Fear

Each of us has their own fears. Fears that we have yet to overcome but still could not.
As defined in Oxford Languanges, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. I do not need to ask whether you have fears or not because most certainly you have. Probably an event in the past that you have been traumatized for, heights, needles, deep water, death or even an insect that you really cannot stand. We all have something that we are afraid of. But what I am curious to know is if you have overcome your fear/s and how did you do it?

If you have been an avid reader of my articles, you most likely would know what I am afraid of but in case you haven't, it is my fear of public speaking, interviews, being on the stage and even being in front of a video. I can do peace signs or smile in a video but I cannot do what vloggers do, interact with the audience. With regards to public speaking and stage frights, I really do not know why I cannot talk in front of everyone. I even hated class presentations when I was still a student. Lack of self confidence? Lack of self esteem? Though I think I do not lack those. Yes I may have low self confidence and self esteem but I feel like it is not really the root cause of my fear for public speaking. It happened to me twice, first during my cousin's debut and second was on my brother's wedding. Even the Filipino actor, John Arcilla, told me that he was entertained by what I did because after I greeted the newlyweds, I became speechless, kept on swaying while my hand gestures was like fanning myself and then I cried. Good thing the master of the ceremony did a really good job to back me up that she even offered me a glass of water but I declined and then she said that it was tears of joy. LOL. But it was really embarassing to the point that I felt like my dad would want to disown me. I really mustered up my courage because it was my brother as well as my sister-in-law's big event but I messed up. I totally messed up.

Years have passed and it still feels like it just happened recently as I can still remember everything including where my dad was sitting or how great the emcee was or how bright the spotlight was or even how my friends and cousins cheered for me that night. I think I would have had avoided that if only I had a copy of my speech though I left it in our room. I know it was really my bad. I did not have time to get it since I was already busy entertaining my friends plus I was also part of the pictorial that I could not go back to our room. I told myself that I would just have to do an impromptu speech because I wrote it the night before. LOL. Actually I even wanted to back out when the program has started. I told the coordinator that I am not going to speak anymore but she insisted. I should have really trusted my instinct. I know myself more than anyone and the coordinator was really surprised when she saw me messed up. I told her that I was not joking when I said that I have stage frights.

I have read some do's and don'ts before with regards to public speaking and interviews but even if I apply some of those, I really cannot overcome this fear of mine. I mentioned in my Youtube channel article the reason why I wanted to vlog was not only to earn but for me to overcome my fear. I feel like if I can talk in front of the camera without being conscious and without being nervous then I think I will be able to speak in front of everyone and I guess I may even ace some of my job interviews. I have only showed my face once on my Youtube channel and that was it. There was a time that I took a video of A and I when we were eating at Hanako but I did not include it in my "vlog" because we/I did not describe how the food was. I know there are some people who uploads their mukbang videos even without showing their faces and they would just eat during the entire time. Mukbang ASMR feels. I could not do ASMR because I do not have a high quality microphone but my goal is for me to overcome one of my fears so I really have to talk. I have watched some Youtube videos before. It seems easy but it is the opposite for me.

Though lately I have been watching some Youtube videos and I can say that a lot of people are now vlogging. From pranks to mukbang to tutorial to normal day activities, they have absolutely vlogged everything. But do you think vlogging can really help me overcome my fear of public speaking? I am still unsure of what could be the result of it but I will really try to do a vlog soon. When? I also do not know but I will not close my doors on that.

Aside from my fear of public speaking, stage, videos and interviews, I am also afraid of cliff diving and what is under the water. I have not tried cliff diving yet but the fact that I would dive in a deep sea is what terrifies me. Probably because I have watched a lot of shark movies for me to think of a lot of things under the water that just by swimming in beaches makes me feel uneasy. I have tried riding a banana boat before and when we fell off, I cannot help but to look at all my sides and I was already thinking what if there was something underwater. LOL. Do you also feel that way?

FUN FACT: I do not swim so far as I am always just near the shore. I cannot even open my eyes when I am underwater. LOL.

And my other fear is if there is something bad to happen especially if it concerns my family including our dogs of course. Though I know that God is with me so I do not need to fear anything although sometimes I really cannot help but to worry especially with our current situation wherein cases of COVID is still not going down. We do practice safety health protocols and limit myself from going out so as not to contract the virus. Yes I admit I am also afraid of COVID to the point of being so paranoid because I know how expensive it is to get hospitalized these days and how deadly this virus is. I am not afraid to die because if it is my time then it is my time but it's a totally different story if it is with my loved ones.

I cannot give any advice on how to overcome such fears because I still haven't figured out how to overcome mine. I do not know when I can conquer them but I truly believe that God is always there for us to give us strength in facing everything. I remember someone told me before to forget my fears and quit or face them head-on. Although I usually quit and seldom face them. LOL. Whether you forget or face your fears, the choice is yours but I hope you will choose the latter. Faith over fears.