Mended with gold

Have you ever heard of the art of kintsugi? A broken bowl mended with gold increase its original value. If only a broken heart can also be mended with gold and change the owner into a stronger person. I wish the person can be me. I seem to be strong from the outside but I know that I am as fragile as the thin ice. Just a little bit of extra pressure can break it.

What if love is gone? I do not think that love can be gone. What makes it become less is distrust. Not being able to trust the person we love can make love eventually lessen but not gone.

If a broken heart can be mended with gold, what kind of gold would it be?

It will take pure gold to mend a broken heart. To get back the trust that was lost. It is not easy to trust someone again after we lost our trust in that person. It will be extremely difficult when that person is our partner, husband, or wife.

If you are being asked to do something but then the person who gave you that order is not doing the same thing in return, what would you feel? I am agitated and disappointed.

That is the reason I am afraid to have too many connections or any deep relationships with too many people. I feel safer in serenity or perhaps I have a phobia of getting hurt. I do not want to connect to people that I believe will eventually make me sad and I do not want to be closer to people that I might hurt.

I just want to live in peace. I am longing for a peaceful life where I do not see greed among my relatives, where I am not given any more unwanted responsibilities.

Perhaps this is my fault for being blessed and my weakness of not being able to say no when people need help. I am left with guilt if I am incapable of helping, left with anger being used as a scapegoat.

Or...

It might just be my hateful thoughts alone.

Why did I find myself changing into too much rage?

Perhaps because I have a lot of debts financially and feel indebted to a lot of people.

I have not found the answer to this question yet. One thing I do know is that I need to find that pure gold to mend this broken heart of mine.

I am heartbeat1515 and I write out my thoughts randomly.