" Am i not good enough?" He asked me after voicing out his thoughts. With a teary eyes i replied, " My brother , you are more than enough".

2017 when i met Emmanuel through a social media site wherein i posted a message looking for my long lost father . Hoping that somebody might know him . Emmanuel or " Awel" as we fondly called him replied to my post .He said that he has some information regarding my father. Anyway , we are my fathers second family , as far as i know.

Flashback

Growing up, i am a shy little girl.At the age of 5 i started seeing things differently, like why our father was not with us like my cousins .Why my mother is working and always away from us unlike my friends.I have so many " Whys" that i can't find answers utill i reached the age of 10.

The search

I started searching my father when i was in college. Calling each of those who has the same surname like me in the telephone directories( there are no social media site then), hoping they might know him. But unfortunately i was not able to take even a small lead. So i stopped searching after graduating college.I lift everything up to the almighty , telling myself if not today ,maybe later God will answer my prayer.

Having my own family

I Got married year 2005 to a man , i believed that God has sent. We have two beautiful children and we are living a very simple but happy life. But still after long years of having my own , there's always something in me that i longed to see.. my father.

2017 i posted in a social media site looking for him and that was how i met Emmanuel. He replied to my post and started chatting. We might have the same father! He said. Emmanuel took time to visit us here in the province of Bulacan.And yes , after sharing some old pics and pieces of information , it was confirmed that we our siblings.His mother was the next partner of our father after my mom.

His story

He told us how hard it was growing up in a slum area in Mandaluyong.Wherein he needs to take care of his younger siblings ( to another father) at the age of seven begging for some food in the street,became a shineboy,market helper etc..His mother working as an entertainer at a certain beerhouse in Bulacan.That' s where his mom met our father and Emmanuel is the fruit of their short love story. He did his best to finish his studies by working by day and studying at night Until he became a successful Team leader in a BPO company.

He worked very very hard so our father will acknowledged him. Tried hard to reach out to his family but to no avail. My fathers family belong to a well off one .Emmanuel felt rejected, there was one time when her mom and him went to my fathers place and only the guard talked to them and they did not allowed to enter the premises. In search for love and affection he fell in love with his same sex, he's gay later he confessed.

After two years of knowing each other he shows how strong, smart ,loving and nice person he is.We are happy knowing we have a brother.Until year 2020 so sudden , he passed away.I was shattered by the news..He died alone ..without us knowing he was sick.He died of complications due to AIDS.

Farewell

After his last visit , my birthday February 2019 we still talk over the phone.Exchanging messages every now and then...until one conversation he told me he was leaving for Canada for good. And he asked me a favor if i could be his co-maker for the loan he has applying for to be used for processing his papares abroad. I knew of his application eversince we met so i agreed to be his co- maker. ( i only found out after his death that he used the money to secure his resting place so he would not cause trouble from the people he is with when his time comes) . Oh my! What a responsible man he is. One day he called , He seem so sad ,i know his crying coz i could hear his sobs.I told him we are going to visit him this time but he told me he has flu and he does not want us to get sick ( later i found out that his body was starting to deteriorate).He was telling me how hard he tried to show my fathers family that he is worth being a son of SOLITO but they did not acknowleged him. I could feel his pain and i felt anger for my father. Why he did such things to us? He asked me " Ate , am i not good enough?" and with a teary eyes i replied , my brother " you are more than enough." More than enough that you dont need acknowledgement to be a person that you are right now.You did very well and you are such a very nice person despite everything that happened to your life.

Closing thought

If only i knew then that he was suffering from HIV-AIDS i would have insisted to be with him even for a while so i could take care of him..but he strictly made his friends and relatives to promise him not to inform us about his situation. I know he was well rested now and for sure happy to a place where no one will reject him.

My brother , You are now in Gods loving arms and with him i know you are more than enough.You are probably seeing our dad there, would you tell him we are perfectly fine now.We love you our dear brother and till we meet again.

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