then on, I promised myself to not do best friends because it hurt me so bad I didn't believe in friendship anymore. I had deleted my social sites after high school and created a new one with pen names so you couldn't reach me if you remember me. Still thank you for the bittersweet memories with you Emman. I've treasured it and I'm slowly letting go of it.
There are instances that makes our brain shuts up. It's like a defense mechanism for all the pain and grief that we experienced so as to lessen the hurt we had. Some people will pass by just like a blur to give you a lesson. There will be someone that will mold you into the person God wants you to be. Treasure each moments you have with them. Cherish people that are worth taking care of. Be someone who can give love to others who are hurting. And like these forget me not flowers, remember every sad and happy memories you've shared as long as your mind allows you to.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I missed you. Its been days that I haven't written so far. I am resting well and coping greatly. Hope your doing great. Stay safe and kind always. I am grateful always to my sponsors, up voters, readers, commenters and everyone who reads these ramblings of mine. Thank you for having the time to read.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All photos are from unsplash.com
February 6, 2022 / 21:15 PH time
Emptiness and its Monsters
I don't know when it started and why I'm feeling this way, but I always have this for quite some time now. Maybe it started when the pandemic arised or to those days I'm left alone by my family to pursue the plans I laid for them or maybe because when I saw my sick father again after abandoning us for years, all the bad memories I can no longer count came flooding and made me blackout. Or maybe because I was left alone with all these responsibilities that I felt drowning everyday.
This emptiness is like a driller, digging holes in my body, not just in my heart but in every part of my body. This hollowness makes me feel suffocated and heavy. No matter what I do, I always end up catching my breath for me to live and go on.
How do you define emptiness?
As the Google's definition, it is the state of containing nothing, meaningless.
But for me, it is not because of lacking something instead it is feeling too much. Too much worry for the future, an overthinker like me would definitely befall in this especially I always think ahead. Too much love that I lost the chance to give to those people I can no longer see. Too much words that was left unsaid or even hurtful things that I never meant to say. Too many fake smiles and even tears to portray to people that I'm still human. Too much fear for the growing pain inside of me that even going to hospitals made me tremble. And lastly, too much staring of myself in the mirror, wondering why am I still here, what have I done to my life so far.
Why does emptiness feels so heavy?
I always ask this question whenever it occurs. Recently, I always find myself staring at nothing. In my room's ceiling the moment I wake up, contemplating what would this day will happen. Doing small talks with a person yet my mind elsewhere. Doing activities that will surely lift my spirit up yet after, it will be back. Feeling heavy in every light situation I'm into. Searching for something that myself don't know what it is. Suddenly crying because the heaviness can't be contained anymore that I need to express it into tears. It's a countless occurrences I have encountered and it felt heavy and suffocating.
How do you fill emptiness?
I fill it with the people I love and care. Talking to them is my great joy. Bonding with them makes me feel alive. I always fill my eyes with all the blue skies, green ocean, lush mountains and green trees I see everyday. I always wonder God's creation so I like to wander in different places if I have the opportunity. I'm a bit of a traveler, I like to experience new cultures, see different attractions and meet new people. I also try doing extreme rides if given the chance. I'm not afraid of heights that's why bungee jumping, zip line and dropzones are my favourite rides. I'm a fan of carnivals also, trying almost everything on their rides. Aside from these, I'm fond on tasting different cuisines together with my friends. And lastly, giving some me time every now and then if I am overwhelmed by all the things around me.
Feeling empty is a normal thing to everyone of us. It is how we handle this feeling. How we overcome it and how we deal with it. We have different motivations in life and also distractions. Meeting virtual friends in noise and here in read is a blessing in disguise for me, my beautiful distractions, because in all honesty, I am on the brink of succumbing depression again on the last quarter of 2020. I am very grateful to each and everyone and most importantly to the Almighty God who never let go of me in those dark times. Even though there will be times I'll feel empty again, I know I can overcome it. I know I can succeed on it.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I am not in a good shape right now. I've been feeling constant pain inside of me that I can't ignore. My annual check up would be days from now. I hope all is well. I'll try to write articles but I can't promise it to be frequent. Hope you're having great days.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All photos are mine.
February 1, 2022 / 21:15 PH time
Conversing With Lua
Lua - a Latin word meaning "moon".
"You there, yes you, up above the sky. Why do you hide on those clouds? Let me see your beauty. Let me see your glow.
Are you there to comfort me? Or just being there to see my miserable life?
Thank you for the light you gave when I was heading for the corn fields to fetch my drunk father. I remember you shone brightly for me not to trip on the rocky road. I remember you didn't hide from the clouds that you love to do. I always remember the faint light that I wholeheartedly follow for me to go home safe and sound. I remember you, just being you as my guide and light.
When rain comes along, I cannot see you. It's like you're isolating yourself from the world. Do you feel tired sometimes? Do you get recharged from hiding on those thick clouds that brought rain? Because after the rain, you will surely make a comeback of an indefinite glow that I sometimes wonder if its possible to show. I always wonder why you only show yourself in the night. The night when I'm always asleep. The night, when almost everyone take their rests. Are you shy to make yourself known as someone like the sun, that can pave a light to someone's life?
I like you. But I know, I'm not the only one who has an admiration for you. From all the billion people that can see your beauty, I doubt if my simple adoration be made known to you.
I wonder when you look down, do you see me looking up to you? My eyes glimmer with hope and tears that in my everyday life, you can make these prayers and dreams come true. Do you see me looking up to you? Do you see my smile when I can see all the stars around you, making you company? I don't want you to be alone so I'm always be grateful for all the stars out there that shone beside you. Atleast, you shine with your friends and not like the sun, who shines alone.
When I went to the beach to pour my heart out of an incident I never wanted to happen, you're always there with me, keeping me company. I wonder if your comforting me with your light or your just there to see my endless tears run dry. Still I hoped in that moment I could go there to you. You know me well, I always talk to you when I'm down and hurting. You know all my secrets there is in this cruel world. You always listen to my rants and pain and I thank you. But I wanted to be with you. To end everything in this ground and be free like you up above the sky."
When I was a child, I'm always fascinated with everything there is above the sky. The stars, moon, sun, airplanes, birds, balloons and even kites. I always look up to the beauties you all have. How free you are. How lovely you could be. I wish to be a child of the moon, so that explains my name in here and I'm using it too as my pen name in other social sites.
And when the time comes I can finally say to you, the moon is beautiful isn't it? It means I love you to the moon and back. Lua, the moon is beautiful isn't it? ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
It's a Sunday! I finished the whole series of the kdrama Squid games in one sitting. Been eating lots of foods as it was the birthday of my sister's husband. Ugh! The spaghetti is really delicious. How are you? I hope you're all well and safe. That's my random talks about the moon but with hidden meaning of course about me. Hope you'll enjoy it. Thank you for dropping by.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
All pictures are mine.
January 30, 2022 / 22:38 PH time
Four Seasons of My Life
Nothing will ever stay
Not the night, nor the morning.
Not the moon, or the Sun
Everything fades, eventually.
Change is the only constant in this world. This I am sure that throughout our life, it will be forever adamant to happen. May it be change in our physical aspect, our surrounding, the community we live into or even the relationships we have, expect change to be with us everyday.
In a year cycle, we have four seasons. Each has its own light, temperature and weather patterns that repeats yearly. Well it's applicable to some parts of the world but in my tropical country we only have two seasons which is the rainy and dry season. The four seasons other countries have are : summer, spring, winter and fall.
Looking back, I always compare events of my life with the seasons I know. Each has different vibe, challenges, happenings and outcomes. There were events that had some great impact on me while growing up in a positive note but there were also incidents that created damaged in me as a person. So are you ready? Well, here it goes...
Summer
I always say, summer is coming, prepare your hats everyone. Ever wonder why I say that? It's because summer is really hot that you need some protection from the heat when you go on a vacation or even going outside the house. Summer season is best for vacations. The weather is fine and sunny and always a perfect day to go out in a beach to get tanned or go hiking in the mountains for nature tripping.
Summer for me means a complete family. I was born and raised in an island in Cebu. The livelihood of the people there were just farming and fishing. My father worked as a diver of pearls in a company in mainland Cebu. I remember, we had lots of white and black pearls at home. Never got the chance to retrieve one pearl though as all of it were sold when we had some family crisis. The way we lived there was very simple. The one I always wanted to have. I would never forget that one day that I'm most happy my entire childhood. It was a one sunny day and it was my birthday also. The family wanted to celebrate it along the beach. So mama prepared everything like the beach mat, the foods that consist of my favorites especially the spaghetti and the clothes we'll be changing after our dip in the beach. We settled under a coconut tree but not really close to it because we might get hit of falling coconuts if we're near. Lol. So, after settling in, a little prayer for my birthday and for the food and we started eating. We're complete at that time. My father who rarely drinks alcohol, my kind mother, my two older sisters, me and my two younger brothers. The fun we had that time was priceless. Father caught different kind of seafoods that we also ate at lunchtime. We went there for the whole day so the fun was prolonged for a whole day. Ah, happy memories is such a wonderful bliss.
Spring
Spring is the season of new beginnings. From a flower's perspective, it's the time of the new buds to bloom.
Spring for me is an opportunity to be better. I am lacking in many things. I have so many shortcomings that I wanted to improve. My short tempered attitude will always be my struggle. I don't know if it's connected with my taurus zodiac sign but well, most of everything the taurus has is me. I have an impulsive attitude also when in buying, no matter how pricey the item is when I want to buy it, I'm gonna be buying it by hook or by crook. Lol. I'm just glad I never regret any of my shopping incidents or I just don't wanna regret? Hehe. An impulsive attitude in saying things and words when I'm angry or irritated that can cause hurt to the receiving person. I tell you, I always regret it after when I'm done doing the deed. I'm still improving it and will be improving maybe for the rest of my life. Hehe. And lastly, I want to be a better daughter, friend, workmate, sibling. In short, I want to be a new persona in life. Hehe. Kidding, I want to be someone God wants me to be. Been praying for my everyday new beginnings to be aligned to His will always.
Winter
Winter is the coldest season among the four. It was derived in an old Germanic word that means "time of water".
I'm not really good in handling cold weather because I get cold easily. Winter would be a pain in the ass for me cause I'm gonna be wearing thick clothes for that yet I like wearing thick clothes also especially the knitted ones. I would like to experience snow and it falls upon a winter season. So yeah, I like winter also. Hehe. Winter for me symbolises crisis. Any crisis, like in the family, work, relationships and such crisis you can think of. But this one I'm sharing is kind of a funny yet sad crisis. When I'm in my high school, my parents decided to buy piglets that we can raise and be sold in the future. It's two piglets and we named it John and Marsha. Yes, from the TV series itself. Lol. At first it was really fun. I was incharge of their bathing so whenever they bathe, I also get wet and just bathe with them to conserve water. We bonded,the piglets I mean, we really stick together like when I say their names there ears perked up immediately and will say oink just to acknowledge me. But, as they're reaching their full growth, they need to be sold. Imagine the pool of tears I shed for them. I begged my parents that we should just make them our pets but they won't allow it as the expenses is quite big. Hmm. I think I cried for half a day for that. Hehe. Lesson learned, don't get attached so deeply so you won't get hurt extravagantly.
Fall
It's actually autumn season but widely known in the US as fall because most leaves fall in this season. I wanted it to be fall to matched my experience in it.
Fall would be my greatest downfall of all.
"That night, the reason I ran recklessly wasn't because I wanted to catch my father who ran away. It was so I could gather up my pain and turn it into strength to keep living. My father was going to continue living his own life, like he always has and from then on, I had to support myself. That was the premonition I had that night. That night, the pain I felt all over my body was carved into me. And, I believed it was all because of my father. I decided to live on by using that hatred as strength. I ran to let my father go. It was my last resort." Excerpt from kdrama Bride of Haebaek
When I watched that kdrama those words pierced into my broken heart that I was literally sobbing while watching it. My father abandoned us 10 years ago. Even though we're all adults and don't need his support but still, I always wanted for us to be complete. But if being complete means living each day like hell, then I would like for us to be broken and live peacefully. Not each day I longed for a happy family. But each day also, my fate slaps me the truth of us being broken and sad. He chose his vice. He chose his self. He chose to forget his family. He is very selfish. That day he vanished, was my greatest downfall for I know my family won't be whole again.
Lua's Season
Seasons change, feelings fade. The only constant in this world would be forever change. Each season represents something in me. Sad or happy it made me who I am today. So don't fret my dear for if you fall and face cold weathers, spring and summer will soon come to lighten your heavy burden.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Long time no see. Lol. I've been away for three days I guess. I'm kinda busy? Lol, don't really know why I haven't written yet but I guess my mood matters. Hehe. Hope you're all doing okay and great. For all the likers, commenters, up voters my sponsors, silent readers and anyone who stumbles in this article, thank you for dropping by.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from Google.
January 27, 2022 / 23:50 PH time
I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to these three wonderful people @itsmeCguro @Talecharm and @Lucifer01 for giving me your support in here. I'm just new in read and I'm so glad I've found you all. To more articles to create, share and read. Salud! 🥂
The Door into Summer
Actually, the title is a Japanese sci-fi movie released last year, 2021. As a quick summary, it tackles about an inventor of robotics technology where he has been robbed by his girlfriend and business partner and sent to the future via cryogenic sleep called the Cold Sleep. But when he awakes 30 years later, he is assissted by a humanoid robot originally his own creation.
We will not be talking about how amazing this movie is, well in fact it is amazing for me. Like 8/10 as a rating because I want you to find it amazing yourself. I just like the plots twist and turns.
In every movie I watched, I always take notes of all the beautiful lines I encounter while watching. For this movie, I took note five interesting lines that I can somehow compare in my life or to other people. So here it goes.
It seems like my fate is to lose the people I love.
How many of you here has lost someone so dear to you that it actually made you empty as life can give? Have you lost a parent, a sibling, a relative, a best friend, a girlfriend or boyfriend, or someone so close to your heart? I have witnessed so many deaths. I have cried rivers of tears. I have attended wakes and burials. In every wake, I cannot make myself see the deceased in their casket because I always dream of them after. So I'll just utter my prayers and cries in silence. How awful for someone to have a fate like that? It's like robbing you one by one of the happiness that He temporarily gave to you. I have met someone like that in real life, an orphan at that. Everyone is gone except her. Everyday she asks why leave her here when she can join them too? I always comfort her that everything happens for a reason and I know that reason is for her good. It's been years that I've seen you. I hope and pray that your well and safe.
It felt like I was stranded alone on the flow of time. But I never felt lonely.
Well, we have our stuck moments in life. Feeling like, your childhood friends accomplished so many and you're still there, figuring out what you want in your life. Always thinking why and how are you not moving in this fast paced world. I have encountered so many moments like that. Looking up to my high school classmates living their dreams and having their own family. Well, aside from the family thing, I don't want to start in that area of my life. But, so happy for them to accomplish what we always talked about when we're still studying. We have our own moments to shine. I consider myself a late bloomer. Late in everything, literally like in work. Kidding aside, I know I have my own moment to shine and I can also say, I seldom not felt lonely for my mother is always on my back cheering me in everything I do.
Running away isn't the solution.
I have heard this words to someone I met recently. You know, I'm a bit coward in let's say for example about feelings. I always run away if I see someone who has interest in me. Like putting up my defense or wall for that someone to not enter. I know it's pathetic but I'm always guarding my heart for all I see are the irresponsibility of my father. I know it's not just to generalized people but my mind won't allow me to give second thoughts. I also run when someone I like won't ever like me back, so I can evade myself from the incoming pain. I am a planner and an overthinker at that. So much of being an introvert. Lol. I have faced it head on like what that person said and it's kinda okay, like re-evaluating my feelings if it's just for friends or for someone special. Hmm. Aside from feelings, in every aspect of life we should face it bravely and courageously for it will make us grow as a person.
You never give up. Riko, research is, not a failure if you don't give up. Right?
How can you define success? Is it having tons of money? Is it being on the top or being famous? Is it having all you want in life? There's so many definition about success and along with it is the word failure. I normally don't say I fail into like this or that because I am still not done on that phase of my life. I would just say, I took a break from it. Giving up is easy to do. When the odds are not in your favor and you seem like all the bad luck in this world is in you, giving up is the only option. But in reality, if you still breathe, there's still a chance in everything. Chance to make decisions, a chance to redo past mistakes and a chance to live a better life. You can say you fail when you chose to give up. But always chose to strive and live.
The past, like the future, is indefinite and exist only as a spectrum of possibilities.
That's a quote from Stephen Hawking. The past serves as a lesson but don't dwell in it. The future seems like a promise for better days but don't overthink in it. The present is always a gift to us that in every moment we live each day, we should treasure it and live without regrets. That's how you will truly live. Not trapped on yesterday. Not hoping too much on tomorrow. But being in the moment.
I'm still looking forward for my door to summer. I've been staying so long in this winter era. I hope I'll find that door soon. ☺️
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
I woke up at 5am earlier, and as I stare for 10 minutes in my ceiling, with the hoarseness of my voice and still a bit itchy, I decided to skip work today. So, for this day I watched four movies including this one I shared. I'm always entertained in watching movies. Hope you get something about those ramblings of words above.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from Google.
January 24, 2022 / 21:03 PH time
Raindrops Falling...
In life, there will always be ups and downs. Some days would be feeling like cloud nine, some days would feel like you've been robbed of everything. You may feel sad now but tomorrow you'll never know you may feel happiness for a certain event or a certain person. Life itself is very unexpected that it will make you get excited on each day your living.
I never got the chance to ponder my life as a child. You know, we are all dependent on our parents as we can't do everything on our own. That's why in everything we do, like a field trip or something a minor isn't allowed, there's always a corresponding parents consent. I remember just being carefree. Playing outside not thinking on what's to eat for meal times or thinking on how to pay the water or electricity bills. I always wanted to be a child forever. But eventually, all of us would grow and that's the start of the changes we should embrace in our lives.
I'm a pluviophile. Do you know what it means? It means a lover of rain. I love rain so much that I wanted the weather to always be gloomy and giving off drizzles of rain if possible. Well, not to the extent of flooding but the feeling of being cold and wet. But do you know when this love for rain started? It started with small raindrops that I can compare as challenges in my life.
The first raindrop was when my half older sisters decided to move out from our house. I have two half sisters from my mother's side. They wanted to break free from the family so when they graduated from high school, they looked for jobs and rented a bedspacer room. That's when all the duties and tasks was passed onto me. From the cleaning of the house, washing the dishes and clothes, but I never got to learn cooking. So, I consider it as my first raindrop as I'm a bit shocked to the chores especially the washing of clothes. I never thought mens apparel would be heavy. It's my first remembrance of blisters and cuts in my fingers. I know it's petty, like there are some children much younger than me who experienced worst but at that time, as petite as I could be, I always cry whenever I wash clothes. Like I wish my father would buy me a washing machine. And he literally did. Ah, memories of him being responsible.
The second raindrop was when I was in college. I entered an essay competition in an interschool league. My school isn't that famous from the schools who attended. It's like I'm competing from the ivy league schools we have here. It's an English essay with two thousand words in any topic you like to present. I decided for global warming that time. Well, up until now, I always have the urge to preach about global warming. Hehe. So, I passed my entry and waited for a whole day for the winners. And guess what, I won first place at that event. The happiness I felt that time was enormous I really smiled to anyone I interact with. The certificates will be given the day after the competition so I'm very excited for tomorrow. Then, tomorrow came and the disappointment my face looked when I heard the news, they say I didn't won first place and mistakenly announced the winner yesterday. Ateneo won and the list goes on from the elite schools. Well, so much of a biased world we live.
The third and last raindrop that I will share was when my father slapped me really hard. One rainy evening, from all the chaos that my everyday life had been witnessing, I've said hurtful words to my drunk father to wake him up for being irresponsible. So hurtful that I am crying while saying it. I received a hard slap from him, no, more like a punch in my left cheek that for a moment I just stayed still, eyes wide in shocked, tears flowing like a faucet and my mother's scream. The numbness I felt in my cheek would not fathom the sorrow and grief I felt for that is the first time my father lifted a hand on me. I have faults too but I never expected it to happen.
I have so many tiny raindrops everyday that I call challenges and problems. No one is exempted from those. I love rain so much because I hate it too much. It symbolizes the problems I carry. Whenever I see droplets of rain, memories from all those hardships will flow like a river. But God said, embrace your enemy and love it that's why I love rain. I love it to the point of breaking.
"The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve but a reality to experience. A process that cannot be understood by stopping it. We must move with the flow of the process. We must join it. We must flow with it. Let go. And you will be at peace with everything after."
I have shared these lines in noise and I feel the urge to share it here. I am thrilled to experience more. Even though it hurts sometimes but it never fails to make me feel alive.
Post Note
Hey there lovies,
Hope you're all doing fine. I am beginning to get better. Thanks for the meds I've been taking. I still have slight fever and a headache as of this writing but I guess I can manage to go to work tomorrow. I pray for everyone's safety and wellness.
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor 😉
©️All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.
January 23, 2022 / 22:15 PH time
Freedom
"Have you ever wondered to break free from all the chains that's been holding you back? Did you tried to run away from everything that's been caging you for so long?"
"You should sit tight. Feet on the ground and do not interrupt when the elders are talking."
"Yes, papa." the little girl answered softly.
"And when there's visitors coming you should be in your room. Do not wander in the house."
"I understand pa." she mumbled silently.
Those words you said to me when I was little imprinted in my young mind that I should be prim and proper in everything I do.
You see, I grew up in a strict father but also in a loving mother. I looked up to my father as someone who disciplines us on how we should talk, act and behave in ourselves especially when people are around. Maybe because he has a Spanish blood that made him to be strict. He got it to his mother who is half Spanish. Don't know the relevance into that but maybe there's a factor in it resulting him to be super strict in handling us when we're kids.
Alongside my father would always be my calming and sweet mother. From the strict rules implemented in the house like no talking when eating, no shouting or yelling and even when we laugh should be in moderate, that's how hard we raised as kids. My mother would always let us play outside when my father is out to work. She would let us experience the childhood we should enjoy. She's like the balance we need for us to grow decently.
"As the eldest, you should take care of your two younger siblings. In any form, you should help them when they're in need."
"Yes pa." she answered politely.
At a young age, you've given me a responsibility so big my little shoulders almost can't carry. I didn't know that time what it meant for the words you uttered. But as I grew up, I understand it, I executed it and up until now, I am doing it.
All of my siblings have their own family now. I am the only one who stayed single. Marriage and relationships scares me a bit. I am surrounded with people by broken relationships. The first example is my parent's separation. I don't believe in love yet I do believe that there's someone with the same brain wavelength that will accompany you in your journey in this world.
Our youngest accidentally got her girlfriend pregnant last 2020. At the surge of the pandemic, he made a regretful action as he said. Many sorrys have been said but who am I to be angry?Babies will always be a blessing to everyone. I just didn't talk to him for a month as my frustrations and disappointments raged. I already made plans for us both that we will build our dream house to the lot I acquired for the family. My other sibling had long left the family and started his own so he's the only one left for me to plan it with. My plans will always be for the family. But little did I know, they have their own plans that I am not included.
Maybe that's where it started. The brokenness, loneliness and emptiness I felt started there as if I'm left alone to make it come true. But in all honesty, I can't do it alone. I need someone to assist me, financially and emotionally.
The other problem I have is he doesn't have a proper job to support his family. He has this attitude that leaves a job if he disliked something or someone. I always say don't act like you're single but he's a stubborn one, always whining to our mother. And then my mother would always say, only this time I should support him because he can't do it alone. So many this times, that I am beginning to get tired and irritated. So many chances that's been wasted by such nasty attitude.
Oh God, how can I escape from this responsibility long ago I have been bestowed? My patience is wearing thin and my understanding heart is growing cold. I don't mind about money I spent on them but please let them realized I have my own life and dreams to fulfill. My world will not be forever revolve in them. Gradually I will take a different path like they did and fulfill my fate. How long should I be understanding in my mother's woos for me to help them? How long should I be trapped in this situation I never wanted to have?
And like these pigeons freely wandering and flying in the street, I want to spread my wings and do the things I love to do. Soon.
Post Note
Hey there lovies!
How are you? My heads been running for some days now. So many problems arising that I want to stop. Glad I could write it up in here to minimize the thoughts from running. Lol. I'm all good though, I won't be human if I don't have day to day problems. I'm always lifting it all up to Him. ☺️
See you in my next article. 👋
Cheering you always,
LuaDesamor
©️ All rights reserved. LuaDesamor
Lead image is from unsplash.
January 21, 2022 / 23:30 PH time
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