Is this the life I wanted?

This afternoon as I was sitting in our kitchen after I have paid our utilities, I cannot helped but to think about my life. I thought about how I ended up to be this person. Whether you have a successful or unsuccessful life, have you ever wondered how your life turned out to be? Can you say that you are already living the life that you wanted? I remember back in the days that I would blame other people for every misfortune that had happened to me. From the course that I took that was not really my passion because I thought that I will get a job easily in the cruise. I know the past is past but I ended up loving my course years after I have graduated because I realized that I find peace whenever I am cooking and also the fact that I love to eat. My brother who also happened to go to law school because it was what our dad had told him to take. I was also told to take up law but the stubborn me did not listen. My brother had a lot of pressure when he was studying to the point that he almost had a stroke because of staying up late and some unhealthy lifestyle. In the end, he accepted being a lawyer and eventually loved the perks of being one. He was so glad that he listened to our dad. I only knew about that when he was telling that story to their staffs and because I have heard about it that time, I cannot help but to wonder what would have I become if only I listened to my dad. Would I pass law school? Would my dad be proud of me if I did? I guess I would never know because I took a different path.

There is someone that I know who blames his father for every misfortune that happened to her life. Her father was a womanizer and she happened to find out about when she was still young. As she met other people, she found out that a daughter of a womanizer is usually the one who pays the price for a father's sin. "Pambayad utang (payment for debt)" as how the elderly people call it. Have you heard about that saying? Do you believe in that saying? I told her that I do not believe in such because there are some womanizer whose daughter/s have become successful. No matter how much I tell her what my thoughts were, she chose to believe that she is a payment for her father's affairs and that is why she feels that she does not have any luck in life.

Why is it that people like to blame other people for every misfortune that they would experience but will proudly praise themselves if something great happened? I blamed someone before for how I ended up being in the restaurant industry because it was really his fault to begin with. But later on I realized that I was the one to blame because I still had the final say. It was still my decision to begin with. I do wonder how my life ended up to be this way. I do know that everything was God's plan and I know that I am also living this life because of my own decisions and doings. If I am living a life full of debt, I ain't going to blame it on someone because it was I who made that happened. If I am poor, I ain't going to blame it on anyone. I am poor because I did not think of ways on how to improve my life. If I am growing up just like my aunt, I ain't going to blame my life on her. I am the captain of my own ship. I should take responsibility for every right or wrong decisions that I made.

I am old enough and mature enough to know and do a lot of things as well as to be independent on my own. However, I still cannot say that I am living the life that I wanted because I have not yet accomplish some of my goals and dreams in life.  Some people who are at the same age as me would probably say that they are already living the life that they have dreamed of and there are also those like me who is still in the process of building the life that they want. I may not yet live the life that I wanted but I can say that I have lived a meaningful life. It may have been a rollercoaster kind of life but it is the life that I had whole heartedly embraced and acknowledged. Of course there were moments wherein I thought about how my life would have been if I had chosen the other direction. Would it had been better or much worst? If you are like me who is still not yet living the life that we wanted, we should still be grateful because we can still work for it. Instead of complaining and comparing, it would be better if we would start moving in achieving that life that we wanted no matter how long it takes. Let us not stop until we can finally say, "ah! This is the life!".

May 20, 2022

P.S. lead image is a photo of the sky and sun that I took months ago with Instagram camera effects.