The Saddest Farewell

No:68-04

October 06,2022

October 4 ,2016 , mom was just scheduled for a blood transfusion. She still manage to stand up and went to the bathroom accompanied by my sister for a quick shower before heading up to the hospital. She has stage 4 Breast Cancer and cancer cells metastasized in her other organs such as lungs and liver. October 5 ,2016 she went home ... lifeless.

Yesterday it was her 16th year in heaven. My first born was only four months then.

It was June of 2016 when i gave birth to my first born. Mom accompanied me to the hospital. I was admitted at 8 in the evening but gave birth 8 the next morning. She keeps on going to the nurse station whenever i cried for pain , asking the nurses if it's not yet time for me to be brought in the delivery room.

I was walking inside the hospital room back and forth , i could see my mom's worried face. I manage to smile a bit to wash away her fears. Then i told her the aircondition of the hospital room was too cold for me so she adjusted the temperature to suit me. I told her i want to lie down coz i can't bear walking anymore. During the whole night she was holding my hands as if trying to grasp and absorb all my pains.

Night went by but it seems like an eternity, i will squeezed her hands so tight whenever i'm in labor pains. She would keep on going back and forth to the nurse station, scolding them hahaha! Only to be told by nurses that " momi matagal pa po yan kasi nanganganay " until morning came and i shouted so loud she hurriedly came in front of me and voila , she literally held my first born first hand. I gave birth into my room without my doctor, not inside the delivery room.

My husband whose working far away just arrived in the morning. The nurses in duty was scolded by my OB-GYN big time and so with my mom, more intensely lol! . Anyway i gave birth safely with my mom so no worries at all. Now my first born is 16 years old.

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Two months after , mom is busy with my daughter's baptism. You'll never see a hint of sickness , you'll never know that she's undergoing some medical procedures due to her cancer if you are not aware of her condition. After the baptism we went back to Alabang where we live. It was in the middle of September 2016 when my sister called me up and told us to go home coz of mom's frequent visit to the hospital.

She's in pain most of the time during her last month. There are times during our stay at home that i would see her in our bed talking to her grandchild.

Sometimes at wee hours in the morning , i would secretly follow her and she would go downstairs and crumpled in the sofa putting towel on her mouth and cry in pain... She does'nt want us to know that she's in terrible pain that even her medicines for it can't do anything about her pain anymore. It was the most heartbreaking scene we got to witness all our life.

Until now i can't seem to understand why she had to experienced such pains. While all her strongest day was full of sacrificed already , raising us her 3 children as a single mom. Bearing all the difficulties of being an Overseas Foreign Worker just to send us to College. Disregard the chance of being married to her fiance coz she wanted us ,the three of us to finish schooling first. She does not deserved any of that pain yet still she suffered and tormented for real.

I don't comprehend why her life been sad like that , why we were not able to be given a chance to make her life easy and cimfortable. That's the only regret i have in life , regrets that i was not able to give her what i want for her. A house and lot , a car , a life that she won't have no worries financially coz she was gotten from us so soon. She's only 51 then .

We have lots of plans for her after we graduated and starting to work. We want her to enjoy life . We want to be with her physically coz ever since we were a kid she's working nonstop to provide for our needs.

She always bid goodbye when it's time for her to go back to work , she does not want us to send her to the airport when she's about to leave. But we always cry , we always miss her upon kissung her goodbye.

October 4,2016 , she was scheduled for a blood transfusion . She managed to stand up accompanied by my sister to the bathroom for a quick shower before heading up to the hospital . I was told by my sister that she has to stay for a night in the hospital for the procedure.

She asked for a congee and a boiled egg so my sister look for the nearest fastfood to buy it then she glady ate her meal , her last meal. Then after the blood transfusion she dozed off. At 4 am there was a commotion in her room , the doctor was called and told my sister that her blood pressure is down to 50-50,until 40-20 and so on. Until the doctor allowed her to go home as she wished prior to her blood transfusion so i could talk to her in her last breath.

The chief nurse is my cousin and he took care of everything in the hospital so they could bring my mom home. My cousin was driving so fast while my cousin nurse was on check of her pulse but sadly , just 5 minutes away from home , her heartbeat stops.

I can't seem to react upon seeing her lifeless. I burst into tears for how long i can't remember. I was holding and embracing her tight telling her that " it's ok mom i know you tried to bid goodbye to me " , you can rest now peacefully ..

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That was the saddest goodbye but somehow it gave me some relief that she won't suffer anymore. Probably she has a life free of pain now for 16 years. A blissful life that she truly deserve.

But then again , i or we badly misses her. I wish she could just take a peek of us , in our dreams perhaps , so i could hug her tight again just like the old days. I want to see her smile and be able to say that " Mom, we are perfectly fine". Look at your beautiful grandchilds , they are all fighters and bright just like you in the past . We love you mom!

Thank you for your time reading.

To all my lovely sponsors! "Salamat po ng Marami"!

All images are mine.

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