It is not simple to say that most days I don’t recognize myself.
It is not easy to know that I am nothing without her.
She is imperfect but she tries.
She is good but she lies.
She is happy most of the times but she cries.
She was gone but she is used to be mine.
Every time I wake up in the morning trying to find myself. I am always the least unsure, but I always remind myself. Though she is someone in this world that I will always choose to love, from now on, she is only someone that I used to love.
I met her in our Philosophy class. She talked to me like I was not stranger to her. Her sweet angelic and soft spoken voice really made myself comfortable every time we conversed.
“I had fun sharing my most unforgettable experiences in life… Are you listening to me? Hey? Rei?”
“Yes? What were you saying?”
“It seems like you are distracted. I mean your mind is occupied by something that causes you to stare at the wind as if you see it.”
“I am sorry!”
She asked me about the things bothering me. I just did not know what she did, but I shared my problems to her as if we were close friends. I don’t speak a lot about my problems.
“Oh! I see. I see you as a happy and wealthy man. You are everyone’s ideal man. But I don’t know about your sufferings. I don’t know that you are in pain.”
“Yes, it seems like I am screaming inside but no one can hear it. That made me think that I am worthless.”
“Don’t you ever think about that again. There are still people who see you as a diamond that is worth keeping for.”
I stared at her eyes and I saw her sincerity about what she had said. I just did not expect that a girl like her would understand me. We used to talk every afternoon before we go home. She also spoke about her struggles in life. How she overcame those glitches and learned lesson from those. I was amazed by her resiliency.
“How do you keep on smiling Solana?”
“Rei, smiling is free but not everyone can have a genuine one. One can fake a smile but when you try to look on their eyes, you see nothing but sadness and hollowness, just like you.”
“Me? What is the matter about me?”
“Rei, you may fake your smile but your eyes can’t lie.”
I was shocked and I was not able to speak a single word. She really knew me more than I knew myself.
“Solana, I will not see you for the next coming weeks”
“Why? Are you tired of having me as your friend?”
“No! it is not like that. I just can’t see you.”
“Why? Tell me Rei, tell me the reason why?”
“I don’t know. You knew I have my fiancée already and after the graduation, I will marry her.”
“Do you really love her?”
“I will marry her after the graduation Solana.”
“Rei? Answer my question, do you really love her?”
“I don’t know, it seems like I am being unfair to her and to myself because she is my fiancée but I love another girl.”
“Rei, you have to remind yourself that when it comes to life and love, nothing is fair, everything is unfair. Just like the way I feel now.”
“What do you mean?"
“Rei I love someone. I knew from the very beginning that this is not right, but I just couldn’t help myself to fall in love with him because I see him as a puzzle. I want to help him unravel the mystery of every piece of his life”
That statement really made me realize how difficult to decide and make decisions. I was torn between the girl who will save my father’s company and the girl who will get me out of the dark. I just couldn’t decide.
“Rei! Hey, Rei! Over here.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Rei, do you still remember that boy that I told you that I love. Rei, you are that boy. A boy who lives his life in darkness. Rei I love you.”
“Solana, I will get married next week.”
“Do you really love her?”
“Yes… of course I love her. Solana, stay away now. I can’t see you now.”
“Rei, listen to me. I know you are strong but I know the fire inside of you will soon be burned out and if that happens you will be forever lost and empty.”
That struck me hard. I was enlightened by Solana’s statement. That night, I looked for Solana. I went in every place I know she used to go.
“Solana?”
“Rei? Why are you here? I am very sorry about what I did a while ago…”
“Sshhh… I changed my mind.”
“Rei I just don’t mean to…”
“Ssshhh…”
That was the last statement she uttered. I shut her mouth by kissing her sweet and soft lips. I answered all her questions with action. I made her feel loved by making our body as one. The moonlight witnessed our love with each other that night.
“Solana, I love you.”
“I love you too Rei. Thank you for choosing me.”
“No, I have to thank you for enlightening my life.”
“Rei, thank you for everything. I am the luckiest and happiest girl in the world because I spend my last night with you.”
“Last night? Solana, tonight is just the first night, from now on you will be sleeping with me every night and I will be waking up with you clasping your hand every morning.”
She kept on telling me how she loves me. I just kissed her forehead and we slept together under the calm starry night.
“Solana…Solana…Solana… Solana wake up, look at the beautiful sunrise. Hey, Solana open your eyes now. I know you can hear me, or you just want me to kiss you for you to open your eyes.”
I did not get any response from her. I kissed her. I put my head of her chest and tried to feel her heartbeat but I couldn’t hear it. I made myself believe that it was only a nightmare, a nightmare that I wanted to wake up from it. I pinched and slapped myself. But nothing has changed, she was a lifeless angel lying on the grass.
It tore and broke my heart in the most painful way. I tried to compose myself, but everything became blurred when tears from my eyes started to fall. The last moment I remember was lying on the bed while holding her cold hand and waiting for her eyes to open.
I never spoke about her, not even to my friends and family. A man’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Now you know that there was a girl named Solana who saved me in the most unpredictable way that a person can be saved. She taught me lot of lessons in life and took me out of the dark.
She brought dawn to my life.
She may be gone, but I will always remember and love her as long as there is tomorrow.
That is for today class, I hope you enjoy my story. Goodbye and see you tomorrow!
THE END.
If you have some free time, feel free to visit and read my previous articles!
65 kilos to 50 kilos: REALQUICK!
He Left Me Hanging (The Continuation)
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E bat nananakit ka naman bhie? yun na e yun na. bat may paganun sa gulo ha huhu