Playlist of The Broken

Disclaimer: This is not the usual list of broken hearted songs of an unrequited love for a man or a woman that you get to hear, read or see in some blog so please don’t get your hopes up. What I am about to share tonight is the broken, miserable experience of losing a pet whom I cared for and loved so much, treated as a family and even loved like my own child. I knew not everyone can easily relate to this but If you happen to witness a friend losing a pet, please do not make fun of them if they cry over the loss. Sometimes, and in my case, most of the time, it is worst than losing a thousand friends.

As a furmom, I have been in this situation for atleast four or five times for the past eight years when I began to embrace with so much dedication in taking care of multiple dogs. Losing a pet is literally like having a painful dagger in my heart that is so hard to remove and even as I pour out everything by crying with the hopes of making the pain go away…at the end it is only me, the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus and the time that can heal that deep loss.

Yoyo

She is my first broken heart. She is a victim of hit and run more than six years ago. I remember her biting my hand in pain as I rushed her to the vet. She was still breathing so I thought she can make it but she was already dead when we made it to the clinic. I remember having countless, painful headaches because of crying and blaming myself for what happened.

The one I can share to everyone is the poem I’ll Meet You in the Light, This is a poem shared to me by a friend during my grieving period.

I know that you can't see me, but trust me I'm right here.
Although I'm up in heaven, my love for you stays near. 

So often I see you crying, many times you call my name.
I want so much to lick your face and ease some of your pain. 

I wish that I could make you see that Heaven indeed is real.
If you could see me run and play, how much better you would feel. 

But our loving God has promised me that when the time is right,
You'll step out of the darkness and meet me in the light. 

Written by Maureen Bauer 

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Sophia

A month after Yoyo’s passing, I felt like the only way I can move on is to get another female pomeranian. Then I met Sophie, ( i renamed her as Sophia), she was already 2 yrs. old and her owners gave her to me. She was a little neglected, lived outdoors in her owner’s terrace and her eyes are a little large and bulging, signs that she is living a stressful life. It was pure joy having her, Sophia erased those sad longings I had about losing Yoyo. Unfortunately, 5 mos. full of daily hugs and i love you’s ( she loves to be hugged a lot), because of a careless house accident, she instantly died from the big fall that hit her head. I remember those depressing moments sleeping a lot and seeking refuge inside my bedroom a couple of months. One of the song by Ed Sheeran was on my playlist as I cope up with the loss.

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing makes us feel alive

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time's forever frozen, still

So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home

excerpts from the song Photograph by Ed Sheeran

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Diego

It’s been three years since he accidentally ran away from our house because of fear of those numerous vehicles that passes by that one fateful night. Diego is our family guard dog together with his sister Dolly. They are not used to straying outside and into the streets. We have a city ordinance that all dogs must be kept on leash at all times. As much as I want to keep them indoors, our house was too small to have large dogs inside. The only way I can make up to them is to lock the gate when I know my relatives are sleeping, and put them off leash in our front yard in order for them to play just to make sure they can happily release their energy of being tied the whole day. I was so caught up with work that night that I didn’t know they were able to unlock the gate. I was able to get hold of Dolly and bring her in, but Diego was too fast I wasn’t able to see which direction of the road he went into. I prayed and waited the whole night for him but he never came back. After countless visits at the city dog pound, non stop sharing in Facebook groups looking for Diego and even putting a 10k reward with hopes that if dog eaters were the ones who got him will be tempted to surrender him to us instead, I never found him. I was too brokenhearted, I composed this short poem for him.

If you are happy where you are right now

and someone is taking care of you more than we do,

then pray for me to move on and be happy for you...

but if you missed us -your home

and you want to give us a chance to take care of you more,

I pray for your safety

for the Lord to hear our prayer

as I faithfully wait as He leads you back to us....

#keepingthefaith

#Hiswill

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Coco

The 1st few parts of writing this article made me cry a lot tonight. I contemplated first if I will be adding him to my post til I decided to make a separate one for him. You will soon found out why.

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Odie

The song I can totally relate whenever I thought about Odie is from Pink Sweats.

Can I call you baby?
Can you be my friend?
Can you be my lover up until the very end?
Let me show you love, oh, I don't pretend
Stick by my side even when the world is givin' in, yeah

… Oh, oh, oh, don't
Don't you worry
I'll be there, whenever you want me

… I need somebody who can love me at my worst
No, I'm not perfect, but I hope you see my worth
'Cause it's only you, nobody new, I put you first
And for you, girl, I swear I'll do the worst

… If you stay forever, let me hold your hand
I can fill those places in your heart no else can
Let me show you love, oh, I don't pretend, yeah
I'll be right here, baby, you know I'll sink or swim

… Oh, oh, oh, don't
Don't you worry
I'll be there, whenever you want me

excerpts from the song At My Worst by Pink Sweats

I first mentioned about Odie with the very first article I have written here in Read.Cash. Odie is one of my few rescued dogs that I fostered and eventually adopted because of his terminal condition. His previous owner wants to surrender him in our city’s high kill shelter pound because of his tumor. When he was first reported to me for rescue, I thought it would just be one of those past dog rescues that I had that has tumors but can easily be cured via surgery or chemotherapy. I was wrong. Odie has a rare type of cancelled called Baso-Squamous Carcinoma. There are no proven chemo drug yet for this type of canine cancer, surgery is the only option but with Odie’s age (a senior) plus the location and see severity of the tumor on his nose and has already metastasize inside his snout, we could not find a vet who would take the risk to do the complicated surgery that Odie needs. So I, and my local animal welfare group opted what we believe is the best option for Odie, pallative care treatment and make him feel loved and welcomed til it’s time for him to go. We created an FB page to chronicle his journey, Odie had quite a following of sponsors who donated to his wishlist and prayer warriors keeping the faith that miracles can still happen for our big boy. Odie is very strong willed and even up to his last breathe, he really wanted to live longer if only his body will cooperate. He made sure to relay to me that he enjoyed his stay living indoor with us, getting pampered and having us as his family. He passed away April 15 of this year, two days after we made an impromptu barkday party for him.

There is also another song I kept on playing after Odie’s passing, the song Here Without You. I am a Scotty McCreery fan so I will share his own cover of the song here below:

But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you, baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you, baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

Excerpts from the song Here Without You by 3 Doors Down

All pictures are mine and some were screenshots taken from my FB and IG account.