Just an ordinary day

Before anything else, I want to greet you (if you are a dad or dad to be), your dad, your grandfather and even single moms a happy father's day. A salute to all of you.

How did you celebrate this day? It may be father's day to some people but it feels like it is just an ordinary day for us. I do not know why my brother and his family did not come to visit us today. My mom greeted him this morning and she only got a heart reaction and the same goes for me. However, I got 2 heart reactions as it was my brother and sister-in-law who reacted to my message. Honestly, I was really expecting that my brother would message me this morning and tell me that they willbe coming over but I wonder why I never got a message. Last month during mother's day, it was a given that they celebrated lunch with my sister-in-law's side since her mother is still alive and for dinner they celebrated it with us. But I cannot help but to think why they are not here today. They were not here during our parents' anniversary and now father's day, they are also not around. I guess I expected too much.

In my last article, I'm broke, I mentioned that I was tempted to buy food and yesterday, I was not able to control myself. But it was kind of like a pre-father's day celebration without the star of the show. Ain't that weird right? It was because I was really hungry, craving for fast food and a perfrct time to eat as my dad was not here to scold me for eating unhealthy foods. Just like a famous line, "when the cat is away, the mouse can play". It has been my favorite line whenever I would order foods when my dad was always out. Even my mom would say that line when we are about to eat. Probably the reason why I cannot control my eating habits as I have my mom to support my unhealthy lifestyle. I was just thinking that it was really a pre-father's day celebration.

However, I do regret that I did order too early because if only I knew that my brother and his family will not visit us, I should have ordered food today and I should have ordered my dad's favorite pizza. I ordered from Greenwich yesterday and we had a few leftover and my dad had 2 slices for snack this afternoon. It was thick that is why he only had 2 but if it was thin slices, he would have eaten 6. I feel sorry for giving him leftover pizza when I should have given him a freshly baked pizza. Oh, if only I really knew before hand that my brother will not be here. I doubt that they will go to our relatives in South to celebrate the birthday of my cousin's daughter. I have not asked my brother why they did not visit us today and I am not sure if I ever will ask him that.

Do you think my dad is sad as we did not celebrate father's day today? Because I do feel sad that I was not able to treat him today. I expected that my brother will be here and he will be the one to treat our dad. It was my fault that I expected too much. I cannot help but to feel guilty and regret what I did yesterday. I should have controlled my cravings. I should have waited for today whether or not we were to celebrate it with my brother and his family. I guess my dad is feeling like today is not his day and today is also just an ordinary day as the only thing that was different from his everyday routine was that he had pizza for snack because he usually have 2 slices of bread. If only I can turn back time. It seems like I have a lot of "if onlys" for today. But what can we do when we cannot turn back the time anymore? Move forward. I will just treat my dad some other day.

June 19, 2022

P.S. lead image is a random photo of the sun.