Why me?

Why me? Why does it have to be me? Of all people, why me? Why did it had to be me? Why did it had to happen to me?

Have you ever asked yourself some of the questions I cited above? Can you remember the last time you asked one or more of those questions? Whenever we are faced by challenges, we cannot help but to ask ourselves and even God, "why me?". A question that is a little difficult to answer. Then some people will also say that they are good people and that they do not deserve to experience such suffering.

When I was recuperating after my last surgery, I cannot help but to ask why I had to experience all those pain. I know that I am not 100% good as I have committed a lot of sins but I also cannot help but to ask myself and ask God why me and why not the people who are pure evil. No matter how much I think about it, the only answer that I can think of was that it was my karma, it was my punishment from the Lord. And of course I know that it happened for a reason. A reason that we may never realize.

Earlier, my mom and my aunts had a video call to my uncle who was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. We wished him a happy birthday and for him to stay strong. And then he started crying because of our birthday greetings and well wishes. My mom and her sisters cry easily even in movies so what more if it was their brother. They were all crying while his brother was crying and I was trying to hold back my tears and gave him a lot of encouraging words. I even sang just to cheer him up. While he was crying, he cannot help but to ask why does he had to have that disease and why him. I wanted to tell him that only God knows the answer but I cannot get myself to say those words. Then all of a sudden, I remembered the last time that I was hospitalized and when my mom was also hospitalized. The scenes of asking the question, "why me?", "why is God letting me suffer all this?", "why not somebody else?", all flashed back.

Sometimes we instantly question God for every unfortunate event that happened to us that we neglect to think that there is something that God wants us to learn, feel or experience. In my case, I still do not know why I had to be operated twice and experience that pain. I can never forget how painful and depressing it was. When my mom was hospitalized, I am not sure why it happened but I am guessing that it probably happened because God was testing how strong my family are. And with my uncle's case, I feel like God gave him that disease so his sons would be able to look after him. Also I know that my uncle's wish even before is for all of them to be united. His sons are not as close as to how they were when we were still kids to think that they 2 of his sons live with them in 1 house. I remember pre-pandemic whenever I would go to their house, I would have to join this group then this group and then this group. If I am lucky, sometimes I would be able to be with group A and group B together. But if our relatives abroad will be present, they had no choice as we all need to gather on 1 table especially when it calls for a drinking session. I just hope and pray that my uncle will see that one day all his sons will be closer than before.

I believe that it is normal for us to question ourselves and to question God why something unfortunate happened to us. What is not good is that we would blame someone or worst blame God for every ill-fated events that happened in our lives. I know that it may be a little difficult for us to accept any bad news but we have to remember that there is always a reason for everything. There was 1 homily that I have heard before in which the priest had asked who wanted to live a life without problems and a lot of church goers had raised their hands and I was also going to raise mine but a part of me is telling me not to. Who would want to live a life with problems right? But the priest said that in life we experience problems after problems because God loves us. And the face of the church goers were still puzzled and then the priest explained that He loves us when He gives us problems because He wanted us to learn and He wanted us to be strong. Actually the priest said that it will only be a problem if you will not do something to solve it. He also said that we have to see every problem as a challenge from God. Everything that the priest had said was true and that is why whenever I am being tested, I would just think that God loves me just as how He loved His son.

The next time that we would question ourselves, "why me?", just think that there is a reason for it. We may or may not never know what that reason would be but keep in mind that God loves you.

May 11, 2022

P.S. lead image is a random photo of the sky that I took before.