Unsociable

When was the last time that you have attended a social event? I mentioned in my previous article that I recently attended an organization's party with my family wherein my dad is a member and my brother who happens to join this year. But before the said party, I cannot recall the last time that I attended a social gathering that had more than 50 guests. The event that I can think of was the 2 birthday parties that I attended in 1 day that was late 2018. I had to check it on my Facebook account for me to check the past big events that I have attended in the past but aside from the 2 birthday events, there was also a wedding late 2019 and another birthday early 2020 but with approximately 50 guests or less.

Looking back on those events, I can say that I was still sociable. Well I am still sociable now but with the things that had happened to me during the pandemic period, I feel like I have became a little unsociable. I used to say it to my friends and my cousins that I was already an anti-social person due to the fact that I rarely open my social media accounts during the pandemic period and it sometimes took me several days or weeks before I would reply to their messages. Even before the pandemic happened, I have minimized browsing my Facebook as I find it too toxic and I would only open it if I were to post some photos if there was an event or something memorable. My Facebook became my back up photo album as I post most of the events that happened in my life in my social media account not to brag it to other people but for my family and relatives here and abroad to see how I and the rest of the family were doing. My original photo album is really my phone's Photos/Gallery. But since my old phone which had photos from 2018 up to 2021 got broken last year, I had no choice but to check my Facebook for a particular photo or event. Photos from 2016 to early 2018 are still on my other phone that I handed over to my mom so I had no problem checking for the events during those years.

Compared to the me before and to the me now, I can say that not only did I became anti-social but I also became uninterested in taking some photos and/or selfies not only during a social event but also in taking some random selfies. Of course  we need to exclude the photos taken during special events with my family as it is mandatory because our relatives would want to see some all that transpired in that particular day most especially the food. When I attended the organization's party recently, I did took a video of my brother's sing and dance number. I also took a photo of our city's past mayor when he sang a few songs. I also took a photo of the beer that my brother served to me and a selfie with one of my bosses from company D. The me before would immediately post those photos either right away or as soon as I arrive home. However, I never got to post even a single photo from the said event. When I had a selfie with my past boss, I told him that I would surely get a lot of comments because I also had a selfie last 2018 with another boss from company D and I received a lot of comments from past staffs and even trainees. They were even requesting for a reunion that time so what more now after 4 years. Like I have said, I haven't uploaded anything. I am the type of person who does not like uploading late as I want to post a photo during that same day.

I do feel like I hesitated to post the photos and videos because of a lot things or some personal or mental issues. The top reason would be is that I do not feel good about who I am not only in terms of physical appearances but also emotionally, mentally and socially. I know that I have to change myself if I do not feel good about myself. I have been complaining about how big and ugly I am but I was too lazy to burn my fats. I tried cutting on my food intake but it still does not work even if they say that 70% is from nutrition and 30% is from exercise. Losing weight really does require exercise especially if you have slow metabolism and you are getting older. We are already past halfway through the year and I am still getting bigger and bigger instead of getting back into shape. But round is still a shape right? LOL. Kidding aside. I do not know what is stopping me to change myself for the better. I feel like I am ok even if something is telling me that I am not. I hope in the coming days, weeks or months, I will be able to see the old me or a better version of me. I really miss the me who likes to smile in front of the camera. The me who enjoys meeting and talking to people. The me who is confident and the me who values and loves herself.

July 06, 2022

P.S. lead image is a photo of the drink my brother served to me.