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Who would have thought that having 2 kids really bring joy to our lives? At first, we only wanted one but my husband and I never really made any family planning as we were not protected while doing the deed. But it was quite surprising that I was fertile and got pregnant right away for the second time.
But we have to be honest that as first time parents, we were struggling. My husband was struggling as a first time father. Our first few months were difficult. We argue, I suffer. He never understood that I was having postpartum depression and it was not easy.
It wasn't easy for me as I lost my mother before I got pregnant with Alexandre. After giving birth to Alexandre, I miss her so much that I felt I was so alone. I had no one to talked to or no one to asked to about motherhood.
I've been crying many times that it took me time to accept the fact that she is already gone. I was so in denial.
While Alexandre is getting older, we felt like we were getting better not until I got pregnant with Elise. It was like I have to start all over again. And this time, I never thought I would experience depression. I got shingles. Fred and Alexandre got the chickenpox from my shingles. It was another challenging pregnancy experience for us.
I suffered on my pregnancy with Elise. With Alexandre, not that much as I was able to travel and do freedive while pregnant. My lifestyle was active in my first pregnancy.
When I was on labor with Elise, I went to the shower to prepare for the hospital. I was in pain and crying already. I prayed to God, to my parents, especially to my mother, please no suffering for me after giving birth. I would accept all the pain while on labor. I was talking to my mom to please take care of me in the hospital. That I hope she would look after me while I was alone all the time in the room.
While I was in the hospital, Fred needed to be home to look after Alexandre. Fred came to visit me in the hospital and spent 2 hours with me. It was pandemic so most of the time I had to be alone. The midwives were taking care of us.
Alexandre is growing so Fred is taking care of him. I am happy that my husband is very hands on with Alexandre from giving food, milk, bathing him, changing diapers and clothes. He got a boy, I got a girl.
When Elise arrive in our lives, I am not crying much anymore. I have accepted the fact that my mother is gone. But I believe that she was with me all the time when I was in the hospital. Her presence was there, just looking after me, taking care of me and Elise.
I need to be a happier mom for Alexandre and Elise. I used to think a lot of my mother when it was just Alexandre because I felt so alone. When I need to take care of Elise, I also need to show Alexandre that I am fine and I can handle myself and the kids.
I need to be a smiling mom with a genuine smile. When Alexandre sees me happy and laughing, he does the same. So I have to show to Elise that I am a happy mom. I have to show her my smile so that she can smile as well.
I always talk to my mother every now and then. I always think of her all the time, as well. I miss her so much that it makes me teary eyed a little.
Every time these two are in the same bed with me, I feel so lucky when these two laugh together. Ah, those tiny voices are so cute. It makes me giggle. It is also funny when they laugh when I laugh. When they see their mom happy, they are both happy as well.
When they have a tantrum at the same time, yes, it is so difficult that I also wanted to cry with them while crying and screaming. Later on, I also learned to cry with them as a joke. I just laugh after.
I am hoping and praying that my kids will love us, their parents, and love each other, as siblings. I hope they can be best friends as well.