Daddy's girl

For all the ladies out there, who among you is a daddy's girl? How about with you guys? Are you a papa's boy or a mama's boy? As for me, I cannot say that I am a daddy's girl neither a mommy's girl because there are some things that I don't tell them. Compared to the people that I know who are very open and very vocal to their mom and/or dad. 

You might be wondering why the sudden sentimental topic. I mentioned in one of my articles and in my posts in noise.cash that I am on cleaning mode. It has been days since I have been on general cleaning. And yesterday as I was checking some of my files, I stumbled upon a letter from my dad for our yearly recollection when I was in second year high school. 

But before we go to the contents of the letter, I just want to share with you my relationship with my parents. I think one characteristic of a Libra is being fair and that is how I am towards my parents. I love them both even if I am not that showy and vocal about it. I am not open with regards to my personal life but they know who my friends are. Mostly it is my mom who really knows my friends and my dad only remembers a few. 

My brother and I grew up having meals with both of them. We were even taught not to leave a single grain of rice. Sometimes I hate it when my dad observes me when I am eating especially if I had eaten a lot. I know that he's only looking after me but sometimes I don't want to eat with them because I don't get to enjoy my food. When we have misunderstandings amongst the family, we still eat on one table but we don't talk about it. No one would say sorry and we will just let it pass as if nothing had happened. Sometimes it takes days or weeks before we would talk to each other again.

My dad also isn't the type to ask about school, love or life. My mom on the other hand is the one who guides us and disciplines us when we were young. How where you disciplined by your parents? I know some people of my age were hit by a belt or a broom. But for my mom it was the plastic fly swatter. LOL. Don't say that it wasn't painful because it was the handle of the fly swatter that touches our skin and it would leave a mark. I remember that we would beg her to not hit us and that we would behave and be good. But no, we still got a few hits. Then my dad had also hit us with a belt and it was the buckle. Yes, the buckle of the belt! It was the only time that our he hit us. I forgot what made him to do it but probably because my brother and I were fighting. I know I was even mocking him that it wouldn't be painful because my mom had already hit us with a belt. But he did used the buckle. So my brother and I cried after. He gave us both one hit. Now my brother and I would find it funny whenever we reminisce about those times but I think it was because of those that lead us to become a stronger and better person. 

Me being the youngest and a girl, a lot has been telling me that I was the favorite especially with my dad. I remember my my brother told my mom that I was everyone's favorite and he had no one. I know I did ask a lot of material things from my dad and he grants all my requests. It broke my heart when I found out that my brother feels that way. Being the good sister, I saved up some of my allowances to buy him what he wants. But he didn't knew that growing up I felt that he was the favorite. Actually there is really no favoritism because our parents loved us maybe different but equally. I think it was normal that we both felt that way. I may have gotten the material things that I have wanted when I was young but it was my brother who got all the support and praises from our parents. I'd rather have no material things if I get to have my parents' praises. 

Now we are getting a little deeper. Yes, I did felt that way growing up. My brother gets good grades while I was just on the average. My brother is the good one while I was the naughty brat. My brother is like this, that and that. Our parents don't say it to us up front but sometimes I overheard their conversations. I have heard a lot of praises from my dad for my brother. I know that my dad is really proud of my brother and he would even brag him to his friends. I was even waiting if he would also talk about me but it was as if he doesn't have a daughter. Ouch! 

I would be a hypocrite if I say that it didn't affect me at all. It did affect me and that may be the reason of who I am today, the black sheep of the family. I had no one to talk to about my feelings back then. So I just did go with the flow. Because I know that no matter what I do, he wouldn't be proud of me. 

That is why whenever there is a movie about a father-daughter relationship, I can't help but to cry. So when I saw my dad's letter for me yesterday, I was in tears. Perhaps the message was in general that he just wanted me to be a good daughter, sister, friend and a person but it really hit me straight to my heart. I remember that I also cried back then after reading his letter. 

Remember when I took care of him when his shingles had started? I would wake up as early as 5AM to prepare a meal for him so he could eat by 6AM. I know that he appreciates the things that I have done and there was one time when he said, "ok thank you" but it wasn't face to face. He said it behind my back when he was walking away. I was so touched that I wanted to cry. He may not be proud of me back then but here I am taking care of him. 

I also feel happy whenever he likes the dishes that I cook. He's gotten more vocal about it. Before he wouldn't say the word "masarap" or delicious in English. We would just know that he likes it when he asks for another serving. Now that I do cook for my Youtube channel, The Foodist Diary, he gets to taste some of them. The first dish that he liked from it was salt and pepper tofu. But when he tasted the tofu sisig ala Max's restaurant, he would request for it every 2 days before. Now he liked the budae jjigae (Korean army stew). He said that we should have it every week.

During the time that I was the one who prepared his food last December, he told me that most of the dishes that I cooked was delicious. Now he is requesting for me to cook more different dishes but I'll try to do it soon so that I can also put it on my Youtube channel. 

Another letter that I saw while cleaning up was my letter to my dad for Valentine's day. I don't know if he had read it but I find it really childish. LOL. The message was so childish.  I even said that he was the only guy that is handsome and because I don't have a boyfriend, he is the one that I will date. I had the same message to my mom as well. 

My mom's letter for me for my yearly school recollection before was somehow short but direct. I did get touched by their letters but I can say that I was more moved with my dad's. I don't know why but I really have a soft spot for my him. As of typing this, the song Daughters by John Mayers keeps playing on my head.