A Daughter's Heartbreak: "When Mom's Crying!"

ARTICLE NO. 123 OF 2022
TITLE: <A Daughter's Heartbreak: "When Mom's Crying!">
DATE OF PUBLISHING: <SEPTEMBER 08, 2022>

Can't help but to mentally say: "I absolutely agree!" when Adriana Trigiani, who is an American best-selling author, said this phrase ...

"I like it when my mother smiles. And, I especially like it when I make her smile."

Photo Source: Bulk Quotes Now

As a daughter, one of my greatest source of happiness is when I was able to see my parent's genuine smiles. Especially when it comes from my Mama's lips.

Whenever she's happy, I'm also happy. When she is sad & tired, I am feeling it too. What she may feel, it will ink onto my system. By that, I do believed on the saying that: "A mother & daughter's link can never be undone." - Anonymous.

As you, guys know, our family wasn't financially stable or at least at a fine state. Mom's limited source of income is not enough to make us survive everyday. It is literally the "isang kahig, isang tuka." Therefore, I need to work too in order to contribute upon lifting up our day-to-day life. Yes! Crypto-blogging can make me earn thousands. However, those earnings was still insufficient.

When Papa started to become jobless in October 2019, every expenses was shouldered by Mama. From the:

• Daily foods and rice supply;

• Electric bill & LPG;

• Monthly payment for the motor;

• Our daily allowances in school & etcetera.

And, it resumes until we moved in into another house.

Can you imagine how burdensome it is for someone who's only source of income is by washing other people's laundry?

So, when I got the opportunity to earn my own money? I immediately grabbed it without further ado. And, when I started earning thousands of pesos? All I can think of is: "this will help Mom!"

Until at this point, I still have the same goal: "To help Mama, financially." That is the reason why I am the one who's paying the house rent, monthly. Coz if she'll shoulder it too? She will surely end up with two things: "be sick due to overworking & stressed out."

And since I am capable of making a solution to prevent it from happening again, then why not do it? As my siblings begins to attend their respective face-to-face classes, everything became more vexatious.

We (I and Mama) was frequently asking this certain question to each other: "how about their allowances? Who will finance it?" She doesn't told me to finance it coz she's aware that I will finance my own study. Good thing that Papa got the senses to return to working as a tricycle driver.

But there are days that he can't give any amount to my siblings and by that, we are asking: "where does his income goes?" Two reasons: "beers and motor stuffs." With the thought of he's prioritizing it more than my siblings' needs? It made me feel sad and annoyed.

Whenever it happens, who funds those expenses? MAMA, MAMA, MAMA! And, what does she perceived in return? Stress. Coz where will she gonna get those needed money? Until something happens last night.

Right after we got home from the city proper, brother informed everyone that we ran out of gas (LPG) being used for cooking. And when she asked Papa to buy (because it's his task), he said: "I don't yet have money." Exactly what he said 2-months ago, that's why Mama funded it again by advancing her salary from being a housekeeper.

Last night, Mom feel more stressed. She sat down on our room's doorstep while talking to my brother until I heard her, crying & sobbing while uttering these phrases:

"May asawa ka nga pero parang wala din naman."

"Inasa mo naman na sa'min lahat. Kulang na lang humilata ka na lang."

"Ngayon, mararanasan mo nang 'di kumain."

"Puro na lang sama nang loob binibigay mo sa'kin."

At the end, she asked our landlady if she can get an LPG to be paid on her salary day. Imagine how painful it is for me to see and hear her cry? It's literally like I'm being stabbed directly on my heart.

Of course, I won't let anyone to see me crying. So, what did I do? After preparing my diseased specimens for today's disease diagnosis, I stormed out of our room and enter our bathroom. Once I set foot in there, my tears instantly gushed down. Lots of it! Literal na parang naging waterfalls 'yung mga mata ko.

Inside of the bathroom, there is me. Silently crying & asking Him to help us out. In times like this, I only have one entity to cry on and to comfort me: He who's above us.

It's really heartbreaking whenever I see Mama crying and stressed. But instead of crying in front of her, I preferred to get up and construct a better solution inside my mind.

So maybe at this point, you, guys understand why I am the one paying our house rent. More so, why I always aimed to buy groceries every month. Coz that's the only way that I could help her, Mama. Without me doing it? I can't imagine how we live today.

I have this strong memory that I could still remember every words being said to me, like what Papa said to me before:

"Kapag wala ka na ding maibigay sa Mama mo, ganito na lang din tingin n'ya sa'yo. Walang kwenta!"

Coming from him? But, would I let it happen? Of course, no! Not because I don't want Mama to treat me like I'm worthless (which I know that she won't) but I am more afraid of losing her due to stress, possible depression and getting sick.

So, as long as I can do something? I'm always glad to grab every chances. For her, for my Mom! Because at the end of the day? I'll be benefiting on it, too!

No one and nothing can beat me up. For a reason that: "I know, something great do awaits for me in the future." And, this difficulties? These are just part of the process. 💜

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