06th of June 2021

It's the end of the week and only now I'm starting to write about this week's prompt by @JonicaBradley . That on its own can tell you that motivating myself to write is not my strong point. Even my birthday task of writing 1 hr 20 minutes a day is not helping. One day I write for 6 hours then nothing at all the other 2 days.

One side of me (Ernesto the donkey) is already willing to give up, because I missed a few days, while the other knows that giving up is not an option. We’re in the river of change and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. It’s not like I was laying on the sofa watching movies and didn’t write at all. I had a rather busy and very productive week in fact and still managed to do some micro writing on noise.cash and a lot of reading and commenting here, which also counts as writing.

Unmotivated? Me?

I guess I could agree then with what Jonica said about the motivation in her article here. It’s not like I’m not motivated to write, I am more motivated to:

1. Visit a friend, who’s on her holiday not that far away from me (Weymouth) and spend a great time with her and the family. As much as I love my solitude, I don’t want to become a complete hermit.

2. Take advantage of my other friend being in between the jobs and offering help with my allotment as well as visits to local nurseries. Whenever the two of us get together magic happens! My ‘unworkable’ plot No 14A has a huge square almost ready for planting some first veggies!

3. Utilise a sudden burst of energy leading me to fertilise all my orchids  in the morning sun, which then led to many cleaning activities in the house, which needed doing for a long time. Let’s face it - I wouldn’t be able to do it today, because there is no sun.

I'm not really moaning. All these things were really needed and made this week very enjoyable and productive. Usually I would say that Ernesto made me do these things instead of writing. There is of course more to it when it comes to creating change/new habits for that instance and I wrote about it in my article entitled The River of Change, but let's face it - Ernesto became a really entertaining part of my articles, so he's here to stay!

Plan it!

Another friend told me about the video they watched, where the speaker said that motivation doesn't just happen. You need to plan for it, start it and eventually it comes. Or rather you do it anyway, because it's in your schedule.

Does it work for me? Nahh, not really. I have pages upon pages of never completed to-do lists and the feeling of guilt of not completing them. I stopped making these lists altogether.  Sometimes I make a flexi list. I put all the tasks I want or need to do on such a list and cross them off as and when I get round doing it. Whenever I stumble across such a list, I put a date of completion next to the task and feel happy that I did anything. Eventually all the tasks get crossed off.  All in perfect timing.

What motivates me?

These days really not much motivates me. Thinking back I would say there were a few motivating factors for me:

1. Fears,

2. Goals,

3. Passion.

FEAR

I would prefer this not to be true, but fear is the motivating factor for a lot of people, including myself in the past. Fear or being judged for instance. It would motivate me to rush like a crazy person to make my house look more clean/tidy if I am expecting a visit from certain people. It would also motivate me to put on a lot of make-up before going out to work/shop/party, so nobody can see my acne-covered face.

Fear of receiving low grades would motivate me to learn, prepare for tests and finish my school assignments. Fear of becoming a loser motivated me to go to college and later university, despite the fact that I was encouraged to choose a trade school, so I can finish it quickly and start earning money to support my poor family. Or was it because of it? I mean I have always had that rebellious strike in me.

GOALS

The goal of buying my own house motivated me to work hard for many years. Similarly with a car, vacations and other material things. 

The goal of performing on the stage motivated me to practice my dancing every day for months or actually even years. 

PASSION

My passion for pretty flowers motivated me to create a beautiful garden inside and outside of my house as well as learn a lot about nature. 

My passion for dancing motivated me to take a shower, change my clothes and drive miles after work to remote locations, so I can dance for a few hours each night. It also motivated me to get up for work after just a few hours of sleep, so I can earn more to dance more!

Sad truth

The conclusion of this article is not a happy one I’m afraid. I might have left the fear behind me, which is great, but I also have no goals and not much passion left in me either. No wonder I struggle to motivate myself to do anything!

Even more reasons to stick to my June goal that I already talked about in my previous article here. So far I'm behind the schedule, but I'm not giving up, no way!