July 17, 2021 - One month in the making!!! 😅😅😅

Have you ever been bullied? Or have you been a bully when you were young? Or are you a bully now?

What ever you are at this stage, I just want to impart an experience that a lot might have experience but a lot is just keeping it to themselves. Feel free to share you stories about bullying and tell us how you were able to overcome it/them!

My Story

As for me, I will also tell you a story when I was young. Let me tell you a heartbreaking experience I have to go through in high school. I will take you back to 6 years ago. (Wow! Feeling 22 years old ka ghorl!???) Hahahaha. Actually, it's 16 years ago!!! ( Hala!!! Di ko akalain to na 16years ago na pala ang nakalipas!!) (Oh no! I can't believe 16 years had passed!))

I tried to look for the letter that I received 16 years ago but I can't seem to find it. Maybe because I have moved on from that experience so I think, though I am not sure of I have already thrown away the letter. But anyway, some scenes are still clear in my mind specially that phrase on that letter. Though it is wrong grammar I think, the thought that they want to convey is very clear. Anyway, I'll tell you what it is later.

So, let's go back to my 4th year high school days!!!! But syempre, walang 4th year ku g hindi ako dumaan ng 3rd year, 2nd year at 1st year di'ba? Pero, dun na muna tayo sa 4th year high school. I guess my highschool journey is for a different story!

Tara na!!! Sama ka??? Arat na!!! 😅😅😉😉 (Let's go!!)

Fourth year high school!

Some calls this Grade 10 now but before, it is our senior high school. I studied 4th year high school in Cebu. I was supposed to study in a public highschool which is in Abellana National Highschool but it seems I enrolled late and the school was not able to accommodate me. So, even if we really don't have money to enroll to a private school, we got no choice. I studied my 4th year high school in University of Cebu - Main Campus along Osmeña Blvd.

I am used in being a transferee since I've done it 3 times so far. Like, different school every year and it wasn't easy honestly. I need to interact with different kind of people and I need to adjust. Also, I am not yet fluent with the Visayan/Cebuano dialect during those times. There were a lot of my peers who wl laugh at my bisaya when I'm trying my best to communicate with them using the local dialect.

Anyway, since I am from Manila, a tagalog speaking teenager, there were a lot of people who came to speak to me. I guess they were curious about me since I don't speak cebuano much. I speak to them in tagalog or english. I remembered that there was a guy who approached me and his name is Raymond. He invited me to be a vocalist in their band since they are forming a band and is missing a vocalist. I joined them and I practiced with them for quite a while.

I became bandmates with Raymond, Margio and Elvin. At first, Raymond seems interested in me and he told me if he can court me. Since I was just 16 that time, I agreed and we became M.U. or mutual understanding. Though I didn't take it seriously. Apparently, we ended the relationship and then Margio called me and he asked me if he can court me. (Wow. Ganda yarn!!???) (I feel so pretty when I was young. Hahaha ) I was shocked and don't know what to say. I have a classmate who knew that I had a crush on Margio but I wasn't expecting anything. It's just sort of a physical attraction because he is handsome. He looks like a younger version of John Lloyd Cruz but with pimples. Still, he was handsome enough for me to notice him but I didn't expect anything from that since Raymond who courted me first was a good looking guys as well and a good drummer. Raymond is passionate in music thats why I got attracted to him too.

Back to the story, Margio ask over the phone if he can court me. The shocked me, paused, excused myself to get a chair. And when I came back to the phone and ask him what he asked me earlier, he got shy and said nothing. That ended our friendship too since he stopped talking to me as well. And Kuya Elvin was there for me always. He always accompanies me going to the Jeepney station. He always talks to me. He was like a big brother to me. Then after a few weeks, he also asked if he can court. I didn't agree and told him it will be better if we remain as friends.

After a few weeks of those things happening, I suddenly heared a lot of rumor about me. Some of my girl classmates were spreading rumor that I just used Raymond to get close to Margio. And also, that I was flirting with Kuya Elvin while I was M.U. with Raymond. I say that these are all rumors cause none of them was true. Raymond, Margio and Kuya Elvin were the ones who approached me first and I never used Raymond to get close with Margio because even before me and Raymond became "a thing", me and Margio are quite close already since we were seat mates and group mates in one of the subjects.

I felt like most of the girls were talking behind my back. Like whenever I would walk across them, they are gonna be whispering about something. Also, what's worst is that these rumor was not just within our class. These also spread to some of the girls to other classes. There are some girls who looked at me with disgust.

One day, when I went to school, I got a letter given to me by one of my classmate girls. The letter was from a girl from a different class section who apparently had a crush on Margio for a long time. Also, the girl who gave me the letter, was my classmate who has the same birthday as me and she even told me that we are going to be bestfriends because we have the same birthday. But she betrayed me and I understand that she was friends with the other girls longer than me. (This is one of the reasons too why I became one of the boys in college, meaning, closer to the boys than girls because of this experience.)

On the letter, they told me things that are untrue about how I entered the friendship of Raymond, Margio and kuya Elvin and how I broke it because of my flirtatious act. (Again not true.) The letter also consist of foul words they say to me, disgusting words about my physical aspects, told things I didn't do, there were even threats about hurting me when they see me close to Margio or any of the boys. But there was a sentence that I really cannot forget and hurt me the most.

The letter says "HEAD OVER HEELS, YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE!"

Like, it hit me in the heart and mind and I can't ever forget it. I doubted myself, do I really looked like it? For more than 3 months, I was alone whenever I am walking in the hallway. There are few girls who talks to me. Also some of them were bullied by other girls. As a 16 year old young girl, I don't understand why these things are happening. I just wanted to enjoy my teenage life but it became a mess.

Our school is just near a church and everyday, I always walk from school to the church just so I can clear my mind and forget everything. I would also go inside the church and sit there, and pray and cry.

There were no closure between those girls who hurt me. None of them said sorry. I graduated high school with only 1 classmate friend who congratulated and celebrated with me. I was hurt but I didn't let those words tear me down into pieces. I cried and I felt that everyone was against me but I used that as a fuel for me to strive harder in the future. I forgive those people who said bad things towards me. I forgave those who called me names and spreaded rumor about me.

Most of all, I thank God who gave me strength to overcome this painful experience. Lessons I learned from this experience is this:

• DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE.

• DON'T LET PAINFUL WORDS GET TO YOU.

• BELIEVE IN WHAT GOD IS SAYING ABOUT YOU. THAT YOU ARE CREATED IN GODS IMAGE.

If you are still reading this, thank you so much! May God bless you all!

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:) Ellimacandrea