Unambitious

I thought I will be back home today already but here I am still at the store. I do not know until when I will be here but there are a few days to go before April. We are now going to enter the second quarter of 2022. It was just recently when we have celebrated new year and now almost 3 months have passed. What is the latest about your monthly and yearly goals?

With regards to monthly goals, I have not set anything but with my 2022 goals, I have a lot. However, I still have not made any progress to it. If there is some progress then it was the opposite. Instead of clearing all my debts, I was in the processof adding some more. LOL. Very, very, very bad. Yesterday I just paid for one of my bills that made my head hurts even more. I had to sell $100 worth of BCH. I know that my heart should be the one that would be in pain but it was my head. LOL. I have accepted the fact that I worked hard to earn it so that I can use it. Though it would have been better if I had taken away a little portion for my savings but it all went to my bills. What actually hurt my feelings was that I sold it around $360 and as of typing this, BCH is at $379. Well, that is how cryptocurrencies are right? Even if I have sold my BCH for a low price then it would increase hours after, I still get heartbroken. It is something that I have never gotten to overcome yet even if I have been buying and selling Bitcoing Cash for more than a year already. Anyway, at least I have already paid for this month's payables. I have to worry again for next month. LOL.

Most of you have heard it from me many times about my goals that I want to achieve yet I still have not done a single thing on my list. Even @Jeaneth have reminded me that she have heard it from me many times that I will do this, I will do that, I have to and I must do it but I still have not made any progress.

Then lately, I have heard a story where people were talking about a guy who had no ambition. Eventhough I know it was not me, for some reasons I felt like I was the guy that they were referring to. Guilty? Yes, I felt guilty because it is true. They say that you would not feel guilty if you did not do it or if it was not true but I somehow felt like I am unambitious. The reason why they said that the guy had no ambition was because he kept on resigning from one job after another and is unemployed as of the moment. I do not know how long the guy was unemployed but because I was jobless for the longest time, I really do feel like I was an irresponsible person. Irresponsible is a very hurtful word and it was what they have described the guy, irresponsible and no ambition in life.

As much as I want to disagree with what my heart was telling me when I heard the words irresponsible and no ambition, my mind was telling me of the many things that I have done in the past. That even if I did not have any savings or investments, I still strive to be better. I even thought of @Bjorn because of my past article when I questioned about my life's purpose and also @JLoberiza when he said that I should think of my whys like why do I want to succeed or why am I doing this?

However, even if I know the answer to those questions, I lack that drive, that energy and dedication to attain something that I have long wanted. Do you think I am unambitious? Or am I just lazy that I do not want to work for my future? I guess it is the latter but a part of me is telling that I have no ambition. Growing up I never really know what I want. The only reason I took up hotel, restaurant institution management was because I was too focused on the salary of chefs in cruises. My eyes were flashing dollar signs when I heard about their salaries. When I graduated, most of my batchmates and friends who pursued culinary arts, studied in another school to further enhance their knowledge and skills in cooking. Some of them are now working as chefs here, abroad and in cruise.

I do have dreams and most especially I do have goals. Some people were telling me before that I am a happy-go-lucky person but probably I am just too complacent. Do you think both are different or just the same? There was a quote from Ellen Johnson Sirleaf that I always keep in mind to remind myself and it says, "If your dreams do not scare you then they are not big enough". Do your dreams scare you? In what way? My bills actually scare me but I still keep on spending. Or maybe because it is not that scary that is why I keep on swimming in the pool of debts. I do not know if my dreams scare me or if I am the one scaring my dreams but will start to dream big that is enough to scare and excite me at the same time. There are irresponsible people but I do not think that there is someone who does not have an ambition. We all are ambitious though there are some people who are just afraid to take a leap of faith.

March 28, 2022

P.S. lead image is me from years ago.