I find it hard to believe that it's been only 4 days since I gave myself my birthday gift/task and I’m already finding it hard to stick to it. I mean… I do and I don’t. I remember feeling very happy and excited seeing that The Random Rewarder visited me many times and dropped a substantial amount of tips. One could think I would want to feel more of the good feelings, but Ernesto seems to think otherwise.
‘Why’ you ask? Because content and excitement are new and somewhat dangerous, while disappointment and struggle is my comfort zone.
Why do I avoid writing?
Previously my issue was with not being able to upvote other people’s articles, which made it difficult and awkward for me. The issue was partly my lack of knowledge, but this is now fixed and I can now happily share the love with other writers here.
Second reason is much more intricate and had I not read Dr Joe Dispenza's books, I would have no idea what is going on. In fact even knowing what I know, I still fall for it most of the time!
While I jokingly call him my inner donkey, Ernesto, Dr Joe refers to it as 'The River of Change' and the way he explained it in one of the audiobooks I listened to really landed in the right spot for me. You can read a detailed explanation in his book ’Breaking the habit of being yourself’ as well as find many YouTube videos about it, but for now I will try to explain the concept in the way I understood it.
No more sugar!
Imagine you’re about to stop eating sugar altogether. Let's say you read a book, which made a huge impact on you, you realised that all the health issues you’ve been experiencing are due to sugar and you decided to stop eating it from today.
DAY 1
You are all pumped up, because you just read that book and you’re all excited about your discovery and know you’re doing the right thing and the day is gone and you haven’t touched any sugar. Success!
DAY 2
You wake up feeling good about yourself and continue on your no-sugar journey. Eventually your body notices that you haven’t fed it any sugar and starts signalling you to have some sugary snacks. You’re still firm in your decision and brush off the cravings with your ‘willpower’.
DAY 3
You still haven’t eaten any sugar, but your body is really noticing the lack of it. It feels very uncomfortable and it would rather feel familiar, even if familiar means unhealthy. You start thinking more and more about grabbing a sugary snack:
‘Just one little chocolate bar and then I stop’ you tell yourself.
‘Maybe I start from tomorrow’
‘This is too difficult’
‘I will never make it’
‘My willpower is too weak for this’
‘I am just like my mother’
‘I am a loser’
‘I wanna kill myself’
'This doesn't feel right'
'It's my neighbours fault'
The longer you stay in that river of change, the more uncomfortable your body feels, the more creative your ‘thoughts’ and feelings become. Eventually you give in and grab that piece of chocolate and your body happily goes back to the familiar place where sugar circulates freely and abundantly in your bloodstream. You failed again.
If however you choose to drink a glass of water instead... Well, every time you manage to sit your body down and do the thing you want to do, no matter how uncomfortable your body tells you it feels, it becomes a victory and these victories add up and start creating new connections and new habits.
You can replace number of days in my example with hours or other time intervals. You could also replace sugar with alcohol, pornography, nicotine, moaning, victimisation, gaming, meditation, new exercise routine - you name it. Whether you want to get rid of a bad habit or introduce any type of new behaviour into your life you’re going to cross that river of change and it is going to be very uncomfortable.
One thing to remember when your body turns ‘against’ you and starts sending you those rubbish thoughts is this:
‘Just because you have a thought doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true’
So simple, yet so genius. I really wish things like this were taught at school. As well as the fact that you can choose your thoughts or choose simply not to follow a negative thought on its downward spiral.
Easier said than done, I know. I could not begin to tell you how many times I have stepped into The River of Change just to fail the battle with my body and get back into my comfort zone. Therefore I am not here to preach and theorise. I am here to share my journey with you and to show you that it is not always an easy one.
Get to know your ‘enemy’
Ernesto’s favourite tactic is ‘DELAY’. The past 2 days for example we got so busy with other things, that when the evening came there was simply not enough time to write for 1 hr 20 mins as well as do other tasks I also postponed till then. Next thing you know, Ernesto is sleepy, so we go to bed and turn from one side to another till 3 am.
I hear you are a good player Ernesto. Nice to meet you, I'm the coach!
It might look like I’m letting him get away with this, but I am taking notes and learning with every step. Today I am catching up for less writing that I did in the last 2 days, but from tomorrow I am writing in the morning!
Disappointment and struggle might feel like a warm seat, where my body feels safe, but I would like to taste some more content and excitement now. June is fast approaching and together with @Judith1969 we set ourselves the goal of $100 worth of articles. I am fully confident that we can both achieve it 💙
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Thank you so much for stopping by and reading my work. I am relatively new to read.cash. I would be happy to see your comment.
I hope you both will achieve your goal in June 😁❤️ And I really like how you write about Ernesto 😄