3am thoughts and all that keeps me awake all night

be warned: I don't know if this will make sense at all. I just want to let all these thoughts out so that I can finally sleep peacefully.

Ever since 8th grade, sleeping late became normal to me. I can still clearly remember what keeps me all night back then. It was the time when I get so hooked with wattpad that I almost won't sleep until I finish the story. I still remember how I hide my face, and the light coming from my phone under the pillow so that mom won't notice that i'm not yet asleep.

Those were the days that I am so addicted to wattpad that 5 or 6 am became my normal time of sleep. But it's okay back then knowing that I got to sleep peacefully during day time without someone bothering me.

Senior high school came and I changed a bit. I still sleep late but not to the point that it's literally morning when i'll decide to sleep. Still a wattpad reader but not the same from before. I learned to limit myself. 11pm-12mn, that's my limit. I always make sure to sleep at that time.

College came and I know that you guys also know how demanding it can be. I'm a class representative so i've got additional tasks to do. My class schedule during our first year is only on the morning. After classes, I go directly to our store there. Closing time is 6pm and we'll be home before 7pm. There's household chores at home and Ate and Kuya are busy with church, they almost have meetings every night so my nephew was left with me. They'll go home at 11pm and that's when i'll be able to study.

I must say, college ruins my sleep. There are times where i'll sleep at 5am, woke up at 6am, leave home at 6:30a, to attend my 7am class. So there are really times when I can't help it but to fall asleep during classes then my blockmates would laugh at me coz i'm a sleepyhead. lol. Anyway, i'm not offended by them. I'm already used to it and I really just can't help it.

Lockdown happened and we were stuck at home. And here's another thing that ruins my already ruined sleeping habit. During these times, day literally turned night and vice verse. I'm awake all night, reading stories and watching series, i'll sleep at 6am, wake up call is at 8am for breakfast, will pretend that i'm not awake all night, clean the house, then sleep again.

Classes are back, only that it's being held online. Well, it's on my advantage since we're in a asynchronous class setting so I don't even know if i'll consider this online because online meetings are strictly prohibited unless the request comes from us, students.

During the first semester, it's a little bit normal for me because I was able to study during day time. The sad part is that, even though I don't have much left to do at night, I still can't sleep. And here's where my frustration begins. I cannot sleep at all despite me not doing anything. Lights off, total darkness, drinking milk at night, no gadgets, but still can't sleep. Can you imagine the frustration trying to sleep from 12mn then suddenly it's already 3am and you haven't slept a wink yet.

2nd semester came and it worsens, I am so unproductive. Can't sleep all night, sleepy all day, and so my school requirements has been disregarded. I started procrastinating, always cramming and this is no fun at all.

so yeah, enough with the history about my (bad) sleeping habit.

i'm still up right now, obviously coz i'm still writing this one. I really wanna sleep. I guess, I gotta cut it right here. Finally, I can feel my eyes closing now. Writing it down really helps. hmm

Good morning and good night. Forgive me for this article, no, I can't even call this an article. Anyway, I don't know what i'm talking about anymore. I'm gonna read this tomorrow and i'll decide if this is worth to keep or if it should be deleted.

thanks for reading. have a good day. :)