How many times have you been ghosted? It happens to most of us at some point. You know what it is, right?
In the world of dating, ghosting is a term for when someone you've been dating disappears without giving you an explanation. It can be as simple as no longer responding to your texts or being unable to get in touch with them on social media. There are few things more frustrating than being ghosted. You think things are going well, and you're getting all those pleasant little butterflies, and then… *poof* they're gone! And you might never know what happened. It happens sometimes, unfortunately: two people meet, and it just doesn't click.
And that's not fun. A lot of people get really upset and hurt when this happens, but understanding why people ghost can help ease some of the frustration. So, why do people do it? There are many reasons someone might ghost you. But before you start listing all the ways you think you might have messed up, take a minute to think about it from the ghoster's perspective. Maybe they didn't totally disappear because they hate you, think you're ugly, or want to make you cry. Here are some reasons why people ghost someone:
First off, I'd like to state that I'm not in any way in favor of ghosters. I didn't make this article to protect or defend them. I know that ghosting is bad. But it's important to note that there are always at least two sides to a story—and neither party is always blameless.
Bad timing
You may have met a really great person, but maybe they're just coming out of an intense breakup and aren't ready for a new relationship. Maybe they're about to start a really stressful new job or move across the country for school. Maybe they’re just too busy with their lives to keep up with this relationship at the moment. Whatever the case, it's entirely possible that the timing just isn't right for them when it comes to dating you.
Lack of compatibility
You might be exactly what they're looking for in a partner…but they might not be what you're looking for, and this is something they can sense on some level. Dating is exciting at first because you're getting to know someone new, but after a while, if it becomes clear that you don't want the same things from life or from a relationship, then one of you might decide it's just not worth investing any more time in pursuing things further. Maybe you’re not on the same page.
You're too nice
This one sucks, but you may have been ghosted because you seemed "too nice." Being too nice can actually be a bad thing when it comes to dating. Ghosters said that when someone is just kind of super nice all the time, they don't feel like there are any ups and downs in their relationship with that person, and that makes them want to end things before they really get started. It can also be because they are often terrified of hurting others who are too nice for them, and sometimes they think it will be easier to deal with that way.
Unmatched expectations
If the person who ghosted you has a lot of experience with dating and relationships, they probably had some sort of expectation set before the date. If their expectations weren't met in some way, they may have decided not to pursue anything further with you. This is all right—you'll find someone who's more aligned with your interests and values!
They're unsure of their feelings.
I know that the biggest thing on your mind when you're ghosted is why, but it's important to keep in mind that this person probably doesn't even know why they ghosted you. They might not have been sure of their feelings, or maybe they just needed some time to process. Sometimes, people just aren't sure if what they have with someone is actually a good match or not. If there was no huge fight or anything like that that happened between you and your date, it's possible that they felt unsure about their feelings for you and didn't know how to deal with it in any other way than by leaving without explanation.
Ghosting is, in my opinion, a cowardly way to handle an uncomfortable or difficult situation. But I don't think that ghosters are bad people. I just think they respond poorly to situations that scare them or make them feel uncertain. It's understandable, considering how scary and frustrating the dating world can be for some of us. It's not like there's a guidebook to help you deal with all those painful and confusing emotions — but that doesn't mean that the ghoster is without fault. And make no mistake: if you've been ghosted, it was wrong of your date to vanish without an explanation.
But maybe it's time we try and understand why they disappear on us. If we can figure out what causes someone to pull away so suddenly and abruptly, then maybe we can avoid making the same mistakes ourselves. I know I'd rather talk through things than run away from them.
I’m not at all justifying or endorsing ghosting, but I think we can all agree that there’s a certain amount of dishonesty in it—and if we’re going to learn from our mistakes and grow as people, we have to be honest about them. This article isn’t made to make excuses for the ghosts in your life; I just want you to understand that there are ghosters out there with their own reasons, and that they may not be trying to hurt you. I know that ghosting is bad. But before you roll your eyes at another article trying to put the perspective of some ghosters, hear me out: sometimes there's more going on in their life than you realize.
Note: I am not a ghoster and I want to give you a piece of advice: Choose your dates carefully and wisely!
All images are edited from canva.
Lead image from DatingScout.com
Copyright, 2022 frdchckn. All rights reserved.
Go for an adventure... Date without expectations... then you'll get where you wanna be... with someone who wants to be with you, who chooses to be with you and then cares a lot without hesitations. And that's all it is. But... pray harder, only if you believe in God... He sends the one that's meant for you. Good luck!