Doing something new

Once in a while we would feel like we are losing interest on some things that we have been accustomed to do. That if we would force ourselves, we would only end up burning out until we would forever lose interest on something. I had a few times when I got burned out to the point of crying my heart out. I had also forced myself and I only ended up detesting what I had once enjoyed and loved. Getting burned out and depressed are obviously 2 different things.

Yesterday, I have mentioned that I was not only losing interest in publishing articles, making noisy posts, interacting with anyone but I was also losing interests on living my life. Like I have said, that it was losing interest on life in general. I have also experienced it a few times before to the point that I was only in my room for 2 weeks. No phone, no television, no music, no interaction and no appetite. The only noise that I would hear is when my brother would check me out and he would shout to let my mom know that I was still alive since my eyes were always close whenever he would come to my room.

We all experience getting depressed once in a while. All depression are not the same. Some are light, some are heavy, some are minor and some are major. Most of us know that depression is a silent killer. Some may or may not notice that they are depress. I just happened to know about some signs and symptoms of depression when my friend told me before that I was showing signs of depression. If I remember it correctly, I know I was showing 5 signs out of 8 that she mentioned. More than half and it made her worry about me that she would call me everyday just to check up on me. I know I have saved those signs or symptoms that she was telling me but it was on my old phone. Anyway, I am just glad that I was able to put myself back together.

That time I was able to go to different and far away places. @Ruffa was right when she said that maybe I need a new environment. So yesterday, I may not have moved into a new or different place but I was able to walk around our subdivision for an hour with our dogs. I even exercised before that so I really felt as if I am ready to start again. I was also able to think clearly when I was walking our dogs. I was telling myself that I needed to start keeping myself busy and to do other things aside from lying down, browsing my phone, eating and sleeping. Most of you know that I have stopped watching Youtube probably late 2020. And if I were to watch a vlog, it will be limited to 1 or 2. But last year I think I have only watched around 20 vlogs. I have also stopped watching the television mid or late last year and I also limited myself from watching Netflix. Basically, my daily life revolves around read.cash and noise.cash from the time that I joined both platforms. Most of my interactions were from the virtual friends that I have met in these 2 platforms. Sleep. Eat. (Read). Draft. Make noise. Repeat. That was my routine for more than a year. Back then I was still active on reading other's articles and commenting on them. A routine that I have enjoyed and excites me everytime I would wake up.

And today I am proud to say that I have started to do things other than lying down, browsing my phone, eating and sleeping. I was staying in our kitchen updating my planner where I track my earnings and savings. I have also started listing down how much my bills are for each month. While I was doing that, I was also watching the TV. I was surprised to see CSI: Crime Scene Investigation on AXN. I love watching all CSI shows when I was in college and it made me smile as I remember those good old days. It was actually season 15 already and there were only a few original CSI stars and in the episode that I watched this afternoon, it seems like Nick; which was played by George Eads, who has been in the series since season 1 was actually his last episode. If only there is CSI on Netflix, I would have watched it. Out of the 3 CSI shows, my favorite is CSI: NY followed by CSI: Miami and last is this one. Anyone here familiar with CSI? After that I also watched NCIS and American Ninja Warrior Junior. I must say that I did miss watching a lot of television shows. Actually, my dad rarely watches the TV now as he has been enjoying watching a lot of Youtube videos. My brother even commented about that last Sunday and my dad only said that there aren't any good movies to watch on HBO. He still watches the news though. But for me, my mom and our helper, we haven't opened our televisions until today. I knew that our helper would watch the news because she wanted to hear about the election. I also did some light exercises late this afternoon.

I feel like adding some new activities in my day-to-day life has somehow helped me to have a positive outlook on my life and has somehow helped me to be a little motivated. Just by thinking about what something new should I do tomorrow excites me. I still do not know what to do tomorrow but I must not be lying down or holding my phone all the time. If it is not that hot tomorrow then I would probably walk our dogs again or I should probably think of a new hobby. We may have different ways to cope up with what we are feeling but I do hope that we get to talk it out to our family, friends or even to a psychologist or a therapist. Sometimes, all we need is someone who will listen to us.

May 10, 2022

P.S. lead image is a photo I took while watching CSI.